My teen is on wrong path-please help

[Tietjen]

sarcophagus:

Are you kidding me?

Nope.

sarcophagus:

I would not try to make my child’s life a nightmare…don’t get me wrong, I’m all for discipline and trying to guide a child but not that…my mother did that to me from 12 - 18 (when I moved out). That is to say I was grounded for doing nothing wrong except for going for a bike ride when I should have been doing my homework…I was grounded for 6 years…my punishment at 18 was still…no going out at all on weekdays, my curfew (at 18) was 8:00pm, I wasn’t allowed to use the internet unless it was for homework and she had to sit with me while I did it, in case I was talking to friends on MSN, and only 15 minutes a night on the phone.

Okay, your “nightmare” is far different from mine. I certainly agree that what you went through was beyond anything that I was trying to suggest.

sarcophagus:

If I went 1 minute over, I lost phone “privalegdes” for a week. At 17, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I don’t recommend anything like that. Granted, my mom never cared about me skipping class, she never looked at my report cards, she wouldn’t listen when I talked about something that interested me, she didn’t even go to my highschool graduation. Since I’ve moved out when i was 18, she hasn’t visited me once. So it could’ve just been her.

I am very sorry that you went through that. Yes, that goes beyond discipline and deep into neglect. I was not trying to communicate that type of insane treatment of a child. Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word “nightmare” because what I and my children would consider a nightmare is obviously different for others.

sarcophagus:

Either way, please don’t make your children’s lives “nightmares”, I’m still dealing with my teens…it’s rough

Yes, I agree that what Sarcophagus experienced should NEVER be done. However, the point I was trying to make in my previous post was that the punishment needs to SLIGHTLY outweigh the crime. A child will weigh the penalty for a crime against the chance of getting caught. If he/she determines that it’s worth the risk then he/she may very well do the crime. When I say, “make her life a nightmare,” I’m suggesting that each act of misbehavior should be met with a punishment and that the punishment must be such that the child no longer sees the misbehaver as being worthwhile. For example, let say Sally is caught skipping school. She is discovered by a neighbor who tells you that she was seen at the Mall with friends smoking a cigarette. When you confront her about it she tells you that the neighbor was wrong and was mistaken. You call the school and find out that the school shows her as being absent that day. What do you do? In our house, three punishments are going to be handed down, one for skipping school, one for smoking, and one for lying. Each punishment might be no computers or telephones for a week. (3 weeks total). This is what I mean by “nightmare.” I know many parents who might simply ground a child for a few days for the example given. That is not a deterrent and the parents are failing to address the others offenses committed.

 

[demolitionman65]

What I suspect was meant by a “nightmare” is simply making the teen’s life while she is making these foolish choices untenable. Once she modifies her ways, the freedoms return.

One person mentioned that kids can go down the rotten path no matter where they go to school. This is true. it is also true that there are not as many rotten paths in Catholic school as there are in public school. Betting odds on decent behavior go up in Catholic school. Is it a guarentee? No. MOre likely? Yes. Maximize your odds. Get her out of public school.

 

[KittyKat]

In some areas the Catholic schools may be better, but there are still a lot with problems.

I went through a lot of problems when I was a high school freshman, and my parents kept trying to punish me. I got sick of them being mad at me because I couldn’t convince them I wasn’t doing things, so I finally just followed their rules with the knowledge that when I moved out I wouldn’t have to worry about their rules. And I also knew I would someday have my own children and I would get to raise them differently. I still look back with frustration at the way the rules were inforced. I wanted to move out when I was 15, but I couldn’t.

Remember to talk and listen to your daughter. She will be hurt if you don’t listen to her. She will remember the punishments forever if she feels that they were too unfair.

Kat

 

[turboEDvo]

there are not as many rotten paths in Catholic school as there are in public school. Betting odds on decent behavior go up in Catholic school. Is it a guarentee? No. MOre likely? Yes. Maximize your odds. Get her out of public school.

Well, I would have to disagree with the statement that Catholic schools have fewer rotten paths. Do you find it interesting that all of the guys from the local parish who attend high school at my high school have tried (and many still do) drugs and alcohol? Add to that the fact that me and the only other guy from my public school (same city as the parish) are the only two from our city in our grade (at our Jesuit high) who don’t drink (haven’t ever) and who haven’t ever drank? Funny how that works, I honestly don’t think that Catholic school = perfect and public school = evil. As for getting involved in bad things in high school, it doesn’t matter if it is Catholic or public - there are just as many chances at both places (and I can vouch for this as I have attended the local public schools and now a Jesuit high school).

And, she has made it clear that she can’t afford Catholic schooling, so let’s be constructive with what we’ve got.

Get her involved with the church youth group. Most of the time, the more faithful teens are there than not. Next, there has to be some system of rewards worked into your punishments. If there isn’t, then there is nothing to work for, and thus no reason to improve. She needs a reason to be self-motivated or your efforts are in vain, and I don’t know your daughter. So, figure out what she loves (for me, if I get a little sports fix and get to work on my car and computers, and have an hour of freedom each day (which I incidentally spend at church) I’m happy as a clam, I will do whatever it takes to keep those privileges coming. If my grades slip, I have my own motivation to bring them back up. And I never have any reason to fight with my parents. In my 4 years of high school this has worked, and I have only ever gotten into one major argument with my parents. There’s my 2 cents. Hope it helps, I’ll pray for you both.

Eamon