My thoughts on marrying a non-believer

[Rau]

… yes, even though i have been immersed in catholicism my entire life i’m not an expert about the topics i’ve been asking questions about. i am open to life but i’ve never met a guy who is…

You’d be surprised how many people have learned a great deal doing just as you’re doing - asking questions on CAF!

The phrase “open to life” (I assume the context is marriage) is not a favourite of mine because it’s not clear what it means specifically. I presume what you’re saying is that guys you meet are generally ok with contraception? Certainly many young men like the idea of maximising the availability of sex while controlling the potential for pregnancy! But you will find men that don’t “require” contraception either because of their own beliefs/faith, or out of respect for yours. I suspect this may be an area where faithful Catholic men are more likely to align with your attitude.

 

[kittyplant]

Eh, well, people are going to do what they’re going to do, regardless of Church teaching (is my experience).

If I were going to marry my non believing bf, I would do it validly as the church prescribes. Why would I make all this to do about my atheist bf if I didn’t care about what the church says?

 

[kittyplant]

1)Capital letters are our friends.
2) You have started posts about NFP that shows you do not understand the teaching of the Catholic Church. That will be a problem. If you don’t understand it, how do you expect your non-Catholic spouse to understand it?
3) You started this thread and others with questions but you never return to the threads. Why?
4) Just from what I have read in your posts, you have a lot of growing up to do before marriage. And I would recommend that you marry someone very strong in the Catholic faith.

EDIT - i got upset for a second. disregard it.

 

[RebeccaJ]

If I were going to marry my non believing bf, I would do it validly as the church prescribes. Why would I make all this to do about my atheist bf if I didn’t care about what the church says?

The cynic in me sees a lot of times people go through the motions:

• in order to be seen going through the motions. To show “see, I care!”.
• in order to find the “out” they need to do what they want to do. That “out” has a wide, wide margin. Can be just about anything.
• in the end make the decision that they’re going to do what they want to do anyway.

Cynicism is a fault that I fight, so take that into an account.

 

[betsybug354]

when people say “my faith is the most important thing to me, i want to share that with my spouse” my feeling is that with a non-believer spouse i* would* be sharing my faith with him. every day i would show him Christian love and caring and what it is to have God in your life. deeper than that, my walk with God is my walk, i don’t need a Catholic man to share it with. besides, i always have my mother and family and fellow parishoners.

as i think of it, the truth is the truth. Christ is the truth. if someone is an unbeliever it is because of some problem/difficulty/lack. marrying a catholic will expose the person to the truth and to God’s love. how can that be bad?

thoughts?

Kitty, it’s tough - very tough - to be a devout Christian married to an unbelieving spouse. I’ve been married to an unbeliever (Muslim) for nearly 27 years now. I very well remember the things I told my parents in 1987, that we were in love and so nothing else really mattered, that he was receptive to the Gospel, etc. etc. The fact is, young people who are in a position in life to make such a far-reaching decision often aren’t thinking much of what life might be like 25 or 30 years down the road as a result. I didn’t. While it’s true that we are completely committed to each other for the long haul, there are significant areas of our lives where we are not, and can never be without a miracle, on the same page. Therefore, emotional intimacy is lacking. And yes, it can be lonely. Fortunately, this cross God has allowed me to bear for so long has produced some wonderful spiritual gifts, especially patience. But I would not go looking for such a life if I were you.

I recommend Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. She tells it like it is. God’s blessings to you, Kitty.

 

[kittyplant]

Thank you.

 

[ServusHumilis]

Since I’m not married my previous post perhaps carries little weight; it’s just how I feel for myself. Ask God what to do. If He reveals to you that you should or should not marry the athiest then you can go from there. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament might be a start. Just keep in mind marriage is nothing to take lightly; again you only really get one shot at it.