My Son told me he is Gay

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OK. I am a very traditional Catholic come from a large Catholic family and these days am a single dad due to Divorce. I simply not sure what to do with my eldest son who told me last Christmas day that he is Gay. From enquiries I’ve made so far some say I have to change him and others say let him be what he is he is born that way just let him be. Then i have the issue of him bringing his boyfriend over and him wanting his boyfriend to sleepover. At the same time I’m trying to make a Catholic home the best way I can and have this moral dilema going on of you know prayer and him refusing to join in him getting very upset when I watch EWTN and the topic of homosexuality is quite often talked about on various programs. I try to keep around the home crucifixes and holy cards holy pictures and holy water. Yet somehow I have to accept his homosexual life and way. What does one do?
 
Oh my God! It seems lately I’ve been encountering Catholics on here with some serious crosses to carry at home! I really haven’t much in advice. I certainly would not permit my house to be used for that activity. How old is he anyways? Prayers are always in order- request them at the Prayer Intentions Forum here at CAF.

What news for a devout Catholic parent to receive! Just remember the prodigal son in the Gospels. After a life of prostitutes he did finally come to his senses and return home, through the love of God and his father. Love your son very much and do your best to get resources to educate yourself further on this. Above all- Prayers! That is nothing other than a devil’s snare- The Mother of God and her Rosary can defeat it, for certain. Be close to Joseph, ask him to show you how to be a father in these difficult circumstances. I wish I had more help to give. I can only offer prayers. Peace.
 
Marybeloved said:
What news for a devout Catholic parent to receive! Just remember the prodigal son in the Gospels. After a life of prostitutes he did finally come to his senses and return home, through the love of God and his father. Love your son very much and do your best to get resources to educate yourself further on this. Above all- Prayers! That is nothing other than a devil’s snare- The Mother of God and her Rosary can defeat it, for certain. Be close to Joseph, ask him to show you how to be a father in these difficult circumstances. I wish I had more help to give. I can only offer prayers. Peace.
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well prayers always end in tears. I’m praying to Our Lady for intercession like I’ve never prayed before. I’m invoking the Saints. If you or anyone else can suggest a novena of some sort that would be appreciated and please if you can find the time please pray for us.
 
Petersmate said:
OK. I am a very traditional Catholic come from a large Catholic family and these days am a single dad due to Divorce. I simply not sure what to do with my eldest son who told me last Christmas day that he is Gay. From enquiries I’ve made so far some say I have to change him and others say let him be what he is he is born that way just let him be. Then i have the issue of him bringing his boyfriend over and him wanting his boyfriend to sleepover. At the same time I’m trying to make a Catholic home the best way I can and have this moral dilema going on of you know prayer and him refusing to join in him getting very upset when I watch EWTN and the topic of homosexuality is quite often talked about on various programs. I try to keep around the home crucifixes and holy cards holy pictures and holy water. Yet somehow I have to accept his homosexual life and way. What does one do?
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Petersmate - My prayers are with you!

One thing I would say is that whether he wanted a girlfriend or a boyfriend to sleep over the answer is still the same - NO.

Treat him with love and keep praying. You are in such a difficult position that, frankly, could happen to any of us.

I find with my teenagers and little one, I rarely watch EWTN because some of the shows are not necessarily meant for all to hear and so I choose to listen to Catholic radio when I am in my car, usually alone.

All you can do is treat him with love and respect and pray often.
 
lax16 said:
Petersmate - My prayers are with you!

One thing I would say is that whether he wanted a girlfriend or a boyfriend to sleep over the answer is still the same - NO.

Treat him with love and keep praying. You are in such a difficult position that, frankly, could happen to any of us.

I find with my teenagers and little one, I rarely watch EWTN because some of the shows are not necessarily meant for all to hear and so I choose to listen to Catholic radio when I am in my car, usually alone.

All you can do is treat him with love and respect and pray often.
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Ditto.

That goes for all of your children, whatever gender or age.
NO overnights allowed at your home.
 
Petersmate said:
well prayers always end in tears. I’m praying to Our Lady for intercession like I’ve never prayed before. I’m invoking the Saints. If you or anyone else can suggest a novena of some sort that would be appreciated and please if you can find the time please pray for us.
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cloudoffire.blogspot.com/2012/01/novena-to-st-joseph.html It links to the novena on ewtn.

Just consecrate yourself and your boy- in fact, your whole family, to Christ. ewtn.com/faith/teachings/incab3b.htm
and/or to the Holy family catholictradition.org/Joseph/holy-family.htm

It seems pointless, right now, but God hears all your prayers. Just keep the faith. Peace.
 
Pretty tough cross you have to carry… although I believe you have to support and love your son you should also maintain your moral convictions at home. Your son must know your beliefs. How old is he? Do you have any other children at home that are witnessing what is going on? Remember that your actions towards this will be a guideline for them also. I wouldn´t give in to letting him bring home a boyfriend, much less letting him spend the night. But this has to be done in such a matter that he doesn´t feel your are pushing him out of the house. It´ll be very hard…
Keep praying to our Bessed Mother, even if you just cry at prayer, it´s the best way to unburden your heart. Remeber God knows what we need even before we ask Him… so it´s good to blow off steam with Him.
You´ll be in my prayers. God bless!
 
How old is your son?

What are his views towards the Catholic stance on homosexuality?

You two need to go to family counseling together-now. You need to find a way to maintain your convictions while not losing him. If he falls in love with someone and makes a lifelong commitment and you refuse to acknowledge that and respect his partner’s place in his life you will lose him forever. (That’s why my gay best friend does every holiday with my family and hasn’t seen his in years.)
 
BlueEyedLady said:
How old is your son?

What are his views towards the Catholic stance on homosexuality?

You two need to go to family counseling together-now. You need to find a way to maintain your convictions while not losing him. If he falls in love with someone and makes a lifelong commitment and you refuse to acknowledge that and respect his partner’s place in his life you will lose him forever. (That’s why my gay best friend does every holiday with my family and hasn’t seen his in years.)
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That’s very sad. Hopefully it does not come to that. I agree that Counseling is good, but be sure to get a Counsellor who will not force non-catholic perspectives of morality on you. Many Psychologists have these types of attitudes, nowadays.

If it does come to the situation described above, I really don’t know how a faithful Catholic can maintain his convictions and yet acknowledge a homosexual union. I can see him loving his son/child/relative completely and treating him always with respect. I don’t know how he can acknowledge that union, though- A catholic must be clear that he’s not supporting it, so that would be really, really tough.

Either the Son allows his father to disagree with the relationship while loving both him and his partner as Sons in the Lord, or if he refuses, he forces his father to violate his own conscience in a deep, deep way by having him give tacit or explicit approval to sin, or they lose their relationship. Not easy at all.

I pray that the OP finds a solution of wisdom from heaven (Or a miracle!) soon.
 
Marybeloved said:
That’s very sad. Hopefully it does not come to that.

If it does, I really don’t know how a faithful Catholic can maintain his convictions and yet acknowledge a homosexual union. I can see him loving his son/child/relative completely and treating him always with respect. I don’t know how he can acknowledge that union, though- A catholic must be clear that he’s not supporting it, so that would be really, really tough.

Either the Son allows his father to disagree with the relationship while loving both him and his partner as Sons in the Lord, or if he refuses, he forces his father to violate his own conscience in a deep, deep way by having him give tacit approval to sin, or they lose their relationship. Not easy at all.

I pray that the OP finds a solution of wisdom from heaven (Or a miracle!) soon.
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That’s why they need to go to counseling. Just like you would cut off contact with your parents if they wouldn’t recognize your husband, her gay son will too. If he falls in love and commits that man will come first and be his new family. This goes extra if they adopt a child or hire a surrogate. This is a situation that they need to have an agreement worked out for before it happens.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
How old is your son?

What are his views towards the Catholic stance on homosexuality?

QUOTE]

He is twenty years old. He is very anti Catholic at the moment. He gets very angry when I discuss the church teaching. I can’t mention religion at all.
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Petersmate said:
BlueEyedLady;9132111:
How old is your son?

What are his views towards the Catholic stance on homosexuality?

QUOTE]

He is twenty years old. He is very anti Catholic at the moment. He gets very angry when I discuss the church teaching. I can’t mention religion at all.
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God bless you and God guide you.
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BlueEyedLady said:
That’s why they need to go to counseling. Just like you would cut off contact with your parents if they wouldn’t recognize your husband, her gay son will too. If he falls in love and commits that man will come first and be his new family. This goes extra if they adopt a child or hire a surrogate. This is a situation that they need to have an agreement worked out for before it happens.
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the problem with counseling is its such a secular world. Most counselors would tell me that I need to get with it and accept my sons homosexuality. I’ve been accused of discrimination in the past when asking for Catholic counselors.
 
Petersmate said:
the problem with counseling is its such a secular world. Most counselors would tell me that I need to get with it and accept my sons homosexuality. I’ve been accused of discrimination in the past when asking for Catholic counselors.
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That assumption is false. A good counselor tries to work within the bounds of the clients religious and moral beliefs. That’s what they are trained to do. To tell you to abandon your beliefs and just accept your son would be unethical, and that person could lose their license.

What they will do is get you to talk about the kind of relationship you guys want and what you will both need from the other in order to have that. Then those things will have to be reconciled. It won’t be easy for either one of you, but if you both truly want a close and mutually beneficial relationship it will be worth the work, and at times pain.
 
Petersmate said:
the problem with counseling is its such a secular world. Most counselors would tell me that I need to get with it and accept my sons homosexuality. I’ve been accused of discrimination in the past when asking for Catholic counselors.
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You can accept his homosexuality, if that is truly his orientation, without accepting the life-style he’s leading or giving approval for it.
 
Ron_in_minden said:
you may find some help or advice from the Courage Apostolate website.
couragerc.net/
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I live in a relatively small Diocese and I made enquiries about Courage there is no contacts locally. The Priest I have spoken ( who has been appointed by our Bishop as the Priest to contact in regards to homosexuality) told me he disagrees with courage and their concept.
 
Love your son.

Offer up your feelings about his lifestyle.

His life is not over. It’s not even begun.

If you feel the way about your son that I do about mine, you will want him there at your death bed.

Keep the relationship.

Tell him that if he wants you to respect his beliefs (by respect I mean agree that it’s his free choice to live whatever lifestyle he chooses, which it is), then he must respect your beliefs and your household rules.

Set boundaries, and love each other from within these boundaries.
 
triumphguy said:
Love your son.

Offer up your feelings about his lifestyle.

His life is not over. It’s not even begun.

If you feel the way about your son that I do about mine, you will want him there at your death bed.

Keep the relationship.

Tell him that if he wants you to respect his beliefs (by respect I mean agree that it’s his free choice to live whatever lifestyle he chooses, which it is), then he must respect your beliefs and your household rules.

Set boundaries, and love each other from within these boundaries.
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Thank you I think that is good sensible advice. Please pray for us if you can.
 
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