My Wife Divorcing Me After 3 months

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It is very pretty. We liked the area. We were not expecting things to go as they did. I grew up in the southern US and I’m telling you, I NEVER knew actual racism like that. I met a few racist people growing up and as an adult, but there it was like a racist way of life. I didn’t know that stores actually would find ways not to serve you up there. I had a few cashiers tell me they couldn’t understand Spanish so it was best I went elsewhere. Now, I don’t tend to speak Spanish. I’ve lived here since I was 5. I understand Spanish but I am much more comfortable speaking English and I don’t have much of an accent even. Well, that day I did speak quite a bit in Spanish, but nothing I can honestly repeat.
 
Now that you mention it there is some prejudice and stereotyping going on here. But back to the problem at hand. What do you think you could do to help your marriage or protect your children?
 
Hoosier-Daddy I’m going to start by seeing if she will meet with me and the priest who married us and did our instruction. I guess take it from there. Please keep me in prayer.
 
He is in a tough situation. I don’t know what I would do because like I said, I left there too. But my husband did as well. I am not sure what would have happened if he opted to stay because I know I wasn’t about to. My hope is he finds a lawyer that can help him navigate the situation better than any of us can possibly do.

He had a compromise to move to southern Michigan so I don’t see why that shouldn’t be part of the negotiation. It seems selfish to me for a wife to draw a line like she did, knowing what he has to experience. Arizona might be too far, but southern Michigan isn’t that far away.
 
None of that matters. It doesn’t matter that she is in the wrong or right. All that matters is that he is involved with his children and tries to reconcile with the wife. Who is not posting here or we could give her advice. If its uninhabitable for the op to live in because of racism or dangerous then he needs to be there to protect his kids.
Something tells me there’s a whole other side here.
 
It does matter though if he can’t get decent employment. That is part of why he said he left. He can’t do anything for his kids if he can’t support them. I’m glad he’s talking to his priest and I hope that is fruitful. But you seem intent on accusing him of lying about what it’s like there. I am glad you never experienced that. It is probably why you didn’t notice it when you were there. Something tells me you are not of a group that would go through it and therefore don’t understand what it is like for those of us that do.
 
Hoosier-Daddy just received the divorce papers yesterday. Going to find a Michigan attorney tommorow online. Arizona already told me they can’t help me cause I got children.
 
13pollitos thank you. I don’t feel alone talking about this. I’m not a person who plays the race card. Not even an issue in Arizona for me or anywhere I’ve been for that matter except upper peninsula of Michigan. I had a decent job there once working for juvenile court a couple of years before I met my wife. One night I was at the employee party the judges niece who also worked there got a little tipsy and laid a wet sloppy kiss right on my mouth. Everyone saw it. This was on a Friday. On Monday the judge called me in his office and fired me for sexual harassment. When I tried to defend myself his words were " well I know you did. Your kind don’t know how to behave when you see blond and blue eyes." This is a judge mind you. When I went for the PT test at the prison, the tester marked my race down as"Black" when I corrected him one of the others in attendance made the comment "well you’re the closest thing to a “n*gger around here.” These are two of many stories I could tell you. This place was starting to turn me into a hateful person myself. I had to leave. I honestly don’t want my girls growing up there either. But I may not have choice in that. The last job I had I was making $10 an hour. I have 2 bachelor degrees, certified personal trainer and certified to be a legal aid. Didn’t help me up there at all.
 
I believe it. I will be praying for your family. It really is a tough situation you are in. I don’t envy you at all. I hope that the priest can help and that you find a lawyer that can help as well. Hoping your wife will come to a reasonable compromise with you and your family will remain together.
 
OP, you have my sympathy. My husband is from a small town in Wisconsin and I’ve heard things that absolutely shocked me and I grew up in Missouri! Some of my husband’s relatives think that it’s perfectly justifiable to say the most abhorrently racist things, just because there happen to be no people of color around to hear it. They out the other side of their mouth they swear they aren’t racist. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a black or Arab person living there! I hope you are able to get a lawyer quickly and get a fair settlement, but I think you will have to consider finding a community where it’s reasonable for you to live. It’s best for your children if both parents are in their lives.
 
Thank you Allerga and 13Pollitos. I need all the prayers I can get. Most importantly I don’t want to lose my family. I love my wife and my kids are too young. My wife has problems but so do I. I just can’t imagine another woman in my life even if she can imagine another man.
 
Sometimes I wonder if they even realize that it is racist. It’s as if they don’t see that it is wrong. Another thing I have seen is when people justify their comments. They will find any news story to use as proof that Hispanics are all rapists, blacks are all drug dealers, Muslims are all terrorists or whatever.

I had a woman tell me that anytime a minority population reaches 15-20% the area becomes “unsafe” for whites to live there. She said that blacks and Hispanics are safe in white neighborhoods but whites are killed in black and Hispanic neighborhoods. If she was comfortable enough in her “non racism” that she would say this to my face (knowing I’m hispanic!), my guess is she didn’t even realize it’s wrong.

That’s why I think that sometimes people don’t notice the racism around them. If it doesn’t affect them it isn’t as obvious.
 
Yes 13pollitos you’re 100% right. My wife blamed me for the racism I experienced. She said the black colored polos and slacks I wore along with the tattoos I have made me look like an “Hispanic drug dealer”. Even though being mistaken for being Hispanic is not my issue up there. I don’t think she realizes that what she is saying is racist too. She tells me if I dressed and carried myself better people would think I was White. Even though us Romany are genetic wise are a mixture of East Indian nomads and European we have NEVER considered ourselves White. Despite some of us who actually look white. I couldn’t pull it off anyway and I don’t feel I should have to. Something wrong with an area if you have to resort to that.
 
You definitely should not have to defend your race! Or hide it! I know, it can be difficult, living around such ignorant, prejudiced people.

But, as to the problem at hand…get a lawyer! You need a competent professional who will look out for your interests. Ideally, they should be retained before your planned Christmas visit.

I’ll pray for you, and your situation. I will give one bit of advice…if you can’t find a lawyer before your visit, keep in mind that your wife may have planned something to make you look bad. So, if anyone there gets violent, or tries to provoke you, give the kids their gifts, then leave! In an area so rife with prejudice, I wouldn’t put it past anyone to try setting you up. I know, I don’t like the idea of a woman trying to make the father of her children look bad…and in front of them…with people contemplating a divorce, with possibly messy custody and visitation issues, it’s all too common. Hopefully, you’ll have seen your lawyer before then, and he will advise you on all possible ‘ins and out’s’. I hope all goes well. Remember, God is with you, and your children, in this difficult time.
 
Yes Legend. That’s why I’m going to the house with a local friend. Just in case. I’m already prepared for that scenario. Cause she is certainly not acting herself.
 
GypsyWarrior said:
We got into a minor argument over the children around Halloween. Long story short she drove to Arizona brought local Police along took the children and yesterday I received Divorce paperwork
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This part of your post I don’t quite understand. You mentioned that you relocated to Arizona but not that your wife did, although she said she would move.

Did you take the kids to Arizona without her consent, and she needed a police escort to come and get them back?
 
No. They were visiting with me. I am their father with no history of violence. Police escort unnecessary.
 
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