my son has left the Church and I need help

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I can’t seem to get any help off-line, so maybe someone here can advise me.
My son is graduating (Catholic) college. He just informed me last week that for the last two years, he has been studying to join another religion (Judaism)! We raised our children as traditional Catholics, my son was always very devout, as a teenager he had a special devotion to the Blessed Mother and St. Benedict, I just don’t understand any of this!!
At first I thought, maybe he met a Jewish girl or something, but he said that’s not it, that he does have a Jewish girlfriend but he met her in one of his classes while studying to become Jewish (she is going to be a convert to Judaism too!)
He said he “fell in love” with Judaism after reading some books about it in his Catholic middle school library (so this has been going on a lot longer than even the last two years!)
He said he kept it from me this long because he knew how I’d take it. But now he is going to be finalizing his conversion and he wants me to understand, and also to know that he won’t be able to eat my FOOD? anymore because he is joining the strictest sect of Jews that keeps strictly kosher?? He said he has been keeping strictly kosher for a year now (so, that’s why he has not come home for holidays, I get it now!)
I spoke to my parish priest who knows my son. He said, “He is an adult now and you have to let him find his path in life.” That’s IT??
I don’t know what to do. My son said Judaism “speaks” to needs and beliefs he has had. And he told me he has not believed in Our Lord for about 4 years now???

My name is Lynn and I would appreciate any advice, from anyone.
 
Apologist Patrick Madrid has a series called “Search and Rescue” regarding those who have departed. It is a book and free audio series.

In my own fallible opinion, it sounds from your story like the girl in his life has had influence on this. If he’s not hostile toward you, you’re a lot better off than a lot of people! Your call is to love. You never know how God will lead someone to greatness in the faith…look at Father Corapi’‘s life. Of course when you teach, teach with charity…and also remember, you can teach by example too, which is often received as less “imposing”. But that’s just my opinion. Keep on praying. I’d say check out Madrid’s stuff. And keep an ear to others’ advice here who may have gone through this too! God bless! :o
 
Hello, and thanks. No, the girl has not had any influence, he only met her recently in a conversion class, and this interest of his seems to go back a few years! I spoke to some of his friends from his former high school, and they said he was into it learning about Jewish back then (he met the girl since being in college.)
He’s been away from home since going away to college, so I have not had much exposure to see what else he is being into.
Father told me to let him find his own way, but what does that mean??
I went to Mass this morning and could not think about anything but this!! How is it that I did not see this happening?
 
Ok. I think what Father meant is to stay out of his way enough to let the Holy Spirit guide him. As I said, you can also provide necessary info. whenever he might have questions. I would check out the Madrid book as even the Archbishop of New York recommended this book to return someone to the faith. You could also ask Father what he meant to get it from the horse’s mouth. I will pray for you, and you of course should do the same…when you are puzzled as to what to do…ask God simply for that! God, what should I do! Help me have the courage to act when I should act, or the humility to be passive when you wish me to preach without words.
 
NYCath said:
I can’t seem to get any help off-line, so maybe someone here can advise me.
My son is graduating (Catholic) college. He just informed me last week that for the last two years, he has been studying to join another religion (Judaism)! We raised our children as traditional Catholics, my son was always very devout, as a teenager he had a special devotion to the Blessed Mother and St. Benedict, I just don’t understand any of this!!
At first I thought, maybe he met a Jewish girl or something, but he said that’s not it, that he does have a Jewish girlfriend but he met her in one of his classes while studying to become Jewish (she is going to be a convert to Judaism too!)
He said he “fell in love” with Judaism after reading some books about it in his Catholic middle school library (so this has been going on a lot longer than even the last two years!)
He said he kept it from me this long because he knew how I’d take it. But now he is going to be finalizing his conversion and he wants me to understand, and also to know that he won’t be able to eat my FOOD? anymore because he is joining the strictest sect of Jews that keeps strictly kosher?? He said he has been keeping strictly kosher for a year now (so, that’s why he has not come home for holidays, I get it now!)
I spoke to my parish priest who knows my son. He said, “He is an adult now and you have to let him find his path in life.” That’s IT??
I don’t know what to do. My son said Judaism “speaks” to needs and beliefs he has had. And he told me he has not believed in Our Lord for about 4 years now???

My name is Lynn and I would appreciate any advice, from anyone.
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Lynn I agree with your priest unfortunately. He’s an adult and obviously has been conflicted by this for a long time. So I would say a short term solution is not in the cards. Throwing books at him or articles will only put him on the defensive. I think the best thing you can do is be open minded to him. Serve kosher meals for him, be open minded to his views. Keep the relationship strong. I think if you engage him in conversation, over time you may be able to demonstrate why Jesus IS the Messiah. Also the Jews for Jesus deal with this all the time. Their site gives great info for countering traditional Jewish beliefs. The major one being a sacrifice for atonement of sin which cannot be completed without the Temple. Jesus was the final sacrifice and they explain this very well.

I met a Jew for Jesus who had an assignment of writing a term paper to disprove that Jesus wasn’t the Messiah. Guess what? He came to the opposite conclusion and became a Christian.

PEACE and GOD Bless you are in my prayers.
 
I can only imagine how hard this is.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change his mind. Your son is an adult and this is obviously not something he’s rushing into. He’s been thinking about it for a decade and has taken classes for two years.

Now perhaps is the time to think about your future relationship with your son and eventually with your daughter-in-law and grandchildren. You don’t like your priest’s advice about allowing him to find his own way, but what other choice do you have? If you pressure him to return to Catholicism you’ll only drive him away. I think you have to accept that this is where God is calling him and respect his decision.

Perhaps you could take the time to talk with an Orthodox rabbi and see about your son’s dietary needs so that he could join you for a meal. You may need to be creative since it’s not only the food itself that you’ll need to watch, but how it’s prepared. Sticking with non-meat dishes should be OK, but the food can’t be cooked in pots where meat and milk haven’t been separate. The dishes he uses at the table will also need to be kept separate, but perhaps disposable plates and silverware would work.

My brother married a Jewish woman and their sons were brought up Jewish. She wasn’t Orthodox so there wasn’t a problem with meals. However, one thing that was striking to me was a comment at my nephew’s bar mitzvah. Of course my parents attended and of course I attended. One woman came up to us afterward in tears. She was in a mixed marriage and her in-laws were completely opposed to the idea that their grandchildren were Jewish. She talked about how she wished her children could have had their grandparents at their bar and bat mitzvahs, but the grandparents wouldn’t come. Their was a lot of hurt on the part of the children, their parents, and I’m sure on the part of their grandparents as well.

This probably feels like your son is rejecting not only your faith but you as well. All I can suggest is to respect his decision and leave the lines of communication open. And pray for him.
 
I’m sorry and I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but I do not believe in these stories. You can easily be Jewish here for all I know as I cannot believe after attending a “Catholic college”, all he got out of it was no belief in Jesus Christ. I don’t buy it. Sorry.
 
You seem to have a problem. Have you asked him if he still believes that Jesus was the messiah? And if he still believes that Jesus was the son of god? The Jewish faith rejects Christ and his teachings and they do not see Jesus as anything special.

It could be that your son is going through a phase. Be patient.
 
NYCath said:
I can’t seem to get any help off-line, so maybe someone here can advise me.
My son is graduating (Catholic) college. He just informed me last week that for the last two years, he has been studying to join another religion (Judaism)! We raised our children as traditional Catholics, my son was always very devout, as a teenager he had a special devotion to the Blessed Mother and St. Benedict, I just don’t understand any of this!!
At first I thought, maybe he met a Jewish girl or something, but he said that’s not it, that he does have a Jewish girlfriend but he met her in one of his classes while studying to become Jewish (she is going to be a convert to Judaism too!)
He said he “fell in love” with Judaism after reading some books about it in his Catholic middle school library (so this has been going on a lot longer than even the last two years!)
He said he kept it from me this long because he knew how I’d take it. But now he is going to be finalizing his conversion and he wants me to understand, and also to know that he won’t be able to eat my FOOD? anymore because he is joining the strictest sect of Jews that keeps strictly kosher?? He said he has been keeping strictly kosher for a year now (so, that’s why he has not come home for holidays, I get it now!)
I spoke to my parish priest who knows my son. He said, “He is an adult now and you have to let him find his path in life.” That’s IT??
I don’t know what to do. My son said Judaism “speaks” to needs and beliefs he has had. And he told me he has not believed in Our Lord for about 4 years now???

My name is Lynn and I would appreciate any advice, from anyone.
Click to expand...
Hi Lynn. First off, I’m Jewish. Few things are harder on a family than when one of its members coverts to another religion. The only advice I would give you is to do whatever you can to make sure there is no irreparable harm to the relationship with your son.
From what you have posted, he’s obviously a person who keeps God in his thoughts. If it turns out he does so in a way that is different from yours, I hope that your family can find a way to stay close with minimal collateral damage.

One last thought. There’s no one more pious than a convert. Regarding the kosher issue, there are ways to work out one’s dietary needs with the family and keeping the peace should be a greater priority for him than keeping the cheese off the meat (as it were). My parents do not keep kosher, but they buy kosher food for when we visit and they have a separate grill that they put on to cook the meat.

If one is willing to meet his parents half way (and they should always be willing to do so, IMO), then there are workarounds for any problem.

Good luck. I can imagine how difficult this can be on the family and I hope you can workd things out.
 
Thank you to those who are trying to help, this is a very emotionally and spiritually hard time for me. And to that one person who accused me of being dishonest, you don’t know this situation!! Do you think I don’t share your upset, that he could end up like this after spending 12 years in Catholic school and 4 years in a Catholic university (Christendom College, of all places)?? My son was the one I had the most hope for, and your comment only makes my heart hurt worse!!
I will get the book another poster recommended, but please, this is so very hard for me, I need support not attacks!
 
OK, so he’s becoming Jewish. He is a grown-up and you can’t stop him if he chooses to do so. This is reality. Once you accept that fact, you can start to work on the rest.

How Jewish? Chadism? Or standard-issue Orthodox?

When? When is he getting ritually circumcised (and he has to be, at least a drop of blood if he is already circumcised)? When is he going through the mikvah?

You can pray and offer Masses and sacrifices on your son’s behalf. You can read Patrick Madrid’s work, also Rosalyn Moss and http://hebrewcatholic.org/.

In your prayers, remember those saints who used to be Jewish and converted. St. Teresa Benedicta was once the phenominologist Edith Stein. Even St. Paul used to be Jewish! Jesus was Jewish! St. Peter and all the apostles were Jewish! Mother Mary was Jewish! You have a lot of people in Heaven who understand your situation.

BTW- As a former Navy cook (my first job in the Navy), it is not that hard to kashrut a kitchen.
 
If I were not Christian, I would be Jewish. At the risk of offending any Jews or Catholics, he could have made a thousand worse choices. Jews have good values, worship God, and share 2/3 of the same scriptures we do. As a former atheist, I know a little bit about the worst case scenario…If my son, who is still an atheist, told me he was converting to Judaism, I would say “well thats a start”! Still my prayers are with you. Hang in there Mom and do not sever the lines of communication…not that you would
 
Cathdefender said:
I’m sorry and I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but I do not believe in these stories. You can easily be Jewish here for all I know as I cannot believe after attending a “Catholic college”, all he got out of it was no belief in Jesus Christ. I don’t buy it. Sorry.
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You do not believe that people go to religious colleges and change beliefs? What college did you go to? That is probably the rule, not exception.
If she is Jew, what is her purpose? She is also pretty versed in Catholicism, “Father said this” St. Benedict…Blessed Mother…
Come to think of it Cathdefender, how do we know you are not a Protestant trying to make Catholics look uninformed and conspiratorial?
 
NYCath said:
I can’t seem to get any help off-line, so maybe someone here can advise me.
My son is graduating (Catholic) college. He just informed me last week that for the last two years, he has been studying to join another religion (Judaism)! We raised our children as traditional Catholics, my son was always very devout, as a teenager he had a special devotion to the Blessed Mother and St. Benedict, I just don’t understand any of this!!
At first I thought, maybe he met a Jewish girl or something, but he said that’s not it, that he does have a Jewish girlfriend but he met her in one of his classes while studying to become Jewish (she is going to be a convert to Judaism too!)
He said he “fell in love” with Judaism after reading some books about it in his Catholic middle school library (so this has been going on a lot longer than even the last two years!)
He said he kept it from me this long because he knew how I’d take it. But now he is going to be finalizing his conversion and he wants me to understand, and also to know that he won’t be able to eat my FOOD? anymore because he is joining the strictest sect of Jews that keeps strictly kosher?? He said he has been keeping strictly kosher for a year now (so, that’s why he has not come home for holidays, I get it now!)
I spoke to my parish priest who knows my son. He said, “He is an adult now and you have to let him find his path in life.” That’s IT??
I don’t know what to do. My son said Judaism “speaks” to needs and beliefs he has had. And he told me he has not believed in Our Lord for about 4 years now???

My name is Lynn and I would appreciate any advice, from anyone.
Click to expand...
Dear sister in Jesus.

That is horrible… I feel really sorry for you.
Now you gotta look ahead.
I think you should get your hands on all kinds of material that is intent on talking to Jews about Jesus as truly being the Messiah… I know that especially the organisation JEWS for JESUS can give you material… (They are Evangelical Jesus-believing Jews but never mind about that now… its most important that you son comes back to the Lord Jesus)…
Then there is also the book by Roy Shoeman: “Salvation is from the Jews”. He is a Jewish Catholic…
and then there is a man called Dr. Michael Brown… you can hear him talk on www.youtube.com where he debates rabbis etc.
Yes… I think you should take the bull by the horns… you have raised your son to believe in the Lord Jesus, prayed with him and taught him the Bible for so many years… dont let him betray Jesus without you fighting it…
It seems there has perhaps been too much liberty in your boy’s life since he now decides to follow the strichtest form of Judaism… Have you been practicing Catholicism in all areas of life and prayed as a family?
I can really understand how sad you must be.
I met one woman who thus said she had been a Christian (though I doubt you can have a personal relationship with Jesus and then leave him afterwards)… and was on her way to Judaism… and I felt like she put a knife in me… even if I did not know her very well… Its my take still, that noone who has really met Jesus and had a personal relationship with Him could ever abandon Him.

Do your apologetic work and fight this evil…
 
Hi Grace, Yes, we have always been a devout Catholic family, my son is one of 7 children, and we have always practiced traditional Catholic devotions. Our family attends the Latin Mass, my son was vested with the Brown Scapular of Our Lady when he had his first Holy Communion. We always said the Rosary every night as a family, I think you have the wrong idea, we’re not one of those families that only attends Mass at Christmas and Easter, it’s not anything like that! Why do you think we sent him to Christendom??
I ordered the book someone here advised, I hope it gives me some ideas.
I have to go for now, I’ll keep everyone posted as I find out more.
 
NYCath said:
Hi Grace, Yes, we have always been a devout Catholic family, my son is one of 7 children, and we have always practiced traditional Catholic devotions. Our family attends the Latin Mass, my son was vested with the Brown Scapular of Our Lady when he had his first Holy Communion. We always said the Rosary every night as a family, I think you have the wrong idea, we’re not one of those families that only attends Mass at Christmas and Easter, it’s not anything like that! Why do you think we sent him to Christendom??
I ordered the book someone here advised, I hope it gives me some ideas.
I have to go for now, I’ll keep everyone posted as I find out more.
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I dont mean to stresss you at all… but family devotion does not do it. My mom taught me and my sisters to pray and read Bible stories to us and took us to church but my sister still turned out an atheist because Jesus was never talked about as a real present person in our family… since He was not talked about and personal prayer was not practiced within the family my parents had no idea about my faith or lack thereof… I had a conversion experience at 20 years old where Christ really made Himself known to me… I firmly hold that personal conversion to Christ in the life of a young Christian is very important.
I don’t know anything about you nor your family… but why did he go to Christendom if he was already interested in Judaism?
that puzzles me.
You owe no one an answer here… to be sure… And I understand your frustration.
And yes… do keep us updated.
I think you should get a hold of this book: “Answering Jewish Objections to Jesus” by Dr. Michael Brown
 
As others have already said, your priest is right. You are dealing with an adult who is trying to make his own decisions about life. Be thankful that he has begun to enquire into the roots of Christian belief. In order to be a really good Christian, one must learn how to be a good Jew. If Jesus insists that we exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, He assumes that we understand the basis of their righteousness.

Sociologists have studied the spiritual growth of young people and have found that although many depart from the faith of their parents, they most often return with greater fervor and devotion as they reach their thirty’s. Don’t try to change him back. If he comes back, it will be by his own decision.

Kosher is not so bad. Try to find a Jewish book store and ask the staff to help you purchase a mezzuzah, or a yarmulke and tallith (prayer shawl). He should have something from his parents which indicates their acknowledgment of his spiritual journey. Mazel tov.

Matthew
 
NYCath said:
I can’t seem to get any help off-line, so maybe someone here can advise me.
My son is graduating (Catholic) college. He just informed me last week that for the last two years, he has been studying to join another religion (Judaism)! We raised our children as traditional Catholics, my son was always very devout, as a teenager he had a special devotion to the Blessed Mother and St. Benedict, I just don’t understand any of this!!
At first I thought, maybe he met a Jewish girl or something, but he said that’s not it, that he does have a Jewish girlfriend but he met her in one of his classes while studying to become Jewish (she is going to be a convert to Judaism too!)
He said he “fell in love” with Judaism after reading some books about it in his Catholic middle school library (so this has been going on a lot longer than even the last two years!)
He said he kept it from me this long because he knew how I’d take it. But now he is going to be finalizing his conversion and he wants me to understand, and also to know that he won’t be able to eat my FOOD? anymore because he is joining the strictest sect of Jews that keeps strictly kosher?? He said he has been keeping strictly kosher for a year now (so, that’s why he has not come home for holidays, I get it now!)
I spoke to my parish priest who knows my son. He said, “He is an adult now and you have to let him find his path in life.” That’s IT??
I don’t know what to do. My son said Judaism “speaks” to needs and beliefs he has had. And he told me he has not believed in Our Lord for about 4 years now???

My name is Lynn and I would appreciate any advice, from anyone.
Click to expand...
I’m afraid I might not be much help here.
First of all DO NOT try to get in his way.
Be accepting, even if you cannot be suportive.
Promise him that he will always be in your prayers.
On the food/holiday issue, offer to make whatever arrangements you can so he can come and see his family. Not only will this keep him close, it will provide an educational oportunity for all of you on kosher.
Always be willing to listen to and talk with your son about his walk in faith.

Finally, you might try looking for some materials by Rosalind Moss who is a convert from Jewish to Catholicism. I’ve seen her several times on EWTN and she is a remarkable individual. I believe her brother is also a convert. She is an excellant apologist.
I recommend her as much for you as for your son. Reading her stuff might help you better understand his journey.

Peace
James
 
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