My wife just left me

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Caprotodox said:
Thanks Lucretius. The marriage is over, I’ve already signed the papers and just waiting for the decree. I also spoke with my priest and I’m able to fully partake in the Eucharist now.

I’m perfectly happy, and don’t harbor any anger or resentment, or have any lingering sadness. I’ve been going out a lot doing different activities, and I’ve already gone a couple of dates and met some cool girls.

The hard part for me is just letting my life go and letting God steer the ship; I keep trying to take the wheel when I should just be going along for the ride. I’ll keep working hard, and doing the right thing, and jump on opportunity when it comes my way.

On the above, I would really like to find a Catholic girl. I’m hoping that when I do find one, she will be able to look past me being divorced.
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Glad you’re doing well. Your case is lack of form by my understanding so it should be easy to prove your marriage was not valid, but I would advise you to wait for the divorce to come through and get everything in order with the Church before seriously considering dating.
 
Elf01 said:
Glad you’re doing well. Your case is lack of form by my understanding so it should be easy to prove your marriage was not valid, but I would advise you to wait for the divorce to come through and get everything in order with the Church before seriously considering dating.
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I agree with this. Take the time to live single and get to know yourself again. You’ll be glad you did!
 
Caprotodox said:
Thanks Lucretius. The marriage is over, I’ve already signed the papers and just waiting for the decree. I also spoke with my priest and I’m able to fully partake in the Eucharist now.

I’m perfectly happy, and don’t harbor any anger or resentment, or have any lingering sadness. I’ve been going out a lot doing different activities, and I’ve already gone a couple of dates and met some cool girls.

The hard part for me is just letting my life go and letting God steer the ship; I keep trying to take the wheel when I should just be going along for the ride. I’ll keep working hard, and doing the right thing, and jump on opportunity when it comes my way.

On the above, I would really like to find a Catholic girl. I’m hoping that when I do find one, she will be able to look past me being divorced.
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You actually turned out much luckier than most divorced men:
  1. there is not harm done to any children
  2. you probably aren’t sacramentally bound to her
  3. you are in your thirties, when men in general are at their prime, including at their most sexually attractive
If I were you, I’d look into that blog I mentioned: it gives basic tips in finding a woman of real value.

Christi pax.
 
Caprotodox,

I just finished going through the 13 pages. Thank you so much for sharing your pain, your anguish, your hopes , your day-by-day experiences in this ordeal. I can’t imagine how harrowing those days when she said nothing and left you hanging must’ve been but I’m hopeful to see that in the span of one month, things are already looking up for you. Praise God for that!

I honestly wish I could share this thread with all dating and cohabiting couples. To be honest, from your first post I knew where it was going. The nature of the argument and the rash separation was a clear indication that it was a relationship built on straw. I have no doubt that there was love, as most couples claim to have, but it was not a mature, self-sacrificial love.

I wish people understood that God is not just a “nice-to-have-add-on” in a marriage. Politics and religion ARE everything. Like she said, how can she raise children with someone against same-sex marriage or how do you raise children with someone who votes a radical pro-choicer? Children are also deal-breakers and a couple should have it very well established what the vision for their family is, if they are open to adoption in case of infertility etc. There are make it or break it issues. Careers, education levels, travels, common tastes are not.

I know a lot of people could learn from this but I am mostly happy to see that you have learned. Getting along and doing nice things together cannot make a marriage last. Children come into the picture, would you be ok with a wife who places your newborn in daycare so as to pursue her career goals? Who stays up nights? Can you give up your social life for the sake of the family? These are the kind of demands that love makes on a couple. It isn’t pretty. Love is sweat and tears and blood- it’s martyrdom. If that kind of love wasn’t part of the marriage vows then the marriage has nothing to sustain it.

Like other members have mentioned, this is a happy case: no children involved, it was not a sacramental marriage and you’re still relatively young- best of all, you have refound your faith!

I’m really looking forward to following your updates and see what God has in store for you! Never settle for anything less than love as God has designed it!
 
For those of you commenting, please read the full thread.

The OP has signed divorce papers and seems to be doing well now. I wish him the best.
 
I’m so sorry.
I hope things work out for you both. <3
 
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You sir, have my absolute sincerest condolences. I have been the victim also of such tasteless circumstances. Separation and divorce are a sure sign that the devil is interfering in your life. On a non-theological note, it is certain that human suffering is closely tied to this turn of events. The system has failed the married and dives to protect the remarried against the previous in a complete and total denial of the fact that it is sacrilege, disgrace, and failure in our present system that it happens at all.

The divorce rate is above 50% and why? I have a few guesses. First, everyone has the urge to feed into life changing drama with no regard for suffering parties on the other end. Second, divorce has plagued everyone to the point of hearing more about divorce than marriage itself. I can’t remember the last time I heard of a big wedding story. Third, it is just simply too easy to execute. On the other end, that can be a good thing for loudmouths who would try to prove their ex completely evil in every way. Though, they do it anyway, it just isn’t “officialized” (and spellcheck says that isn’t a word).

Advice?
  1. Decide who’s mutual friends are who’s, this stops you from putting false trust in people you think are on your side.
  2. Discuss your faith and ask her what the worst things you are guilty of are. Go to confession for them (if they are sinful) and make it known that you will take steps with God to “look into” her complaints.
  3. As seen in number “2” you are going to have to change your “lingo.” Don’t say anything explicitly if not face to face in fear of recordings and such. Heck, she might even have police or lawyers there with her as she tries to make you “slip on a banana peel.” It is sad to have to do this, but it will condition you to realizing that you will not (after this) be the same people you once were.
I have more advice and may be more active here, so feel free to private message me if you need more (name removed by moderator)ut! We love you as a suffering brother in Christ. May God be strong with you both and if possible, stop this terrible mess.
 
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