My Spiritual Director said

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scapularkid8

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Okay. Ignore my little signature for a few minutes because this is driving me crazy (and it’s Sunday anyway and we don’t fast in the presence of the Bridegroom:thumbsup: )

So my SD said (six months ago :o 😊 ) that he wanted me to start my program off by making a schedule. A schedule that I follow every day where I balance about eight hours of free time, eight hours of work, and eight hours of sleep. He asked me to plan out every hour of my day on a calendar set up like a week and that’s what I follow day in and day out…the thing is I don’t know if I could plan out every single hour of every single day and stick to that for the rest of my life…this was told to me in September and he told me “just come back when you have it all set up”…it is now March and I have yet to do that. I have a tentative one, but I feel really silly that it took me THAT long to set up and I honestly think it would be very hard for me to live such a regimented lifestyle of 8-8-8 (hours that is).

Thoughts? How should I tell him that I FINALLY have something to work with? When he said every hour, did he mean every single hour or was that just exaggeration to make a point?🤷
 
scapularkid8 said:
Okay. Ignore my little signature for a few minutes because this is driving me crazy (and it’s Sunday anyway and we don’t fast in the presence of the Bridegroom:thumbsup: )

So my SD said (six months ago :o 😊 ) that he wanted me to start my program off by making a schedule. A schedule that I follow every day where I balance about eight hours of free time, eight hours of work, and eight hours of sleep. He asked me to plan out every hour of my day on a calendar set up like a week and that’s what I follow day in and day out…the thing is I don’t know if I could plan out every single hour of every single day and stick to that for the rest of my life…this was told to me in September and he told me “just come back when you have it all set up”…it is now March and I have yet to do that. I have a tentative one, but I feel really silly that it took me THAT long to set up and I honestly think it would be very hard for me to live such a regimented lifestyle of 8-8-8 (hours that is).

Thoughts? How should I tell him that I FINALLY have something to work with? When he said every hour, did he mean every single hour or was that just exaggeration to make a point?🤷
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Bring him what you have and ask him for the clarifications you need.
 
I don’t know if you are male or female but you might try reading and following the suggestions in Holly Pierlot’s book “A Mother’s Rule of Life”. I don’t follow the schedule exactly but it is a great start on how to prioritize and allocat time to differnt activities. The most important elements are to allocate set times for God and Family and to schedule as much as possible to avoid scrambling around.
 
Try to think of the reason that you see your SD. He can’t very well help you if he doesn’t meet with you. Take him what you have and tell him where you had problems so he can help you further. He’s not in the position he’s in to judge you (besides only He can really do that.)
 
scapularkid8 said:
So my SD said (six months ago :o 😊 ) that he wanted me to start my program off by making a schedule.
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Why don’t you talk with him about this? I can imagine all sorts of scenarios here, but I’m sure the one thing he didn’t intend was to drive you off for six months.

Did he say why he thought you should do this? I can imagine, for example, saying something like “I have no time to pray” and being asked basically “what is it you do all day and what are your priorities?” The intent wouldn’t be to plan out my life for the next twenty years, but to figure out what would work for me.

If you don’t feel like you can talk with him and ask questions, perhaps he’s not the right director for you.
 
Unless one has made a vow or promise of obedience to one’s director there is no onligation to follow his/her advice. And even if one has made such a vow or promise, it is ok to express concern for one at some direction etc. given and to talk things over…the vow or promise means that your director has the casting vote and final say. This is the relationship I have with my director/confessor.
I live alone and do not have a job to be concerned about, nor a family, and I would find set times for things near on impossible to do and probably would drive me loopy after a while. I do have certain things including prayer times (5 times daily) that I need to fit into my day. Rather than going by the clock, I fit these 5 prayer times around the duties I need to get done in any one day e.g. as I take night time medication that leaves me a bit groggy in the morning, when I get up I first switch on the computer and then check my emails, by which time I am ‘sober’ and have my wits about me sufficient to pray Morning Prayer.

I think if God had wanted me to live a monastic life by bells and strict routine, then I would be in a monastery. Having years ago been in one, I know that the whole way of life is set up so it is quite convenient even helpful to live by those bells. Not so, I dont think, a lay life in the world. The book another poster recommended to you “A mothers rule of live” is a quite helpful book even if one does not follow its recommendations strictly.

Blessings…Barb
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
Did he say why he thought you should do this?
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The reason he suggested this was because I mentioned how my main reason for being spiritually directed was to grow closer to God. He asked what the current activities I do to achieve that already, I said all my practices (Rosaries, prayers from the LOTH, ect.) and he asked what my “office” was…I said I didn’t really have a daily schedule for things I just prayed when I felt like it. That’s when he told me that if anyone wants to be successful then they have to be scheduled (the military, a monk, a government, ect.). So if I want ‘success’ I have to have a schedule set out.
SuscipeMeDomine said:
If you don’t feel like you can talk with him and ask questions, perhaps he’s not the right director for you.
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Hmmm…maybe. But the reason I felt kinda bad about it was because I remember reading in St. John of the Cross or St. Theresa of Ávila’s writings how certain people float from spiritual father to spiritual father looking for one that just tells them what they want to hear. I didn’t take a vow with this one, in fact that was the very first and so far only meeting I’ve had with him…🤷
 
scapularkid8 said:
The reason he suggested this was because I mentioned how my main reason for being spiritually directed was to grow closer to God. He asked what the current activities I do to achieve that already, I said all my practices (Rosaries, prayers from the LOTH, ect.) and he asked what my “office” was…I said I didn’t really have a daily schedule for things I just prayed when I felt like it. That’s when he told me that if anyone wants to be successful then they have to be scheduled (the military, a monk, a government, ect.). So if I want ‘success’ I have to have a schedule set out.
Hmmm…maybe. But the reason I felt kinda bad about it was because I remember reading in St. John of the Cross or St. Theresa of Ávila’s writings how certain people float from spiritual father to spiritual father looking for one that just tells them what they want to hear. I didn’t take a vow with this one, in fact that was the very first and so far only meeting I’ve had with him…🤷
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hmm

Interesting you find that suggestion ‘appealing’

How can you tell if this is not a good match with an SD when you have managed to dodge going back and facing him with the results of the assignment?

Having been in direction myself and using your reaction as a measure I think this may be a great match. But one thing is for sure - you have not given it or the relationship a fair chance.
 
I was also contemplating asking my parish priest who I’ve known since I was seven (I’m 18 now) since, well, he basically is like an uncle to me and I think of him when the ideal priest comes to mind. I also approached this priest I’m vaguely connected with now right when college began which is a critical life turning point for anyone so it could’ve been that I was just reaching out for something, anything, that would help me feel like I had a spiritual life similar to the one back home which included a priest who I knew really well.🤷 I’m shrugging for all of these because I just don’t really know where to go from here.

You do have a point with me not even giving the compatibility a chance…
 
Eilish_Maura said:
Having been in direction myself and using your reaction as a measure I think this may be a great match. But one thing is for sure - you have not given it or the relationship a fair chance.
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Wait I’m a little confused: it’s a good thing that I avoided meeting up with him for half a year?! Why is it a good match? I’m honestly very curious to hear the logic behind that! (really, I’m not trying to be smart)
 
scapularkid8 said:
Wait I’m a little confused: it’s a good thing that I avoided meeting up with him for half a year?! Why is it a good match? I’m honestly very curious to hear the logic behind that! (really, I’m not trying to be smart)
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Directors won’t give you easy work, your reluctance shows you spotted that this one has ‘hard’ work for you.

Being in direction can be difficult – you found ways to avoid doing the hard work for your spiritual growth.

Maybe you are not even ready for being in direction at this point.
 
Hey scapularkid, you’re supposed to be fasting from the computer, remember? Go study or get some sleep!
 
Time Management for Catholics by Dave Durand is the most helpful spiritual “how-to” book I have ever read, and IMO essential for someone who is serious about ramping up their Christian commitment. His suggestions will help you do as SD has suggested in manageable steps.
 
scapularkid8 said:
That’s when he told me that if anyone wants to be successful then they have to be scheduled (the military, a monk, a government, ect.). So if I want ‘success’ I have to have a schedule set out.
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I agree that a schedule is a good thing, though I wouldn’t try to schedule every last minute for every single day. (At the same time, I know that I need some structure to my day – if I were to say that I’ll pray “sometime” during the day, it would never happen. On the other hand, if I say that I’ll do my morning prayers right after I put on the coffee in the morning, then I have enough of a schedule or a structure so that I’ll actually pray then.)

What I find more questionable is that you get an assignment that seems difficult and you don’t do it, you don’t question him about it, you don’t go back to talk about anything else – you basically just avoid the whole thing. That’s not very positive in any way.

He asked you why you wanted to be in spiritual direction and gave you something based on your answer. Maybe the next question is what do you want a spiritual director to do for you?
 
Following a schedule is good for spiritual, physical and mental well being. Being predictable on what you’re going to do, day to day, helps you focus on doing what you’re suppose to be doing, and doing it well. Especially in scheduling time for prayer each day, can make a difference in everything else.
I’m pretty well on a schedule myself, although I haven’t had to write it down, I know what my day to day activity is going to be.

I just need to add physical exercise into that schedule. 😃

Jim
 
you construct a budget for time (or schedule) the same way you do a budget for money–you begin be recording what you are doing now in increments–for instance a productivity expert would have workers record what they are doing every 15 or 30 minutes.

only when you know how you are spending your time now will you be able to see where changes should be made. to make an unrealistic schedule without tracking your actual activity is a waste of time
 
Oops, sorry, I missed the meaning of the 1st part of your post. So, unless it’s Sunday:
nobody said:
Hey scapularkid, you’re supposed to be fasting from the computer, remember? Go study or get some sleep!
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I would just make a schedule for the week and then update it every Sunday night to accommodate what you’ve got going on. 🙂
 
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