My teen tells me she is gay, I am greiving

  • Thread starter Thread starter Cindy_J_Diehl
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And please know that I respect your pain, though I don’t fully understand it. I understand your daughter’s pain very deeply.
 
Lou2U said:
or whether she just has piercings, tattoos (nothing wrong with them either)?
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"'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.
Leviticus 19:28
 
Cindy, I’ll be praying for you and your daughter.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33
 
I was just sharing that verse so that Lou could understand where Cindy is coming from.
Tattoos have been a debate topic among Christians for a while now, but that is a discussion for another time.

God Bless! 🌹
 
As others have said, she may just be experimenting. My daughter, who just turned 21, has said the same to me a couple of times in the past. My response has been, Really, why do you think that?
She told me she thought she was gay because she doesn’t like frilly clothes, she prefers to hang out with boys, and she likes to do boyish things, like sports and tree climbing. We had a discussion about what it means to be a woman, and why those things are perfectly acceptable in a straight woman. (especially having male friends!) The second time she said it, she was just trying to get a rise out of me, or see what I would say. I said I would always love her no matter what, but that I doubted she was gay.
I’m now more worried about her several boyfriends, one after the other, that she’s had. But I continue praying for her daily.
Many young people, as others have said, try lifestyles on for size. Your daughter is probably just experimenting. I would continue to show her your love, and encourage her to keep an open mind while following Christ’s teachings. The gay life is a difficult one, which is not often enough mentioned. It’s even become politically incorrect to point out the high incidence of abuse, STDs, and violence that go with it.
God bless you and your daughter.
 
Viki63 said:
The gay life is a difficult one, which is not often enough mentioned
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The great majority of people do not choose whether to be gay. Talking about “the gay life” is evangelistic suicide, and moreover it simplifies things way too much. Gay people live in many, many different ways, and many of them – through choice or otherwise – are chaste.
 
I am sorry if you don’t agree with my comment. However, I would guess (and it’s just a guess) that 50% of teens who identify as gay are just experimenting with something they think is cool. And too often they get rushed into the life by well meaning people who want to evangelize teens into homosexuality. I know it happens

And while many of them are chaste, the majority of new HIV victims are homosexuals. So it is still a problem and not something to be kept under wraps.
 
Viki63 said:
I am sorry if you don’t agree with my comment. However, I would guess (and it’s just a guess) that 50% of teens who identify as gay are just experimenting with something they think is cool.
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This may be becoming more common, but it certainly wasn’t common (at least among boys) 20 or 30 years ago, and I’ve yet to see evidence that it’s common now. Boys tend to be very hesitant to think that they themselves are gay, and in fact homosexuality is still unpopular among boys: you will get picked on for being gay.
Viki63 said:
And too often they get rushed into the life by well meaning people who want to evangelize teens into homosexuality. I know it happens
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I know this happens too, but I would describe it as being led into sin, not as being rushed into “the life”. Again, there is no one gay lifestyle, just a lot of gay people doing various things with their lives.
Viki63 said:
And while many of them are chaste, the majority of new HIV victims are homosexuals.
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I would be the last person to deny that homosexual promiscuity is a major health crisis. I think this is reason for us to carefully nurture and maintain good relationships with our children, even if they leave the Church and identify as homosexual. Love is always the antidote for self-destructive decisions.
 
Lou2U said:
according to the CC, being attracted to someone of the same sex is fine,
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Same sex sexual attraction is not a sinful thing, but given that it attracts a person towards something (same sex sexual relationships) which is sinful, the attraction can hardly be regarded as “good”, “fine” or “no problem”. It is likely to constitute a burden for the affected.
 
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You make some excellent points. There is also the chance this teen IS gay and part of the gay life is not just abuse, STD’s, and violence, but also parental abandonment of love, being thrown out of the house, being made fun of and bullied.

Sad, but true. I pray for the OP that with the help of God they are able to accept the fact their teen may be gay and that if it is a passing phase it will be dealt with lovingly and no shame involved.
 
Your story sounds like my cousin-in-law’s story. Her daughter “came out” to her at 16, and my cousin-in-law thought it would be a phase as well, thinking she would outgrow it in college. Well, she went away to college (a “Catholic” one at that!), and instead of outgrowing it, she met her “partner”, who now has a kid via donor. (The kicker is that they are both Catholic school teachers, go figure…). The major difference is that the father (my cousin) died about 5 years before the daughter came out (your husband is still alive), and the daughter attended Catholic school pretty much from grade 1. So the only thoughts I have are:
  1. What does your husband have to say about this? (I don’t know if you mentioned if he is the father or stepfather, which could also add another dynamic to the situation).
  2. If she goes away to college, she may be negatively influenced.
 
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