My son does not want to be Confirmed

[mtnutt]

My oldest son, who will be 17 next week, has announced to my wife and I that he does not want to be Confirmed. He is a junior in high school and this is the time when our parish does Confirmations. The CCD classes for his age group are geared toward Confirmation; there is a retreat and other things to prepare for Confirmation. He tells us he has questions (concerns) about what we believe and would like to find out more about other religions. In fact, this past Sunday, he did not receive Communion and when I asked him why, he said “If I am not Catholic I can’t receive and I’m not Catholic”. I informed him that since he was baptized Catholic, has had his First Reconciliation and First Holy Communion; he was in fact Catholic, even if he did not proceed with Confirmation. He is obviously being influenced by his girlfriend, who is Disciple of Christ, and most likely by the fact that I only came into the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil this year. He has told us that he and his girlfriend plan to marry as soon as he graduates from high school next year (she will graduated early this year) and that he intends to move to Colorado (where she will be going to college) as soon as he turns 18, even though he will still have a year of high school left.

We tried explaining to him how hard it is to support a family and go to school at the same time, I went through it 15 years ago when I got out of the Army, I worked 3 jobs and went to school and literally never saw my wife and kids. He seemed to receive that but is still talking about moving out when he turns 18. We have explained about out of state tuition and other problems, but he is pretty set on going.

My wife is pretty upset about his statement that he won’t be Confirmed and feels that she has failed in raising him as a Catholic. I feel that it is more a result of my refusal to become Catholic for so many years, in fact he has stated that it is ok for him to convert to something else since I converted. I have been talking to him about his concerns, finding out what they are and trying to explain the Catholic beliefs and he seems to be listening, but he is still going his own way. I realize that his response is probably typical teenager “My parents don’t know anything” stuff but we are concerned. He says we can’t make him get Confirmed, which we agreed was true, but I informed him that I could, and would, make him go to the classes. I tried to explain to him that by going to the classes, he can get Confirmed if he changes his mind. I also tried to tell that he should seriously consider getting Confirmed if he does not have definite plans to convert, to save himself from having to go through the process later.

I am coming to you good people with three requests: First and foremost, I ask for your prayers for Wisdom for me, my wife and our son and that he make the right decision. Secondly, if anybody has gone through this with their kids and can offer advice for getting through to him, it will be gratefully received. And lastly, does anyone know what the Disciples of Christ believe as compared to the Catholic Church? All I have found out on the internet is that they believe in Christ as our savior and have weekly communion open to anyone who shares that believe, regardless of denomination. Do they believe in the real presence? Are they Trinitarian (Father, Son, Holy Spirit)? I know they don’t have apostolic succession; in fact it seems that much of their service is performed by lay elders.

By the way, his older sister (our oldest) was Confirmed and is very active with the Church. She teaches CCD and sings with the choir, so I think my wife and I have done pretty well. In fact our son who is 2 years younger than this one told my wife last night that he is definitely Catholic and will be getting Confirmed when it is time.

Sorry for the length of the post and thanks in advance for the prayers and advice.

 

[stbruno]

Ask your son if he wants to be a godfather someday for his best friend or sister’s future children. More than likely his response will be “yes.” Well, tell him since he will not able to accept that invitation…in fact, he has to say “no,” because only confirmed Catholics who represent the church and hopefully will one day lead their godchild to know the truth about Jesus and the church, can become someone’s godparent. What a loss that would be for him…not to have that same relationship with a potential godchild, all because he rejected the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Ask him if ever thinks these virtures will be necessary in his life?
Wisdom, counsel, understanding, reverence, courage or awe?
If he answers yes…then tell him these wonderful gifts are given to him, no guaranteed to him by the Holy Spirit. They do not have to be bought…nor caught…nor borrowed…they will be his, just for accepting the gifts of Confirmation.

All we can do as parents is to plant seeds of faith in our children…and hopefully some will land on fertile soil and will be nutured and grow. If your son has had a good experience with his own godparents, ask his godparents to pray for your son as well…include them in this discussion if they are open to it, and have been active in your son’s life. Some kids are lucky enough to have wonderful godparents in their life. That’s why the selection of godparents for our children is so important.

Pray on it…and when you have your next discussion with your son…send up a silent prayer to the HolySpirit to fill you with the right words. Incorporate your daughter and whomever you can to encourage your son’s decision to receive Confirmation. And if he still declines, then keep praying like St.Monica…and hopefully that little niggling will become a open flame wanting to receive the gift of Confirmation. You will be in my prayers.

 

[Island_Oak]

Faith and its practice are ALWAYS a matter of the exercise of free will for adults. We can lead, guide and educate our children to the best of our ability, but eventually a time comes when they need to choose for themselves how they will govern their own spiritual life.

It sounds like you have provided a foundation for your son. However, if it took many years for you to come to your conversion, I’m somewhat surprised that his reluctance to become fully committed to Catholicism is a shock to you. Perhaps his girlfriend is influencing him, perhaps he has his own doubts. Whatever the cause, all you can do is encourage and be supportive of his efforts to become more educated both about Catholic tradition and any other faith to which he is drawn. Ultimately he must choose for himself. It is not a choice you can make for him or impose upon him.

The Catholic faith is not an easy road and is certainly not for everyone. Be patient. I think he is more likely to follow his family’s example in the end that that of a girlfriend, but ultimately it is his choice.

 

[duskyjewel]

I feel that it is more a result of my refusal to become Catholic for so many years, in fact he has stated that it is ok for him to convert to something else since I converted.

You hit the nail on the head here. Our RE director, while talking with us about supporting our children’s faith, gave us some statistics that prove that the religious status of the father is the strongest indicator of and influence upon the religious status of the children. Your son watched you for many years, and he learned from you. You may not now be able to undo what he learned.

He is basically an adult. He has to go on his own faith journey in his own time and at his own speed. Just like you did. You would have considered it disrespectful and even treacherous for someone to try and force you to convert before you were ready, right? Well, same goes for him. And if he does convert to another denomination, well, that is his right. Most Catholics do that in ignorance of the Catholic faith, but he still has the right to do it.

For a bit of hope though… he may come around in time, if he has some positive experience of Catholics and sees some people he really cares about practicing their faith and doing so genuinely and lovingly. I was confirmed at the age of 22, 8 months pregnant with my first child, thanks to the good influence of my husband.

 

[puzzleannie]

Under canon law, neither you, the DRE nor the pastor can “make” him be confirmed. However, you as parents of a minor under your roof can insist he participate in relgious education and the other youth activities offered by your parish, and that of course he attend Mass with you. Parents should not be giving their children the third degree at this age about whether or not they are going to confession or communion. That is a matter where he both canonically, and in wise parenting, deserves his privacy.

You might point out to him that it makes no sense to begin study of other religions until he has first studied his own from an adult perspective, as he is doing now in confirmation class. You might also make a point of finding out how questions are handle in the program when they arise–even arranging an interview with you, your teen, the catechist and pastor. Have done that for several families to help them through precisely this situation.

it also sounds like there are multiple issues going on with him and that confirmation is only one of them, or only the one that has come to the surface at this time (yeah, like that is rare). don’t confuse issues. When you are discussing moving out, college, dating, whatever the other issue is, stick to the issue at hand. When you are talking about confirmation, stick to that issue. don’t negotiate the “what” by offering trade offs (if you get confirmed you can have the car). Negotiate the how, not the what.

 

[mtnutt]

Thanks for all the advice and comments.

It sounds like you have provided a foundation for your son. However, if it took many years for you to come to your conversion, I’m somewhat surprised that his reluctance to become fully committed to Catholicism is a shock to you. Perhaps his girlfriend is influencing him, perhaps he has his own doubts. Whatever the cause, all you can do is encourage and be supportive of his efforts to become more educated both about Catholic tradition and any other faith to which he is drawn. Ultimately he must choose for himself. It is not a choice you can make for him or impose upon him.

I would not say that I am shocked that he is questioning his faith, more concerned, especially since it appears that he is leaning towards joining his girlfriend in the Disciples of Christ, and I don’t have a clue what they believe.
duskyjewel;4158675:

He is basically an adult. He has to go on his own faith journey in his own time and at his own speed. Just like you did. You would have considered it disrespectful and even treacherous for someone to try and force you to convert before you were ready, right? Well, same goes for him. And if he does convert to another denomination, well, that is his right. Most Catholics do that in ignorance of the Catholic faith, but he still has the right to do it.

For a bit of hope though… he may come around in time, if he has some positive experience of Catholics and sees some people he really cares about practicing their faith and doing so genuinely and lovingly. I was confirmed at the age of 22, 8 months pregnant with my first child, thanks to the good influence of my husband.

I understand what you are saying, and I am not intending to force him to do anything beyond attending classes, which as puzzleannie says below, is within my right as a parent. I am trying to keep the dialogue open to help him make an informed decision. And thanks for the hope.

Under canon law, neither you, the DRE nor the pastor can “make” him be confirmed. However, you as parents of a minor under your roof can insist he participate in relgious education and the other youth activities offered by your parish, and that of course he attend Mass with you. Parents should not be giving their children the third degree at this age about whether or not they are going to confession or communion. That is a matter where he both canonically, and in wise parenting, deserves his privacy.

You might point out to him that it makes no sense to begin study of other religions until he has first studied his own from an adult perspective, as he is doing now in confirmation class. You might also make a point of finding out how questions are handle in the program when they arise–even arranging an interview with you, your teen, the catechist and pastor. Have done that for several families to help them through precisely this situation.

it also sounds like there are multiple issues going on with him and that confirmation is only one of them, or only the one that has come to the surface at this time (yeah, like that is rare). don’t confuse issues. When you are discussing moving out, college, dating, whatever the other issue is, stick to the issue at hand. When you are talking about confirmation, stick to that issue. don’t negotiate the “what” by offering trade offs (if you get confirmed you can have the car). Negotiate the how, not the what.

Again, I don’t intend to force him to be Confirmed, but I will insist he attend all the religious ed functions so he is informed. I don’t think I was giving him the third degree about the Communion, I just inquired. I do understand what you are saying though, and I appreciate it.

I think all of the issues propogate from his belief that he is in love and has found his soulmate. The leaving home, going to school in Colorado and even leaving the church are all more about being with his girlfriend than anything else I think. We have tried to explain to him that while this may in fact be a relationship that lasts forever, it may not be. But again, as is typical, the 17 year old thinks his parents don’t know what they are talking about. I was amazed at how smart my own father became when I turned 25 myself. My son really is a pretty level headed kid, I thank GOD that he is not into drugs and he says (and I believe) that he and his girlfriend are waiting for marriage, but some of the “In one year I’m out of here” comments are causing concern.

Again, thanks for all the advice. We are praying and my wife talked to our Pastor and he is praying for him as well.

 

[SeekerJen]

You hit the nail on the head here. Our RE director, while talking with us about supporting our children’s faith, gave us some statistics that prove that the religious status of the father is the strongest indicator of and influence upon the religious status of the children. Your son watched you for many years, and he learned from you. You may not now be able to undo what he learned.

He is basically an adult. He has to go on his own faith journey in his own time and at his own speed. Just like you did. You would have considered it disrespectful and even treacherous for someone to try and force you to convert before you were ready, right? Well, same goes for him. And if he does convert to another denomination, well, that is his right. Most Catholics do that in ignorance of the Catholic faith, but he still has the right to do it.

For a bit of hope though… he may come around in time, if he has some positive experience of Catholics and sees some people he really cares about practicing their faith and doing so genuinely and lovingly. I was confirmed at the age of 22, 8 months pregnant with my first child, thanks to the good influence of my husband.

Excellent post.

I refused confirmation at age 13, after being prepared with the rest of the 8th graders in my Catholic school. The school officials threw a fit, but fortunately for me my parents were supportive and did not force the sacrament. In my public high school I met up with a group of devout Catholic kids who encouraged me to attend adult confirmation prep classes at a different local parish. I was confirmed at 17, entirely my choice, and am still a member of the parish where I did my adult prep class.

If my parents had forced the sacrament, I do not expect that I would still be Catholic today, based on the examples of classmates whose parents DID force the sacrament. Can a forced sacrament even be considered valid?

 

[newbetx]

I wanted you to know that you are not alone. My 14 yr old son has told us the same thing. His class’ confirmation is in 2 years. My plan is to discuss various apolgetic themes based on “today’s headlines” and other things that crop up. I know DW will have a difficult time if chooses not to get confirmed but I think I have to support that probable situation. He doesn’t like RE, altar serving, etc. He goes anyway. But he has a great time on retreats and service projects. Go figure. We’ll see what happens.

I agree with the responses so far. I’m sure its the perfume that’s getting him. Once that fog clears, perspective will change. I’m sure my son is influenced by his friends more than by his parents at this age but sometimes he surprises us. It’s a struggle we all go through in one way or another.

Peace to you!

 

[Phemie]

Our youngest made the same the same statement at the age of 15 and I was less than thrilled. Like you, I said “Fine, but you still have to attend the classes.” At the end he decided to receive the sacrament – not too excited at the prospect, mind you, but rather in a “Well, now that I’ve put the effort into going to the sessions I might as well go through with it” sentiment. The gifts of the Holy Spirit were showered on him and that made me very happy.

 

[joandarc2008]

One thing that may bring your son closer to you and open up your communication with him a little better is maybe offering to attend some services with him and his girlfriend in order to gain an understanding for what it is he believes. Of course this would be in addition to the masses that you and he attend. Maybe as this year goes on the dg may find the desire in her heart to reciprocate this gesture. I did go through RCIA at the age of 28 into 29 and most of us adults agreed after our confirmation. It meant more to us as adults that chose to go through it for our own reasons and our own beliefs and relationships with God than it would have meant when we were younger and not 100% sure. I am not sure that taking a sacrament just in case “he wants to do it later” to “save himself the process” is a good idea. It is the process that brings us closer to our Creator, Father, and Holy Spirit. God may be allowing him to have this confusion in order to give him the gift of that process. Consider it remedial spirituality class 101.

Also you really wouldn’t tell a couple to get married just in case they wanted to later so they wouldn’t have to go back through that whole Pre-CANA process would you. A sacrament like confirmation is a reaffirmation of our relationship with God. It also makes us priest, prophet, servant. How can he be a priest or a prophet of a religion that he has serious questions of belief on? How can he serve something he doesn’t believe in?

There is also another side of this whole thing. Your son is a 17 year old teenager. As another poster said there are many reasons for not taking communion which are a matter of his privacy. I know you had said in the above posts that he is level headed and saving himself but on the same token is there a possiblilty that there is some feeling of guilt that is blocking him from receiving the eucharist which he would feel more comfortable sharing with a priest or a deacon instead of his own father. He is only one year from leaving his home. The fourth commandment states that when we become adults and no longer live under the roof of our parents respect and seeking counsel are necessary but obedience is not. Could his “one more year…” statement be a hint that he feels you are holding on too tightly.

Good luck and God Bless.

PS- I have never been a parent but I watched what two overbearing in laws almost did to my df’s relationship with them.

 

[kentuckyliz]

Disciples of Christ aren’t bad. Slightly liberal but not wacko. Undemanding, comfortable. The nonfundamentalist branching off of the Churches of Christ after the Stone-Campbell movement. They wanted to get past denomination and ended up becoming a denomination and then several denominations.

It’s not like he wants to be a Mormon or a JW. He’ll still be a Christian.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I hear you and sympathize. I have a 15 year old daughter who is sure she’s met her soul mate. She barely got confirmed last year. I don’t know why all the bishops decided to postpone it. I was confirmed in the 7th grade. The kids really need the graces of the sacrament as they become adolescents. Don’t the bishops believe in the graces of the sacrament??

No advice, but to be sure you radiate peace in your religion so it will be something your son looks at when the inevitable happens. (Life always intervenes and isn’t quite how the teenagers think it will go.)

 

[juliamca]

As the mother of 3 daughter, none of them chose to be confirmed. 1 was confirmed as an adult when she wanted to be fully received into the church and marry a Catholic man.The other 2, one married a Jewish man,(who we love dearly), the other lives with her boyfriend.
You can not react to what a 17 year old is saying or doing. It changes all the time. The only thing you can do is pray. The reality of todays kids is most do not fallow this faith. It is to hard to be that deciplined. I am told that it has too many rules. To which I reply" just because you don’t like the rules does not mean they don’t apply".
You need to calm down and just let God guide this child. I pray everyday for my kids and let God do the rest. Let’s remember St. Monica, She prayed non stop and was rewarded in the end.

 

[Phemie]

As the mother of 3 daughter, none of them chose to be confirmed. 1 was confirmed as an adult when she wanted to be fully received into the church and marry a Catholic man.The other 2, one married a Jewish man,(who we love dearly), the other lives with her boyfriend.
You can not react to what a 17 year old is saying or doing. It changes all the time. The only thing you can do is pray. The reality of todays kids is most do not fallow this faith. It is to hard to be that deciplined. I am told that it has too many rules. To which I reply" just because you don’t like the rules does not mean they don’t apply".
You need to calm down and just let God guide this child. I pray everyday for my kids and let God do the rest. Let’s remember St. Monica, She prayed non stop and was rewarded in the end.

True enough. Our 3 were confirmed but all three lived with their significant others out of wedlock; oldest married outside the Church and youngest is preparing to do the same thing in a couple of months. I feel like a Catholic failure in that regard. “But Mom, religion & the Church mean nothing to me” is the usual response to anything I might say.

 

[KathyA]

I hope I can give you a little encouragement here. I have two teens, DD is 18 and DS is 16. Unlucky them…I am the volunteer youth minister/Confirmation teacher in our parish! So, I have the perspective of both sides of this. DD claimed she wanted to be Confirmed, but I didn’t see much growth during the preparation time. To me, it seemed like she was just going through the motions…checking off another thing she knew was expected. Another poster referred to the graces received in the Sacrament and I have to say that SOMETHING happened to her. She definitely received some grace. Is she the strong, faithful Catholic I hoped she would be? Not really…not yet. But, I do believe that we have planted some seeds that will bear fruit in the future. DS is set for Confirmation. Faith is important to him. He desires a life in the Navy and sees our faith as a perfect compliment to serving our country.

Last year, I had a meeting with parents and Confirmation class participants. One girl arrived with her mother and it was quite obvious that there had been a major argument on the way to the meeting. The girl was surly and defiant. Her mother was ticked and embarrassed. I thought, “great”. It took a couple of sessions, but she really came around and was truly a joy to have in class. Part of what helped her, I think, was that the other kids were very accepting. Also, we worked on apologetics…and the kids really found that interesting and useful since they are frequently challenged at school.

When you talk to your son, be sure to tell him that questions about his faith are okay. Perhaps God is calling him to a deeper understanding. What is important is that he really does look for those answers from the Catholic Church. Too many people just walk away from what they don’t understand, instead of honestly searching for the answers. With today’s abundance of resources, there is no excuse for not seeking answers.

I will keep you in prayer.

Kathy

 

[mtnutt]

Thanks everyone for all of the advice and concern. I knew I could count on the members of this forum for perspective and comforting comments.

Could his “one more year…” statement be a hint that he feels you are holding on too tightly.

I don’t think he feels we are holding on too tight, I think he is just afraid of being seperated from his girlfriend and losing her.

Disciples of Christ aren’t bad. Slightly liberal but not wacko. Undemanding, comfortable. The nonfundamentalist branching off of the Churches of Christ after the Stone-Campbell movement. They wanted to get past denomination and ended up becoming a denomination and then several denominations.

It’s not like he wants to be a Mormon or a JW. He’ll still be a Christian.

This is kind of what I gathered from a little research on the internet, mostly Wikipedia, which I don’t consider to be the best resource out there. They seem to have no set doctrine, in fact they are opposed to having a creed stating what they believe. My first (and admittedly uncharitable) thought was that it is easy to practice a religion which has no rules or demands.

Interestingly, their membership seems to be dwindling. I read three different references to the number of members, each from a different year (2003, 2005 and 2008 I think) and in the period covered by those years the membership went down by about 130,000. Their website indicates that they currently have about 700,000 members.

 

[mtnutt]

I hope I can give you a little encouragement here. I have two teens, DD is 18 and DS is 16. Unlucky them…I am the volunteer youth minister/Confirmation teacher in our parish! So, I have the perspective of both sides of this. DD claimed she wanted to be Confirmed, but I didn’t see much growth during the preparation time. To me, it seemed like she was just going through the motions…checking off another thing she knew was expected. Another poster referred to the graces received in the Sacrament and I have to say that SOMETHING happened to her. She definitely received some grace. Is she the strong, faithful Catholic I hoped she would be? Not really…not yet. But, I do believe that we have planted some seeds that will bear fruit in the future. DS is set for Confirmation. Faith is important to him. He desires a life in the Navy and sees our faith as a perfect compliment to serving our country.

Last year, I had a meeting with parents and Confirmation class participants. One girl arrived with her mother and it was quite obvious that there had been a major argument on the way to the meeting. The girl was surly and defiant. Her mother was ticked and embarrassed. I thought, “great”. It took a couple of sessions, but she really came around and was truly a joy to have in class. Part of what helped her, I think, was that the other kids were very accepting. Also, we worked on apologetics…and the kids really found that interesting and useful since they are frequently challenged at school.

When you talk to your son, be sure to tell him that questions about his faith are okay. Perhaps God is calling him to a deeper understanding. What is important is that he really does look for those answers from the Catholic Church. Too many people just walk away from what they don’t understand, instead of honestly searching for the answers. With today’s abundance of resources, there is no excuse for not seeking answers.

I will keep you in prayer.

Kathy

Thanks Kathy,

We talked to the religious ed director for his age group (we have 2 one for grade school kids and one for middle and high school) and she said basically the same thing, that maybe being involved with the group might bring him around.

 

[DJgang]

You definitely need to answer his questions and not let his girlfriend’s family (I would almost bet this is the situation) answer his questions about the Church.

Dana

 

[Salonika]

duskyjewel:

He is basically an adult. He has to go on his own faith journey in his own time and at his own speed. Just like you did. You would have considered it disrespectful and even treacherous for someone to try and force you to convert before you were ready, right? Well, same goes for him. And if he does convert to another denomination, well, that is his right. Most Catholics do that in ignorance of the Catholic faith, but he still has the right to do it.

Sad as this may be for you mtnutt, but I think duskyjewel has described the situation very well. Also think the best thing you can do is keep the channel of communication open.

KathyA:

When you talk to your son, be sure to tell him that questions about his faith are okay. Perhaps God is calling him to a deeper understanding.

Again a very apt comment and a way of keeping communication open. Mtnutt, if you do not discuss his questions with him someone else will. In fact, sounds from your post someone very likely is.

Also your son should be applauded for not just going along with the rest of his class and being confirmed when he has doubts. It requires courage to do this, especially when he will know the pain it is causing you. And mtntt, you should be applauded for respecting your his son’s choice.
st bruno:

Ask your son if he wants to be a godfather someday for his best friend or sister’s future children. More than likely his response will be “yes.” Well, tell him since he will not able to accept that invitation…in fact, he has to say “no,” because only confirmed Catholics who represent the church and hopefully will one day lead their godchild to know the truth about Jesus and the church, can become someone’s godparent. What a loss that would be for him…not to have that same relationship with a potential godchild, all because he rejected the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Don’t think this would be a good idea. It doesn’t deal with the current situation – his doubts - but something in the future. Also while I’m sure you don’t mean it as such – if used by his father he could take it as emotional blackmail.

He’ll probably being hearing a lot during confirmation classes of people who stood up for their faith, and if not, will have heard it in other contexts. He is likely to be confused or angry, if asked to do, what in his eyes is likely to be the opposite.

 

[KingAlfred]

My oldest son, who will be 17 next week, has announced to my wife and I that he does not want to be Confirmed. He is a junior in high school and this is the time when our parish does Confirmations. The CCD classes for his age group are geared toward Confirmation; there is a retreat and other things to prepare for Confirmation. He tells us he has questions (concerns) about what we believe and would like to find out more about other religions. In fact, this past Sunday, he did not receive Communion and when I asked him why, he said “If I am not Catholic I can’t receive and I’m not Catholic”. I informed him that since he was baptized Catholic, has had his First Reconciliation and First Holy Communion; he was in fact Catholic, even if he did not proceed with Confirmation. He is obviously being influenced by his girlfriend, who is Disciple of Christ, and most likely by the fact that I only came into the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil this year. He has told us that he and his girlfriend plan to marry as soon as he graduates from high school next year (she will graduated early this year) and that he intends to move to Colorado (where she will be going to college) as soon as he turns 18, even though he will still have a year of high school left.

We tried explaining to him how hard it is to support a family and go to school at the same time, I went through it 15 years ago when I got out of the Army, I worked 3 jobs and went to school and literally never saw my wife and kids. He seemed to receive that but is still talking about moving out when he turns 18. We have explained about out of state tuition and other problems, but he is pretty set on going.

My wife is pretty upset about his statement that he won’t be Confirmed and feels that she has failed in raising him as a Catholic. I feel that it is more a result of my refusal to become Catholic for so many years, in fact he has stated that it is ok for him to convert to something else since I converted. I have been talking to him about his concerns, finding out what they are and trying to explain the Catholic beliefs and he seems to be listening, but he is still going his own way. I realize that his response is probably typical teenager “My parents don’t know anything” stuff but we are concerned. He says we can’t make him get Confirmed, which we agreed was true, but I informed him that I could, and would, make him go to the classes. I tried to explain to him that by going to the classes, he can get Confirmed if he changes his mind. I also tried to tell that he should seriously consider getting Confirmed if he does not have definite plans to convert, to save himself from having to go through the process later.

I am coming to you good people with three requests: First and foremost, I ask for your prayers for Wisdom for me, my wife and our son and that he make the right decision. Secondly, if anybody has gone through this with their kids and can offer advice for getting through to him, it will be gratefully received. And lastly, does anyone know what the Disciples of Christ believe as compared to the Catholic Church? All I have found out on the internet is that they believe in Christ as our savior and have weekly communion open to anyone who shares that believe, regardless of denomination. Do they believe in the real presence? Are they Trinitarian (Father, Son, Holy Spirit)? I know they don’t have apostolic succession; in fact it seems that much of their service is performed by lay elders.

By the way, his older sister (our oldest) was Confirmed and is very active with the Church. She teaches CCD and sings with the choir, so I think my wife and I have done pretty well. In fact our son who is 2 years younger than this one told my wife last night that he is definitely Catholic and will be getting Confirmed when it is time.

Sorry for the length of the post and thanks in advance for the prayers and advice.

Sorry to hear this. Yes…it sounds as though his girlfriend is ‘calling the shots’ in his young life right now. I’d emphasize how young he is, and ill-equipped for marriage. I’d also try to undermine his girlfriend’s influence somehow. You’re actually fighting to save his life at this point. Good luck.