A
aphineday
Guest
New friends that I have yet to meet, thank you for your time and prayers.
Today I am very much in need of prayer, and intervention.
First, the facts:
My wife and I married in August of 2015. She was the sister of a very close friend, and we had in turn been friends for quite some time. There is a huge age difference between us (I’m 35, she’s 22), but when you fall in love, you fall in love. She had a child in high school, and the father is not around. When I married her, I also married our daughter. She is five now, but I have known her since birth. I very much believe God brought us together to help guide them in faith and life. Neither of them had much experience with any church prior to meeting me, but my wife does love going to Mass. She very much connects with the Catholic faith, and we have made a promise (one that I need to follow through with) to get her started with RCIA. Once we married, we immediately got pregnant with our now son. He is now 16 months old, and the greatest joy of my life.
The problems:
My wife is young, and can be very hard headed. Sometimes, she has different views than my mother, and they have clashed on many occasions. About a year ago, my wife and I were going through some difficult stuff, and it was one of many times she threw out that she wanted a divorce. This made my mother very angry, and she kind of went off a bit in some text messages to me, which my wife found later. They had a huge blow up, and my wife has hated her every day since, despite my mothers true apologies. My wife begrudgingly lets her see the kids, but only when it helps my wife out, or lets us do something.
Every time we have problems, my wife packs the kids up, and moves to her parents house, where they invite her in with open arms. She has been very spoiled with possessions, and loves to shop and travel. My wife makes a very modest salary, and mine is quite more substantial. I pay all of the bills in our house, with the exception of her car payment. When she goes to her parents, they pay for the food, they help watch the kids, they make her life very easy. My wife can simply not afford to support herself on her own.
Regardless of all of our differences, and issues, my wife has always refused to go to couples counseling. I want this so badly that I could scream. Listen, I know that I am not perfect, and I am very much open to addressing and changing the things about me, and my life that are bothering her. I have tried to reflect on this situation with as much mindfulness as possible, and really not allow the anger response to direct me.
My job is such that I work a week on, then a week off. When I was coming home from my last week on, we were still having issues, but we were talking, and everything was headed back to resolution. On the Tuesday that I came home, she talked to me in the morning about our son’s daycare, and I asked if she would be coming to our house that night. She told me she was going to continue to stay with her parents for the time being, and I needed to just be patient. I texted her throughout the day, and called her. No responses. That night as I was driving home from the airport, I received a call from her telling me she had filed for divorce, and that her attorney recommends that we not discuss it, and that I not see our son for the time being.
I am still completely floored. During my week home, I have been almost inconsolable, and as close to a shell of a human being as I can imagine. I have good friends who continue to talk me through the situation, but they (like me) are so incredibly shocked. This was a woman posting photos and videos to Facebook about how amazing our family is, and saying that I am the love of her life. I do feel that is all true, but how could she just turn and file divorce and not speak to me?
It’s important to know that most of her family is complete dysfunction. Her father is gay, and has lived this way, married to her mother for their entire life. He is also a diagnosed bi-polar who refuses to take medicine. Throughout her life, she witnessed a lot of physical and verbal abuse. She is a triplet, and both of her brothers have diagnosed mental disorders. Her mother continues to live with an openly gay man having affairs outside of the bonds of their marriage, but chooses to not participate in that herself. They have lots of money, and are very concerned with image. They simply do not stop if they feel that they have been wronged. They will pursue any legal opportunity to defame the opposing party. As an example, my brother in law has a fiancé that is also very young, and juvenile in her thought and actions. One night, she started receiving prank phone calls (just some acquaintances messing with her, nothing threatening or violent), and my Father In Law’s answer was to call the police, and continue chasing this down until they all got arrested, or at least talked to by the police department… there was absolutely no letting it go.
My wife, my family, my everything is gone. I need as many prayers to unite this family again through grace and our Heavenly Father as possible. I understand I was wrong in many ways, but nothing that I can’t change, and nothing abusive by any stretch of the imagination.
Please, please offer any suggestions on how I can turn this around. I cannot lose my entire life to a divorce. She needs love, and needs to be shown love.
Thank you all, be blessed.
Today I am very much in need of prayer, and intervention.
First, the facts:
My wife and I married in August of 2015. She was the sister of a very close friend, and we had in turn been friends for quite some time. There is a huge age difference between us (I’m 35, she’s 22), but when you fall in love, you fall in love. She had a child in high school, and the father is not around. When I married her, I also married our daughter. She is five now, but I have known her since birth. I very much believe God brought us together to help guide them in faith and life. Neither of them had much experience with any church prior to meeting me, but my wife does love going to Mass. She very much connects with the Catholic faith, and we have made a promise (one that I need to follow through with) to get her started with RCIA. Once we married, we immediately got pregnant with our now son. He is now 16 months old, and the greatest joy of my life.
The problems:
My wife is young, and can be very hard headed. Sometimes, she has different views than my mother, and they have clashed on many occasions. About a year ago, my wife and I were going through some difficult stuff, and it was one of many times she threw out that she wanted a divorce. This made my mother very angry, and she kind of went off a bit in some text messages to me, which my wife found later. They had a huge blow up, and my wife has hated her every day since, despite my mothers true apologies. My wife begrudgingly lets her see the kids, but only when it helps my wife out, or lets us do something.
Every time we have problems, my wife packs the kids up, and moves to her parents house, where they invite her in with open arms. She has been very spoiled with possessions, and loves to shop and travel. My wife makes a very modest salary, and mine is quite more substantial. I pay all of the bills in our house, with the exception of her car payment. When she goes to her parents, they pay for the food, they help watch the kids, they make her life very easy. My wife can simply not afford to support herself on her own.
Regardless of all of our differences, and issues, my wife has always refused to go to couples counseling. I want this so badly that I could scream. Listen, I know that I am not perfect, and I am very much open to addressing and changing the things about me, and my life that are bothering her. I have tried to reflect on this situation with as much mindfulness as possible, and really not allow the anger response to direct me.
My job is such that I work a week on, then a week off. When I was coming home from my last week on, we were still having issues, but we were talking, and everything was headed back to resolution. On the Tuesday that I came home, she talked to me in the morning about our son’s daycare, and I asked if she would be coming to our house that night. She told me she was going to continue to stay with her parents for the time being, and I needed to just be patient. I texted her throughout the day, and called her. No responses. That night as I was driving home from the airport, I received a call from her telling me she had filed for divorce, and that her attorney recommends that we not discuss it, and that I not see our son for the time being.
I am still completely floored. During my week home, I have been almost inconsolable, and as close to a shell of a human being as I can imagine. I have good friends who continue to talk me through the situation, but they (like me) are so incredibly shocked. This was a woman posting photos and videos to Facebook about how amazing our family is, and saying that I am the love of her life. I do feel that is all true, but how could she just turn and file divorce and not speak to me?
It’s important to know that most of her family is complete dysfunction. Her father is gay, and has lived this way, married to her mother for their entire life. He is also a diagnosed bi-polar who refuses to take medicine. Throughout her life, she witnessed a lot of physical and verbal abuse. She is a triplet, and both of her brothers have diagnosed mental disorders. Her mother continues to live with an openly gay man having affairs outside of the bonds of their marriage, but chooses to not participate in that herself. They have lots of money, and are very concerned with image. They simply do not stop if they feel that they have been wronged. They will pursue any legal opportunity to defame the opposing party. As an example, my brother in law has a fiancé that is also very young, and juvenile in her thought and actions. One night, she started receiving prank phone calls (just some acquaintances messing with her, nothing threatening or violent), and my Father In Law’s answer was to call the police, and continue chasing this down until they all got arrested, or at least talked to by the police department… there was absolutely no letting it go.
My wife, my family, my everything is gone. I need as many prayers to unite this family again through grace and our Heavenly Father as possible. I understand I was wrong in many ways, but nothing that I can’t change, and nothing abusive by any stretch of the imagination.
Please, please offer any suggestions on how I can turn this around. I cannot lose my entire life to a divorce. She needs love, and needs to be shown love.
Thank you all, be blessed.
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