My wife is so mean to me

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Feanaro’s Wife said:
**I know that you probably meant your comment as a sensitive gesture towards your wife but all marriages are different. **
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My wife has done our finances since we first moved in together before we got married (we weren’t Catholic yet). I would say our marriage is better for it. Each of us has our gifts. Balancing the checkbook and paying bills on time is not mine. My wife is much more organized willingly takes on those duties. You’ll have to take more word for it that my wife is a strong willed person who definitely lets me know when there is to much stress on her.

This arrangement improves our marriage because she is using her strength in supporting our household.
 
Find out how much you could spend. There are several other MP3 players. Personally I like the Palm Zire 72 which uses SD cards. That sells for about $140. A 512MB card is another $35.

Go cheap instead! Buy this **Kaser Yo! Fun-100 128MB MP3 player **for only $20. In the future, you could add a SD card to gain more memory storage. At 128MB you should be able to store 3 to 4 programs, so you will just have to load the new programs and delete the old ones a couple of times a week.

surpluscomputers.com/store/main.aspx?p=ItemDetail&item=CES10373
 
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SemperJase:
Your first tactic should be guilt. "Honey, “iPod” and “love” both have four letters. That is not a coincidence.:bounce:

If that doesn’t work, well you should seek professional counseling. I mean we are men. We all have needs. And one of those needs is for iPods. 😉

One thing to remember. You don’t stop with just the iPod. My wife bought me the 60GB iPod for my birthday in November. I then bought a car charger and FM transmitter to play on my car stereo. I’m not happy with the FM transmitter.

So I’m going to get a new car stereo (about $139) with an iPod adapter (about another $100) so I can hook up the iPod directly to the stereo.

Oh, and before that, you absolutely have to have a case to protect it. They scratch easily. So chalk up at least another $30 for that.

My wife really indulges me sometimes. Thankfully we saved a bit and could afford it. A lamp before an iPod? Bah! We know what’s really important. 😃
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😃 The difference between men and boy’s is the price of their toys. Oh, we love you guys anyway!😃
 
kaymart said:
😃 The difference between men and boy’s is the price of their toys. Oh, we love you guys anyway!😃
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**Most of the time… 😛 **
 
Feanaro’s Wife said:
Hubby and I are on a very tight budget. What we find works for us is including ourselves in the budget. If there is enough money at the end of a paycheck we each get $20.

** We can do anything we want with this money and not be nagged about it. He saved up his and combined it with some gift money and bought an IPOD. He loves it!!! But I can tell you right now that if it had come out of the famly finances I would be pretty upset, lol.**
It has made such a difference. I know $20 isn’t much, but it is way better than the nothing we had before;) . It has helped us keep our sanity through financially difficult times.
Malia
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Yeah! That’s what we used to do when we first got married. But then we were earning about $1000 a month more than we’re getting now, and it was just my husband and I in our family (before our son arrived on the scene). But it is very nice to have your own individual spending money to spend on whatever you please. It must have taken quite a bit of discipline on your husband’s part to save it up 🙂 In fact, now we do make more money than we *budget * to spend, so I think I’ll propose a return of this policy to our family finances. In the end, it’s better to stick to your budget and spend $40/month on fun stuff “guilt-free” than to have unneccessary expenses creep up on you.
 
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betra2000:
Hmmm…I wonder what she would do if something were to happen to you tomorrow? Would she be able to handle it? I handle all of the finances in my home and we do really well. As a matter of fact, we do a lot better than when he was doing it. Of course, he knew this to be true and, like the great man that he is, asked me for help. And me, like the great woman that I am, offered to help. We have been doing great ever since. He is very happy and so am I!!! 👍
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It is true, the only way to get a response from anyone on this forum is to say something controversial. Thank you for your concern and I can ask you the same thing, is your husband prepared should something happen to you?

My wife is better at running the finances than I am as she is in most things. She is very frugal and will only spend money when it is absolutely neccessary. We do extremely well but we live very a very humble life. However just because she is good at it does not mean she should do it. I found in the early years of our marriage it was too much stress on her to look after the finances. I took it on and I learned how to do it instead of passing the buck to her. Over the next few years our income quintupled, maybe not as a result of this decision directly but because I learned the value of money and budgeting all by myself. When I want to buy something, I buy it and when she wants something she buys it. We have no bad habits, we rarely go out to eat, we spend most of our time and money on our children so when I want to buy something for me, I dont ask for permission.

Back to the point…we attended a few marriage encounter over the years and many of them also promoted the husband looking after the finances to ease burden on the wife and make her life less stressful.
 
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ReginaNova:
You are kidding, right? Please tell me you are kidding. And if you are not (as I suspect you are not), you ought to know that you can’t generalize to all women and all marriages based on your wife and your marriage. Some of us women are good mothers, good wives, strong Catholics, AND also do the investments, checkbooks, and prepare the taxes! That’s the way I like it and my husband likes it. And the way my parents did it and his parents did it. That’s more than 120 years of marriages that work!
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No I am not kidding, I stand firmly behind what I said. My mom ran the finances too but there was always finances to run, there was never lack of finances.
When the financial situation at home is bad, I do not think the wife should be given this added responsibility. My wife is an awesome lady, mother and wife and I am probably the only husband in the world who bugs his wife to spend money on herself. There have been ups and downs in our 18 years and when things are good financially it does not matter who runs the family finances. Women are the emotional temperature keepers at home, not a general statement, its factual, women dictate the tone of the home. When things are bad financially we should not burden them with more than they have to.

Credit collection companies specifically target the wife when they are collecting because they know who is the first to crack from initimidation. They always ask for the Mrs first.
 
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betra2000:
Hmmm…I wonder what she would do if something were to happen to you tomorrow? Would she be able to handle it? I handle all of the finances in my home and we do really well. As a matter of fact, we do a lot better than when he was doing it. Of course, he knew this to be true and, like the great man that he is, asked me for help. And me, like the great woman that I am, offered to help. We have been doing great ever since. He is very happy and so am I!!! 👍
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It is true, the only way to get response on this forum is to appear to say something controversial. I said " the first 6 years were a struggle, so I took over the finances" you said
I handle all of the finances in my home and we do really well
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good for you, but read what you said. My point was that with all the pressure a woman has these days, if the family finances are bad, the husband should handle them. Anyone can run the finances when there is an abundnace of money, but when there is not it creates stress. This stress should not be passed on to the wife.

This post had nothing to do with how great you and your husband are or how great you are doing financially. It is great that you are happy and make alot of money, we have been on both sides and we definetely like it better now. It had to do with a man not being given permission to buy something from his wife, you cannot help but feel for the man. No one person should be in that much in control.
 
Feanaro’s Wife said:
I know that you probably meant your comment as a sensitive gesture towards your wife…“I realized she was struggling and I stepped in to help out and now our marriage is better”…but all marriages are different. What is important is communication and teamwork.

**In our home I must do the majority of the finances because hubby is military. I can’t imagine the extra stress I would go through by having to take over for him in an unfamiliar job every time he had to go out of town. This works for us and helps our marriage work.😃 **

Malia
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Hello Malia, I am huge Edmonton Oiler fan. About 3 years ago I turned down a senior management position in Alberta and now looking at the state of our 2 provinces, I am sort of regretting it. Anyway, your situation is different because he is not always there and that is understood. My point was not that the man should always look after the finances, it was when things are bad financially it should not be the wifes job to keep things afloat financially at home. It seems I was majorly misunderstood.
 
An ipod is a very expensive MP3 player. And it is not as if you can’t listen to such shows without transferring them to an MP3 player. You can always just download the free version of Real One player and listen to it from your computer.

If it being portable is really something you feel you want, go for a cheaper MP3 player than an ipod. There’s no reason you need all that storage space that an ipod carries to listen to the programs you want to download.

It really sounds to me that you are making excusses for buying an expensive technology. You need to make your investments wisely. Its not mean. There are plent of cheaper ways to build your spiritual life.
 
Island Oak:
Depends…Originally $639, on sale for $439 @ Lamps plus.com…Suddenly the iPod looks like a BARGAIN! 😉

http://www.lampsplus.com/images/spacer.gif images.lampsplus.com/images/97090.fpx?cell=330,330&qlt=75&cvt=jpeg
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Oooo… I have expensive taste too, but good grief! your budget must not be very tight. I have had to make due with lamps from Target, and they actually look pretty doggone stylish.

OK… new plan. My husband has a suggestion…Just forgo buying groceries for a week, buy the lamp… Then two weeks later, fast again and buy the ipod.

Yes, he actually though this was funny.

He did tell me that he wants me to quit buying the cheap **** lamps from Target because they always break. They doo look stylish before they break, though.
 
There is a great show on one of the Discovery home, HGTV or DIY called “The Look for Less” very cool. They could take a lamp and make it look similar to the one your wife wants…

target.com/gp/browse.html/ref=sc_iw_r_1_1/602-9975536-7443830?%5Fencoding=UTF8&node=15406631

The retro modern look is very popular now. This looks like a lamp my grandparents threw out about 25 years ago when they updated their house. You might be able to find a vintage lamp with similar lines, put a new lampshade on it (that shape is easy to find now) and voila! money for both a way cool lamp and an ipod!
 
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gerryran:
I want to buy an ipod so i can download and listen to all the Catholic Answers shows that Jimmy Akin is on. But my wife says if we can’t afford the table lamp she’s been asking for, we can’t afford an ipod. I told her it’s for my spiritual welfare but she doesn’t listen. Can you believe she’s so mean. How can I convince her 😉
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Forget the IPOD. They are too expensive.

Get a cheap MP3 player with minimal memory. This will be a very reasonable price and should allow you to put one or two programs on at a time. Check out Creativelabs products or other similar players.
 
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Peace-bwu:
Oooo… I have expensive taste too, but good grief! your budget must not be very tight…
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Just an example to demonstrate the potential costs (and you can do much more damage to your budget with lighting fixtures without trying all that hard) not a suggestion of what anyone in particular could or should pay for a table lamp.
 
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SHEMP:
Forget the IPOD. They are too expensive.

Get a cheap MP3 player with minimal memory. This will be a very reasonable price and should allow you to put one or two programs on at a time. Check out Creativelabs products or other similar players.
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I am sorry but I have to disagree. While there are many other MP3 players around that are very good, the IPOD is the easiest to use and there are hundreds of accessories for them. It literally is total Plug and Play. I have had the Creative Zen and the Rio and the Iriver. IPOD is better hands down.
 
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the-3rd-parent:
An ipod is a very expensive MP3 player. It really sounds to me that you are making excusses for buying an expensive technology. You need to make your investments wisely. Its not mean. There are plent of cheaper ways to build your spiritual life.
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Shoot, with that philosophy you may as well be buying the Tootie Fruities cereal that comes in the bag instead of genuine Froot Loops. Sheesh!! 😉

Gotta stick up for Island Oak here. It’s a known fact that EWTN podcasts are 37% more spiritually fulfilling when listened to on an iPod.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to the kitchen to get a late night snack of my Tootie Fruities (really)
http://www.malt-o-meal.com/product_images/CC_packs_TootieF.jpg.
 
Greg Popcak, Catholic therapist, has an interesting take on situations like the OP’s. “Never negotiate the WHAT, but always negotiate the HOW and WHEN” (this is under normal circimstances, not when one spouse is constantly getting the family deeper and deeper in debt.)

"You are a spouse, not a parent. It is not your job to ever give or deny permission for your mate to do or have anything. It is merely your job raise concerns about your mate’s plans, taking care to do so supportively. In other words, you will never tell your grown up spouse, who can think for herself, that something she wants or needs cannot be had. You will simply state the conditions (the how and when) under which you would be comfortable helping her get the “what”.

I sounds like you and your wife have some negotiating to do!
—KCT
 
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mastda:
I am sorry but I have to disagree. While there are many other MP3 players around that are very good, the IPOD is the easiest to use and there are hundreds of accessories for them. It literally is total Plug and Play. I have had the Creative Zen and the Rio and the Iriver. IPOD is better hands down.
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And a BMW is better than a cheaper car.

I have a Creative Labs MuVu MP3 player with 512 MB. These are relatively cheap nowadays. I can put a few programs on this very easily (plug and play). I don’t need accessories since I am on a lean budget. It serves my purpose. I can still tythe and my wife is happy that my faith is growing.

Sometimes you just have to live without the Rolls Royce. There are worse things in life. You make it sound like your life would be incomplete without your IPOD?
 
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