my sister hates me for no reason

  • Thread starter Thread starter rubycanoe
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

rubycanoe

Guest
hello,
last month me and my dad went to stay at my sister’s house for the weekend, to see her and my son who is in college. the day we left my dad told me not to leave the milk,because she doesnt drink milk. so i poured it out as it was only about 50 cents worth of milk , and we had a 3 1/2 hour drive and didnt want to bring it with us. i left her some pizza and brownies from the night before because i knew she liked them. well that night after i got home she called to tell me that i should have left the milk, and taken the pizza and brownie and so i was no longer allowed to stay at her house. i told her that dad had told me not to leave the milk. i asked him again the next day and he said again that she had told him not to leave the milk. i told my husband about this and he thinks she was just making up an excuse because she doesnt want me to come visit anymore.he thinks if i would have left the milk she would have found some other excuse. i havent done anything wrong, i am very clean houseguest ,offered to help dishes etc. i think she has always hated me as she used to hit me a lot as i am smaller than her. i think she is maybe mentally ill? i have forgiven her, but i really dont want to see her when she comes to town,she stays at my mom and dads. not sure what to do except to avoid her? any opinions or advice would be appreciated. thanks
 
Hi rubycanoe!
Maybe your sister was angry about something else? I’m sure she doesn’t hate you…that’s too strong a word to use.
I don’t think you should avoid her. Her actions may have hurt you, but I think you must behave normally with her and be kind to her.
This is what I would do.

I hope things get better!
  • Jomaca
 
Jealousy can run very deep in families. Perhaps it is the success of your son in college, or that you have a good relationship with your dad, or that your dad is paying attention to your son. If she has children perhaps she feels that someone slighted them. My list could go on and on. I feel bad for you, but you could pray for her. Pray for her every day and perhaps something will change. I don’t think she is being rational. Is she depressed about something? I know when things don’t add up, there is usually some reason like depression or other mental illness.
 
Resolving issues between siblings is both painful and necessary. For me it was between my older brother and myself. Anger is a manifestation of pain. We become angry when we feel we have been hurt or mistreated. It’s a natural defense. You may be wondering what in the world did you do that was so bad to cause your sister to hate you? Maybe you did nothing but be born?

If she is the one who physically abused you then maybe what you need to do is, leave your gift at the alter and go and be reconciled to her, before you return to offer your gift to the Lord? I discovered God was directing me to do this with my brother, who had been abusive to me. It took more than forty years to get the nerve up to ask him to ask me to forgive him but it has been the changing point in my perspective of him. When he repented, of his past, bad behavior, I was immediately able to forgive him and we are moving on. Each day is fresh.

I’ll be praying for you and your sisters reconcilliation.
 
I think your husband has a point when he said that she was just looking for something to complain about. Regardless, avoiding her or treating her badly is not what Jesus would do. You say that she may have a mental illness. If this is true then it is her illness and not her doing these things and she needs your understanding even more. I say that you should send her some flowers with a note letting her know how deeply you love her and offering to check with her next time before doing anything.

You do not know all that she may be going through. Perhaps her whole world was just shaken by being spurned by a lover, a friend’s rejection, the loss of someone dear, the news of a major illness such as breast cancer, a tragety at work,… She may need your unconditional love and acceptance more than you may realize. Christ may use you to help her spiritually as well!

May God heal your relationship!

Yours in Christ,
Bob
 
thanks so much ((jomaca ,fitz, and elizabeth)) ((hugs))
i really appreciate all your thoughtful replies. what you said jomaca is what i usually do,when someone in my family treats me poorly. just try to continue being kind to them and try not to let it bother me. i just have never been not allowed to stay at someones house or anything so extreme before so it really hurt me. i also agree fitz that maybe she is jealous, as she is one year older than me,never been married or even had a serious boyfriend, and i am married and have my son and stepdaughter.also me and my dad get along well, i am the only adult child of 6 who lives in the same town with my folks so of course i am close with them.and our parents are especially close with my son as he is their closest grandchild. the rest live far away. and elizabeth , i think i would like to do what you suggest, to somehow go to her and show her she has hurt me and in the past,.but i am not sure how to go about that , as i guess i am kind of afraid of her rage. i actually had this kind of encounter with my mother recently and she actually asked for my forgiveness! of course i forgave her in a heart beat and apologized for anything i might have done also. thanks for sharing with me.
ruby canoe
 
hi bob,
i think maybe we were posting at the same time! i would never treat her poorly i would just avoid spending time with her. i dont agree about your suggestion of sending her flowers.i havent done anything wrong. she has never has admitted she is wrong or apologized to me in my whole life as far as i can remember. she is very self-righteous person .
i am worried she is into some kind of witchcraft or magic. she showed us her magic wand she bought. she loves harry potter more than anyone i know, she is 43. she loves the davinci code also.
i think prayers help the most and i have been doing that and asking God to bless her.
rubycanoe
 
40.png
rubycanoe:
thanks so much ((jomaca ,fitz, and elizabeth)) ((hugs))
elizabeth , i think i would like to do what you suggest, to somehow go to her and show her she has hurt me and in the past,.but i am not sure how to go about that , as i guess i am kind of afraid of her rage. i actually had this kind of encounter with my mother recently and she actually asked for my forgiveness! of course i forgave her in a heart beat and apologized for anything i might have done also. thanks for sharing with me.
ruby canoe
Click to expand...
Dear Ruby,

There were several occasions when I tried to communicate to my brother that felt to be non-productive because of the rage. It took several tries and there were times, I thought I would have a heart attack in trying, because his rage toward me was part of the problem. It was his way to intimidate and control me.

On the day before we reconciled, by God’s grace, I was able to say, “I think things would be better between us if I didn’t feel like you believe your agenda is more important than mine.” He immediately went into rage, but calmed down when I brought the problem back to my issue of trying to reslove the problem between us. He finally said he would “think about it.”

The next day, which felt like eternity, he came and asked me what it was that I thought he had done to me. I told him. He said he didn’t remember doing those things but was sorry for any hurt he had caused. It was all I needed. I jumped up and held tight to him and we both cried. It was a beautiful moment of reconcilliation and I’m very grateful to God for the healing.

I pray The Lord will give you the strength and words for addressing your sister and that you are reconciled soon.

Peace, my sister
 
elizabeth ,that is very beautiful and you seem to be a beautiful and loving person. i would like to handle the situation as loving. i think maybe thats why i want to avoid her for a time,until i can get the right words to say. i guess it might take time, and little bits by little bits. it seems God works this way with me, he always answers my prayers but sometimes years later. we have always been very different but i felt we got along okay despite the differences. thanks for everyones (name removed by moderator)ut, and any future posts. i really wanted to hear from people outside my family, and what other Catholics who are my true brothers and sisters in Christ thought.God bless
 
Dear Ruby,
I think I would like to do what you suggest, to somehow go to her and show her she has hurt me in the past,.but I am not sure how to go about that
Click to expand...
Your feelings are coming across very clearly and reveal your deep indignation, defensiveness, hurt, soul-searching, and yes, maybe even a touch of anger at the whole incident.

Honestly, trust this old lady, that will not work very well to go and show another how much they hurt you. It only makes them defensive on a rebound, and ready to attack your argument as being unfounded and silly, possibly triggering further alienation.

If you value your relationship with her at all, and you should, I would forget it and act as if nothing had happened. Bearing wrongs patiently is a wonderful, *spiritual act of mercy *which helps us grow strong in many ways. We learn to understand our suffering Savior, who was totally innocent, yet believed to be a criminal.

There is a scripture that always speaks to my heart,
which was last Sunday’s second reading – maybe the very time you were undergoing the incident! – and maybe God’s timely speaking to you! (Isn’t it awesome how these scriptures seem to coincide with our life events?)
1 Peter 2:20, "Beloved, if you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God, for to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His footsteps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. When he was insulted, he returned no insult; when he suffered, he did not threaten, instead he handed himself over to the One who judges justly.
Click to expand...
How can we show another person what total forgiveness is, unless by example? The father of the prodigal son did not tell the son how much he had hurt him when he ran away taking the family fortune with him. No, when he came home, the father ran out to embrace him with open arms and threw a big party. Jesus told this parable to teach us what the Father is like, and what Jesus does with our failings; and then he opened His arms on the cross and proved it.

http://forum.catholic.com/images/smilies/ani/love.gif Carole
 
I am currently going through this situation. My sister is one year older than me. I am 25 she is 26. Our parents still support us by helping us pay rent so we live together. For some reason she treats me like an enemy. I have tried severally to ask her what I have done to wrong her but she has never given me an answer. I did this because I know I am full of fault eg I am not the most tidy person. I even tried to ask my parents to talk to her but she acts like nothing is wrong when we are around our parents. That one time she made me feel like I was exaggerating things until we went back home (after visiting parents) and she was immediately back to giving me the silent treatment.

It hurts me so much what she is doing. Up until recently, I looked up to her for everything from my music choice, to fashion sense, to career choice. I feel so let down by her and it made me angry for a long time. Especially since she never seems to hold grudges with our younger brother who is 20. I even found out that she may be turning him against me. I saw texts they were exchanging and she talks so negatively about me. At some point she even says I need an exorcism because I didn’t pay for the Internet (I am the one in charge of that and since I started paying form my masters, I have been going broke regularly. She chooses not to understand this)

For the sake of my journey towards being a better Catholic this lent, I decided to google solutions on how to handle a sibling who (and I’m not exaggerating) hates you. This forum is a blessing. I have learnt that I am not alone in this. I feel less lonely. And for that, I have become stronger. I have learnt to not dwell on these things that hurt me. I have chosen that from today onwards, I will try my best and ignore it all. I will show kindness and patience. I will only talk to God about these problems. I will only cry to God. I put my trust entirely in the Holy Trinity.

To all those going through this, courage!!! This is only temporary. It is probably a test of character from God.
 
One thing I have found that works immensely well in feeling better about all this is to offer up the pain you are suffering for the sake of the person who is causing it.

When you think about it, this is what Jesus did for us on the cross. It was our sins that put Him there, but He offered up his pain for us.

Also, when you consider that we pray “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” you will be asking God to forgive you in the same manner that you forgive her.

Hope this helps and God bless you!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top