My sister had a abortion

  • Thread starter Thread starter Carjack1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Carjack1

Guest
My family is a liberal feminist “pro-choice” family (even though my mother coerced my sister when she was 13 to have a abortion:rolleyes: ) Well this same sister at 22 got another one.(I am really confused about this as she was so opposed to getting one at 13) She told me later that my mother was right by trying to save her from a life or hardship.(She ended up having her son at 16 and another child at 20), She said that she spoke it over with my mom and dad and came to the conclusion that she can’t afford another one. My sister has 2 now. I know if I say something, that it is going to be an open war with my family and my dh will take their side. How do I support her by not being judgemental? She acts like nothing happened
 
Don’t support her…I’d have nothing to do with them. My brother and mom coerced his girlgriend many years ago to have an abortion. I was appalled…hurt, not only because it was a life a real person…but a niece or nephew. I pray for him/her.
 
It is not our right to judge at all. This is a very difficult decision for any woman to make and bringing it up may only hurt her more. Do you know how she feels about this decision? She may be coming off as indifferent, but you won’t know unless you talk to her. Don’t approach her with disgust, but with concern and love.
 
13 years old is a baby for goodness sake! I think your sister needs a lot of prayers. Please make yourself available to her if she wants to talk about faith and life, and please let her know how much you care about her and her children. There are so many organizations that help with crisis pregnancies. Also, adoption is such a heroic thing.
 
carjack, i’m sorry for the loss of your neices and/ or nephews. i’m sorry your life is empty of their love and their company.

you say your husband would take their side? on what grounds-- that aborting babies is OK? that you should shut up and mind your own business? he’s a piece of work, that guy.

but, regardless of the reality that you know important stuff that is not your business to know , [probably because they told you (?)] you have no place to say a word about it unless your sister comes to you, personally, privately to talk about it.

then all your responses have to be framed in truth ***and ***love.

if she’s acting like nothing happened, then you only get to act like something happened in prayer-- between you and God.
 
If she gets pregnant again, offer to adopt the baby and pay for medical care–one reason women get abortions is because they feel they can’t take care of them financially–take that reason away!!!

Prayers for your sister!
 
Jennifer_J said:
If she gets pregnant again, offer to adopt the baby and pay for medical care–one reason women get abortions is because they feel they can’t take care of them financially–take that reason away!!!

Prayers for your sister!
Click to expand...
No way…not a solution that is likely to work in the long run.

No offense, but your sister is a mess and where you stand on any particular issue is somewhat beside the point. Regardless, your family should not be gossiping about her behind her back no matter what~so your having contact with her in the sense of being civil, supportive of her parenting the two children she does have and doing your best not to stir family discord should not involve anyone “taking sides.” Perhaps you could suggest she seek some couseling to understand why she keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
 
Car

You and your family are in my prayers.

Abortion is murder and is a serious evil…you cannot give tacit consent/approval by saying nothing. You can, however, be loving and supportive of your sister’s current situation. You can help her and your family. You have a difficult line to walk. Whatever you say, you must say it with love.

Always say a prayer before you talk to any of your family members. Your prayer is to seek guidance in responding to whatever they may say or do. When an opportunity for discussion occurs pray again before saying a word. Be thoughtful and charitable, but always speak the truth.

May the Holy Spirit be with you always and may He guide you through these difficulties. Amen.
 
Carjack1 said:
My family is a liberal feminist “pro-choice” family (even though my mother coerced my sister when she was 13 to have a abortion:rolleyes: ) Well this same sister at 22 got another one.(I am really confused about this as she was so opposed to getting one at 13) She told me later that my mother was right by trying to save her from a life or hardship.(She ended up having her son at 16 and another child at 20), She said that she spoke it over with my mom and dad and came to the conclusion that she can’t afford another one. My sister has 2 now. I know if I say something, that it is going to be an open war with my family and my dh will take their side. How do I support her by not being judgemental? She acts like nothing happened
Click to expand...
Sigh. My best advice is to pray. The ignorant can’t be helped by one’s nagging or being unloving towards them. Your sister isn’t to be punished by us.
My concern is less with your sister at this point and more with your DH and the family. If you two are on opposite sides of the pro-life/choice issue, that may become a problem as time goes on. At this point, I don’t recall the story of your family and DH but I suspect you need a private consultation with your priest or spiritual advisor to assist here. I have no crystal ball but it sounds to me that there is more opportunity for such conflicts in the future. You’ll need support for those too.
 
Carjack1 said:
…I know if I say something, that it is going to be an open war with my family and my dh will take their side. How do I support her by not being judgemental? She acts like nothing happened
Click to expand...
Pray and say nothing for now.
When she is ready to talk about it, be ready to listen.

When she is done talking, you can share briefly. Very briefly and watch her reaction carefully as you proceed. Go slowly and don’t push if she starts getting defensive. Be very loving towards her. You both grew up in the same pro-abortion environment, and you know what shaped her opinions and actions, (including a forced abortion that she might be justifying now because the other option might cost her a relationship with her mother.)

If you have had a changed heart on the subject, share why you changed.
 
I will not bring it up. If she brings it up to me, I will advise her why abortion is destructive. Thank you all for your prayers. BTW no one in my family told me, she told me. I was shocked and didn’t respond immediately, because I was shocked at the casual demeanor.
 
Carjack1 said:
My family is a liberal feminist “pro-choice” family (even though my mother coerced my sister when she was 13 to have a abortion:rolleyes: ) Well this same sister at 22 got another one.(I am really confused about this as she was so opposed to getting one at 13) She told me later that my mother was right by trying to save her from a life or hardship.(She ended up having her son at 16 and another child at 20), She said that she spoke it over with my mom and dad and came to the conclusion that she can’t afford another one. My sister has 2 now. I know if I say something, that it is going to be an open war with my family and my dh will take their side. How do I support her by not being judgemental? She acts like nothing happened
Click to expand...
I’m going to address a different issue, sort of. I get the impression (correct me if I’m wrong) that your sister is getting pregnant by different men each time, or at least more than one man. And she was sexually active at a very young age. I bring this up because it points toward a serious self-esteem problem. I had a serious, serious codependency problem until I was in my thirties. It sounds like your sister has one too. Women with this problem often become sexually active very young and have many sexual partners. Relationships don’t work out because the woman is likely to chose potential mates who are emotionally unavailable and/or who will take adavantage of the woman’s low self esteem (this can lead to very unhealthy and even dangerous and further damaging). It is a vicious cycle and in my case required years of therapy to overcome. It also requires a strong support system of which you can be a vital part. I encourage you to do a little research on codependency issues and see if you think your sister fits the profile. Then maybe you can introduce her to some literature on the subject. The first book I read was “Women Who Love Too Much”. Good luck.
 
eucharisteo said:
Don’t support her…I’d have nothing to do with them. My brother and mom coerced his girlgriend many years ago to have an abortion. I was appalled…hurt, not only because it was a life a real person…but a niece or nephew. I pray for him/her.
Click to expand...
Don’t support her in that you don’t say it’s okay you had an abortion. And if you are as repulsed at murder as I am then that is my gut reaction. I still talk to my brother, but we do not have a close relationship now. Don’t read more into something than meant here. Abortion makes me ill. How can anyone even think abortion is okay just baffles my mind. But from reading the story it sounds like she’s sexually active and it’s catching up with her. Life is a gift from God. We have no right to prevent it or take it away. Your best bet is to pray for her daily.
 
I read this and it just made me so sad.

We do need to pray. We need to pray for hearts to be changed. We need to pray for the Truth to be revealed.

Did she have any visible signs of regret or guilt about 7 - 9 years after the first abortion?

Have you ever heard the story (or read) Tilly by Frank Peretti? It’s a short story, but so powerful.
 
I don’t know how old you are, or what your life situation is. You are from a pro-choice family, but seem troubled, maybe a little surprised by your sisters choices.

Personally, I’m surprised [and pleased, and touched] that you understand the very real horror of abortion, having been raised in such an environment: you have my admiration.

I think you may need to talk to her in a non-confrontational way for your own peace of mind.

Since you don’t have a time machine to fix those past actions, I wouldn’t dwell on them too much. Don’t pretend that they are A-OK, but be careful not to be so harsh that she shuts down and stops listening.

Because I believe what you really need to talk to her about is her relationships with men, her sense of self worth, and her lack of responsibility.

It seems probable to me that she is giving sex to get love, and it hasn’t been working. If she valued herself, she wouldn’t be having unprotected sex.

She isn’t being responsible, even though she has 2 children to care for. Next time, she could end up with AIDS.

She needs a better support structure than your family has given her so far.

Though a lot of what she advocates is outside the realm of Catholic ethics, I’d still consider getting her a couple of Dr. Laura Shlesinger [sp?] books. I think she’s very good at getting people to look at the real world consequences of their actions, and take positive steps towards making their lives better.
 
Abortion is a effect of lack of responsibility. Nowadays lefty organizations propagate dissolute lifestyle. It’s hard to believe, but the majority of young people believe them. In Poland abortion is allowed in 3 cases:
-mother’s health&life risk
-rape
-fetus’s serious disease.

In the next elections I’l go first time to vote on UPR, the political part, which call for a ban on abortion.
 
monicatholic said:
if she’s acting like nothing happened, then you only get to act like something happened in prayer-- between you and God.
Click to expand...
I agree. The horror of abortion touched my life just over 10 years ago and it has never really faded…just change of perspective over the years…on all impacted.

Pray for your sister and your parents and your husband, and your nieces/nephews. We are going to Mass at 8. I’ll offer up some prayers for you all.
 
I wouldn’t wait for her to bring it up. She has already murdered two innocent children and is statistically likely to murder more. I like the suggestion another person made of telling her if she gets pregnant again, you would be happy to adopt your niece or nephew. This is also a way to lovingly bring up the topic without being overly confrontational.

She is endangering herself and her health, and thus the future of the children she decided to let live. Definitely pray. If you have itunes, do a search on podcasts of “pro-life”. There are lots of great FREE podcasts, many Catholic ones, that address how to deal with pro-abortion and post-abortion people. You can listen to them on your computer if you don’t have an ipod. It’s the only way i have time these days to learn anything, since the babies keep me from having time to read a book! :o
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top