My soul is empty

  • Thread starter Thread starter Daegus
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Daegus

Guest
I don’t even know what to do at this point. About 2 months back, I made a post regarding addiction to pornography to seek help. As some of you may or may not know, the vice of viewing pornography and masturbating is something that’s been plaguing me for well over a year now, and started about 4 or 5 years ago with my curiosity. Now, I sit here wondering why. My faith dwindles, and I feel hopeless. I pray, but I say to myself, what’s the use? All there is between God and myself is a brick wall that keeps pushing me further and further away. I contemplate going to confession, but it would be useless to try because I would never make a perfect act of contrition. I’m just not sorry enough.

I’ve tried praying and asking for God to make me sorry for my sins, but it doesn’t work. I can’t stir up any emotions in myself either. I’ve committed acts of sacrilege and desecrated the holy communion by taking it, knowing that I was in a state of mortal sin just so I wouldn’t look bad. I feel like I’m going to hell and there’s nothing I can do about it… I can’t make these nasty images of porn from the past go away, and I can’t make concupiscence go away.

On top of that, even though I hang around forums like these and try to make it seem like I’m so pious, I’m nothing but a self-righteous hypocrite. I keep saying things like “I’ll pray for you” and I preach drivel about charity and grace when I fall so greatly short. There are even people who say they’ll pray for me! (Can you imagine?) They’re probably lying too, or they say a 2 second prayer, giving it no second thought and that’s the end of it. I can’t even fool myself in trying to preach gospel to anyone I know. I’m nothing but a fool in their eyes, and my opinions are worth as much as a feather. I can wake up every morning and lie to myself saying “today is going to be a new day” but deep down, I know I’m living my life for no reason. God is devoid in my life, and it’s all my fault. I’ve hit rock bottom and I can’t get up.

My body may be full of life, and I may laugh and cheer, but my soul is truly empty and devoid of any goodness.
 
Daegus, I’m sorry for your struggle.

If you take nothing else from my post, please remember this: When you say things like: “I know I’m living my life for no reason” … THIS IS THE ENEMY SPEAKING! This is what he wants you to believe, and it IS NOT TRUE! You were created by a loving Creator who chose out of infinite possibilities to create you! Mother Angelica said this once on her radio program, and I’ve never forgotten it (I’m paraphrasing the best I can from memory):

God has infinite time to consider infinite possibilities of souls which He may bring forth. When He thought of YOU, He stopped and said “Yes. THIS one shall be!”

Pretty wonderful to consider, isn’t it? 🙂

Moving to another area of attack … (yes, this is indeed a battle :knight2:) have you tried any practical solutions for stopping the porn viewing? Something like this, maybe? It reports your undesirable web activity to someone (or someones) of your choosing, taking away the ‘anonymity’ of viewing:

covenanteyes.com/2008/07/11/breaking-the-lure-of-internet-porn/

We all fall short, Daegus. But the worst thing we can do is to despair and give up trying. That’s exactly what the enemy wants! Keep trying, keep praying, even when you feel as dry and parched as a field after months of drought.

Do you find that music moves you? If so, you might want to watch this:

youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

I admit that I have cried every time I’ve watched it (which is several times! 😊)

If you are sensitive to music, then use powerful music as one of your weapons against spiritual dryness or lethargy. :knight1:

I suppose I’ve rambled enough for now. God bless you, Daegus. I hope that something in my rambling brings you some hope or comfort. :o
 
Daegus said:
On top of that, even though I hang around forums like these and try to make it seem like I’m so pious, I’m nothing but a self-righteous hypocrite. I keep saying things like “I’ll pray for you” and I preach drivel about charity and grace when I fall so greatly short. There are even people who say they’ll pray for me! (Can you imagine?) They’re probably lying too, or they say a 2 second prayer, giving it no second thought and that’s the end of it. I can’t even fool myself in trying to preach gospel to anyone I know. I’m nothing but a fool in their eyes, and my opinions are worth as much as a feather. I can wake up every morning and lie to myself saying “today is going to be a new day” but deep down, I know I’m living my life for no reason. God is devoid in my life, and it’s all my fault. I’ve hit rock bottom and I can’t get up.

My body may be full of life, and I may laugh and cheer, but my soul is truly empty and devoid of any goodness.
Click to expand...
I can’t judge you, but to me it sounds like you’re seeking truth. You are not satisfied with surface-level cliches that may or may not go any deeper in any given situation.

My first suggestion is you don’t judge and condemn yourself. You don’t want to do things that break you down further, because it sounds like you’re already at a low. Note that this is the dawn before the morn … the labor pains before the birth … this emptiness may be a step on the way to growth.

I say that because one has to lose one’s outward, worldly self before God can start building one up as a new creature, born of the spirit. It’s like asking God to give you new furniture; you have to move out the old broken down ones first.

You have discovered that short “faith” messages can be just lip service. That’s another good observation, I think, because I think a lot of people say pious things, hoping to fool somebody – including themselves. Not everyone is like that, though. Sometimes on this forum I’ve seen somebody quip “I’ll pray for you” and then later come back with some good insight, providing evidence it was more than just a drive-by posting.

What I hear you saying is you refuse to be fooled by false blessings and emotional feel-good isms anymore. Maybe you’ve had enough “baby food” spiritually and are ready for solid food, to use an illustration from Paul.

Are you in an area where there is spiritual direction available? Maybe you can find one who can help you sort this out. You could be in just the right attitude to be ready for growth. Remember that if you are pruned by God, that makes way for new growth.

Alan
 
Daegus, this is a link to Sex Addicts Anonymous. They have all kinds of meetings, in person, web, and teleconferencing.

sexaa.org/

Take a look.

I’m praying for you. 🙂

Jenny M
 
Morwenna said:
Daegus, I’m sorry for your struggle.

If you take nothing else from my post, please remember this: When you say things like: “I know I’m living my life for no reason” … THIS IS THE ENEMY SPEAKING! This is what he wants you to believe, and it IS NOT TRUE! You were created by a loving Creator who chose out of infinite possibilities to create you! Mother Angelica said this once on her radio program, and I’ve never forgotten it (I’m paraphrasing the best I can from memory):

When I said that, I meant that without God I know that there is no reason for me to be living, and because I can’t seem to find God no matter how hard I try, it feels like I’m not living for any particular reason.

God has infinite time to consider infinite possibilities of souls which He may bring forth. When He thought of YOU, He stopped and said “Yes. THIS one shall be!”

Pretty wonderful to consider, isn’t it? 🙂

I’m sure it is, but I’m not sure how that knowledge would help me. It hasn’t done anything before and I can’t say I see it doing anything in the near future to be quite honest.

Moving to another area of attack … (yes, this is indeed a battle :knight2:) have you tried any practical solutions for stopping the porn viewing? Something like this, maybe? It reports your undesirable web activity to someone (or someones) of your choosing, taking away the ‘anonymity’ of viewing:

covenanteyes.com/2008/07/11/breaking-the-lure-of-internet-porn/

2 problems. I’m not sure if this website requires any payment or not, and second of all, I don’t have an accountability partner anyways. If you have to pay for it, my mother would surely find out about it, and since I’ve already been caught watching it, she’ll flip if she sees any hint that I might be addicted. She threw things at me the first time and bit me (which left a bruise that still hasn’t healed in well over a month now) so I doubt she’ll be too understanding or supporting.

Another website with a lot of good info:

pornnomore.com/

:idea: Perhaps you might want to consider joining their Apostolate, the Serenellians? Perhaps serving others who are experiencing the same struggles could help you, as well?

pornnomore.com/ourApostolate.htm

I’ve seen this website before, but for whatever reason, I can’t sign up for their apostolate. No matter how I try to send the email it always says failed to deliver. Maybe I’m not doing something properly.

We all fall short, Daegus. But the worst thing we can do is to despair and give up trying. That’s exactly what the enemy wants! Keep trying, keep praying, even when you feel as dry and parched as a field after months of drought.

Do you find that music moves you? If so, you might want to watch this:

youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

I admit that I have cried every time I’ve watched it (which is several times! 😊)

If you are sensitive to music, then use powerful music as one of your weapons against spiritual dryness or lethargy. :knight1:

I’ve never been moved by anything to the point of crying. I haven’t cried in well over 6 to maybe 7 years now. I’ve tried, but I really can’t. I mean, my eyes might get watery but tears won’t drop down.

I suppose I’ve rambled enough for now. God bless you, Daegus. I hope that something in my rambling brings you some hope or comfort. :o
Click to expand...
Thanks for trying and giving your time to me.
 
AlanFromWichita said:
I can’t judge you, but to me it sounds like you’re seeking truth. You are not satisfied with surface-level cliches that may or may not go any deeper in any given situation.

My first suggestion is you don’t judge and condemn yourself. You don’t want to do things that break you down further, because it sounds like you’re already at a low. Note that this is the dawn before the morn … the labor pains before the birth … this emptiness may be a step on the way to growth.

No matter what my take is on falling, it always seems to make me seem susceptible to falling. Either my knee-jerk reaction is to try to rationalize it and say it’s ok and I’ll be forgiven (and end up falling soon afterwords again) or being so caught up in discuss saying Christ’s name doesn’t even feel right. I’ve just been going through so much lately that I don’t even feel guilt anymore. It’s as if I don’t care and I can’t bring myself to feel anything. There’s no emotion behind any of it. What eats away at me too is that I KNOW it’s not satisfying but I can’t stop doing it.

I say that because one has to lose one’s outward, worldly self before God can start building one up as a new creature, born of the spirit. It’s like asking God to give you new furniture; you have to move out the old broken down ones first.

You have discovered that short “faith” messages can be just lip service. That’s another good observation, I think, because I think a lot of people say pious things, hoping to fool somebody – including themselves. Not everyone is like that, though. Sometimes on this forum I’ve seen somebody quip “I’ll pray for you” and then later come back with some good insight, providing evidence it was more than just a drive-by posting.

Although more often than not, I’m not convinced that these people mean anything by their prayers. They’ll say a few quick words and that’ll be the end of that. For me to believe that, I would have to be as delusional as some protestants who honestly think that they can be saved by a 15 second prayer, “faith alone” and make no real changes in their actions. (No offense to any of those who have said the “sinner’s prayer” and really believe in it, but I’m just saying)

What I hear you saying is you refuse to be fooled by false blessings and emotional feel-good isms anymore. Maybe you’ve had enough “baby food” spiritually and are ready for solid food, to use an illustration from Paul.

**That would be about right. In all honesty, when I first signed up for these forums I had no idea I would be tabbing between these forums and the dictionary so often. I haven’t ever heard most of the terms here in my life before. (Like ecumenism, latin mass in and of itself, papal encyclicals, etc) **

Are you in an area where there is spiritual direction available? Maybe you can find one who can help you sort this out. You could be in just the right attitude to be ready for growth. Remember that if you are pruned by God, that makes way for new growth.

I’m sure there’s spiritual guidance available, but I have no idea where in my area I would get it. Especially by someone who isn’t a heterodox pseudo-theologian.

Alan
Click to expand...
 
Daegus said:
I contemplate going to confession, but it would be useless to try because I would never make a perfect act of contrition. I’m just not sorry enough.

…

I feel like I’m going to hell and there’s nothing I can do about it… I can’t make these nasty images of porn from the past go away, and I can’t make concupiscence go away.
Click to expand...
No, you absolutely cannot do any of this on your own. But you also do not need anything like “perfect contrition” in order to go to confession. The bare minimum is that you fear hell, and you’ve got that, for sure.

Now, to be sure, one confession will not cure you, unless God does a big miracle, which is not completely out of the question. But it is reasonable to expect that, even with the specific grace to receive from the sacrament to overcome the sins that you confess, it will take some time to conquer this sin. If you go to confession, even without any emotion, you are taking the right first step, I promise.

Now, with Christmas coming, this week is when many parishes have a penance service for Advent. Check your parish and the neighboring parishes for a day and time and GO TO CONFESSION! You need not tell your parents why - just that you want to before Christmas. You’ll be forgiven your sins of impurity, your sins of sacrilege, and all your other sins, you’ll get some good advice and you’ll get a ton of grace to help you. Then, when you go to Mass for Christmas, you can receive Holy Communion with your family without committing yet another sin.

Stop saying you can’t go to confession. You can. You can. You can and you must. You’ll be so glad you did.

Betsy
 
Remember what the Cross means 🙂

God is Merciful to the Good Fighter
George Kalpouzos

A monk, as Saint Amphilochios relates, fell into fornication. From then on, he committed the same sin every day. Each time after the sin, he prayed with tears in his eyes for Jesus Christ to have mercy on him. Blinded by this bad habit, he committed the sin repeatedly. Immediately he rushed to the church, knelt in front of the icon of Christ and said with tears in his eyes, “Have mercy on me, oh Lord, and take away from me this temptation that makes me suffer and wounds my soul. I can’t see your face so that my soul can find peace.” After he said these words and left the church, he committed the same sin again. He didn’t lose hope for his salvation and he came back to the church praying the same way to the merciful God: “You are my witness, oh Lord, that from now on I will never commit this sin again. Oh loving God, forgive me for my past up to this moment for I have hurt You.” He committed “his lovely” sin again. His spiritual struggle lasted ten years.

Behold, the endless mercy of our Master and Lord Jesus Christ!

Finally, one day this monk committed the same sin. He rushed to the church weeping, crying and praying with tears in his eyes to the merciful God.

When the devil saw the persistent repentance of the monk, he appeared bodily in front of the monk and with wrath questioned God saying:

“Why do You accept this licentious and prodigal man who lies to You every day? Why don’t You cast him into fire? You are merciful to put up with him. You are not a righteous judge, but a one-sided one. You threw me down from heaven for just one sin of arrogance, but You forgive this perpetual lying, licentious and prodigal man because he cries before You. Where is Your righteousness?”

Then the voice of the Lord was heard from the altar saying:

“Evil and unclean spirit, aren’t you yet satisfied to lead the world into perdition? Do you want to grasp also him who bows before My mercy? Can you hold so many sins against him that they counter My Holy Blood that I have shed on the Cross for him? When he commits a sin, you don’t send him away but accept him happily. And you don’t discourage him for YOU wish to gain him. As I am merciful and have befriended man, how can you expect Me not to show mercy on him who draws near Me in repentance? I will never reject him until he becomes My heir. I was crucified for sinners and to save everyone who comes to Me.”

As soon as the devil heard the voice of the Lord, he started trembling, unable to move or say a word.

“Listen carefully, devilish spirit, who calls Me unjust. I am all righteous. I will judge each one under the circumstances he is in. Behold, I will save his soul and accept him who recently returned to me in repentance and contrition because he didn’t despair, but rather struggled for his salvation.”

At that time, the monk gave up his soul.

My beloved readers, do you understand how ineffable is God’s love and immeasurable is His mercy? Let us not neglect our salvation. Watch out not to fall into despair.
 
I had almost exaclty the same problem. I was convinced that I couldn’t make a good confession. A month later, I started going to Mass, again, and I even began to pray daily. I had never done anything like that before.

“Hail Holy Queen” and the “Prayer to Saint Michael” again and again. As often as I could, I said simply a prayer something like “Lord Jesus, I trust in you. Please help.” The words didn’t matter as long as I knew I meant it.

At Mass, I made sure never to take my eyes off the host during consecration — or the tabernacle during prayer, if it was occupied and I was looking at anything. Most notably, I made a decision ever since that I would not sit while everyone else was receiving the Eucharist. I always used to do that, but now it had special meaning.

Wear Sunday best, if it helps. I know it does for me, but don’t do it if you think you’ll stick out. Make sure the Mass is suitably reverent. Masstimes.org should have a listing of a TLM, if any, in your area.

It’s funny what weeks of this kind of devotion can do. I felt more deeply than ever the need for Communion, and this gave me strength. I weaned myself off, and the stumbles became less frequent. Several days without falling off the wagon were enough to make a thorough examination of conscience, and I went to Reconciliation.

Since then, I haven’t been perfectly clean, but I’ve learned to adapt. Each time an impure thought or temptation comes to mind, I flick my thumb and finger against my temple — hah! what a term — and that physical sensation brings me back to reality.

One more confession and I’ll be clean. Mundane advice helps, but not this well. Use both, in conjunction with each other, and you can do it.

From Mere Christianity:

… this Helper who will, in the long run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to do the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby’s first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, “God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.”

The first steps involve stumbling. Don’t give up before you learn to walk just because you cannot stride.

I gave quite a bit of little advice which absolutely worked for me, but this is no one-size-fits-all program. Pray to God and the Holy Spirit will move you to find what measures, especially those not listed here, will work for you.
 
Jesus’ words to Sr Josefa Menendez

“I am Love! My Heart can no longer contain its devouring flames. I love souls so dearly that I have sacrificed My life for them. “It is this love that keeps Me a prisoner in the tabernacle. For nearly twenty centuries I have dwelt there, night and day, veiled under the species of Bread and concealed in the small white Host, bearing through love, neglect, solitude, contempt, blasphemies, outrages, sacrileges . . .

“For love of souls, I instituted the Sacrament of Penance, that I might forgive them, not once or twice, but as often as they need it to recover grace. There I wait for them, longing to wash away their sins, not in water, but in My Blood. How often in the course of the ages have I, in one way or another, made known My love for men: I have shown them how ardently I desire their salvation. I have revealed My Heart to them. This devotion has been as light cast over the whole earth, and today by its means those who labor to gain souls to My service have been enabled to do so.

“Now, I want something more, for if I long for love in response to My own, this is not the only return I desire from souls: I want them all to have confidence in My mercy, to expect all from My clemency, and never to doubt My readiness to forgive. I am God, but a God of love! I am a Father, but a Father full of compassion and never harsh. My Heart is infinitely holy but also infinitely wise, and knowing human frailty and infirmity, stoops to poor sinners with infinite mercy. I love those who after a first fall come to Me for pardon . . . I love them still more when they beg pardon for their second sin, and should this happen again, I do not say a million times but a million million times, I still love them and pardon them, and I will wash in My Blood their last as fully as their first sin. Never shall I weary of repentant sinners, nor cease from hoping for their return, and the greater their distress, the greater My welcome. Does not a father love a sick child with special affection? Are not his care and solicitude greater? So is the tenderness and compassion of My Heart more abundant for sinners than for the just. This is what I wish all to know. I will teach sinners that the mercy of My Heart is inexhaustible. Let the callous and indifferent know that My Heart is a fire which will enkindle them, because I love them. To devout and saintly souls
I would be “The Way,” that making great strides in perfection, they may safely reach the harbor of eternal beatitude. Lastly, of consecrated souls, priests and religious, My elect and chosen ones, I ask, once more, all their love and that they should not doubt Mine, but above all that they should trust Me and never doubt My mercy. It is so easy to trust completely in My Heart.” (June 11, 1923).
 
Jesus’ words to St Faustina:

I desire that priests proclaim this great mercy of Mine towards souls of sinners. Let the sinner not be afraid to approach Me. The flames of mercy are burning Me - clamouring to be spent; I want to pour them out upon these souls…Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even my death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts]. (50)

And even if the sins of soul are as dark as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy he gives Me the greatest praise and is the glory of My Passion. (378)

My daughter, do you think you have written enough about My mercy? What you have written is but a drop compared to the ocean. I am Love and Mercy itself. There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy, neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted - it increases. The soul that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I myself take care of it. (1273)

Write, speak of My mercy. Tell souls where they are to look for solace; that is, in the Tribunal of Mercy Confession ]. There the greatest miracles take place [and] are incessantly repeated. To avail oneself of this miracle, it is not necessary to go on a great pilgrimage or to carry out some external ceremony; it suffices to come with faith to the feet of My representative and to reveal to him one’s misery, and the miracle of Divine Mercy will be fully demonstrated. Were a soul like a decaying corpse so that from a human standpoint, there would be no [hope of ] restoration and everything would already be lost, it is not so with God. The miracle of Divine Mercy restores that soul in full. Oh, how miserable are those who do not take advantage of the miracle of God’s mercy! You will call out in vain, but it will be too late. (1448)
 
Trust in God’s mercy and pray the Rosary to make a good Confession 🙂

“If you say the Rosary faithfully unto death, I do assure you that, in spite of the gravity of your sins, ‘you will receive a never-fading crown of glory”
Saint Louis de Montfort

You might also be interested in the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows, because one of the promises of it is greater contrition for sin.
catholicdoors.com/prayers/chaplets/chap18.htm

God bless you
 
God expects progress. We are to strive toward spiritual perfection.

What other areas of your life need improvement? My suggestion is that you work on something else and come back to this one.

I know that we all want to attack the most obvious problem first. You may need to claim some lesser victories before this one.
 
Daegus, greetings and be of good spirit especially in this Christmas season, the season in which we celebrate the Lord our God coming into the world to die for us and our sins. Even those you struggle with now.

The fact that you are despondent over this and that it is troubling you is a demonstration that while you are having trouble avoiding these sins, you do at some level regret and repent of them. Go to confession with the intention of receiving the grace God will provide to strengthen you, tell your confessor of your struggles and mental state for his advice.

Some practical advice. God created us with the ability to make choices, unlike the animals. We are rational beings, so if you want to avoid these sins have faith in the ability God gave you to act rationally and make better choices.
  • Every time you think of pornography ask yourself- would you want your mother/sister/Daughter/wife participating in creating these products? Each of these women are daughters to someone at the very least.
  • Every time you have the urge to buy pornography-- Make a donation to charity with the money you would have spent. Or buy a book an theology.
  • If you’ve been cruising the internet, set up your router or browser with filters to screen it out. If you don’t know how to do this, it’s very easy, just google for it, or read the instructions that came with your router. Then have someone else set the password to help you avoid the temptation of removing them (tell them you’re setting it to keep you from spending too much time on e-bay, or something).
Remember that you are in battle with evil. You will lose some battles but you can win the war for your soul.

Didn’t even St Augustine say something along the lines of , God grant me chastity and constancy… but not yet!! He struggled with sin and the pleasures of the flesh. Even saying something similar to you by indicating he didn’t repent enough to give them up.
 
confession is a must! let god be the judge of where your going and what your capable of! keep going…things will get a bit easier once your in a state of grace. maybe your need for porn is for a reason! Your filling a void. Maybe you need to find yourself a bride! in the mean time take your mind off things read a book. Pierced by a sword is good, by Bud Macfarlane. I have an extra copy I can mail it to you if like. Google food for the poor. and donate there a so many different ways to contribute, you don’t have to spend much at all. But you will be feeding the hungry, making a difference. Offer up all your misery to help save these poor souls. goodluck and god bless!
 
janelle77 said:
confession is a must! let god be the judge of where your going and what your capable of! keep going…things will get a bit easier once your in a state of grace. maybe your need for porn is for a reason! Your filling a void. Maybe you need to find yourself a bride! in the mean time take your mind off things read a book. Pierced by a sword is good, by Bud Macfarlane. I have an extra copy I can mail it to you if like. Google food for the poor. and donate there a so many different ways to contribute, you don’t have to spend much at all. But you will be feeding the hungry, making a difference. Offer up all your misery to help save these poor souls. goodluck and god bless!
Click to expand...
At 16, I think that’s one of the last things I need at this point.
 
You are so blessed to be fighting these spiritual battles at 16 years of age. Most 16 year olds dont have that grace to know an “empty soul” like you do.

My one peice of advise when you are feeling empty is try not to worry overly about it. Wait. Wait for the Lord. He will chose His time and method to prompt you back into action.

I do not know the answer to your “addiction”. Remember Confession is a must every week, day if necessary. But trust in God to time it for you. Dont rush it if you are empty of soul just to get back to the communion table and respectability in your parish. Wait until something happens, you have prayed, picked up the bible, or something through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, not because you want to rush back into respectability. It might be a mass where you can pray and not commune but unite yourself spiritually that is that very spark. So what!? Thats what God intented. Then you will make a good confession, not a rushed one or an empty one. Because God has brought you there not guilt and fear.

Remember it is an oath to God, not just a way of cleansing your soul. It helps me to vary the act of contrition to suit my own particular needs.

I firmly resolve with the help of your grace to abstain from all sin and PARTICULARLY the occassions of sin

or

If firmly resolve to abstain from all sin, the occassions of sin and not to drink more than one glass of whisky a day…not to take the laptop to my room on my own…whatever you think!

Whatever.

Fear not. Jesus is on your side. Consider his peace and your emptiness of soul at times of temptation.

God Bless
a hypocrite.
 
Daegus said:
I don’t even know what to do at this point. About 2 months back, I made a post regarding addiction to pornography to seek help. As some of you may or may not know, the vice of viewing pornography and masturbating is something that’s been plaguing me for well over a year now, and started about 4 or 5 years ago with my curiosity. Now, I sit here wondering why. My faith dwindles, and I feel hopeless. I pray, but I say to myself, what’s the use? All there is between God and myself is a brick wall that keeps pushing me further and further away. I contemplate going to confession, but it would be useless to try because I would never make a perfect act of contrition. I’m just not sorry enough.

I’ve tried praying and asking for God to make me sorry for my sins, but it doesn’t work. I can’t stir up any emotions in myself either. I’ve committed acts of sacrilege and desecrated the holy communion by taking it, knowing that I was in a state of mortal sin just so I wouldn’t look bad. I feel like I’m going to hell and there’s nothing I can do about it… I can’t make these nasty images of porn from the past go away, and I can’t make concupiscence go away.

On top of that, even though I hang around forums like these and try to make it seem like I’m so pious, I’m nothing but a self-righteous hypocrite. I keep saying things like “I’ll pray for you” and I preach drivel about charity and grace when I fall so greatly short. There are even people who say they’ll pray for me! (Can you imagine?) They’re probably lying too, or they say a 2 second prayer, giving it no second thought and that’s the end of it. I can’t even fool myself in trying to preach gospel to anyone I know. I’m nothing but a fool in their eyes, and my opinions are worth as much as a feather. I can wake up every morning and lie to myself saying “today is going to be a new day” but deep down, I know I’m living my life for no reason. God is devoid in my life, and it’s all my fault. I’ve hit rock bottom and I can’t get up.

My body may be full of life, and I may laugh and cheer, but my soul is truly empty and devoid of any goodness.
Click to expand...
I’ve given my advice many times on here about this so I won’t give it again yet. I’ll try a different approach. Just know this: If you keep going to Confession and saying your prayers and don’t give up, there will be something in your life that will shake you out of all this. Something practical that will change change your habits. Hopefully it won’t be someone’s death but it may be someone you meet or just anything earthshaking that will change all your habits. This has happened to me from time to time. Since you have sorrow and are so young, truly there is a lot of hope. One thing I would do is to concentrate on doing the right things like reading holy books and going to confession, etc even though in between you are sinning. Calm youself and concentrate on these things while you are suffering from this sin. Be tenacious in your good habits. All of a sudden the grace will come and you’ll be out of it and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a saint because you will have fought this sin for so long! Think about that.
 
I highly recommend trying to attend either SA or SAA meetings. The link that I have for SAA is SAA-recovery.org. You need to learn the tools that others have learned that are effective for battling this disease. I’ve been through dark days with this struggle and I am inifinitely grateful for the recovery that I have experienced. Peace, g
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top