T
thomasf
Guest
My sister, who is 50 years old and divorced, has dated a man for about 2 years now. First off, yes she’s catholic. Yes she’s divorced, and yes she has had her first marriage declared null by the church. So she is free to date. And yes, the man she is dating is catholic (widowed)
Last fall she found out that the whole time she has dated this guy, he’s been dating other women as well. Sometimes on the same night that they go out, he will go out with these other women as well, after their date is over.
So for several months I got to hear about her struggles with this guy and what she should do about him, and getting him to own up to it, etc etc etc. Which to me seemed stupid, if he’s cheating on her she should just dump him, imo. Finally after Christmas they broke up. And after that I got to hear about how horrible he is, and how she spoke to his family and they all agreed that he was horrible for doing this. And how all her friends think he’s just horrible for doing that. And how humiliated and embarrassed she is because apparently everyone knew about it, while she didn’t.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. Suddenly she is calling less often, and not crying about this guy. It comes out that they are dating again. I asked her if she was crazy and why she would do that. She claims he ‘made a mistake’ and that he has promised to change. Asked me what I thought, I told her she was stupid for dating him again. She didn’t like that, but what am I supposed to think after she spent 2 months running him down and berating him?
So now, she wants to come visit us in Michigan either this summer or fall and stay with us (me and my wife). And she intends to bring this guy because he wants to meet everyone. She did not ask if she could bring him, just informed us he was coming. However my wife and I don’t want anything to do with that. How are we supposed to overlook the 2 months of bad talking she did about him, not to mention the who idea that this guy was cheating on her by dating these other women, and making a fool out of her. I’ve never met him, but I don’t like this guy for what he has done. And I really don’t want him in my house for the visit.
I’ve managed to put off her visit for now, her dates didn’t line up with our availability. So I’m hoping by the time the visit actually comes around they’ll be broken up. But my wife intends to tell her, if not, that he’s not welcome here.
To add to the story, if they do come, I’m not sure where I’d put them both. We frankly don’t have room to host them in our house together, somebody will be sleeping on a floor somewhere. They definitely would not be staying together in a room, let a lone a bed. Not that they asked. I have no idea how far the relationship has gone, and I don’t want to know.
I’m not sure what she’s doing with the guy, but I suspect she’s a bit desperate. And I think she’s too close to the situation to make good decisions. She’s a bit touchy about the whole thing, so I suspect her other friends are telling her the same things I did. And her kids definitely don’t like him now.
I’m not sure what to think about the situation. She spent so much time bad talking him and telling us all about how horrible he is. What am I supposed to think/feel? She told me that if I was in the same situation it wouldn’t be so easy to make my comments and that everyone can make mistakes. But I wouldn’t expect my friends/family to be welcoming of my wife had she misled me like that for so long and we reconciled. IMO she shouldn’t be going out with the guy, and she definitely shouldn’t expect us to welcome him in like nothing happened and she didn’t bad talk him for so long.
Ugh.
Last fall she found out that the whole time she has dated this guy, he’s been dating other women as well. Sometimes on the same night that they go out, he will go out with these other women as well, after their date is over.
So for several months I got to hear about her struggles with this guy and what she should do about him, and getting him to own up to it, etc etc etc. Which to me seemed stupid, if he’s cheating on her she should just dump him, imo. Finally after Christmas they broke up. And after that I got to hear about how horrible he is, and how she spoke to his family and they all agreed that he was horrible for doing this. And how all her friends think he’s just horrible for doing that. And how humiliated and embarrassed she is because apparently everyone knew about it, while she didn’t.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. Suddenly she is calling less often, and not crying about this guy. It comes out that they are dating again. I asked her if she was crazy and why she would do that. She claims he ‘made a mistake’ and that he has promised to change. Asked me what I thought, I told her she was stupid for dating him again. She didn’t like that, but what am I supposed to think after she spent 2 months running him down and berating him?
So now, she wants to come visit us in Michigan either this summer or fall and stay with us (me and my wife). And she intends to bring this guy because he wants to meet everyone. She did not ask if she could bring him, just informed us he was coming. However my wife and I don’t want anything to do with that. How are we supposed to overlook the 2 months of bad talking she did about him, not to mention the who idea that this guy was cheating on her by dating these other women, and making a fool out of her. I’ve never met him, but I don’t like this guy for what he has done. And I really don’t want him in my house for the visit.
I’ve managed to put off her visit for now, her dates didn’t line up with our availability. So I’m hoping by the time the visit actually comes around they’ll be broken up. But my wife intends to tell her, if not, that he’s not welcome here.
To add to the story, if they do come, I’m not sure where I’d put them both. We frankly don’t have room to host them in our house together, somebody will be sleeping on a floor somewhere. They definitely would not be staying together in a room, let a lone a bed. Not that they asked. I have no idea how far the relationship has gone, and I don’t want to know.
I’m not sure what she’s doing with the guy, but I suspect she’s a bit desperate. And I think she’s too close to the situation to make good decisions. She’s a bit touchy about the whole thing, so I suspect her other friends are telling her the same things I did. And her kids definitely don’t like him now.
I’m not sure what to think about the situation. She spent so much time bad talking him and telling us all about how horrible he is. What am I supposed to think/feel? She told me that if I was in the same situation it wouldn’t be so easy to make my comments and that everyone can make mistakes. But I wouldn’t expect my friends/family to be welcoming of my wife had she misled me like that for so long and we reconciled. IMO she shouldn’t be going out with the guy, and she definitely shouldn’t expect us to welcome him in like nothing happened and she didn’t bad talk him for so long.
Ugh.