My sister had a abortion

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I feel sympathy for your pain and the mess you are in the middle of. Solzhenytsin once said that “violence does not and cannot flourish by itself. It is inevitably intertwined with lying. Between them there is the closest, the most profound and natural bond. Nothing screens violence except lies. And the only ways lies can hold out is by violence.”

The biggest lies going on here are the ones your sister is telling herself. It protects her from the enormity of what she has done. They say the full effects of abortions on the mother don’t emerge for about 7 years. Inevitably, women are forced to confront what they have done and it is devastating to them.

You are one of the few people she will know cared to tell the truth. Pray for her to come to the truth sooner rather than later, before her own children repeat her pattern.

And when she does confront the truth, guide her lovingly to groups like Project Rachel, who can help her deal with the enormity and permanence of her actions.

But you can’t be the person to help her save her soul if you have absented yourself from her life.

I worry about your mother and what she may have done in her youth that she is so eager to urge abortion on others. Even at the cost of her own grandchildren.

I"m sorry. {hug}
 
My mother has had abortions and stated that when the people who are so prolife want to pay for her children to have their mouths fed and when there are not so many children waiting to be adopted that she will be prolife. She said until then it is the woman’s choice. She also mentioned something about wire hangers and if that is what society wants women to go back to that society is out of their mind. I don’t get into to it with her. There is nothing I can say or do to make her change her mind. She has always been a prochoice feminist and that is how she will always be.
 
Carjack1 said:
My mother has had abortions and stated that when the **people who are so prolife want to pay for her children to have their mouths fed and when there are not so many children waiting to be adopted that she will be prolife. **She said until then it is the woman’s choice. She also mentioned something about wire hangers and if that is what society wants women to go back to that society is out of their mind. I don’t get into to it with her. There is nothing I can say or do to make her change her mind. She has always been a prochoice feminist and that is how she will always be.
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Usually women choose with whom they have sex. I get the feeling your mother and sister don’t hold the males they sleep with to the same high standards that your mom holds for the men and women in the pro-life community.

Strong men have self discipline and self control. Strong men stand by their women and help support and care for the babies they make together. A strong woman can handle a strong man; a weak woman may choose a weak man just to make her feel stronger. I question how “strong” any feminist who repeatedly aborts really is. If women who choose abortion were pickier about choosing men, the abortion problem would be solved.

Abortion is not just a problem but it’s the symptom of another problem: misuse of human sexuality. I suspect your mom and sister have been deeply hurt and used by the men in their lives–and they take it out on the children. Prayers for your family. :gopray:
 
gardenswithkids said:
Usually women choose with whom they have sex. I get the feeling your mother and sister don’t hold the males they sleep with to the same high standards that your mom holds for the men and women in the pro-life community.I hope this comment was made in charity. If she holds the prolife community to high standards, it is because the prolife community should hold themselves to the high standards

Strong men have self discipline and self control. Strong men stand by their women and help support and care for the babies they make together. A strong woman can handle a strong man; a weak woman may choose a weak man just to make her feel stronger. I question how “strong” any feminist who repeatedly aborts really is. If women who choose abortion were pickier about choosing men, the abortion problem would be solved. Well, in my mother’s case it is about her body and not anyone telling her what to do with it. To her, there are no guarantees for undesired children to be adopted and to her people should not have welfare babies they can’t afford

Abortion is not just a problem but it’s the symptom of another problem: misuse of human sexuality. I suspect your mom and sister have been deeply hurt and used by the men in their lives–and they take it out on the childrenMy mother has been happily married for years, to my father… Prayers for your family. :gopray:
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I understand what you are saying. My mother has been with my father only and has been married to him for many years. So I am not sure about the standards of “men who my mother is sleeping with” that you are referring to. I am protective of my mother and would appreciate if no one makes assumptions about her. Thank You. If she wished to discuss the issue, then I will have to let her know that the religion(Catholic) that she chose to baptize me in, disagrees with her.
 
Carjack1 said:
I understand what you are saying. My mother has been with my father only and has been married to him for many years. So I am not sure about the standards of “men who my mother is sleeping with” that you are referring to. I am protective of my mother and would appreciate if no one makes assumptions about her. Thank You. If she wished to discuss the issue, then I will have to let her know that the religion(Catholic) that she chose to baptize me in, disagrees with her.
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First, I want to commend you on your patience.

As a former pro-choicer, I understand your mother’s perspective. It’s not an uncommon argument that the “good of the society outweighs the need for the individual.” Certain countries have this idea as the basis of their government.

From the old star trek series… “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” And when they risked everything to go back and save Spock, the tables were turned. “The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many.” The first “logical” statement may work fine for SELF sacrafice like an Army or Firefighters. Unfortunately many don’t see it as a horrific statement when used for the abortion/ethnic cleansing/genocide argument. It prioritizes “order” over humanity. Abortion is strictly (IMO) a selfish action. But using the argument above, some try to justify it as unselfish.

Hopefully, something I said there may be of use if the subject ever comes up again.
Peace.
 
I am sorry. I don’t have any words of wisdom. I just found out a couple of months ago that my sister had an abortion. I mourn the loss of my niece/nephew and my children’s cousin. We ended up coming to blows because she didn’t like it when I said that abortion is murder. Also, she has suicidal tendencies and balked at my suggestion that the abortion could be contributing to her unhappiness.:banghead: Anyway, I lost my temper with her and we haven’t spoken since. I’m trying to figure out how to move forward in my relationship with her. I know I need to apologize to her for yelling at her, but she also wants an apology for what I said about abortion being murder (I won’t do that).
 
She has already murdered two innocent children and is statistically likely to murder more.
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Excuse me. This statement was horribly inaccurate. At 13 what happened was NOT her fault or her sin. She was, in her sisters own words, forced. She had reached the “age of reason” but to get pregnant at 13 she very likely was coerced into that, too. Who the heck was the father, another 13yo?

This last one is no doubt an repercussion of the horrible sins done TO her at such a young age. She may not even be able to handle the reality of being a mother at 13…and having an abortion again after having 2 children may be a psychological way of “taking control”. They are both murder but weither or not shes actually cupable is a HUGE question.

Offer her help in getting treatment, watching her kids or getting a gas card so she can drive there. And especally, bring her name before God in prayer. She is still a very damaged little girl.
 
I echo that damaged little girl line.

Often when people undergo trauma, they become frozen at that point in their development in many ways. She may still spiritually or emotionally be stuck at 13.

Very sad. 😦

Those who pander and market this abomination as a cure for problems have much to answer for!
 
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39 )

I think that pretty much sums up the answer. Doing what God wants is a lot more important than keeping things nice and comfortable in your family. You have to stand up for what is right, especially to those close to you.
 
johngh said:
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39 )

I think that pretty much sums up the answer. Doing what God wants is a lot more important than keeping things nice and comfortable in your family. You have to stand up for what is right, especially to those close to you.
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It has been done. They already know my feelings. Update: My sister is pregnant again. She is due in January. She did not want to ruin her body. She is getting her tubes tied.
 
Carjack1 said:
My family is a liberal feminist “pro-choice” family (even though my mother coerced my sister when she was 13 to have a abortion:rolleyes: ) Well this same sister at 22 got another one.(I am really confused about this as she was so opposed to getting one at 13) She told me later that my mother was right by trying to save her from a life or hardship.(She ended up having her son at 16 and another child at 20), She said that she spoke it over with my mom and dad and came to the conclusion that she can’t afford another one. My sister has 2 now. I know if I say something, that it is going to be an open war with my family and my dh will take their side. How do I support her by not being judgemental? She acts like nothing happened
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It sounds very sad and we are struggling with an abortion issue in our family right now. Sterilisation can be a more moral choice than abortion so if she feels she cannot support another child it might be the right choice for her although vasectomy is also a better operation than female sterilisation. Female sterilisation however is a valid option for a girl who would have more abortions in the future. I hope she finds her way and I would pray for her conversion in Christ our Lord. I prayed for my husband’s conversion on the spot (not about abortion however) but sometimes God can plant a seed and it can grow in somebody. So get her a Bible or something religious for Christmas.
 
budgie2 said:
It sounds very sad and we are struggling with an abortion issue in our family right now. Sterilisation can be a more moral choice than abortion so if she feels she cannot support another child it might be the right choice for her although vasectomy is also a better operation than female sterilisation. Female sterilisation however is a valid option for a girl who would have more abortions in the future. I hope she finds her way and I would pray for her conversion in Christ our Lord. I prayed for my husband’s conversion on the spot (not about abortion however) but sometimes God can plant a seed and it can grow in somebody. So get her a Bible or something religious for Christmas.
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Sterilization is never moral, Budgie2. You appar to be trying to lead people into sin.
 
Carjack, your tale is heartbreaking. Your sister’s nonchalance is typical for one trying to deny that she just destroyed her own flesh and blood. I suggest Teresa Burke’s “Forbidden Grief”. It is an extremely powerful book, and you may well come to understand the psyche behind the decision to terminate, as well as the attempts at coping and justification afterward. I can say that a second, or subsequent abortion, even an abortion by another woman, serves to reinforce the propriety, and thereby assuage the guilt of the first tragic act. Twisted logic, yes, but that’s the only reed to which they can cling. Were I you, I’d keep post abortion trauma literature handy. Pray for her. 😦 Rob
 
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