My son says that he doesn't believe in God...but

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At_His_Feet_1

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It’s a bit discerning to hear that people don’t beleive in our Lord; more so when it’s a family member…I think.

There are so many reasons/excuses as to why people have lost their faith, and/or don’t have one in the first place.

But my story isn’t a sad one…not really.

My son has stated that he doesn’t believe in God, but within the last few months or so, he has been attending morning Mass with me.

I’m trying to figure out why.

Many of you are probably thinking, “Perhaps our Lord is calling out to him?” That very well may be the case, but I can’t help thinking that it might have to do with me offering to buy him a coffee after Mass…‘carrot on the stick’.

He already has money. No problem there, and he’s not miserly with it either. I’ve taught him to share things such as his ‘time with others’ and ‘helping those in need’. He manages his time quite well between studies and work, and I’m very proud of him 🙂

We do things together occasionally, but the question remains: “For what reason is he attending Mass with me?”

Just to share time with his mum?
Is God calling him?
Both?

I know he listens to our priest’s sermans and when I asked him a few questions about it, he pretty much regurgitated the whole serman back to me. Wow!

(here’s where I need your advice)

How can I keep my son interested in our Catholic faith without pushing him away. I don’t want to ‘come on strong’, but I think that ‘little by little’ might work. I certainly don’t want to offer ‘coffee time’ after Mass as an ahem reward either.
 
Is he a baptized Catholic? Has he had all of his sacraments? That’s a baseline for my responses.
 
At_His_Feet said:
Yes.
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OK, well, when did he stop going to Mass?

As far as your question, who cares why he’s going to Mass with you? He’s going and he’s absorbing at least the homily (we don’t call it a “sermon”). However if he’s receiving communion he’s probably doing so without having confessed his sins, so pray for him about that. Don’t tell him he shouldn’t go up for communion. If he’s not going up for communion then he is acquiescing to God’s intentions through the Church and that is very encouraging.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
OK, well, when did he stop going to Mass?
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Many years.
As far as your question, who cares why he’s going to Mass with you? He’s going and he’s absorbing at least the homily (we don’t call it a “sermon”).
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Well…I care. And YES I’m more than happy that he’s ‘absorbing the homilies’.
However if he’s receiving communion he’s probably doing so without having confessed his sins, so pray for him about that. Don’t tell him he shouldn’t go up for communion.
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He isn’t receiving Communion at the moment, and I’m encouraging him to seek Confession first.
If he’s not going up for communion then he is acquiescing to God’s intentions through the Church and that is very encouraging.
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Encouraging indeed!

Therefore, my previous question:

“How can I keep my son interested in our Catholic faith without pushing him away. I don’t want to ‘come on strong’, but I think that ‘little by little’ might work. I certainly don’t want to offer ‘coffee time’ after Mass as an ahem reward either”

Thankyou TheRealJuliane for your responses.
 
It sounds to me as if you’re doing everything right. He’s attending Mass (more than my adult kids do) and he is listening to the homilies. If he is thinking about what he hears, he may be further along the path than you think.

A cautionary tale: An old friend of mine, while away from the Church, married an athiest. After her return to the Church she nagged and preached to him for years about joining the Church. He would come to Mass for special days, but seemed content as an athiest.

Then she was inspired to shut up. She stopped nagging, she stopped preaching, she mentioned spiritual things only if they came up naturally in conversation.

About a year later he was in RCIA and is now a staunch Catholic. 😃
 
At_His_Feet said:
Many years.

Well…I care. And YES I’m more than happy that he’s ‘absorbing the homilies’.

He isn’t receiving Communion at the moment, and I’m encouraging him to seek Confession first.

Encouraging indeed!

Therefore, my previous question:

“How can I keep my son interested in our Catholic faith without pushing him away. I don’t want to ‘come on strong’, but I think that ‘little by little’ might work. I certainly don’t want to offer ‘coffee time’ after Mass as an ahem reward either”

Thankyou TheRealJuliane for your responses.
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Praise God for His grace! 🙂 The Holy Spirit is leading your son to come home. I meant no disrespect in saying “who cares why?” I only meant that in the end, it matters that he is there, with you in church. Let God handle the why. Take him to coffee and let the Holy Spirit do the heavy lifting! Celebrate small progress and it’s OK for fallen-away loved ones to connect going to Mass with a nice time afterward! What would you do instead?

Does he still live with you? You can give him a green scapular if he’d be open to wearing it, or you can have it blessed and then hide it in his belongings. You then pray for him every day. Of course the prayer and the Holy Spirit are doing the most but the scapular is a prayer aid.

I think one of the few things I did right when our son was away from the Church is not to take his declaration “I am an agnostic” seriously. He said this on the way to school one day, and I just smiled, laughed lightly, and said, “No, you’re a Catholic, you can’t be anything else, except a Catholic not attending Mass. You’ve been baptized and that can’t be taken back.” He didn’t come to Mass for a long time, but he never again mentioned being an agnostic (it was his GF who influenced him to say that). It was a “trial balloon” and I shot it down. 😃
 
TheRealJuliane said:
As far as your question, who cares why he’s going to Mass with you? He’s going and he’s absorbing at least the homily (we don’t call it a “sermon”). However if he’s receiving communion he’s probably doing so without having confessed his sins, so pray for him about that. Don’t tell him he shouldn’t go up for communion. If he’s not going up for communion then he is acquiescing to God’s intentions through the Church and that is very encouraging.
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I would actually take this one step further and talk to him about the importance of receiving the holy Eucharist only while in the state of grace. I’m not saying that the OP should outright accuse her son of being in a state of mortal sin, but faithful Catholics have a duty to protect the souls of those in our care and many parishes no longer emphasize the real presence during mass. As a result, it is easy for new (and returning) Catholics to be unaware of the tremendous spiritual danger that Eucharistic sacrilege can pose to a person’s soul.
 
MidnightSun12 said:
I would actually take this one step further and talk to him about the importance of receiving the holy Eucharist only while in the state of grace. I’m not saying that the OP should outright accuse her son of being in a state of mortal sin, but faithful Catholics have a duty to protect the souls of those in our care and many parishes no longer emphasize the real presence during mass. As a result, it is easy for new (and returning) Catholics to be unaware of the tremendous spiritual danger that Eucharistic sacrilege can pose to a person’s soul.
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Well the OP said that her son is NOT taking communion right now, so that is a good thing. My son DID take communion for quite a long time, and I knew that he was in mortal sin so I greatly feared for his life and his soul. But then I realized that the Holy Spirit knows better than I do and that perhaps that grace was saving him, not harming him. He did come back and now he goes to confession regularly.
 
He might be open to attending a conference or retreat being run in your area by one of the youth outreach programmes, like Youth 2000 or World Youth Day / Joshua Camp etc. If there are any good, well respected programs in your area which are faithful to the church (rather than hyper emotional and “protestantised”) you might make sure he finds the information, or gets an invitation.
 
At_His_Feet said:
I certainly don’t want to offer ‘coffee time’ after Mass as an ahem reward either.
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Why NOT?? lol If a cup of coffee would have gotten my family to Mass, I would have done it. I wish that was all it would have taken.

We can’t always know the ‘whys’ of a human heart because it’s not ours to know sometimes. Try to put him in God’s hands and not stress about it. Easier said than done I know. Just appreciate that time, and have joy. Smile lots, hugs lots. When you’re over thinking it, smiles and hugs suffer. Joy. Peace. Trust.
 
PennyinCanada said:
Why NOT?? lol If a cup of coffee would have gotten my family to Mass, I would have done it. I wish that was all it would have taken.
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I would have offered to take my adult children out to coffee anyway…whether they wanted to or not (or hot chocolate, I don’t drink coffee) and used the sit down time as a conversation starter.

You could talk about anything…school, interests, hobbies, work and maybe talk about God if he is interested.
 
At_His_Feet said:
We do things together occasionally, but the question remains: “For what reason is he attending Mass with me?”

Just to share time with his mum?
Is God calling him?
Both?
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There’s a compelling, social aspect to religion sometimes dismissed here as “cafeteria” observance. Many non-Catholics value traditional liturgies for artistic, communal, or philosophical reasons. I know a convinced atheist (ex-Anglican) who visits evensong because he likes the parish and the chants. He even thinks modern trends corrupted choral music!

My point is, we can only speculate about your son’s reasons, and I don’t think anyone can know, with full certainty, that God is directly involved in his return. But even if he avoided Mass for years, chances are that experience is still ingrained in him, and it’s drawing him back.
At_His_Feet said:
How can I keep my son interested in our Catholic faith without pushing him away. I don’t want to ‘come on strong’, but I think that ‘little by little’ might work. I certainly don’t want to offer ‘coffee time’ after Mass as an ahem reward either.
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While I don’t condone bribery 😃 it might not be a bad idea to invite him to community events outside Mass, including coffee time with the priest and parishoners. If he has musical talent, encourage him to contribute his services to the parish. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t, but it’s worth a try.
 
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