H
hydin
Guest
I have not been active on this site for a while and came here just to see how things were going with you. This twist was a surprise.
I am in a separation that has lasted almost 2 1/2 years.
The main issue I have faced in a very active parish and me being active as well as my soon to be Ex . I hear many say they will pray for us… that is great but I wonder how many marriages could be saved it close friends actually got involved. Just sharing the actual Church teaching and Canon Law would help. Divorce is a Grave Matter (term used for mortal sin in the Catechism). Even if you are in an abusive situation separation is only until the problem is resolved by counseling or some other process. Reconciliation is expected in all but the rarest of cases. Separation is to be approved by Clergy.
Here is a link everyone should read this because it is ignored… intratext.com/IXT/ENG0017/_P44.HTM
Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.
§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.
Here is a site I found very useful on understanding myself and my relationships. Free site from a wonderful counselor who is very wise and gives this site as a gift. alturtle.com
We wonder why divorce is the same with Catholics as others. If we don’t speak up and admonish sinners (Others reading this don’t bother with the don’t judge line. read this… “The Church’s tradition has included ‘admonishing sinners’ among the spiritual works of mercy. It is important to recover this dimension of Christian charity. We must not remain silent before evil.
“I am thinking of all those Christians who, out of human regard or purely personal convenience, adapt to the prevailing mentality, rather than warning their brothers and sisters against ways of thinking and acting that are contrary to the truth and that do not follow the path of goodness.
“Christian admonishment, for its part, is never motivated by a spirit of accusation or recrimination. It is always moved by love and mercy, and springs from genuine concern for the good of the other.”
Pope Benedict XVI for Lent 2012
We have failed to love our brothers and sisters. It could cost them their eternal life. If you are separated and want to receive forgiveness, you then must be truly sorry . You are not forgiven if you don’t truly repent. Repentance would include attempting reconciliation.
So, If you have come back to the faith and are attending Mass regularly and receiving the Sacraments you will be granted grace to help you endure. Reread last Sunday’s Gospel and you will see what Jesus was talking about. It is a tough teaching… many left…
The Apostles even said, upon hearing Jesus talk about marriage, that it would be better if they had never married. Jesus was tough. If you want to hear the best talk I have heard (except for the last part when Andy Stanley starts inventing things to make his followers feel better…)
it is here. northpoint.org/messages/shocking-statements-of-jesus/a-shocking-reversal/ NUMBER 5
I have NEVER heard this teaching anywhere near this clear from our pulpit. My pastor refused to even talk to my wife for 6 months… he was not going to hunt her down… He didn’t care… he wants to be loved… He could have saved our marriage by sharing Catholic teaching with her. He chose not to.
For a guy, respect is the number one thing needed from a woman. Sex is a close second. Unfortunately God made us so Men “need” sex to feel close to a Woman and Woman need to feel close to desire sex. Someone has to give in. Never let you mother get between you and your husband. You can stop that right now. It will take about 6 months of your new behavior for him (or you - for his changes) to notice and another 6 months for him to believe them. I am guessing your mom didn’t come along on your dates with him. He never expected you would put her above him. He is hurt. He doesn’t feel safe enough to tell you (guys are trained to “suck it up”) that now. Maybe you can become the woman you were when you were dating again. Pretend it is the way you want it and EXPECT nothing in return (though, it will start to happen little by little.) You can only clean up your side of the street. What you think HE should do doesn’t matter, ever… ever.
The quickest way to show him you are loving him, like Christ loved the Church, is when the next issue comes up that he and your mother disagree on, take his side and literally stand by him, hold his hand… You are one flesh… You were to leave you Mother and cleave to him. That has not happened but it can. It is up to you and you alone. You have a tough choice to make. As with all things Catholic, obedience is the key here. If you follow God and don’t do what Adam and Eve did - doubted God… you will be rewarded. Is that a good marriage? No telling. Will you be happy? Who knows? Keep one thing in mind. Jesus doesn’t say much about happiness here on earth. He does grant peace… all the time. Happiness is what awaits some of us (Hopefully me someday… I need some time to get there.) in eternity. Too often we want to do it our way, not God’s. There is a God… and he thinks just like me, as Dr. Ray says.
In the classic “The Great Divorce”, C. S. Lewis states:
“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘thy will be done’.”
It is our choice and ours alone. Peace be with you!
I am in a separation that has lasted almost 2 1/2 years.
The main issue I have faced in a very active parish and me being active as well as my soon to be Ex . I hear many say they will pray for us… that is great but I wonder how many marriages could be saved it close friends actually got involved. Just sharing the actual Church teaching and Canon Law would help. Divorce is a Grave Matter (term used for mortal sin in the Catechism). Even if you are in an abusive situation separation is only until the problem is resolved by counseling or some other process. Reconciliation is expected in all but the rarest of cases. Separation is to be approved by Clergy.
Here is a link everyone should read this because it is ignored… intratext.com/IXT/ENG0017/_P44.HTM
Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.
§2 In all cases, when the reason for separation ceases, the common conjugal life is to be restored, unless otherwise provided by ecclesiastical authority.
Here is a site I found very useful on understanding myself and my relationships. Free site from a wonderful counselor who is very wise and gives this site as a gift. alturtle.com
We wonder why divorce is the same with Catholics as others. If we don’t speak up and admonish sinners (Others reading this don’t bother with the don’t judge line. read this… “The Church’s tradition has included ‘admonishing sinners’ among the spiritual works of mercy. It is important to recover this dimension of Christian charity. We must not remain silent before evil.
“I am thinking of all those Christians who, out of human regard or purely personal convenience, adapt to the prevailing mentality, rather than warning their brothers and sisters against ways of thinking and acting that are contrary to the truth and that do not follow the path of goodness.
“Christian admonishment, for its part, is never motivated by a spirit of accusation or recrimination. It is always moved by love and mercy, and springs from genuine concern for the good of the other.”
Pope Benedict XVI for Lent 2012
We have failed to love our brothers and sisters. It could cost them their eternal life. If you are separated and want to receive forgiveness, you then must be truly sorry . You are not forgiven if you don’t truly repent. Repentance would include attempting reconciliation.
So, If you have come back to the faith and are attending Mass regularly and receiving the Sacraments you will be granted grace to help you endure. Reread last Sunday’s Gospel and you will see what Jesus was talking about. It is a tough teaching… many left…
The Apostles even said, upon hearing Jesus talk about marriage, that it would be better if they had never married. Jesus was tough. If you want to hear the best talk I have heard (except for the last part when Andy Stanley starts inventing things to make his followers feel better…)
it is here. northpoint.org/messages/shocking-statements-of-jesus/a-shocking-reversal/ NUMBER 5
I have NEVER heard this teaching anywhere near this clear from our pulpit. My pastor refused to even talk to my wife for 6 months… he was not going to hunt her down… He didn’t care… he wants to be loved… He could have saved our marriage by sharing Catholic teaching with her. He chose not to.
For a guy, respect is the number one thing needed from a woman. Sex is a close second. Unfortunately God made us so Men “need” sex to feel close to a Woman and Woman need to feel close to desire sex. Someone has to give in. Never let you mother get between you and your husband. You can stop that right now. It will take about 6 months of your new behavior for him (or you - for his changes) to notice and another 6 months for him to believe them. I am guessing your mom didn’t come along on your dates with him. He never expected you would put her above him. He is hurt. He doesn’t feel safe enough to tell you (guys are trained to “suck it up”) that now. Maybe you can become the woman you were when you were dating again. Pretend it is the way you want it and EXPECT nothing in return (though, it will start to happen little by little.) You can only clean up your side of the street. What you think HE should do doesn’t matter, ever… ever.
The quickest way to show him you are loving him, like Christ loved the Church, is when the next issue comes up that he and your mother disagree on, take his side and literally stand by him, hold his hand… You are one flesh… You were to leave you Mother and cleave to him. That has not happened but it can. It is up to you and you alone. You have a tough choice to make. As with all things Catholic, obedience is the key here. If you follow God and don’t do what Adam and Eve did - doubted God… you will be rewarded. Is that a good marriage? No telling. Will you be happy? Who knows? Keep one thing in mind. Jesus doesn’t say much about happiness here on earth. He does grant peace… all the time. Happiness is what awaits some of us (Hopefully me someday… I need some time to get there.) in eternity. Too often we want to do it our way, not God’s. There is a God… and he thinks just like me, as Dr. Ray says.
In the classic “The Great Divorce”, C. S. Lewis states:
“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘thy will be done’.”
It is our choice and ours alone. Peace be with you!