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PonderingJak
Guest
I’m starting this post to talk about what my thoughts have been over the past few weeks for people to read, think about, and maybe even reply if they have something to say.
Recently I’ve had doubts about my faith. I was (and still am being) raised Roman Catholic and I didn’t even have a shadow of a doubt that a God existed. Besides meals, I almost never prayed or thought about God. What was the point? I wasn’t even a teenager yet and my logic was that I would become religious when I was an adult. But then lately I’ve been getting doubts and religious questions. Serious ones. I want to clarify right now that there’s nothing I’d like more than for a God that loves everyone to exist, that will take care of us for eternity if we live according to his wishes.
And then there’s eternity. Whenever I think seriously about Heaven I feel like I’m getting a panic attack, because I can’t comprehend that long. It just seems so profoundly wrong, that there’s a place where nothing dies. But at the same time, eternal death scares me too. That once we die there’s nothing afterwards. What happens after death is a very difficult thing for me to think about. It just feels like everything has an end, and the fact that if God doesn’t exist at one point I won’t see any of my loved ones ever again scares me. And if God doesn’t exist, my wishing He does won’t change anything. Living a long and pure life won’t mean anything different than if I jumped off a bridge (I’m not suicidal, just pointing out that without a God, the endings would be the same). And that’s probably the main reason why I’m writing this. Since nothing I do will change eternity in the end, I’m looking for evidence that without a doubt God exists.
And I’m seeing things like movies where robots are considered living, such as Chappie or Ex Machina. AI’s don’t think. They aren’t alive. The way they react to things is only determined by a computer. They can’t think for themselves. They might be programmed in a way that makes them respond in a way that humans do, but they can’t have original thoughts. If someone dies and you make a robot that looks and talks like them, that robot is not a person. Wishing so won’t make it so. Why is society so blind?
And because of all the questions going through my head, I live in an almost constant state of depression. And the thought that everything might be fake is a very terrifying thought for me. I know that it’s very unlikely, and an almost absurd thought, but it sticks with me. The fact that we might be a bunch of brains in vats and that everyone I know and love is only a figment of my imagination. Speaking of imaginations, mine is extremely vivid. It was a good thing in, maybe, 5th grade creative writing, but it’s the main reason that I was afraid of the dark until almost 13. I still slightly am. Some people get nightmares from things they watched on TV. I got nightmares from my thoughts of dark many eyed, tentacled abominations that haunted the shadows in my room (only an example, I thought up hundreds of varying creatures). But even doing something I like, my imagination just thinks up questions without me even trying to.
And I know that this isn’t even talking about religion anymore. But to me personally it is. It means that everything is worth it, because I’ll get to spend eternity with my family, my friends, and most importantly with out Lord and Savior. I don’t know. At this point I’m just talking about things going through my head.
Some people like watching TV or reading books because of entertainment. I just like it because it takes my mind off of reality. Thank you for reading this.
Recently I’ve had doubts about my faith. I was (and still am being) raised Roman Catholic and I didn’t even have a shadow of a doubt that a God existed. Besides meals, I almost never prayed or thought about God. What was the point? I wasn’t even a teenager yet and my logic was that I would become religious when I was an adult. But then lately I’ve been getting doubts and religious questions. Serious ones. I want to clarify right now that there’s nothing I’d like more than for a God that loves everyone to exist, that will take care of us for eternity if we live according to his wishes.
And then there’s eternity. Whenever I think seriously about Heaven I feel like I’m getting a panic attack, because I can’t comprehend that long. It just seems so profoundly wrong, that there’s a place where nothing dies. But at the same time, eternal death scares me too. That once we die there’s nothing afterwards. What happens after death is a very difficult thing for me to think about. It just feels like everything has an end, and the fact that if God doesn’t exist at one point I won’t see any of my loved ones ever again scares me. And if God doesn’t exist, my wishing He does won’t change anything. Living a long and pure life won’t mean anything different than if I jumped off a bridge (I’m not suicidal, just pointing out that without a God, the endings would be the same). And that’s probably the main reason why I’m writing this. Since nothing I do will change eternity in the end, I’m looking for evidence that without a doubt God exists.
And I’m seeing things like movies where robots are considered living, such as Chappie or Ex Machina. AI’s don’t think. They aren’t alive. The way they react to things is only determined by a computer. They can’t think for themselves. They might be programmed in a way that makes them respond in a way that humans do, but they can’t have original thoughts. If someone dies and you make a robot that looks and talks like them, that robot is not a person. Wishing so won’t make it so. Why is society so blind?
And because of all the questions going through my head, I live in an almost constant state of depression. And the thought that everything might be fake is a very terrifying thought for me. I know that it’s very unlikely, and an almost absurd thought, but it sticks with me. The fact that we might be a bunch of brains in vats and that everyone I know and love is only a figment of my imagination. Speaking of imaginations, mine is extremely vivid. It was a good thing in, maybe, 5th grade creative writing, but it’s the main reason that I was afraid of the dark until almost 13. I still slightly am. Some people get nightmares from things they watched on TV. I got nightmares from my thoughts of dark many eyed, tentacled abominations that haunted the shadows in my room (only an example, I thought up hundreds of varying creatures). But even doing something I like, my imagination just thinks up questions without me even trying to.
And I know that this isn’t even talking about religion anymore. But to me personally it is. It means that everything is worth it, because I’ll get to spend eternity with my family, my friends, and most importantly with out Lord and Savior. I don’t know. At this point I’m just talking about things going through my head.
Some people like watching TV or reading books because of entertainment. I just like it because it takes my mind off of reality. Thank you for reading this.