My sister had an abortion

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slackernerd

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First, my prayers for the soul of my niece or nephew who only got a few weeks of life:( …

Secondly, this along with her using meth(is probably addicted or, if not soon will be) being unable to keep a job, and recently getting herself arrested for public intoxication(minor charge compared to what she’s doing, but she doesn’t get caught for 99.99% of what she does) has forced me to redefine my relationship with her. Of course in her mind everyone in the family hates her because no one would bail her out… They let her go after a few days though I’m pretty sure she won’t show up for her court date…

I’m 23 and she’s 19, and I already had much firmer boundaries with her than my older brother or even our 15 yo sister. For example, she cannot be in my apartment unless I am there, and her boyfriends may not come even if I am there, because I don’t trust her or whatever lowlife bf she picked this week not to steal or cause problems. She may under absolutely no circumstances drive my car(especially as she doesn’t have a valid license anyway), and I will not let her ride as a passenger if she is obviously drunk or high. No one else in the family will allow her into their homes unaccompanied either. I really don’t want to know where she’s getting her money - probably either her boyfriend(but then where’s he getting his?), prostitution, or theft. She’s currently having some heart problems(almost certainly cocaine or meth related).

This is all really hard on our parents, those siblings who are old enough to know what’s going on(the under-10’s are innocent of this), and me. Her behavior has indicated that she doesn’t care about anyone or anything but partying, getting drunk, and getting high(usually all three at once) - no matter who it hurts. My parents say she needs to hit rock bottom while my admittedly limited experience with tweakers has led me to believe that there really is no rock bottom for many of them, other than death.

Sidenote - Planned Parenthood would argue that her getting an abortion was a good thing because she’d make an absolutely terrible parent(which I don’t disagree with) and would likely give birth to a child with severe problems due to the constant drug and alcohol exposure before anyone had a chance to adopt, and would soon lose custody due to abusing or neglecting the child if allowed to keep him or her. I don’t dispute any of this. What I wonder is why the child(and pretty much everyone but her) should have to suffer for her screwups.
 
There is hope… believe me… My babysitter fell into the kind of life you described to a T. Mind you, not while watching my kids… anyway, after her 2nd or 3rd abortion she ended up in rehab… turned her life around and now is mommy to two kids and married. Don’t lose hope… everyones bottom is different and the ones you think will die often surprise you.

Do keep your boundaries though… that is smart, but if she needs you… meet her somewhere to talk, or pray.
 
I’m sorry to hear about that dude, it surely must be tough when your sister has to go through all that, deep down inside we all look for love and we try to attain what we desire most, but many time we get confused and look in the wrong places. The wrong places being what many in the modern day look to, drugs, constant sexual encounters and etc.

No doubt she feels guilt at times and sadness but she won’t know where to look even if her entire family is catholic. I don’t know what else to say except pray, pray and pray some more. For sexual chastity I’d say pray to St. Mary Magdalene, pray the rosary, pray to Padre pio and do a novena. I also say pray to Pope Pius XII, to me he seems like someone to pray to in difficult situations as he himself has been in them numerous times throughout his life.

Also have you thought of ways you could show her love besides ‘firmer boundaries’ ? - As St. Therese of Lisieaux once said “it’s sufferings borne for others that convert more people, not sermons” - or something along those lines.

No doubt you care about her, else you wouldn’t be posting here. In addition to your boundaries, pray for her, talk with her, I’m sure you have done that as well, but think about what to say to her, pray for guidance as to what to say to her, see a priest if you can, they usually deal with kind of thing often, it may help.

Planned parenthood’s philosophy seems to be “two wrongs make a right” which has of course stupid and been disproved several times, but you know they are in it for the money.

God Bless
 
Thanks - I do love her even though it’s hard for me to believe a word she says. Just two weeks ago(before all this really came out) she called me scared in the middle of the night and I gave her a ride from a very shady-looking place where she’d been partying to her home and she thanked me and swore she wouldn’t go to insane parties again…

Again though, I love her. My tone above does reflect that I was(and am) angry at her for trashing her life, but if and when she decides to answer her phone I will be there to offer any help she will accept.
 
slackernerd said:
Thanks - I do love her even though it’s hard for me to believe a word she says. Just two weeks ago(before all this really came out) she called me scared in the middle of the night and I gave her a ride from a very shady-looking place where she’d been partying to her home and she thanked me and swore she wouldn’t go to insane parties again…

Again though, I love her. My tone above does reflect that I was(and am) angry at her for trashing her life, but if and when she decides to answer her phone I will be there to offer any help she will accept.
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I’d find out if anything happened to her
 
I am so sorry for your situation. Your sister and her baby are both in my prayers. I have worked with post-abortive women, and know that it causes wounds which take a long time to heal–if ever.

It sounds like your sister needs a lot of help at this point which you and your family probably can’t give her. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is true. I spent time living and working as a staff person at a home for pregnant women and their children who are alone or on the streets, and we dealt with a lot of formerly drug addicted moms. The road to recovery is a long and arduous one. I can’t tell you how many women were brought to our door after being broken by drug addiction, abortion, prostitution, etc. It really is a downward spiral…and you’re right in thinking that she would be lucky if ‘rock bottom’ were something other than death or serious injury. It is important to try to help her before it is ‘too late’ and you lose touch with her completely.

I am not trying to scare you here, but trying to tell you that it is really important that you try to get your sister some help as soon as possible. An intervention, a program, something…Turning to abortion here is a symptom of much deeper issues.

Many, many prayers coming your way.
 
Rach620 said:
I am not trying to scare you here, but trying to tell you that it is really important that you try to get your sister some help as soon as possible. An intervention, a program, something…Turning to abortion here is a symptom of much deeper issues.

Many, many prayers coming your way.
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So true! Meth use is not like any other drug abuse. She may not even be morally culpable for the abortion, because of how meth alters the will and the intellect. Some effects are irreversible. She cannot stop too soon:

nida.nih.gov/InfoFacts/methamphetamine.html
Recent studies in chronic methamphetamine abusers have also revealed severe structural and functional changes in areas of the brain associated with emotion and memory, which may account for many of the emotional and cognitive problems observed in chronic methamphetamine abusers.

Taking even small amounts of methamphetamine can result in increased wakefulness, increased physical activity, decreased appetite, increased respiration, rapid heart rate, irregular heartbeat, increased blood pressure, and hyperthermia. Other effects of methamphetamine abuse may include irritability, anxiety, insomnia, confusion, tremors, convulsions, and cardiovascular collapse and death. Long-term effects may include paranoia, aggressiveness, extreme anorexia, memory loss, visual and auditory hallucinations, delusions, and severe dental problems.

Also, transmission of HIV and hepatitis B and C can be a consequence of methamphetamine abuse. Among abusers who inject the drug, infection with HIV and other infectious diseases is spread mainly through the re-use of contaminated syringes, needles, and other injection equipment by more than one person. The intoxicating effects of methamphetamine, however, whether it is injected or taken other ways, can alter judgment and inhibition and lead people to engage in unsafe behaviors. Methamphetamine abuse actually may worsen the progression of HIV and its consequences; studies with methamphetamine abusers who have HIV indicate that the HIV causes greater neuronal injury and cognitive impairment compared with HIV-positive people who do not use drugs.

The effects of meth on teeth and skin are just outer evidence of its devastating effects, as this webpage shows:
pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/meth/body/

Please get together with your family to contact your local health department for any advice whatsoever they might have on how to get help for your sister, as soon as possible. You may be powerless to do anything, but you may also save her life.
 
Can your parents afford to have an intervention as well as sending her to a rehab facility far away from all her friends (preferably on the other side of the country)? That is where I would start, at an intervention with a facility lined up that is far away. Usually alcholics can go to a facility nearby since they usually get drunk alone, but drug attacks need to be 100% away from anyone they know in order to stand a chance of getting clean. My cousin went through a few locally when he was addicted to drugs, it took his family sending him to a facility in FL (we’re in IL) for almost two years to finally get clean. Needless to say, drug addicts don’t stay friends with other drug addicts when it actually requires them to keep in contact. Praying for you and especially your family. Also, maybe you and your family should consider going to Al-Anon together to help you through your sister’s addictions and how it is affecting the family.
 
She last logged onto Myspace yesterday so I know she’s alive at least… Her cell phone “is no longer taking calls” which means it was disconnected, probably because she didn’t pay the bills… sent her a Myspace message…

The problem is that she has to want to change. She’s in denial and I can’t even get ahold of her right now. Unfortunately she’s a legal adult, so I think the only way she can be forced into rehab is through the criminal justice system, and no one knows exactly where she is.

Thanks for your prayers though. Meth does seem to me to be a bit like Satan - offers a heavenly illusion only to make the person’s reality hellish.
 
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