My story, please help if you can

[TheExorcist]

Hi all. I have a serious question that maybe you all can help me with. Its kind of a long post so please bear with me to the end As I explain my situation I want you to think of it in a Catholic context. I put this in the Family Life section on purpose as I think this is where it belongs (mods may disagree but we’ll see). Almost 18 years ago I joined the Mormon church. I was a zealous convert and jumped in with both feet. A year later I went on a mission. And then came back and went back to school. I was excited about my new faith. I had my doubts but still, I was excited. The last 6 months or so of my mission I started writing a girl who was the friend of a former girlfriend of one of the missionaries I was living with. I wrote her the rest of my mission, just kind of being friends. I didn’t date much when I got home and so my relationship continued to develop with this girl to the point where both of us decided to see if there might be something more than friendship. We ended up engaged within a few months and married a year later in 2001.

Like I said I always had doubts, but I pushed on and served in the church to the best of my ability, even serving leadership positions. In the last few years my doubts have overwhelmed me and after exploring church history in more detail determined the Mormon church was indeed not what it made itself out to be, the true church. I struggled with this and my wife and I even separated. We got back together as I was making a genuine shot at getting my “testimony” back. It didn’t work and now my wife is leaving me, for good. I’ve pleaded and begged and promised to do whatever it takes but what she wants is a believing, faithful LDS husband, which in good conscience I cannot be.

My question is: can you see a Catholic woman leaving her husband for loss of faith. Like serious sustained never to be recovered loss of faith? *I am SO alone right now as the Mormon wagons are circling around her. I’m just trying to make sense of this and get some hope for the future. Thanks for listening.

 

[PaulGH]

Hi all. I have a serious question that maybe you all can help me with. Its kind of a long post so please bear with me to the end As I explain my situation I want you to think of it in a Catholic context. I put this in the Family Life section on purpose as I think this is where it belongs (mods may disagree but we’ll see). Almost 18 years ago I joined the Mormon church. I was a zealous convert and jumped in with both feet. A year later I went on a mission. And then came back and went back to school. I was excited about my new faith. I had my doubts but still, I was excited. The last 6 months or so of my mission I started writing a girl who was the friend of a former girlfriend of one of the missionaries I was living with. I wrote her the rest of my mission, just kind of being friends. I didn’t date much when I got home and so my relationship continued to develop with this girl to the point where both of us decided to see if there might be something more than friendship. We ended up engaged within a few months and married a year later in 2001.

Like I said I always had doubts, but I pushed on and served in the church to the best of my ability, even serving leadership positions. In the last few years my doubts have overwhelmed me and after exploring church history in more detail determined the Mormon church was indeed not what it made itself out to be, the true church. I struggled with this and my wife and I even separated. We got back together as I was making a genuine shot at getting my “testimony” back. It didn’t work and now my wife is leaving me, for good. I’ve pleaded and begged and promised to do whatever it takes but what she wants is a believing, faithful LDS husband, which in good conscience I cannot be.

My question is: can you see a Catholic woman leaving her husband for loss of faith. Like serious sustained never to be recovered loss of faith? *I am SO alone right now as the Mormon wagons are circling around her. I’m just trying to make sense of this and get some hope for the future. Thanks for listening.

I’m very sorry to hear about your situation, and I will pray for you and your wife. To answer your question, I can see that a Catholic wife might leave her husband for leaving the Catholic faith. But if she did so, she would be going against the clear teaching of the Catholic Church, that marriage is a life-long commitment, and she would be breaking her wedding vows. So a Catholic wife (or husband) definitely should not leave her (or his) spouse simply because that spouse has abandoned their faith.

I don’t know what advice to give you about your own situation, because I do not think you should be dishonest (i.e., by pretending to believe something that you actually don’t believe) in order to save your marriage. I do think that your marriage is worth saving, and that you should do almost anything to save it – but not if that means being dishonest about what you believe.

 

[TheExorcist]

I’m very sorry to hear about your situation, and I will pray for you and your wife. To answer your question, I can see that a Catholic wife might leave her husband for leaving the Catholic faith. But if she did so, she would be going against the clear teaching of the Catholic Church, that marriage is a life-long commitment, and she would be breaking her wedding vows. So a Catholic wife (or husband) definitely should not leave her (or his) spouse simply because that spouse has abandoned their faith.

I don’t know what advice to give you about your own situation, because I do not think you should be dishonest (i.e., by pretending to believe something that you actually don’t believe) in order to save your marriage. I do think that your marriage is worth saving, and that you should do almost anything to save it – but not if that means being dishonest about what you believe.

Thanks Paul. I certainly appreciate your prayers. I’ve told my story off and on here, mostly in the Non Catholic Religions forum. Ive written to Fr Mitch a couple times and he’s always full of good advice. There are no good answers to this situation I think. Ive been attending Mass as I can but I’ve had to mostly try to do it when my wife is out of town. I guess this frees me to begin RCIA. Everythings pretty chaotic in my mind right now.

 

[joanofarc2008]

I can tell you what Church teaching is but unfortunately human beings act contrary to that at times. If the spouses were to leave and the marriage were to be found invalid at the time of the marriage for whatever reason (more later if you are interested in knowing more but there are mulitple posts on this subject) then both spouses could possible remarry. However, if the marriage were held up as valid she would not be able to remarry. If the only reason that the marriage fell apart was that one spouse lost his faith than chances are the marriage would not be found null. Now, if there were other issues such as an extremely short courtship or a shotgun wedding, etc then there could possibly be other reasons. But leaving one’s spouse is not something to be taken lightly.

 

[faithfully]

I can imagine that some would, and that some wouldn’t.

Is it that you no longer believe the Mormon way? Or that you are called to the Catholic church? (or another church?) If you are called to the church, IF I WERE YOU, I’d get on over to a priest. Your faith is about to be tested to the nth degree.

What is her view of what you’re being called to? Is it EVIL???

I’m not sure, honestly, how I would handle such a thing. My husband is not of any faith structure. He supports me being Catholic. I’d probably knock him into next weekend if he tried to convert to something other than Catholic. And if it was something extremely contradicting, (for arguments sake) say, muslim. I could not immediately come up with a way of coming to terms with that. And I rather think my family would support me all the way.

 

[TheExorcist]

I can tell you what Church teaching is but unfortunately human beings act contrary to that at times. If the spouses were to leave and the marriage were to be found invalid at the time of the marriage for whatever reason (more later if you are interested in knowing more but there are mulitple posts on this subject) then both spouses could possible remarry. However, if the marriage were held up as valid she would not be able to remarry. If the only reason that the marriage fell apart was that one spouse lost his faith than chances are the marriage would not be found null. Now, if there were other issues such as an extremely short courtship or a shotgun wedding, etc then there could possibly be other reasons. But leaving one’s spouse is not something to be taken lightly.

Yes I think the Catholic church takes the issue of marriage and divorce rather more seriously than most Christians. I do not know of any churches that forbid remarriage after divorce besides the Catholic church. I listen to A LOT of Catholic radio and TV, mostly by podcast and so have heard a lot about church law regarding this. Just knowing what I know it makes sense that RCIA lasts at least a year.

 

[TheExorcist]

I can imagine that some would, and that some wouldn’t.

Is it that you no longer believe the Mormon way? Or that you are called to the Catholic church? (or another church?) If you are called to the church, IF I WERE YOU, I’d get on over to a priest. Your faith is about to be tested to the nth degree.

What is her view of what you’re being called to? Is it EVIL???

I’m not sure, honestly, how I would handle such a thing. My husband is not of any faith structure. He supports me being Catholic. I’d probably knock him into next weekend if he tried to convert to something other than Catholic. And if it was something extremely contradicting, (for arguments sake) say, muslim. I could not immediately come up with a way of coming to terms with that. And I rather think my family would support me all the way.

It’s both. Not believing Mormonism AND being called toward Catholicism. I actually started my journey out of Mormonism in the Episcopal church (ironically enough while we were living in Salt Lake City). I found a parish that was very traditional, the rector was even a former Catholic priest. After a while I started watching EWTN and one thing led to another led to Catholicism. However I don’t want to just jump in like I did 18 years ago with Mormonism. As you might reckon I don’t fully trust my spiritual radar any more. The Mormon church has ruined my family and my life. I don’t want that to happen again.

 

[faithfully]

It’s both. Not believing Mormonism AND being called toward Catholicism. I actually started my journey out of Mormonism in the Episcopal church (ironically enough while we were living in Salt Lake City). I found a parish that was very traditional, the rector was even a former Catholic priest. After a while I started watching EWTN and one thing led to another led to Catholicism. However I don’t want to just jump in like I did 18 years ago with Mormonism. As you might reckon I don’t fully trust my spiritual radar any more. The Mormon church has ruined my family and my life. I don’t want that to happen again.

I can understand your fear. This is why you need to talk to a good priest. IMO

I don’t understand enough about the mormon church to understand a statement that says “The mormon church has ruined my family and my life.”

How is that?

I can tell you have a hard road ahead of you. Many prayers!

 

[Angel7]

I prayed for you. And im sorry something like this is happening to you right now. I encourage you to seek the Catholic Church, but I also wonder if your marriage could be saved. I’d recomend talking to a Catholic priest (those guys always have good advice )

 

[CDB1718]

I’m sorry you’re hurting!

Our church teaches that you continue to have a marriage even after civil divorce. The church allows ecclesial divorce and remarriage in some situations, especially when both spouses were unbaptized, but I don’t think the canonical or theological details are what you’re looking for right now. We allow civil divorce because it separates property and goods. Sometimes people need this for the well-being of all involved, but the spouses are still obligated to help each other get to heaven. Sometimes the best we can do towards that aim is prayer, which should not be discounted as inferior to more physically active work.

I just watched a great program and it might speak to you about how you can begin to heal and find God no matter what other people are doing. It’s called The Big Silence. It ran on BBC and was hosted by a Benedictine monk. All 12 parts of it are on youtube.

youtube.com/watch?v=L_zDtdYu3mA

 

[SummerSmiles]

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sadly, yours is not the only story that I’ve heard about these issues. There is a woman at my current parish who used to be Mormon. She realized that the Mormon church wasn’t the true church, and she started to pull away from it. And her husband pulled away from her. They’d been very close until she started having doubts about the Mormon faith. When she told him that she felt called to Catholicism, he divorced her outright. All of their Mormon friends would have nothing to do with her anymore. She’s basically been excommunicated from their church for her choice to convert. For his part, he never planned to have a wife who wouldn’t be a faithful Mormon wife. She had a very difficult journey, but she’s been able to find happiness again. And she truly feels satisfied with her choice to convert and practice her Catholic faith. She feels very much at peace now, even though she had to go through many hardships to get here.

As far as Catholics go, the official Church teaching is that once two people are united in marriage, they will always remain so. (In some situations a civil divorce is unavoidable, but they are not free to remarry.) The faithful spouse should continue to pray for, love, and remain with the spouse who has lost their faith. (Assuming this is the only issue that is causing problems in the marriage.) Practically speaking, this is a very difficult thing to do. It’s difficult to have such a disconnect with one’s spouse. My DH and I have grown together spiritually and that is what has held us together–I’m not sure our bond would be as strong if we did not share that close spirituality with one another anymore. People will behave differently–I’m sure that you will find some who would “tough it out” with a spouse who had lost their faith, and others who would divorce their spouse.

You say that you feel that you are being called to Catholicism, but you don’t quite trust your spiritual radar. I can only imagine how difficult this entire situation has been for you and I don’t blame you. I suggest that you really start to educate yourself about Catholicism and what the Church teaches. Look into it’s history if you want to know where the Church gets its teachings from. Ask as many questions as you can, read as many books as you can. I also highly suggest having a discussion with a priest about this issue. He will be much better equipped to answer your questions in detail and help you as you discern if you want to go through RCIA and join the Catholic Church.

 

[ChrisRedfield47]

*I am SO alone right now as the Mormon wagons are circling around her. I’m just trying to make sense of this and get some hope for the future. Thanks for listening.

Its a very difficult situation. My advice is go see a priest.

Pray the Rosary it solves even the hardest situations you can ever imagine.

Ill in fact include you in my Rosary Today (Monday).

 

[bellrodt]

A copy of the CD - The Conversion of Scott Hahn - will help you better understand the rationale for all things Catholic. Dr Hahn was a Presbyterian minister and teacher and anti-Catholic in his views. But he came to Catholicism through extensive research that he discusses in detail on the CD. It is a very in depth discussion with many scriptural references.

The CD is free if you send a request by regular mail to a Catholic web site, which I have forgotten. But googling Scott Hahn should find it. (It might be Catholic City.)

My best wishes and prayers for you on your journey to a Faith that you can know is right for you. In my case, my Catholic Faith is my most prized possession of all and there are so many personal experiences why this is so.

God Bless you and help you
Yours In Christ
Bernie

 

[dustigirl]

I simply tell you to seek the truth about what YOU personally believe~ and then practice that. If our Lord is calling you to the Catholic Church then let you conscience be your guide~ and start attending~in the end if that is where you are called to, who knows- your wife may even follow you. I really believe that often the LORD is inviting us into a deeper relationship with HIM~ we need to check it our to see if that is what is happening.

There is no harm in attending or in researching where you believe you are being called. God is bigger than all of us~ He sees your struggle~ Pray to the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you to the truth.

 

[Zundrah]

Hi all. I have a serious question that maybe you all can help me with. Its kind of a long post so please bear with me to the end As I explain my situation I want you to think of it in a Catholic context. I put this in the Family Life section on purpose as I think this is where it belongs (mods may disagree but we’ll see). Almost 18 years ago I joined the Mormon church. I was a zealous convert and jumped in with both feet. A year later I went on a mission. And then came back and went back to school. I was excited about my new faith. I had my doubts but still, I was excited. The last 6 months or so of my mission I started writing a girl who was the friend of a former girlfriend of one of the missionaries I was living with. I wrote her the rest of my mission, just kind of being friends. I didn’t date much when I got home and so my relationship continued to develop with this girl to the point where both of us decided to see if there might be something more than friendship. We ended up engaged within a few months and married a year later in 2001.

Like I said I always had doubts, but I pushed on and served in the church to the best of my ability, even serving leadership positions. In the last few years my doubts have overwhelmed me and after exploring church history in more detail determined the Mormon church was indeed not what it made itself out to be, the true church. I struggled with this and my wife and I even separated. We got back together as I was making a genuine shot at getting my “testimony” back. It didn’t work and now my wife is leaving me, for good. I’ve pleaded and begged and promised to do whatever it takes but what she wants is a believing, faithful LDS husband, which in good conscience I cannot be.

My question is: can you see a Catholic woman leaving her husband for loss of faith. Like serious sustained never to be recovered loss of faith? *I am SO alone right now as the Mormon wagons are circling around her. I’m just trying to make sense of this and get some hope for the future. Thanks for listening.

Your situation sounds horrific. It’s so sad, you have done all that you consider to be right and have consequently suffered greatly for doing so. It’s like right now, you are carrying an effective weight of the cross as a result of your decision, if you understand what I mean by that.

Marriage is a very serious thing in the Church of the Latter Day Saints, I believe it is thought to go part and parcel of your salvation? Maybe I am wrong.

Divorce is something that should never have to happen. I’m so sorry for your situation. Some people think that a difference in belief couldn’t affect a marriage, but that’s because they probably don’t understand the relation to marriage and what the church teaches on it. For a Mormon, I can understand this divorce but for a Catholic, it wouldn’t be a good reason to separate.

I think I’ve ranted pointlessly, without helping you. Forgive me.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It’s both. Not believing Mormonism AND being called toward Catholicism. I actually started my journey out of Mormonism in the Episcopal church (ironically enough while we were living in Salt Lake City). I found a parish that was very traditional, the rector was even a former Catholic priest. After a while I started watching EWTN and one thing led to another led to Catholicism. However I don’t want to just jump in like I did 18 years ago with Mormonism. As you might reckon I don’t fully trust my spiritual radar any more. The Mormon church has ruined my family and my life. I don’t want that to happen again.

Well, I can reassure you that the Catholic Church will not ruin your life! Or your family, for that matter. But I agree with other posters, you need to seek the spiritual counsel of a priest. You are in a difficult position and you need guidance, and a holy priest will assist you more than anyone else on this earth. I would recommend an orthodox parish if you can find one where you are. Or call the diocese and find a church or a retreat center that does spiritual direction. From what little I know about the Mormon church, you are probably going to be excommunicated and shunned. I hope children aren’t involved but if they are, prepare for the worst.

I will put you in m prayers.

 

[faithfully]

I have no idea if your wife will be willing. I’d certainly not be willing to look at another faith structure.

HOWEVER, MAYBE she’ll go to RCIA with you as an observer? No intent to convert? But to listen? Even if she thinks it’s to prove you wrong?

This is me grasping at straws. I still think talking to a priest is the way to go for now.

 

[TheExorcist]

I prayed for you. And im sorry something like this is happening to you right now. I encourage you to seek the Catholic Church, but I also wonder if your marriage could be saved. I’d recomend talking to a Catholic priest (those guys always have good advice )

Thanks, I think I will. I attended Mass this morning. My closest parish is an FSSP parish and I’ve sat down with Father there before

I’m sorry you’re hurting!

Our church teaches that you continue to have a marriage even after civil divorce. The church allows ecclesial divorce and remarriage in some situations, especially when both spouses were unbaptized, but I don’t think the canonical or theological details are what you’re looking for right now. We allow civil divorce because it separates property and goods. Sometimes people need this for the well-being of all involved, but the spouses are still obligated to help each other get to heaven. Sometimes the best we can do towards that aim is prayer, which should not be discounted as inferior to more physically active work.

I just watched a great program and it might speak to you about how you can begin to heal and find God no matter what other people are doing. It’s called The Big Silence. It ran on BBC and was hosted by a Benedictine monk. All 12 parts of it are on youtube.

youtube.com/watch?v=L_zDtdYu3mA

Thanks, I think I’ll check it out. The very first “Catholic-type” experience I had was in an Episcopal parish. They had a group that met every other week that they called Benedictines, although they’ve renamed it the Abbey Community. During that evening there was 30 mins of silent prayer, contemplation followed by a book discussion (while I was attending the selection was “Into The Silent Land” by Martin Laird). After that we all got together to pray Compline. It was a very peaceful evening, one of the most peaceful of my week

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sadly, yours is not the only story that I’ve heard about these issues. There is a woman at my current parish who used to be Mormon. She realized that the Mormon church wasn’t the true church, and she started to pull away from it. And her husband pulled away from her. They’d been very close until she started having doubts about the Mormon faith. When she told him that she felt called to Catholicism, he divorced her outright. All of their Mormon friends would have nothing to do with her anymore. She’s basically been excommunicated from their church for her choice to convert. For his part, he never planned to have a wife who wouldn’t be a faithful Mormon wife. She had a very difficult journey, but she’s been able to find happiness again. And she truly feels satisfied with her choice to convert and practice her Catholic faith. She feels very much at peace now, even though she had to go through many hardships to get here.

As far as Catholics go, the official Church teaching is that once two people are united in marriage, they will always remain so. (In some situations a civil divorce is unavoidable, but they are not free to remarry.) The faithful spouse should continue to pray for, love, and remain with the spouse who has lost their faith. (Assuming this is the only issue that is causing problems in the marriage.) Practically speaking, this is a very difficult thing to do. It’s difficult to have such a disconnect with one’s spouse. My DH and I have grown together spiritually and that is what has held us together–I’m not sure our bond would be as strong if we did not share that close spirituality with one another anymore. People will behave differently–I’m sure that you will find some who would “tough it out” with a spouse who had lost their faith, and others who would divorce their spouse.

You say that you feel that you are being called to Catholicism, but you don’t quite trust your spiritual radar. I can only imagine how difficult this entire situation has been for you and I don’t blame you. I suggest that you really start to educate yourself about Catholicism and what the Church teaches. Look into it’s history if you want to know where the Church gets its teachings from. Ask as many questions as you can, read as many books as you can. I also highly suggest having a discussion with a priest about this issue. He will be much better equipped to answer your questions in detail and help you as you discern if you want to go through RCIA and join the Catholic Church.

Yes, the Mormon church is all about family until something like this happens. I have a friend who has also (WITH his wife) left the church. Its hard to break away from and the emotional consequences are GREAT.

 

[TheExorcist]

Its a very difficult situation. My advice is go see a priest.

Pray the Rosary it solves even the hardest situations you can ever imagine.

Ill in fact include you in my Rosary Today (Monday).

Thanks Chris. And thanks for the St. Josemaria Escriva quote. Im reading The Way right now and love it.

I simply tell you to seek the truth about what YOU personally believe~ and then practice that. If our Lord is calling you to the Catholic Church then let you conscience be your guide~ and start attending~in the end if that is where you are called to, who knows- your wife may even follow you. I really believe that often the LORD is inviting us into a deeper relationship with HIM~ we need to check it our to see if that is what is happening.

There is no harm in attending or in researching where you believe you are being called. God is bigger than all of us~ He sees your struggle~ Pray to the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you to the truth.

Thanks I’ve been attending Mass when I can. I went today and was even able to stay to pray afterwards. It bring tremendous peace.

 

[Castello]

The Church recognizes that a good thing (valid natural marriage) may be given up for a better thing (a sacramental marriage). That is the reason for the Pauline Privilege toledodiocese.org/index.php/tribunal/pauline-privilege-

So, in answer, yes - the Church understands that sometimes marriages will end because of conversion of one spouse.