My views on interfaith marriage... please respond :)

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I’ve posted on Catholic forums and tried to get (name removed by moderator)ut from others on interfaith relationships, and this is my mentality right now: Life is really long, and people drastically change as they age. One Orthodox friend is dating a boy who everyone thinks is Catholic, but his personal views are actually closer to Agnosticism, he only goes to church because his parents expect him to, and he thinks he’ll stop going altogether when he’s older. Another Catholic friend is in a long term relationship with a Hindu man who initially said he was fine with converting but when they got married 6 years later, he decided he didn’t want to convert. But now he goes to church with her and their kids and has a strong devotion to Mother Mary. Maybe one day he’ll even convert of his own choice, but if he doesn’t he’s still a great husband and father. The fact that he has a little Christianity in his heart and life adds to that, and came naturally from his wife. Another couple I know married as Atheists and the husband became Christian when their first child was young. He went on to become an important figure in the Baptist community, while his wife never showed interest in the faith. Their son is in college now and the wife supports the husband in everything he does for his church without participating herself. Still happily together.

My point is that no one stays the same throughout their life. I’ve had high points in my faith where I was super religious, and one low point where I considered giving it up entirely. Faith is a journey and spiritual growth is your responsibility. No matter how devout my family is, we each are engaged in a one-on-one relationship with God that we’re accountable for. When we stumble in our faith, we only have ourselves to blame. And if we lose it, we have a responsibility to put in the effort to pick it up again. This summer alone, I had life changing experiences that I never expected to have 5 years ago so I can’t know what will happen decades from now. Even if you marry a devout Catholic, one of you could abandon your faith at some point in the marriage. All I know is that I want someone who will respect my beliefs and be open to them, who will let me share them with my children because they’re crucial to me. I don’t expect to change anyone to fit my views because that’s not how marriages work… that’s how they fail.
 
What you have written is definitely not wrong. People indeed change and you never know what will happen down the road. Marriages fail for a variety of reasons. However, I think that it is important to have a solid foundation. That foundation is God. Marriage can be difficult enough and not having such a foundation definitely makes things even more tricky. I’ve married a non-Catholic who is an amazing husband and father, but because of our differences in belief I’m frustrated more than I like to admit. My opinion is that a practicing Catholic should only marry a practicing Catholic.
 
Personally, I’ve never wanted to be unequally yoked. As a Protestant I would never date a Catholic man. I knew that if we fell in love, got married and had children I would never agree to bring them up Catholic. Now that I’m Catholic I wouldn’t date a Protestant man. I cannot have children so raising them Protestant wouldn’t be an issue. My faith is very important to me and I want to be able to share that with my spouse in every way possible.
 
I think the right people can makeit work,but it has its challenges. I’m married to a Potestant man who admires my faith, uses NFP happily, and has no problem raising our children Catholic…but it can still feel lonely, sometimes.
 
jseman said:
I’ve posted on Catholic forums and tried to get (name removed by moderator)ut from others on interfaith relationships, and this is my mentality right now: Life is really long, and people drastically change as they age.
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All the more reason to have as much as possible in common at the time of the wedding.

Religion is what we focus on in a forum like this, but culture, finances, housekeeping, child-raising - even whether the person is introverted or extroverted - are considerations to take seriously when contemplating marriage. Marriage is not the place to be “politically correct” - you are going to be living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed with that person for the rest of your life.
 
jseman said:
Even if you marry a devout Catholic, one of you could abandon your faith at some point in the marriage. All I know is that I want someone who will respect my beliefs and be open to them, who will let me share them with my children because they’re crucial to me. I don’t expect to change anyone to fit my views because that’s not how marriages work… that’s how they fail.
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We have to remember that our spouse needs to be somebody who can help us get to heaven, not just help us to be happy in this life. As Catholics, we have certain beliefs that are un-changeable and our spouse must be a living reflection of these beliefs before we marry them. We must realize that marriage is a holy sacrament and (like all the other sacraments) it should always bring us closer to God and heaven and never separate us from the Church or make God anything other then the top priority in our lives!

Welcome to our forums! If you’re a young person who is currently searching for his/her future spouse, I can definitely relate to the questions that you are experiencing right now! 🙂
 
jseman said:
I’ve posted on Catholic forums and tried to get (name removed by moderator)ut from others on interfaith relationships, and this is my mentality right now: Life is really long, and people drastically change as they age. One Orthodox friend is dating a boy who everyone thinks is Catholic, but his personal views are actually closer to Agnosticism, he only goes to church because his parents expect him to, and he thinks he’ll stop going altogether when he’s older. Another Catholic friend is in a long term relationship with a Hindu man who initially said he was fine with converting but when they got married 6 years later, he decided he didn’t want to convert. But now he goes to church with her and their kids and has a strong devotion to Mother Mary. Maybe one day he’ll even convert of his own choice, but if he doesn’t he’s still a great husband and father. The fact that he has a little Christianity in his heart and life adds to that, and came naturally from his wife. Another couple I know married as Atheists and the husband became Christian when their first child was young. He went on to become an important figure in the Baptist community, while his wife never showed interest in the faith. Their son is in college now and the wife supports the husband in everything he does for his church without participating herself. Still happily together.

My point is that no one stays the same throughout their life. I’ve had high points in my faith where I was super religious, and one low point where I considered giving it up entirely. Faith is a journey and spiritual growth is your responsibility. No matter how devout my family is, we each are engaged in a one-on-one relationship with God that we’re accountable for. When we stumble in our faith, we only have ourselves to blame. And if we lose it, we have a responsibility to put in the effort to pick it up again. This summer alone, I had life changing experiences that I never expected to have 5 years ago so I can’t know what will happen decades from now. Even if you marry a devout Catholic, one of you could abandon your faith at some point in the marriage. All I know is that I want someone who will respect my beliefs and be open to them, who will let me share them with my children because they’re crucial to me. I don’t expect to change anyone to fit my views because that’s not how marriages work… that’s how they fail.
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It is not true that no one stays the same throughout their life with respect to what they believe and the extent to what they believe influences how they live. What is very true, though, is that by no means does everyone stay the same. I think it very wise to go into marriage with the knowledge that your spouse is liable to change in some ways neither you nor they can predict. That’s just one of those things we can’t always control.

What can also change is the degree to which someone will “respect my beliefs and be open to them” and what the two parties mean by “sharing the faith with my children”. People change their tune on that one all of the time.

Sociologists say that couples who share a serious commitment to the same faith have a significantly lower risk of divorce, a significantly lower chance of domestic abuse, and a higher chance of a happy marriage. Those with very divergent beliefs, OTOH, have a measurably higher risk of divorce. As far as I know, there has not been a study that shows that people who self-report a high tolerance for other faiths have better or worse marriages. That may only be because this is harder to measure.

That does not mean one group is destined to always be happy and the other is destined to fail. It does mean that love does not conquer all. Not sharing a faith is a real hurdle. Sharing a faith is a real help. Those seeking to marry can do what they want with that information, but they ought to know it is not just something that the religious ministers made up in order to keep people in their house of worship.
 
My husband and I have been married for 14 yrs. He was raised Church of Christ. We dated for three years before we got married because of the issue of different faiths. I live in the Bible belt and I never knew many Catholic boys and many of them I didn’t think would make the best husband/father. I wanted the man I married to put God and family first in his life. My husband and I share so many values; how to raise children, finances, and the belief that God comes before anything else. We always go to church together, every Sunday we go to both the Catholic Church and the Church of Christ.
I do wish he shared my love for the Catholic Church, and there have been some difficult times, but I can’t imagine anyone being a better husband to me or father to our children.
I decided it was more important for me to marry someone who took his faith seriously and lived it every day, than to marry someone who was Catholic, but lived like someone only interested in the secular world and who did not take to heart the truths of the Catholic Church.

I still pray everyday for God to bring my husband into the Catholic Church so we can truly be equally yoked.
 
I’m a cradle Catholic and I knew I wanted to marry a practicing Catholic. Life can throw so many difficult situations at you, I wanted my spouse to have the same set of tools that I do 🙂 to deal with them. Also, doing what is right/moral can be difficult on its own, I didn’t want to add the extra burden of having my partner for life disagree with what our Church teaches. I wanted support, not an impediment. And even if my spouse did not impede practicing my Catholic faith, there is a world of difference between respecting my faith and sharing it. I don’t mind compromising or even “giving in” in any other area of life, but I love the fact that when it comes to moral areas, if the Church has an answer, that is it, we don’t have to seek any further.
 
jseman said:
I’ve posted on Catholic forums and tried to get (name removed by moderator)ut from others on interfaith relationships, and this is my mentality right now: Life is really long, and people drastically change as they age. One Orthodox friend is dating a boy who everyone thinks is Catholic, but his personal views are actually closer to Agnosticism, he only goes to church because his parents expect him to, and he thinks he’ll stop going altogether when he’s older. Another Catholic friend is in a long term relationship with a Hindu man who initially said he was fine with converting but when they got married 6 years later, he decided he didn’t want to convert. But now he goes to church with her and their kids and has a strong devotion to Mother Mary. Maybe one day he’ll even convert of his own choice, but if he doesn’t he’s still a great husband and father. The fact that he has a little Christianity in his heart and life adds to that, and came naturally from his wife. Another couple I know married as Atheists and the husband became Christian when their first child was young. He went on to become an important figure in the Baptist community, while his wife never showed interest in the faith. Their son is in college now and the wife supports the husband in everything he does for his church without participating herself. Still happily together.

My point is that no one stays the same throughout their life. I’ve had high points in my faith where I was super religious, and one low point where I considered giving it up entirely. Faith is a journey and spiritual growth is your responsibility. No matter how devout my family is, we each are engaged in a one-on-one relationship with God that we’re accountable for. When we stumble in our faith, we only have ourselves to blame. And if we lose it, we have a responsibility to put in the effort to pick it up again. This summer alone, I had life changing experiences that I never expected to have 5 years ago so I can’t know what will happen decades from now. Even if you marry a devout Catholic, one of you could abandon your faith at some point in the marriage. All I know is that I want someone who will respect my beliefs and be open to them, who will let me share them with my children because they’re crucial to me. I don’t expect to change anyone to fit my views because that’s not how marriages work… that’s how they fail.
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Yes people do change but since you are not married, you have to realize that you and your spouse should be on the same page spiritually and especially if you have children together. Marriage has enough normal differences that need to be worked out that you do not need a battle or struggle over faith, morals, practice and how you will raise your kids.
The Bible tells us in NT (as well as OT) not to be unequally yoked. In the OT, there were several warnings to the Jewish people not to marry those non-Jews around them. Yes, sometimes things work out BUT too many times they don’t. You could marry someone that is of a different faith, doesn’t care if you practice yours and then when children start coming, change their mind and want the children to practice or learn about their previous non practiced faith. THAT happens more than the so called changes you are thinking of.
Take this advice from someone who has been married over 25 years and seen problems in those who don’t marry within their faith or at least at the same religious commitment.
 
It’s not something I would recommend to anyone, especially when two people belong to faiths that aren’t easy to synchronise (e.g., it’s probably easier for a Buddhist and a Hindu to marry than Christian and Scientologist), or even people belonging to the same faith with different practices (e.g., a non-practicing Catholic and a traditional Catholic).

The biggest problem with interfaith marriages in my observation and my own experiences in interfaith relationships, is actually not so much the religious differences, but that both partners tend to jump into the commitment rather bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed, when potential issues should have been considered at the beginning of the dating process.

Having said that, I know many mixed-faith couples who have happy, lasting marriages. It can be done if both partners are willing to be honest, respectful, and compromising.
 
Unless you have had the experience, you cannot possibly understand it.

I, a practicing Catholic, married a Jewish man forty-two years ago. I never put any pressure on him to be anything other than who he was but, to my great surprise, he asked to be baptized.

Although we attend Mass together every weekend, he often stops into Church for the early morning Communion service on his way to the office.

A precious opportunity for him to find Christ would have been lost had he married a Jewish woman, and I never would have had the wonderful marriage I have now.

God works in mysterious ways. It is not anyone’s place to question. If He has blessed us with each other, who is anyone else to judge?
 
jseman said:
My point is that no one stays the same throughout their life. I Faith is a journey and spiritual growth is your responsibility. No matter how devout my family is, we each are engaged in a one-on-one relationship with God that we’re accountable for. When we stumble in our faith, we only have ourselves to blame. And if we lose it, we have a responsibility to put in the effort to pick it up again.
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But in marriage we seek to help each other. When we stumble in our faith, our partner supports us as we seek to regain our footing. Marriage is about two becoming one, rather than two watching each other stumble and thinking “too bad that person I love stumbled-ah well spiritual journeys are individual, I’d best stay out of it”🤷

As parents, we have a responsibility to our children and their spiritual growth-it’s not just their responsibility, any more than feeding themselves or paying the rent is their responsibility. Part of being husband, wife, mother or father involves assuming responsibility for partner and children. The salvation of our spouses, selves and children may well hinge upon the choices we make.
 
I’ve got several interfaith marriages in my extended family, including my parents. My father converted to Catholicism from Presbyt. when he married my mum. My parents are now divorced thanks to my father’s adultery with a cradle catholic woman. Religion was never a factor in their split.

One of my uncles married a protestant woman, years later she converted to Catholicism.

Another of my uncles married a strong Catholic woman, but they divorced and got an annullment about 10 years in, religion wasn’t a factor in their split either. He married another catholic, but now both him and his new wife have no relationship with God and don’t go to Church at all, except for funerals and weddings.

The four cousins I’m closest with, one married an orthodox Jew, but he’s not practising and as far as I know they’re raising their child Catholic and he’s starting showing interest in RICA. Her sister married a guy raised anglican, but he’s essentially agnostic now. She’s still active with her faith.

Yet, then I know many other people, friends mostly who’ve married individuals of other faiths to their own. I notice in all of it, family and friends, their relationships last if there’s particular personality traits and religious tolerance involved.

But then there’s the relationships that go pear shaped, and boy howdy do they blow up in everyone’s faces! The trick is to know what you’re willing to tolerate for marriage’s sake.

Me, I won’t date outside the faith. I’m 31 and single. I’ve considered this subject time and time again. I meet Protestants and we talk and I see that I would just not tolerate what I see as blatant heresy. I meet non-Christians and the same, I would not want any future children being exposed to a father’s idolotary and paganism.

For me the man I marry will be the head of the spiritual household, I need him to be strong in the Catholic faith, the One True Faith, started by God himself. I do not want to be in a marriage where I"m constantly nagging my husband to haul his backside out of bed to get to Church. None of the Protestants I know in real life view Sunday as a day of obligation, they jsut go when they feel like it. I certainnly don’t want to be having the NFP debate with my husband or how many children we want, or any of the other big differences in Catholic v. Protestant theologies.

I recognise in myself the straunch traits that will not tolerate a husband of a different faith, and I don’t want that tolerance. I want a hard core Catholic man to help me raise hard core Catholic kiddies!

But I’ve seen interfaith marriages work time and time again, but all of them worked ebcause everyone going into those relationships knew what they were going into and had the personality traits to survive it.

With that said - I know there was considerable compromise that opposed Catholic doctrine in all of those marriages.
 
How can someone teach his children that you cannot be saved when you reject the Church, but at the same time has a husband/wife who does this? Will you tell your children that daddy will most likely goes to hell?

In interfaith marriage you cannot really raise your children Catholic you will raise your children diagnostic.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
What you have written is definitely not wrong. People indeed change and you never know what will happen down the road. Marriages fail for a variety of reasons. However, I think that it is important to have a solid foundation. That foundation is God. Marriage can be difficult enough and not having such a foundation definitely makes things even more tricky. I’ve married a non-Catholic who is an amazing husband and father, but because of our differences in belief I’m frustrated more than I like to admit. My opinion is that a practicing Catholic should only marry a practicing Catholic.
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Wow, I could have written this word for word. I married at 21 and I am now 61. What I thought when I married about this and what I think now are very different ideas. While my husband has supported me as I raised our children Catholic, who by the way are raising their families Catholic, it was and is lonely. How I wish we shared our faith.
 
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