My sister is moving back in :(

[Magicsilence]

She’s been renting a room for the past few months after my dad kicked her out for behaving like… you know, the typical.

Supposedly she is moving back in soon, because she doesn’t want to work to pay for the rent any more.

My mum is allowing her, and my dad doesn’t know what to do, physically throw her out? Of course he can’t, and mum won’t take no for an answer (she’s stubborn like that).

Anyway, there are two bedrooms in our converted attic. I have one, and she will have the other (as before).

It’s making me really depressed just thinking about it. She has no respect for anyone, plays her (frankly, disgusting) rap music every morning whenever she gets up (waking me up if she can ) and throughout the day, slobs around the house, leaves mess everywhere, takes all the nice food without thinking of anyone else (ok, silly point), and is just generally rude and argumentative all the time. And the way she leaves the bathroom makes me sick to my stomach, no details needed .

She came back to have dinner for her birthday a couple of weeks back, and within 5 minutes of finishing dinner she started a huge argument with my other sister over nothing.

I am really not looking forward to it.

Do you think I’m over-reacting? Deep down, there’s good in everyone, right?

 

[duskyjewel]

She doesn’t want to work, she’s rude and slovenly… why again can’t they “throw her out on the street?”

People like this only learn when they HAVE to. If your parents keep making it so she doesn’t HAVE to, then she never will.

IMO, they are doing her no favors letting her come back home. And they sure are making your life difficult…

I’m sure there is good in her, deep down somewhere. But some people need to have few layers and rough corners barked off by the hard knocks of life before anyone can see it.

 

[Magicsilence]

She doesn’t want to work, she’s rude and slovenly… why again can’t they “throw her out on the street?”

People like this only learn when they HAVE to. If your parents keep making it so she doesn’t HAVE to, then she never will.

IMO, they are doing her no favors letting her come back home. And they sure are making your life difficult…

I’m sure there is good in her, deep down somewhere. But some people need to have few layers and rough corners barked off by the hard knocks of life before anyone can see it.

My dad doesn’t want her back, but my mom is just arranging it anyway. I don’t know why. I think she is crazy

The stupid thing is, I know my mom will be on at her - “get a job” “do something with your life” etc… but she is still letting her come back. :banghead:

 

[Lui]

She doesn’t want to work, she’s rude and slovenly… why again can’t they "throw her out on the street?"

Hm, doesn’t sound very Christian to me

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Poor Magic!

Have you given any thought to setting a goal of moving out? I know you are young, but you are 21.

 

[duskyjewel]

Hm, doesn’t sound very Christian to me

Is it more Christian to do the hard thing now, and help her live a productive, healthy life later on, or to do the easy thing, and condemn her to a lifetime of having to depend on others who will resent her, and who will finally get sick of her, and then abandon her when she is old and sick instead of young and healthy? At least if she has to land hard on her butt now, she has a chance of building a good life while she is still young enough and has the time to do it.

Christian does not equal doormat.

Magicsilence… I didn’t know you were of age. I see your location is listed as Wimbledon… could you afford to move out? Or do you have some good friends you could share a flat with? At least then you wouldn’t have to live in the chaos. You’d be out on your own, and your parents would have to deal with the consequences of their (IMO poor) decision all by themselves.

 

[Magicsilence]

Poor Magic!

Have you given any thought to setting a goal of moving out? I know you are young, but you are 21.

The thing is, my dad really doesn’t want me to move out. My mom and two sisters drive him crazy, so I am the male voice of reason that he needs to hear . I didn’t think it was so strong until I left for university in my first year, and I realised how much I missed him, but also how much he actually suffered by me not being around.

Last year when they really really drove him :whacky: (ending with him kicking out my sister) I think he went into full blown depression, and started to tell me how he was looking forward to dying, and that it would be a relief :crying:.

Moreover, as you can probably tell, I’m not sure how much the interaction between my parents can be described as ‘marriage’ anymore

It’s like I have this big mess to sort out that I didn’t make, and no-one is willing to co-operate.

Is it more Christian to do the hard thing now, and help her live a productive, healthy life later on, or to do the easy thing, and condemn her to a lifetime of having to depend on others who will resent her, and who will finally get sick of her, and then abandon her when she is old and sick instead of young and healthy? At least if she has to land hard on her butt now, she has a chance of building a good life while she is still young enough and has the time to do it.

Christian does not equal doormat.

Magicsilence… I didn’t know you were of age. I see your location is listed as Wimbledon… could you afford to move out? Or do you have some good friends you could share a flat with? At least then you wouldn’t have to live in the chaos. You’d be out on your own, and your parents would have to deal with the consequences of their (IMO poor) decision all by themselves.

I definitely could afford to live out, at least once I secure a job after graduation, but as above… bleh, I don’t know what to do

And I agree with everything you are saying, as does my dad, and my neighbour, and my friends, even my little brother, but, it’s all my mom’s doing

 

[CB_Catholic]

She’s been renting a room for the past few months after my dad kicked her out for behaving like… you know, the typical.

Supposedly she is moving back in soon, because she doesn’t want to work to pay for the rent any more.

My mum is allowing her, and my dad doesn’t know what to do, physically throw her out? Of course he can’t, and mum won’t take no for an answer (she’s stubborn like that).

Anyway, there are two bedrooms in our converted attic. I have one, and she will have the other (as before).

It’s making me really depressed just thinking about it. She has no respect for anyone, plays her (frankly, disgusting) rap music every morning whenever she gets up (waking me up if she can ) and throughout the day, slobs around the house, leaves mess everywhere, takes all the nice food without thinking of anyone else (ok, silly point), and is just generally rude and argumentative all the time. And the way she leaves the bathroom makes me sick to my stomach, no details needed .

She came back to have dinner for her birthday a couple of weeks back, and within 5 minutes of finishing dinner she started a huge argument with my other sister over nothing.

I am really not looking forward to it.

Do you think I’m over-reacting? Deep down, there’s good in everyone, right?

I see you are graduating in another month or so. Perhaps you can grin and bear it until you find a job, get a little money together, and then move out on your own and detach yourself from the situation. God Bless You. Oh, and don’t let her move in with YOU.

 

[Lui]

Is it more Christian to do the hard thing now, and help her live a productive, healthy life later on, or to do the easy thing, and condemn her to a lifetime of having to depend on others who will resent her, and who will finally get sick of her, and then abandon her when she is old and sick instead of young and healthy? At least if she has to land hard on her butt now, she has a chance of building a good life while she is still young enough and has the time to do it.

Christian does not equal doormat.

Before I know the whole story of why she is acting in a certain way and why she wants to move back home, I’m not judging her.
Many who get “thrown out on the street” turn to drugs or worse. There’s a reason why Magic’s mom is taking her back in.

 

[whatevergirl]

Pray for her Magic…that is all YOU can really do. It is your mom and dad’s home…and if they welcome her back in, then, just keep praying for her to come to the Lord. You know, maybe do things with her–like ask her to go to a movie, or something…or go to mass…you never know, she might surprise you. It is natural to put a guard up when we have been accosted in the past, we tense up–assuming the same bad thing will reoccur. She is your sister–and my sister and I had some problems in the past, and I put it in God’s hands, because my pain with her was too great to bare. And God, as He always does, changes hearts…changed my sister’s…and here we are today, years later…loving sisters to one another. It can happen, anything can, with God. So keep up your prayers over her…and maybe try to make attempts to do fun things with her…

Some day, you will be a parent, and I don’t condone her behavior, please know that–but it isn’t easy to turn your own child away, I would imagine. I pray for some common ground to be had by all, and that your sister turns her life around…

Keep us posted!

 

[Magicsilence]

Pray for her Magic…that is all YOU can really do. It is your mom and dad’s home…and if they welcome her back in, then, just keep praying for her to come to the Lord. You know, maybe do things with her–like ask her to go to a movie, or something…or go to mass…you never know, she might surprise you. It is natural to put a guard up when we have been accosted in the past, we tense up–assuming the same bad thing will reoccur. She is your sister–and my sister and I had some problems in the past, and I put it in God’s hands, because my pain with her was too great to bare. And God, as He always does, changes hearts…changed my sister’s…and here we are today, years later…loving sisters to one another. It can happen, anything can, with God. So keep up your prayers over her…and maybe try to make attempts to do fun things with her…

Some day, you will be a parent, and I don’t condone her behavior, please know that–but it isn’t easy to turn your own child away, I would imagine. I pray for some common ground to be had by all, and that your sister turns her life around…

Keep us posted!

Update

She is here right now getting her room ready to move back in, and my mom is helping her. She came last night and had dinner, and then stayed the night. She seemed normal enough, but it won’t be long before the huge arguments between her and my other sister start up again.



I find it really difficult to talk to her, since in the past she has been ‘all smiles’ and deep down she was just deceiving everyone. So now when the ‘happy act’ comes along, I’m wary of it, and I know it won’t be long before she leaves the house without telling anyone, and my mom then has to drive at midnight to go and pick her up on a 45 min round trip journey.

Oh, and WG, regarding doing fun things with her, tbh, I’m really embarrassed to go out with her anywhere, especially with her so-called ‘friends’. Your post was really helpful btw, thank-you very much, and thanks to all of the previous posters, CAF is like a sanity check for me sometimes

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I lost this thread, so I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner.

You are 21, and as soon as you are out of school, responsible for yourself. Your dad allows this stuff to happen, and doesn’t set good boundaries with his wife or his kids.

You can honor your dad, but as an adult, you are not responsible for his choice to run a funny farm in his home!

And you know what? If you move out after graduation and saving some money, he might enjoy having your place as a retreat once in a while. Yep, you set the rules. Think about it: Watching the games, talking, man-sized sandwiches, quiet…

 

[KCtheMommy]

I lost this thread, so I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner.

You are 21, and as soon as you are out of school, responsible for yourself. Your dad allows this stuff to happen, and doesn’t set good boundaries with his wife or his kids.

You can honor your dad, but as an adult, you are not responsible for his choice to run a funny farm in his home!

And you know what? If you move out after graduation and saving some money, he might enjoy having your place as a retreat once in a while. Yep, you set the rules. Think about it: Watching the games, talking, man-sized sandwiches, quiet…

And beer.

I am with my girl L here, you can’t do anything about it but move yourself. You COULD tell your mum how quick you’ll be to leave and that it’s sad for you that she made that choice since said sister is really a big old pain in the you-know-what. It’s nice she wants to take care of her bratty one, but it’s really a disservice to her “good ones.” “We’re good to you mum, and to thank us you bring back the one person who is bad to all of us? Gee thanks.” LIke you said though, her choice is made, end of story.

I am so going to be in your mom and dad’s shoes in about ten years. I don’t think I’ll be letting my trouble maker back in though.

Prayers with you A!

 

[Magicsilence]

I lost this thread, so I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner.

You are 21, and as soon as you are out of school, responsible for yourself. Your dad allows this stuff to happen, and doesn’t set good boundaries with his wife or his kids.

You can honor your dad, but as an adult, you are not responsible for his choice to run a funny farm in his home!

And you know what? If you move out after graduation and saving some money, he might enjoy having your place as a retreat once in a while. Yep, you set the rules. Think about it: Watching the games, talking, man-sized sandwiches, quiet…

I know, it is like a funny farm. That’s a good description But my dad… oh man, he’s admitted to me in the last few days that if it weren’t for me (and my little brother) he would have left once my youngest sister turned 16 (which is only last August).

I know, I know, it might sound extreme, but my parents found the pill in her handbag a few months back, and really it is only a confirmation of her promiscuous behvaiour. My mom doesn’t care for my dad one little bit as a husband.

So, if I leave -

1. Dad will become massively depressed, since I tend to be the one to show him any sort of ‘love’
2. I’ll have a ton of extra bills to deal with
3. My mom will be happy, and my sister will get what she wants
4. I’ll be lonely - I tried it at uni for 2 years

And beer.

I am with my girl L here, you can’t do anything about it but move yourself. You COULD tell your mum how quick you’ll be to leave and that it’s sad for you that she made that choice since said sister is really a big old pain in the you-know-what. It’s nice she wants to take care of her bratty one, but it’s really a disservice to her “good ones.” “We’re good to you mum, and to thank us you bring back the one person who is bad to all of us? Gee thanks.” LIke you said though, her choice is made, end of story.

I am so going to be in your mom and dad’s shoes in about ten years. I don’t think I’ll be letting my trouble maker back in though.

Prayers with you A!

Thanks KC,

The thing is, my mom would reply “Greeeeeeeat, you’re moving out”, so

I know basically there is no solution to this problem, except prayer, but sometimes just typing it out allows me to breath freely and see what everyone else thinks on the subject. (and KC, your grasp of reality is always super refreshing )

I really appreciate all the thoughts y’all have contributed, there is literally no-one else I can talk to because its such a personal matter.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I know, I know, it might sound extreme, but my parents found the pill in her handbag a few months back, and really it is only a confirmation of her promiscuous behvaiour. My mom doesn’t care for my dad one little bit as a husband. That is between the two of them, and really not your concern, in the sense that they are two adults. It is wishful thinking to think that you are the “glue” that holds them together.

So, if I leave -

1. Dad will become massively depressed, since I tend to be the one to show him any sort of ‘love’ That is his problem. If he is really that depressed, he needs therapy and whatever else goes with that.
2. I’ll have a ton of extra bills to deal with But you will not have to put up with your mother and sister- your choice.
3. My mom will be happy, and my sister will get what she wants So you’re staying to tick them off, at peril to yourself? Not a good idea.
4. I’ll be lonely - I tried it at uni for 2 years You’re lonely for fighting, manipulation, and crime (on the part of your sister)?

I know basically there is no solution to this problem, except prayer, Yes, you can start to plan your own life, starting with a savings account and a tentative move date. And I would not tell your mother until you have the money saved.
I really appreciate all the thoughts y’all have contributed, there is literally no-one else I can talk to because its such a personal matter.

 

[stbruno]

Before your sister moves back in…this is the perfect time for your parents, not you to set down strict guidelines.
First…she moves in with a definite rule on paying rent. The price is up to your parents.
Second…other behavior rules…privacy, noise volume etc.
Third,…she is expected to contribute to the household chores, whatever is decided.
Fourth…any infractions…possibly must move out.

Fifth, Pray for her and for your whole family.

I promise to add you to ours.

 

[gettingthere]

I know how you feel! My younger brother is very selfish, thinks he should always get his way, thinks my parents love my other brother and me more than him (typical middle child syndrome)… etc. He’s been kicked out twice, and it’s just bad. We know he’s into bad things like sex and drinking and drugs, and it’s hard to watch your brother hurt your mom and dad over and over.

All I can say is to pray for your sister. And always let her know you love her, even if she’s annoying. My brother is going to come back to God, I know it. Until he does, I pray for him all the time.

 

[Sheeniac]

I’m sorry to hear read about this. The only way for things to change is for your father to put his foot down.

I can understand that you don’t want to leave him alone in this situation. But he needs to ‘man up’ and be an equal to your mom. Tough words, I know. But we can only be pushed around by others if we let them do it.

Perhaps you could work with your other sister in ways to avoid a fight since it takes 2 to argue. Perhaps something as extreme as refusing to communicate with the troublemaker once she starts up?

All the best…