My Son told me he is Gay

[TheRealJuliane]

I wonder how the OP is doing, and I hope he will come back and update his thread.

 

[Petersmate]

I wonder how the OP is doing, and I hope he will come back and update his thread.

I’m here and following the thread. I’m going along carefully at the moment tenderfooted you could say. My son is a very sensitive boy so i have to tread lightly. I’m in the process of making contact with some Catholic parents in my area that have gay or Lesbian children. We are due to meet on May 5 and I see how i go from there.

 

[Petersmate]

Hi Petersmate,

I am a young male with same sex attraction struggling to live a celibate life, I’ve been spending time on here a lot looking for help/answers/direction.

You sound like an awesome Dad. I am not out to my family but if I had a Dad who would just support me in prayer and love me for who I am and acknowledge the sacrifices I’m making to live a holy life I know it would be a lot easier. You sound like you are that Dad.

I will pray for you and your son. I think you need to love him and be firm in your beliefs. I wouldn’t give up on trying to get him to pray with you.

God bless

Thats a very encouraging post for me to read. it seems to me from what people have said and my experience so far that you may need some outside help such as courage if you have it in your area. Maybe talk to your Mother first if you are going to come out with your family Mothers generally speaking have a nurturing instinct that makes them more sentive to issues like this. Do you have a good relationship with your Mother.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m here and following the thread. I’m going along carefully at the moment tenderfooted you could say. My son is a very sensitive boy so i have to tread lightly. I’m in the process of making contact with some Catholic parents in my area that have gay or Lesbian children. We are due to meet on May 5 and I see how i go from there.

You are doing the right thing. God bless you. I am sure your son knows that you love him and want the best for him.

 

[mskejj]

OK. I am a very traditional Catholic come from a large Catholic family and these days am a single dad due to Divorce. I simply not sure what to do with my eldest son who told me last Christmas day that he is Gay. From enquiries I’ve made so far some say I have to change him and others say let him be what he is he is born that way just let him be. Then i have the issue of him bringing his boyfriend over and him wanting his boyfriend to sleepover. At the same time I’m trying to make a Catholic home the best way I can and have this moral dilema going on of you know prayer and him refusing to join in him getting very upset when I watch EWTN and the topic of homosexuality is quite often talked about on various programs. I try to keep around the home crucifixes and holy cards holy pictures and holy water. Yet somehow I have to accept his homosexual life and way. What does one do?

I would recommend the CD “From Love By Love For Love” by Father Michael Schmitz from Lighthouse Catholic Media. He is a young priest who is chaplain of the Newman Center at the University of Minnesota in Duluth. He presents ABSOLUTELY THE BEST TALK I have ever heard on this difficult subject. By the time you are finished listening, you will have a better understanding of how to handle this situation. It would be to your son’s benefit to listen as it is very sensitive and loving to those who struggle with the cross of homosexuality. Please order it…you will be so glad you did!..and then you can share it with others who are in the same situation.

 

[mskejj]

Anyone helping to move their son and his partner to move IS a loving act of charity. It is not condoning the homosexual act. It is definitely NOT a sin. We are called to love everyone right? Well, love is not just an emotion or feeling it is a loving act to do good.

When my priest said that helping my son to move in with his boyfriend was fraternal charity he was by no means condoning the homosexual acts, rather he was telling me that it is right and good to help my son and his partner to move into their apartment. Love is what everyone needs.

I do not believe my son was born gay. My dad, my siblings and I, as well as my husband, his siblings, and his mom were all EXTREMELY shy growing up. Besides being bullied at grade school, his father is a man who does not show very much emotion. He is a police officer and had to work in the evenings and weekends. My son did not get much time with him. So he would come to me when he needed to talk. We were very close. I have heard on EWTN about a theory about same sex attracted men being more attached to the opposite sex parent in the early years of their life. They have not found a gay gene.

The CD I suggested in the above comment would be beneficial for you too…best explanation and understanding I have ever heard on this topic.

 

[Petersmate]

I would recommend the CD “From Love By Love For Love” by Father Michael Schmitz from Lighthouse Catholic Media. He is a young priest who is chaplain of the Newman Center at the University of Minnesota in Duluth. He presents ABSOLUTELY THE BEST TALK I have ever heard on this difficult subject. By the time you are finished listening, you will have a better understanding of how to handle this situation. It would be to your son’s benefit to listen as it is very sensitive and loving to those who struggle with the cross of homosexuality. Please order it…you will be so glad you did!..and then you can share it with others who are in the same situation.

Thank You mskejj, that is the sort of information I am looking for. GBU

 

[In_Training]

Most counselors would tell me that I need to get with it and accept my sons homosexuality.

This is true, but not in the way you think.

If you love your kid, you will accept him no matter what he does. This does not mean you have to agree with everything he does/says. You can absolutely support and accept someone without agreeing with them. As is the case with many loved ones, sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and not let something like this ruin your relationship.

It’s not a good thing to reject loved ones or to tell them they’re not allowed in the house/around you/around others until they have personality traits X, Y or Z…that is a conditional love, not a real love. Even though you think you’re helping them by setting a standard, most people will walk away from you. It hurts when a loved one rejects you, and some people don’t recover from it and opt to just remove themselves from the situation…

That being said, a counselor will have a lot of training and experience and can be the voice of reason, but a counselor is not the only voice of reason. By keeping a close relationship with your son and showing him that you love and accept him even if he’s not what you want him to be, you’re showing him unconditional love. Don’t “bar” him from the family or use most of your time with him trying to change him/argue with him. There are millions more “sins” that we all commit everyday, and in my understanding Jesus did a pretty cool thing on that cross. I don’t think I’m actually mature enough to be giving advice like this, but in my head, if God can forgive and accept me, then I would hope my family can too.

 

[c0ldb33r]

Correct me if Im wrong, but its not a sin to be gay, only a sin to act on that gayness physically.

So do we know that OPs son is a practicing gay or a celibate one? Regardless its really more of his sons issue than his own.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Correct me if Im wrong, but its not a sin to be gay, only a sin to act on that gayness physically.

So do we know that OPs son is a practicing gay or a celibate one? Regardless its really more of his sons issue than his own.

His son has a boyfriend, what do you think

 

[c0ldb33r]

Sorry I missed that. i thought op was talking hypothetically about a boyfriend.

kind of a weird response though Dakota Roberts.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Sorry I missed that. i thought op was talking hypothetically about a boyfriend.

kind of a weird response though Dakota Roberts.

What are the odds that a son that has a boyfriend isn’t “practicing gay”? What does that phrase mean anyway?

Okay, perhaps my phrasing was nonstandard, what is your point?

 

[Petersmate]

Sorry I missed that. i thought op was talking hypothetically about a boyfriend.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear about that. My son told me he was gay when he got a boyfriend. At the moment he’s spending a lot of time at his place.

 

[gloria87]

I know that this thread is long, but I would like to add my two cents as a 22 yr old gay man myself.

1. This is one of the most difficult times in your son’s life. He has been told since childhood that his romantic interests are so disordered that God sends those who love/are intimate with the same-gender to Hell. Love your son, like you’ve never lived him before and be sure that he knows that.
2. He is rejecting his faith because his sexuality is so intertwined with who he is as a person, that denying his orientation is like cutting off his arm. No, he is not his sexuality, but as we all have experienced, the realization of our romantic feelings for the other occupies a significant portion of our life. He may decide to pursue a relationship. In this case, continue to love him. Never, ever reject him, in the way that the Heavenly Father never turns his children away.
3. Things will get better. This time is as difficult for you as it is for your son. No one wants this for themselves or their children, but it happens. Kudos to him for being brave enough to tell you. The cultural and religious stigma attached to my own sexual orientation has not permitted me to be honest with my own parents. Every now and then, they ask me about a woman and I skirt the question or lie. Always be a place where he can be honest and open. Do this without judgement. It will work out. Continue to be a great father!
4. I tried the pray the gay away and the psychological exercises that go along with it. It simply doesn’t work. Imagine making yourself a gay man. It is probably near impossible. Accept him for who he is (which it sounds like you have.) More importantly “Look and live, my brother live! Look to Jesus now and Live!” In his selfless love, you and your son will find comfort, while the raging storm encompasses you. “Look and Live!”

 

[homegrowntwinki]

Seriously dude, if you have to come onto a frickin’ Catholic WEBSITE to seek help on this topic, I think YOU have the problem. If you can’t accept your son for who he is, and what he is, then you’re no parent. Let him be who he is, if you can’t accept your child for who he is, then give him to a relative that will raise him right. It’s people like you that need to open their minds up to better possibilities. Plus, the world’s overpopulated enough as it is.

 

[Petersmate]

I tried the pray the gay away and the psychological exercises that go along with it. It simply doesn’t work. Imagine making yourself a gay man. It is probably near impossible. Accept him for who he is (which it sounds like you have.) More importantly “Look and live, my brother live! Look to Jesus now and Live!” In his selfless love, you and your son will find comfort, while the raging storm encompasses you. “Look and Live!”

Are you practising the sacraments are you living a chaste life are you going to communion are going to confession every two weeks or even more often than that. Nothing is impossible with God, but he has to be present to use his power from what I understand.

 

[remjsmom76]

First of…I would suggest…that you just love him. He is your son after all. Pray for him daily. He will not change his ways, no matter how hard you hit him over the head with it. He will continue to be the way he is. So just pray for him. As for YOUR HOME!!! It is what it is…YOUR HOME! Sit him down…without arguing…tell him “Son…your life is your life to live. Live it how you want. I will pray for you because I love you. But that also means…you are not to bring anyone to THIS HOME…and live that kind of life here. This is MY HOME. I would do the same thing if you were strait ! I wouldn’t let you bring a girl who was not your wife and let her sleep here with you in your bed!! You know my beliefs…respect them, just as I am respecting your life choice. Do what you want OUTSIDE of my home…but in my home…past that door and into this house…is my rules!” Dont worry about watching EWTN…its you house… if he doesn’t like it, to bad…there is the door, he can come back when the show is over!

 

[jodyestel]

I have a gay son and daughter, both of which were raised Catholic and attended Catholic grade and high schools. The whole gay thing was a major factor in destroying my first marriage. She was very accepting and I tolerated it even though a felt it was spiritually wrong but I turned my head so I would not lose my children. Hopefully whatever position you take, you and your spouse are in unity. We divorced, and I remarried and now my children are not accepting of my wife; very Ironic. My wife is not Catholic but was previously divorced. I now am struggling to return to the Catholic faith. My wife is supportive of my wishes but I am not sure what I have to do to get back to church and communion. My best advice is for you and your wife to stay strong in your own faith and let your child know your beliefs and ask him not to bring any life style into your home that is against your faith and leave the rest in Gods hands.

 

[john78]

OK. I am a very traditional Catholic come from a large Catholic family and these days am a single dad due to Divorce. I simply not sure what to do with my eldest son who told me last Christmas day that he is Gay. From enquiries I’ve made so far some say I have to change him and others say let him be what he is he is born that way just let him be. Then i have the issue of him bringing his boyfriend over and him wanting his boyfriend to sleepover. At the same time I’m trying to make a Catholic home the best way I can and have this moral dilema going on of you know prayer and him refusing to join in him getting very upset when I watch EWTN and the topic of homosexuality is quite often talked about on various programs. I try to keep around the home crucifixes and holy cards holy pictures and holy water. Yet somehow I have to accept his homosexual life and way. What does one do?

I can see how finding out a son or daughter being a homosexual can be ground breaking, and distraughtful…

But all things considered it can always be worse, your son isnt some violent criminal, or worse and there are worse, but that doesnt make your case any easier for you.

I have a cousin who is gay, took me a while to figure it out and even then i never figured it out i had another family member tell me , i dont really think much of it since i cant change it.

The debate over homosexuality is a never ending one, the only thing that wont change is he is still your son and you are still his father, this might not be the best forum for how to handle your particular situation, maybe some kind of support group or forum with parents who have homosexual children, and see what they have gone through, how they handle certain things, could be of better help.

I also do not honestly see anyone ever convincing anyone of is homosexuality a choice or is it genetics , this has been going on since the time of the Romans.

There are brief passages in scripture in regards to homosexuality, and of course the Catholic Church does not support it, but if it is a genetic condition how is it a sin ?

If anything dont make life harder by demonizing your son, and dont shove religion in his face either constantly, it may appear that if you keep enough religious items in public view around that something might change, but you dont want it to backfire and have him resent being called a sinner constantly and feel as if he isnt good enough to be your son let alone a Christian.

It isnt the end of the world your son being gay, it is just a change in your life that you can personally turn to in prayer for guidance and pray that his homosexuality will not destroy your relationship with him.

To treat homosexuality as some ultimate sin is bizarre to me, we are all sinners, there are probably homosexuals in this world that live a better moral life, treating others with kindness and respect than some Christians do, and to demonize them or constantly beat them up as being a sinner is something I can not wrap my head around, I do not think homosexuality is a good thing by anymeans, but since no one back in the day took the time to foresee homosexuality as being a big enough problem to write down in black in white in detail how we are to respond to it then im not going to lose any sleep over it.

All i know is homosexuality by Church teachings is considered a sin, and when you sin you go to confession and turn it over to God.

 

[onmyknees]

I can see how finding out a son or daughter being a homosexual can be ground breaking, and distraughtful…

But all things considered it can always be worse, your son isnt some violent criminal, or worse and there are worse, but that doesnt make your case any easier for you.

I have a cousin who is gay, took me a while to figure it out and even then i never figured it out i had another family member tell me , i dont really think much of it since i cant change it.

The debate over homosexuality is a never ending one, the only thing that wont change is he is still your son and you are still his father, this might not be the best forum for how to handle your particular situation, maybe some kind of support group or forum with parents who have homosexual children, and see what they have gone through, how they handle certain things, could be of better help.

I also do not honestly see anyone ever convincing anyone of is homosexuality a choice or is it genetics , this has been going on since the time of the Romans.

There are brief passages in scripture in regards to homosexuality, and of course the Catholic Church does not support it, but if it is a genetic condition how is it a sin ?

If anything dont make life harder by demonizing your son, and dont shove religion in his face either constantly, it may appear that if you keep enough religious items in public view around that something might change, but you dont want it to backfire and have him resent being called a sinner constantly and feel as if he isnt good enough to be your son let alone a Christian.

It isnt the end of the world your son being gay, it is just a change in your life that you can personally turn to in prayer for guidance and pray that his homosexuality will not destroy your relationship with him.

To treat homosexuality as some ultimate sin is bizarre to me, we are all sinners, there are probably homosexuals in this world that live a better moral life, treating others with kindness and respect than some Christians do, and to demonize them or constantly beat them up as being a sinner is something I can not wrap my head around, I do not think homosexuality is a good thing by anymeans, but since no one back in the day took the time to foresee homosexuality as being a big enough problem to write down in black in white in detail how we are to respond to it then im not going to lose any sleep over it.

All i know is homosexuality by Church teachings is considered a sin, and when you sin you go to confession and turn it over to God.

Church teachings do not consider same sex attraction a sin. It is the practice of it that is sinful. Same sex attracted Catholics have a heavy cross to carry. Their cross is chastity, not unlike being a single person or a heterosexual not able to marry. As Catholics we are called to love everyone. They have not found a gene for same sex attraction yet either. Please read the thread first.