My sister tried to commit suicide today

[EasterJoy]

EasterJoy,

I had to read your posts several times through before I got a sense of what you were trying to help me to understand.
One thing jumped out at me though…you mentioned blaming my sister and second-guessing her or myself. I don’t think I am experiencing those feelings or thoughts at this time. Is this a common reaction in this situation?
Mostly, I am just so sad that she must be in so much pain every single day. I know at least some of the experiences in her life that led her into despair, and they are horrific. I cannot imagine how she must feel. I told my husband that my impression of her emotional state (as of the last time she agreed to talk to me, several years ago) was that it hurt to be alive. How could I blame her? I pray to God that I never make that mistake.
The other thing that I wanted to ask you about your post…are you saying that her not “succeeding” in her attempted suicide may have been accidental. That despite her apparent saaviness, she really probably meant to do it, and just couldn’t accomplish what she intended? If that is what you are saying, then this is even more terrifying than I was willing to realize.
I will admit, I do not understand mental illness. I have tried. My mother has depression (my belief is that she also has bipolar, because I have witnessed what appeared to be manic episodes, followed by utter despair) and obviously my sister is bipolar. I just cannot understand. Maybe I am afraid to understand. I cling to my certainty of sanity like a life raft, as I watch all my biological family members (mother, sister, brother, aunt, female cousin, deceased grandmother) drown in an ocean of depression and related illnesses (anxiety disorders, fibromyalgia, CFS, and the list goes on). Maybe I am afraid that if I begin to understand severe depression, that I will drown too.

I’m afraid that it is very common for friends and relatives to second-guess themselves concerning family members who attempt or commit suicide. I’m relieved to hear that you do not do that. That is a great blessing. I would not worry about “understanding” why a mentally ill person does what they do. You won’t get the illness by understanding it, but I think you could put yourself through a lot of needless anxiety if you give into the thought that you “should” understand it. I think you’re doing your best. That is enough.

As nearly as I can tell, people sometimes don’t know what they’re doing when they hurt themselves. They aren’t necessarily either trying or not trying to kill themselves, because sometimes because they are in a moment where they don’t care. They just want the awful feelings to go away. Maybe it is like having a downed neurological powerline, just sort of flipping around and randomly shorting out the circuits that are needed for a feeling of well-being. That’s not something they can even necessarily understand. Even her psychiatrist can’t get into her head.

The good thing is that your sister doesn’t need you to understand her in terms of being able to feel what she feels or describe the line of her thoughts and their reasons. She needs you to love her. She needs you to understand that she needs to feel accepted. She needs you to understand that she is more than her illness. She needs you to respect her desire to handle her own life as best she can. All those are things that I think you do understand, even though it isn’t an easy reality to have to accept.

You know how they always say on an airline to put your own oxygen mask on before you try to help someone else? A family member with her mental health is like that person…she can help those who want help putting on their masks. She can’t breathe for anybody else, she can’t force anyone to take help they won’t accept, she can’t help anybody else by losing her own flow of oxygen, but her mental health and the line that helps her keep a clear head is a good thing for everyone around her. So clinging to your life raft is a good thing for everyone, not just you. Treasure your serenity, when you have it. It is a gift meant for all!

 

[Cryptic1]

If there’s any way you can reach out to your sister at this time, I would make an all out effort to be there for her. While your family is definitely going through a lot, your sister is going through her own personal hell right now. People who cut themselves or attempt suicide are sending out loud and clear messages that they are lost and confused and in desparate need of help.

How much help you can give your sister is hard to say as you don’t live close by, but during these trying times, it seems like you’re doing your best to make things happen. If there is any church or social agency that is able to help with this kind of problem, I would start contacting them asap to see what kind of help is avaialable out there. And whatever you do, don’t stop until help comes because your sister is entirely dependent on your close involvement.

Most importantly, people in this situation need lots of love, forgiveness and prayers, because they are lost and without hope and, on their own, cannot pull themselves out of this depression. I would get a prayer chain going and have everyone you know, from your church, your family and friends to pray for her well being. With you trying to get her help and people praying round the clock, your sister stands a fighting chance to make it one day at a time.

God bless you for all you do,and when things get bad (as they are now), just turn your tears and fears over to the Holy Spirit and the Lord Jesus. They are just a cry away.

 

[mommamaree]

Cryptic,
I am doing what I can today. I will be keeping my niece (my sister’s daughter whom my mom is raising) so I can send my mom to be with my sister. We will make decisions on a day-by-day basis. Thanks for your kind thoughts and advice.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and encouragement.

 

[mommamaree]

No news from my sister today. My mom is still on the road to get here to SC to drop off my niece with me, before she can go to NC, another six hours, to see my sister at the hospital. The psychiatric facility is already full. No surprise there. They always are full to the brim, and so suicidal people oftentimes are just released because they cannot pay to stay, and very often they want to go home even if they should be under observation.
I do not know what is going to happen here. I am just praying that she gets some help and is not released anytime soon. She needs to be put on medication, but she, like many bipolars, is known for not taking meds because they love the manic high too much. She has gone off meds before for that reason. It really troubles me that she has moved so far away from any family. There is no one within six hours of her. I am the nearest, but she won’t see me. Our mom lives twelve hours away from her.
Anyway, feeling kinda numb emotionally today. Just focusing on the next thing I gotta do. Right now, that, and praying, is all I can do for her.

 

[joshvanrad]

I’m so sorry for your situation. While my words may fall short, I will be praying for you and your family.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.

 

[mommamaree]

The hospital discharged my sister, despite the court order, because the court order only stated that she couldn’t leave without a doctor releasing her, and so the doctor released her. There are no beds available in any psych units in any hospitals anywhere within the area. So they had no choice. They gave her a weeks worth of a prescription for bipolar medicine (the strong stuff) and gave her instructions to call the psychiatrist today to schedule an appointment, which they warned would probably take about a month. Yeah. So one week of medication, three weeks of waiting with no medication, and zero medical supervision. And she never even had a psychiatrist meet face-to-face with her. He teleconferenced with her. Another yeah.
This is far less than adequate care for a suicidal person, who is still saying that it hurts to be alive and that she just wants to die. My mom is on the road today to get to her. She had driven all day yesterday to bring to me my niece so that I can keep her for a while so my mom is free to help my sister. My sister is hanging on, very eager to see our mom.
On top of all of this, my sister has to find a new apartment this week, because the lease her roommate had is up and her roommate is moving home (out-of-state). So our mom is now going to have to help her find a new, furnished apartment ASAP in addition to being on suicide watch. My sister also refuses to come home with my mom, because there are too many painful memories back home in IN. She will not come here to SC, probably because she is afraid of being a burden. And she realizes that I am not able to do a whole lot practically right now to help her. Plus, she has a boyfriend in NC, whom she doesn’t want to leave. Oy. So I don’t know how we are going to help her. This is still truly an hour-by-hour situation. I just hope that my niece (adopted by my mom, but biologically my sister’s daughter) feels welcome and safe while she is with us here. I would hate for her to feel unwanted or abandoned or afraid. She is the same age as my daughter though, and the two girls are close. (On a side note, my niece looks just like my baby sister and sometimes it breaks my heart to recall how sweet and beautiful and innocent my sister was before people tried to destroy her. My niece, thankfully, still has her innocence and little girl sweetness.)
Anyway, thanks for your prayers. We continue to need them. I still have not spoken to my sister, but my mom has given her my love when they talk on the phone. I hope she knows how much I love her.

 

[louisak]

May all the angels in Heaven help your sister and protect her from harm.

St. Dymphna, pray for us.

Immaculate Mary, we beseech you to intercede in a special way for this suffering soul. May the Lord guide her out of this unhappy state and lead her to peace.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

 

[SurlyMermaid]

Oh, I’ve been where your sister is. I know the hell of it. I am so sorry and I’m praying for her and all of you. :grouphug:

I want you to know that I am so grateful you are there for her and doing your best.

 

[ringil]

Hello everyone.
Many of you are already a bit familiar with my family background.

I got a call a little while ago. It was my mom informing me that my sister is in the hospital, and being transferred to a psychiatric facility because she tried to commit suicide today. She tried to cut herself. We don’t know all the details, because my sister lives in NC, I live in SC, and my mom lives in IN.
Apparently, she and her “boyfriend” had a fight, he said something really stupid, and she tried to kill herself. She suffers from bipolar, and is not medicated. I haven’t been able to see her for years now, because she feels too much pain being around me and has asked for me to give her some time and distance. I sadly obliged.
I always knew I would get this phone call someday. Didn’t make it any easier when the call finally came.
My only consolation is that I know my sister is smart enough to know how to actually “finish the job” if she really meant to end her life. She has been a cutter for many years. She recently lost a friend to suicide last month. Her friend hung herself after the birth of her third child. My sister has also been in psych units before. She has been around this stuff long enough to know how to do the thing “properly”. My hope is that this was a cry for help. But neither my mother nor I know anything about the nature or location of the cuts. So my thoughts could merely be wishful thinking.
This hurts so bad. What is it about this year. So full of pain.

If your sister isn’t taking her meds. she will continue to suffer emotional and social turmoil. Folks suffering from Bipolar I are notorious for not taking their medication.

It can be very sad and hard on the family system.

I’ll pray for your family.

 

[mommamaree]

Oh, I was informed as to how she tried to commit suicide when my mom got here yesterday. She tried to cut open her wrists, but apparently her boyfriend got to her quickly and they struggled over the knife for a while, before either she gave up or he wrested the knife away. He is the one who drove her to the hospital and stayed with her this whole time. While I am still not sure what I think of her marrying this guy (they have been talking about marriage), I am thankful that he had his wits about him and was able to prevent what she obviously meant to do.
My sister was panicking last night while on the phone with my mom, saying she was not ready to be released and that she knows that this is dangerous to be going home with no hope of speedy followup with a psychiatrist. I wish I could do more to help, but keeping things sane and safe for my niece is probably the most loving thing I could do for my sister right now.

 

[HollyDolly]

I’m very sorry to hear about your sister’s attempt. Many times it is a cry for help and sometimes people do succed.I’ll be praying fo r her and hope things work out.

 

[ringil]

My sister was panicking last night while on the phone with my mom, saying she was not ready to be released and that she knows that this is dangerous to be going home with no hope of speedy followup with a psychiatrist. I wish I could do more to help, but keeping things sane and safe for my niece is probably the most loving thing I could do for my sister right now.

If your sister has or will give consent one of you could speak with the social worker (she will have one) and find out the plan for her discharge.

The SW could also give you update regarding her progress. This is my recommendation.

 

[mommamaree]

If your sister has or will give consent one of you could speak with the social worker (she will have one) and find out the plan for her discharge.

The SW could also give you update regarding her progress. This is my recommendation.

Yes, I am sure that my sister will allow my mother to speak with the social worker. She is already home. She called our mom immediately after leaving the hospital yesterday. Her boyfriend stayed with her, I hope, and my mom left first thing this morning to go to her. She offered to leave immediately yesterday, but my sister declined, saying her boyfriend would stay for the night.
Right now, because my sister is not exactly on speaking terms with me, I do not feel comfortable in asking for that kind of access or knowledge. But my mom has always been very good about updating me on my sister’s condition in these situations in the past.

 

[ringil]

Right now, because my sister is not exactly on speaking terms with me, I do not feel comfortable in asking for that kind of access or knowledge. But my mom has always been very good about updating me on my sister’s condition in these situations in the past.

Oh, I understand that. Just trying to be helpful. I am a SW and most of my experience is with folk’s dealing with serious mental illness. I know it’s incredibly tough.

God Bless.

 

[mommamaree]

Oh, I understand that. Just trying to be helpful. I am a SW and most of my experience is with folk’s dealing with serious mental illness. I know it’s incredibly tough.

God Bless.

Thank you. And you were helpful. My responses explaining the situation and what I can or cannot do is just my way of acknowledging the helpful advice that is being offered to me. One of my friends was a social worker for many many years, and she oftentimes offers helpful advice that due to the particularities of my situation, I cannot follow. However, I still appreciate so much her wisdom and concern. Same with all the kind people here.
Thanks ringil.

 

[mommamaree]

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your kind words.

Apparently, this was all just some game my sister was playing. I just found out, after forcing my mom to tell me the truth, that my sister never attempted suicide. Despite my mother being upset about the lies, manipulation, and complete lack of empathy, rather than honestly admit to me the truth of what my sister has done, my mother decided to withhold the truth from me so that my mom could enjoy some child-free time with my sister and her boyfriend, and then come back and stay with me indefinitely, and then go visit my brother in AL (who was going to care for my niece then, I wonder?) and maybe someday get around to packing up and heading back to IN and to her husband, whom she has fantasies of leaving, because her being legally married to him is the only thing preventing her from entering the Catholic Church at this time.

I’ve been had. I’ve been lied to and used and manipulated. My niece is a victim here, too, as are my children. Especially my son, who adores his nana and gave up his bed and room for his cousin. I told my mom that she needed to quit this, come back and pick up my niece and head home. She is not welcome to stay.

I don’t know whether my mother is that mentally ill and emotionally unstable, or if she, like my sister, is just that big of a liar. Such a huge liar that she believes her own lies…

I am sorry to everyone who has sacrificed their prayers and their time spent here helping me through what turns out to be a joke, a sick, cruel joke.

Did I mention there was no suicide attempt? Not one cut or a single bandage on my sister’s body anywhere. I cannot believe that my mother intended to withhold this information from me so she could “make the most” of her trip.

 

[joshvanrad]

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your kind words.

Apparently, this was all just some game my sister was playing. I just found out, after forcing my mom to tell me the truth, that my sister never attempted suicide. Despite my mother being upset about the lies, manipulation, and complete lack of empathy, rather than honestly admit to me the truth of what my sister has done, my mother decided to withhold the truth from me so that my mom could enjoy some child-free time with my sister and her boyfriend, and then come back and stay with me indefinitely, and then go visit my brother in AL (who was going to care for my niece then, I wonder?) and maybe someday get around to packing up and heading back to IN and to her husband, whom she has fantasies of leaving, because her being legally married to him is the only thing preventing her from entering the Catholic Church at this time.

I’ve been had. I’ve been lied to and used and manipulated. My niece is a victim here, too, as are my children. Especially my son, who adores his nana and gave up his bed and room for his cousin. I told my mom that she needed to quit this, come back and pick up my niece and head home. She is not welcome to stay.

I don’t know whether my mother is that mentally ill and emotionally unstable, or if she, like my sister, is just that big of a liar. Such a huge liar that she believes her own lies…

I am sorry to everyone who has sacrificed their prayers and their time spent here helping me through what turns out to be a joke, a sick, cruel joke.

Did I mention there was no suicide attempt? Not one cut or a single bandage on my sister’s body anywhere. I cannot believe that my mother intended to withhold this information from me so she could “make the most” of her trip.

I have a loved one who has done similar things in the past.

The prayers that have been sent your way are still very meaningful and I hope they can continue to help you and your family.

Your sister has a sickness that can be quite difficult to deal with, but know that God is there with you in the tough times that are on the road ahead.

 

[mommamaree]

I have a loved one who has done similar things in the past.

The prayers that have been sent your way are still very meaningful and I hope they can continue to help you and your family.

Your sister has a sickness that can be quite difficult to deal with, but know that God is there with you in the tough times that are on the road ahead.

It is true that my sister has a sickness, but then so does my mother. I have long believed that my mother was not just depressed but also bipolar, and that she is also a pathological liar, like my sister. Of course, she denies any of it. The thing that hurts the worst is that once my mom realized she had been manipulated and lied to, she turned right around and did the same thing to me. I am so tired. It takes enormous effort, physically and emotionally to deal with my family members, most of whom tend toward sociopathic behaviors, and after it is all said and done, I still get blamed and exiled. Whatever I do isn’t ever enough for these people, and putting my foot down about respecting my boundaries means that I am the horrible person. I need counseling just to learn how to deal with them and cope with their junk without getting dragged down into it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your kind words.

Apparently, this was all just some game my sister was playing. I just found out, after forcing my mom to tell me the truth, that my sister never attempted suicide. Despite my mother being upset about the lies, manipulation, and complete lack of empathy, rather than honestly admit to me the truth of what my sister has done, my mother decided to withhold the truth from me so that my mom could enjoy some child-free time with my sister and her boyfriend, and then come back and stay with me indefinitely, and then go visit my brother in AL (who was going to care for my niece then, I wonder?) and maybe someday get around to packing up and heading back to IN and to her husband, whom she has fantasies of leaving, because her being legally married to him is the only thing preventing her from entering the Catholic Church at this time.

I’ve been had. I’ve been lied to and used and manipulated. My niece is a victim here, too, as are my children. Especially my son, who adores his nana and gave up his bed and room for his cousin. I told my mom that she needed to quit this, come back and pick up my niece and head home. She is not welcome to stay.

I don’t know whether my mother is that mentally ill and emotionally unstable, or if she, like my sister, is just that big of a liar. Such a huge liar that she believes her own lies…

I am sorry to everyone who has sacrificed their prayers and their time spent here helping me through what turns out to be a joke, a sick, cruel joke.

Did I mention there was no suicide attempt? Not one cut or a single bandage on my sister’s body anywhere. I cannot believe that my mother intended to withhold this information from me so she could “make the most” of her trip.

Wow. I guess I am not surprised, when you said your mom is probably bipolar too. The whole thing was a sham, and you were used. Have you read the book, Boundaries? For you, with so much mental illness in your family, it is essential that you do set boundaries and maintain them.

What a shame for your niece. I hope she doesn’t grow up to do the same to people who love her.

I will still pray for you, prayers are never wasted.

 

[maltmom]

That’s horrible. I can’t imagine how you must feel. Your poor niece. My heart breaks for her b/c she’s stuck in this situation. The boundary I’d want to set up is the Great Wall of China.

I’m still praying for your family.