My wife and her Protestant church

[Adamski]

My wife and I had our marriage recognized in the Catholic Church after we where married for 5 years in that she agreed our kids would be raised catholic. Now she is pushing real hard that they be raise Protestant. I told her that her non denominational
Church is nice but I can’t support a church that condones mortal sin such as contraception, and remarriage.

Our marriage is very rough over it

 

[kingston1]

I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes our spouses feel pressure from their side of the family. They cannot see the beauty of the Church and they have a different view about the Pope, Mary, confession, the real presence, saints, prayer, etc. I am in a similar situation and love my wife and children and will do my best to raise them Catholic but one of you is going to have to compromise. I was amongst them in their world for many years but finally said “enough” and went to the Eucharist. Never looking back.

What gives me solace is that life is a marathon and I will continually pray for my children and I feel a bit a peace that Mary loves my children and will intercede for them. I also put this issue back on our Father and recognize we didn’t start this problem. We inherited it from the likes of Luther and King Henry as well the Church which may have been a bit heavy handed at the time.

I cannot say what is right for you or even what is right for me in my situation since it is difficult to come to grips with it. I let my wife do her thing but I pray always for my children and I believe this prayer is more powerful than anything the protestants have to offer. They live in their rational mind, we live in the Mystical Body of Christ.

Peace Brother!

 

[JRKH]

I too am sorry that you are having this trouble.

There can be no doubt but that the children are going to be exposed to both faith traditions - assuming your wife does not convert - so bear this in mind moving forward. You will have to be able to talk with and explain this diversity to them as they grow.

As to the disagreement between yourself and your wife… we can’t offer a lot of advice given what you have related.
I would suggest that you gently remind her that when she agreed to raise the children Catholic, that was a promise made before the Lord.
Does she believe that promises made before God need to be kept?
Try not to do this in an accusatory way - but as something that needs to be considered and prayed over.

Just a thought

Peace
James

 

[aidanbradypop]

My wife and I had our marriage recognized in the Catholic Church after we where married for 5 years in that she agreed our kids would be raised catholic. Now she is pushing real hard that they be raise Protestant. I told her that her non denominational
Church is nice but I can’t support a church that condones mortal sin such as contraception, and remarriage.

Our marriage is very rough over it

Sorry to hear there is a rough spot in your marriage.

It must be tough being in both places. You are a Catholic husband and father that wishes his children be raised in the Church you belong to. Your wife is also in a tough spot. She is Protestant and is probably feeling pressure from you, her family and her own conscience.

I suggest to pray, pray and pray again. Pray as a family that God will help you guys figure this out so that everyone is respectful to one another in this time. I will add your family to my prayers sir. Hang in there and I wish your family the very best!

 

[Lasting_faith]

I am also sorry to hear that you have some problems.

When people ask me about different faith and how to handle it I usually answer “respect and you will gain respect”. But this is a tricky business. What if you could convince your wife to wait until your kids are old enough to make up their own mind? That is, in my way of looking at things, a very fair solution that will calm down the situation for a while at least. As you well know we all are serving the same God, and God is not Protestant, Catholic or Orthodox, He is God. His Church is called Catholic because it is universal. The teaching may differ, and it does, but the core, the truth, are just the same. It is natural that you want your kids to be Catholic (I would be happy if my kids would stop being atheists) but sometimes we need to give a lot to gain something. Two persons with faith in the same God can do much, but one thing is impossible: you can not force faith, it must come from the heart and soul. And as I did write a few line ago, there is no Catholic God nor Protestant God, only one God, and that mean that we all have a chance. Talk with your (Catholic) priest and ask if it is OK to skip two Sundays each month for a while, and go with your wife to her Church and I am sure she will join you, and the kids, to the Catholic Mass. It is only for a while, and it can do some good. You must work as a team with your wife, that is how we raise kids, as a team. Think about it, and if you get a better advice, use that. God bless you all.

 

[Viki63]

I told her that her non denominational
Church is nice but I can’t support a church that condones mortal sin such as contraception, and remarriage.

You might try focusing on what the Catholic church has to offer that protestant churches do not: the Eucharist, the body, blood, soul and divinity of our lord Jesus Christ. Look into that doctrine with her.
Many Catholics don’t even realize what the Eucharist is.
You could also try reading Scott Hahn’s book, Rome Sweet Home, where he discusses the strain on his marriage of his conversion to Catholicism.

 

[aTraditionalist]

Lasting faith:

I am also sorry to hear that you have some problems.

When people ask me about different faith and how to handle it I usually answer “respect and you will gain respect”. But this is a tricky business. What if you could convince your wife to wait until your kids are old enough to make up their own mind? That is, in my way of looking at things, a very fair solution that will calm down the situation for a while at least. As you well know we all are serving the same God, and God is not Protestant, Catholic or Orthodox, He is God. His Church is called Catholic because it is universal. The teaching may differ, and it does, but the core, the truth, are just the same. It is natural that you want your kids to be Catholic (I would be happy if my kids would stop being atheists) but sometimes we need to give a lot to gain something. Two persons with faith in the same God can do much, but one thing is impossible: you can not force faith, it must come from the heart and soul. And as I did write a few line ago, there is no Catholic God nor Protestant God, only one God, and that mean that we all have a chance. Talk with your (Catholic) priest and ask if it is OK to skip two Sundays each month for a while, and go with your wife to her Church and I am sure she will join you, and the kids, to the Catholic Mass. It is only for a while, and it can do some good. You must work as a team with your wife, that is how we raise kids, as a team. Think about it, and if you get a better advice, use that. God bless you all.

You can’t skip the Sunday Mass. Maybe fulfill your obligation and then join her at her service (or vice versa). God is Catholic. He gave us the Church. He is universal and for all. It requires that you be for Him though.

Posted from Catholic.com App for Android

 

[fred_conty]

My wife and I had our marriage recognized in the Catholic Church after we where married for 5 years in that she agreed our kids would be raised catholic. Now she is pushing real hard that they be raise Protestant. I told her that her non denominational
Church is nice but I can’t support a church that condones mortal sin such as contraception, and remarriage.

Our marriage is very rough over it

I don’t know what your faith is in regard to Mary, but I’m going to explain the green scapular on the hopes you have great trust in her.

In 1830 Sister Justine, living in Paris, had a request given to her from our blessed Mother. It was to make and distribute the green scapular. And here is what Mary said about it.

It will give the faith to those who never had faith.
In will bring back those who have left the church.
It will deepen the faith of those who already have it.
It will assure a peaceful death.
It will offer protection from the devil.

She did make certain stipulations to the scapular’s usage.
That the scapular be blessed by a priest.
That the person carry it on them.
That this prayer be said every day, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”
That the person have the greatest confidence in Mary to fulfill these promises.

However the scapular may be given to someone else for their conversion to the faith or for a deepening of their faith. And to do this she said to give it to the person to carry on them. If they refused, then the scapular may be hidden around them in a place where they frequent, a bed, picture, vase, chair, dresser, or some other place. The prayer must be said for that person every day.
And the strongest confidence in Mary that she will bring about their conversion.

Now it must be remembered that she did not say exactly when the conversion would take place, but just that it would. So you have to leave that up to her and be faithful to the prayer and the trust.

To get a free green scapular just google “green scapular”.

If it were me, I would get several and hid them in different places around the house.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=620449
(From an atheist)
How did you come to embrace Catholicism?
Strangely enough, it was the Blessed Virgin Mary. That friend of mine had sneakily
snuck in a scapular under my mattress. I didn’t know until about 1 year into my
conversion. I imagine that she had something to do with it. I think it was the
green scapular.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=9630587&posted=1#post9630587
I prayed for my husband a lot as he had been away from the Church for many years. I put a blessed green scapular under the mattress and prayed for him daily, and other family and friends prayed for him also. After several years he finally came back to the Church, and died a very happy man two years after that.

 

[Lasting_faith]

You can’t skip the Sunday Mass. Maybe fulfill your obligation and then join her at her service (or vice versa). God is Catholic. He gave us the Church. He is universal and for all. It requires that you be for Him though.

Posted from Catholic.com App for Android

For a valid reason you can skip Sunday Mass.

 

[JRKH]

For a valid reason you can skip Sunday Mass.

This is true - but I doubt if this issue would be considered a valid reason.

I’m not saying that the the OP should not try to accommodate his wife’s wishes somehow…but skipping Sunday mass should not be one of them.

To me, the bottom line is that the OP’s wife made a promise before God and His Church to raise the children Catholic. To go back on that promise is a serious matter to her spiritual well being.
Either she did not originally make the promise in good faith - - or - - she is going back on her word to the Lord. This needs to be examined by the couple in a sober and prayerful manner before they decide how to proceed.

Just a thought.

Peace
James

 

[Miriam1947]

Unless the OP works at night he can go to a Saturday vigil and then go to his wife’s church on Sunday.

Would it be possible to do this twice a month and then the wife and children go with him to Sunday Mass on the off week?

 

[Lasting_faith]

I am not “quoting” Christ now, but if the cause is good, it is always possible to do what is right. (And for God all is possible.)

That sound like a good plan. And yes, a promise to raise the kids Catholic is a promise, and a very binding one. However (I hate that word) to be able to do that no force can be used. Every situation is different, but based on what the OP did tell us, and the answers he got, I still think the best way is to let the children grow up, at least to be old enough to understand the choice and why it is there. A issue like this is one that can tear a family apart for good, and that is not the outcome I would like to see. But something must be done, at some point, damage control is maybe the best words for this one, luckily nothing is lost yet, and it can turn out real good if there is a good will connected to the problem. I sure hope this will turn out OK.

 

[Amo_a_Jesus]

I live the same situation, I just get married, I was a very light Catholic, don’t even take my own child to church, she learn a bout God and Jesus trough another church, that is why I agree with my wife that the Kids would be going to her to her church, But i do told her that i would keep going to mass on Sundays, also that i will go with them, to their church as a family but she knows exactly what i think, the only thing you can do is Pray, pray and Pray, and show with your example what a really catholic is all about, Read the Bible, Learn your faith, read Books that help you, that is what I’m doing maybe one day, they will realiize how beatiful our chruch is, never say to her your church is bad, instead of that recognize the god thins that church may have. even if you surrender by protestants, be sure why you are catholic, love your wife, love your Kids, be faithful and ask God that is his will, not us, That is Nothing Impossible for God

 

[BlueEyedLady]

This is true - but I doubt if this issue would be considered a valid reason.

I’m not saying that the the OP should not try to accommodate his wife’s wishes somehow…but skipping Sunday mass should not be one of them.

To me, the bottom line is that the OP’s wife made a promise before God and His Church to raise the children Catholic. To go back on that promise is a serious matter to her spiritual well being.
Either she did not originally make the promise in good faith - - or - - she is going back on her word to the Lord. This needs to be examined by the couple in a sober and prayerful manner before they decide how to proceed.

Just a thought.

Peace
James

Chances are, the wife did not agree to raise the kids catholic. To be married in the church all that is required is that the non catholic spouse is made aware that the catholic party has an obligation to raise the kids catholic to the extent that its possible.

Besides, keep in mind that people change when they rediscover or get deeper into their faith. Just as a catholic revert wouldn’t keep a promise to raise the kids protestant, a Protestant revert will not keep a promise to raise catholic children. That’s human nature. Everyone wants to raise their kids the way they believe is best. She would in her mind be doing her kids a disservice to deny them her faith, just as a catholic would.

 

[maryjk]

Chances are, the wife did not agree to raise the kids catholic. To be married in the church all that is required is that the non catholic spouse is made aware that the catholic party has an obligation to raise the kids catholic to the extent that its possible.

Besides, keep in mind that people change when they rediscover or get deeper into their faith. Just as a catholic revert wouldn’t keep a promise to raise the kids protestant, a Protestant revert will not keep a promise to raise catholic children. That’s human nature. Everyone wants to raise their kids the way they believe is best. She would in her mind be doing her kids a disservice to deny them her faith, just as a catholic would.

You are right that there is no such promise to raise the children Catholic, in the wedding vows.

It could be that the wife promised her husband that, outside of the ceremony. (But based on how the OP said it, “in that (ceremony) she agreed,” it doesn’t sound like it.)

 

[JRKH]

Chances are, the wife did not agree to raise the kids catholic. To be married in the church all that is required is that the non catholic spouse is made aware that the catholic party has an obligation to raise the kids catholic to the extent that its possible.

You may be right…I am just going by what was said in the OP…which was…
My wife and I had our marriage recognized in the Catholic Church after we where married for 5 years in that she agreed our kids would be raised catholic. Now she is pushing real hard that they be raise Protestant. …
Bolding Mine -

Now - I may be misreading what he is saying here, in which case the OP is free to correct me.

Besides, keep in mind that people change when they rediscover or get deeper into their faith. Just as a catholic revert wouldn’t keep a promise to raise the kids protestant, a Protestant revert will not keep a promise to raise catholic children. That’s human nature. Everyone wants to raise their kids the way they believe is best. She would in her mind be doing her kids a disservice to deny them her faith, just as a catholic would.

Yes this is a good point.
Yet I do still think that her promise (agreement) is a serious issue and one that she needs to prayerfully consider.
The OP says that she is “pushing real hard” to raise them protestant. I have to wonder why.
What does she believe about the Catholic Church that makes her push hard the other way?

Peace
James

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You may be right…I am just going by what was said in the OP…which was…
My wife and I had our marriage recognized in the Catholic Church after we where married for 5 years in that she agreed our kids would be raised catholic. Now she is pushing real hard that they be raise Protestant. …
Bolding Mine -

Now - I may be misreading what he is saying here, in which case the OP is free to correct me.

Yes this is a good point.
Yet I do still think that her promise (agreement) is a serious issue and one that she needs to prayerfully consider.
The OP says that she is “pushing real hard” to raise them protestant. I have to wonder why.
What does she believe about the Catholic Church that makes her push hard the other way?

Peace
James

That would depend on what denomination she belongs to, what her specific beliefs are, and a whole host of other things.

It’s really hard to speculate on what someone’s spouse is like or what they believe from an online forum. When people come on here and say “My husband is Catholic” it can be hard to ascertain what the husband actually believes, and Catholicism is a religion with very little wiggle room. With Protestants it’s even more difficult.

And it could be that she doesn’t have misconceptions about the church, simply that she just doesn’t believe in what it teaches and she feels that her children will be exposed to the truth elsewhere. Regardless of why she doesn’t want them raised Catholic, this is an issue that they are both going to have to work on together, in a peaceful, loving, and respectful manner for years to come.

My piece of advice is that this issue be put to rest for a little while. The OP very recently posted a thread saying that he has a hard time respecting his wife or her Protestant beliefs. Before that issue is settled they can’t even begin to tackle this one in a healthy manner.

 

[JRKH]

That would depend on what denomination she belongs to, what her specific beliefs are, and a whole host of other things.

It’s really hard to speculate on what someone’s spouse is like or what they believe from an online forum. When people come on here and say “My husband is Catholic” it can be hard to ascertain what the husband actually believes, and Catholicism is a religion with very little wiggle room. With Protestants it’s even more difficult.

I hear ya…
Indeed we have to be careful in these matters.
Yet - we can only work with what the poster gives us and I’ve seen many cases where a poster will return with additional information and clarifications - so we shall see…

And it could be that she doesn’t have misconceptions about the church, simply that she just doesn’t believe in what it teaches and she feels that her children will be exposed to the truth elsewhere.

Well from the Catholic perspective - thinking the Church does not contain truth WOULD be a misconception.

Regardless of why she doesn’t want them raised Catholic, this is an issue that they are both going to have to work on together, in a peaceful, loving, and respectful manner for years to come.

I absolutely agree with this.

My piece of advice is that this issue be put to rest for a little while. The OP very recently posted a thread saying that he has a hard time respecting his wife or her Protestant beliefs. Before that issue is settled they can’t even begin to tackle this one in a healthy manner.

I was not aware of another thread…It does sound like there much more needing addressed. I’d suggest they might need spiritual counseling.

Peace
James

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Well from the Catholic perspective - thinking the Church does not contain truth WOULD be a misconception.

Well, I see on this site frequently the notion that Protestants would become Catholics if only they knew what the church really teaches. I’ve known several Protestants who understood the Catholic faith very well but still did not believe that it was true and did not want any part of it.

As for the other thread, it might still be on the first page of the Family Life forum, if not, it would be on page 2 or 3. The thread was only posted a couple of weeks ago. In it he talks about how he doesn’t respect his wife or her beliefs because when they were dating she had sex with him while claiming to be a Christian, and when he found his faith he gave up all sin immediately.

 

[JRKH]

Well, I see on this site frequently the notion that Protestants would become Catholics if only they knew what the church really teaches. I’ve known several Protestants who understood the Catholic faith very well but still did not believe that it was true and did not want any part of it.

As for the other thread, it might still be on the first page of the Family Life forum, if not, it would be on page 2 or 3. The thread was only posted a couple of weeks ago. In it he talks about how he doesn’t respect his wife or her beliefs because when they were dating she had sex with him while claiming to be a Christian, and when he found his faith he gave up all sin immediately.

Yes - I looked up the thread and read the opening post…I chose not to read through the replies / discussion.

I think you are probably right and this discussion should be let go…It seems to me that they both should consider spiritual counseling - alone and together.

PEace
James