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1990Domer
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I’m sorry. My wrong. There have been a lot of posts on this thread. I missed or forgot that one.
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gracepoole
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Of course. But understanding this doesn’t change the nature of his marriage.
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Caprotodox
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Is my marriage valid in view of the Church? No.
Adulterous it is not. Not a single priest that I have spoken to has ever called my marriage “adulterous”. **Not one. ** In fact, every priest that I have spoken to in regards to my marriage has encouraged me that it is worth saving.
Truthfully, I find it very offensive that you refer to my marriage in those terms. I’m not quite sure if you’re intentionally trying to be offensive or not, but you are. Do I not love my wife as much because I was married outside the Church? Of course I love my wife! Were we cheating on anyone for our relationship to be adulterous? No!
It is completely honorable to fight for a marriage, inside or outside the Church, those vows are taken before God. Any vow that you make before God is worth fighting for and keeping.
I also suggest you read 1 Corinthians 7:15. Paul never called those marriages “adulterous”.
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gracepoole
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I can understand that you find the term adulterous offensive when describing your marriage. But in the eyes of the Church, two people who are engaging in a sexual relationship and are not validly married are fornicating (committing adultery). As you yourself noted, this is why you’re currently unable to receive the Blessed Sacrament. You may certainly seek to obtain approval from the Church for your marriage but you’ve said your wife is uninterested in this option. I really encourage you to learn more about the faith, as you seem confused about the term adulterous and when it might apply. I also encourage you speak with a faithful priest about this issue – not saving your marriage specifically but instead whether your marriage can be considered valid or could be made valid, which should determine whether it can and should be saved.
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1990Domer
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This is a both/and, not an either or. Imprudent, perhaps. But certainly virtuous.
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Caprotodox
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I highly doubt you will not find adultery defined the way you’re trying to define it, anywhere in the Catechism, in an encyclical, nor in the Bible.
I will trust the words of the various priests that I have spoken to - who have never defined my marriage in the term that you do, priests who have encouraged the saving my marriage.
Nor do I care to have an argument in this thread. If you would like to argue, I ask that you take it elsewhere.
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Irishmom2
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gracepoole
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Irishmom2
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I think the OP gets your point. No need to keep hitting him over the head with it.
Honestly, I think you could have made your point more kindly.
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gracepoole
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It’s a term – nothing more and nothing less. Don’t get too hung up on it. The more important thing is that you investigate the validity of your marriage and how to proceed if it is or isn’t found to be valid.
You stated earlier that you want to grow in your faith and your relationship with Christ. To do this, you need to figure out this central issue.
(FWIW, violations against marriage including lust, pornography, prostitution, fornication, adultery, plural marriage, cohabitation, contraception, sterilization, masterbation, in vitro fertilization, etc. are all considered violations of the 6th commandment. See this thread for more information, which may also explain why you shouldn’t get hung up on your understanding of the word adultery. Ike pretty much nails it there.)
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gracepoole
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What makes you think he gets my point?
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Caprotodox
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So today, I’ve started to feel better. Yesterday, I was feeling pretty down and depressed.
I joined a co-ed kickball league, so I’ll be heading out to that in about a half hour. I’ve been doing quite few other co-ed sports here, and that’s helped get my mind off things. I’ve also been going to the gym a lot to work off any excess energy. I’ve decided that I’m going to have really put myself out there and get comfortable to going to events by myself, and just push myself to get out instead of just being at the house.
I’ve been researching areas that I may move to once the house is sold. I’ve been debating location since I like my current church, I have started to get to know the guys in the mens group, so I don’t really want to change parishes. If I do move, the area that I’m looking at is only a 20 minute drive from the church.
I’m starting to look ahead to the future, and not dwell on the past. But like I have said before this is a roller coaster so who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow.
Faith wise, I’m praying the Rosary nearly daily. I’m staying in prayer quite a bit more, and still praying for God to help me on weaknesses and faults - and I think he has been. I have noticed a change in how I handle certain situations now, which is great!
I joined a co-ed kickball league, so I’ll be heading out to that in about a half hour. I’ve been doing quite few other co-ed sports here, and that’s helped get my mind off things. I’ve also been going to the gym a lot to work off any excess energy. I’ve decided that I’m going to have really put myself out there and get comfortable to going to events by myself, and just push myself to get out instead of just being at the house.
I’ve been researching areas that I may move to once the house is sold. I’ve been debating location since I like my current church, I have started to get to know the guys in the mens group, so I don’t really want to change parishes. If I do move, the area that I’m looking at is only a 20 minute drive from the church.
I’m starting to look ahead to the future, and not dwell on the past. But like I have said before this is a roller coaster so who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow.
Faith wise, I’m praying the Rosary nearly daily. I’m staying in prayer quite a bit more, and still praying for God to help me on weaknesses and faults - and I think he has been. I have noticed a change in how I handle certain situations now, which is great!
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Nap66
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I totally agree. My marriage was the exact same way - not married in church but was married by a preacher. Many marriages are this way, such is life. I guess this should only come up in the future if the OP wants to get married in the church again - then he has a valid point for annulment - no? Otherwise, what was done was done and there is no shame in keeping a marriage together, no matter what type of marriage.
That’s one of the reasons I went away from the Catholic Church - too much dogma and not enough application to real lives. But I know what God/Jesus wants from me and I try to live a good life even if I can’t dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s in the Catholic way.
Oh well, today would have been my 18th wedding anniversary. I’m on my own, but God is there with me, he has never left me even during my non-Catholic marriage.
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gracepoole
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This post – especially the parts that are bolded – is the reason I offered my comments. Faithful Catholics should know what the Church requires and why, rather than assuming that She just requires “too much dogma and not enough application to real lives.”
Of course God hasn’t left you. That isn’t the question or concern at hand.
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1990Domer
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OP,
Keep up the good work! Remember, every Saint has a past and every sinner has a future! God bless.
Keep up the good work! Remember, every Saint has a past and every sinner has a future! God bless.
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bekalc
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I think it’s good vows are taking seriously. However I think the relationship is only worth saving IF it gets blessed in the Church.
Is a relationship truly good if it keeps you from the Eucharist? And separates you from the Lord? She does not have to be Catholic for the marriage to be blessed.
I am so sorry you are in pain.
The Church’s rules are for our good. They can put a stop gap on people marrying unwisely by ensuring people have certain classes and formation. My brother who is not Catholic and married a Catholic came out impressed with Pre Cana feeling everyone should do it.
The Church cannot tell non Catholics what to do. But it can watch out for its own members by insisting on certain things. Especially since Church teaching says this is for life.
So in the eyes of the Church no your not married. Not because the Church is angry or wants to hurt you but because neither one of you got the proper formation necessary.
If you look at it she is saying she does not want too be open to children or have children raised according to the teachings of the Church. That’s some serious differences.
You honored your vows and did not leave her but as much as you love her I don’t think you should fight for accept for in prayer.
Is a relationship truly good if it keeps you from the Eucharist? And separates you from the Lord? She does not have to be Catholic for the marriage to be blessed.
I am so sorry you are in pain.
The Church’s rules are for our good. They can put a stop gap on people marrying unwisely by ensuring people have certain classes and formation. My brother who is not Catholic and married a Catholic came out impressed with Pre Cana feeling everyone should do it.
The Church cannot tell non Catholics what to do. But it can watch out for its own members by insisting on certain things. Especially since Church teaching says this is for life.
So in the eyes of the Church no your not married. Not because the Church is angry or wants to hurt you but because neither one of you got the proper formation necessary.
If you look at it she is saying she does not want too be open to children or have children raised according to the teachings of the Church. That’s some serious differences.
You honored your vows and did not leave her but as much as you love her I don’t think you should fight for accept for in prayer.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
Can you look for a room mate? Something Temperary to help with bills. If you are near a college maybe a student or someone working in your area on a temp basis. I friend of mine specializes in renting to such folks and makes good money at it. Advertise on craigslist or roommate sides. Good luck.
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Caprotodox
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I worked it out so I can still pay for bills if need be, but she’s still contributing to the mortgage. The house is about to go up for sale probably next week. I was thinking about buying out her share of the equity and keeping the house, but I’m thinking now that I should just downsize, maybe buy a condo and save some more money. I’m a bit unsure on the condo since I’m not sure of I would get a good ROI on one.
This last week has been pretty good. I’ve made some new friends and been hanging out with them lately. I’ve been going out doing things, and I’ve accepted that the marriage is over. One person can’t fight for it, it takes two, and if one person isn’t willing, well, then there’s nothing that I can do.
Overall, I’m working to maintain a positive attitude. I don’t want allow for any resentment or anger to take hold, so if I start to get those fleeting thoughts I do my best to not entertain them and to pray.
I’m still praying to the Lord to help me on my weaknesses, I have noticed a change in myself particularly with more humility and patience. I still have more work to do, but I’m headed in the right direction.
Church has been great support, and I’ve been making sure to pray the Rosary nearly every day (although, I don’t make it through all five decades). I also continue to pray for my soon-to-be-ex-wife, that her turn be turned to God, and for safeness and happiness.
I have activities going on nearly every day of the week now, so I’m definitely pretty busy and I’m stepping into activities that I would have never dreamed of doing before. So it’s been fun in that regard.
I definitely plan on keeping this thread updated as I progress forward. Once again, thank you for the prayers and support, a lot of you have been a tremendous help and I appreciate all of your prayers. Thank you!
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MaryT777
Guest
Thanks for the update!~ I find a sense of acceptance and peace about this last post and it makes me so happy for you that you are on the road to moving forward in the best way you can.
It’s great you are involved in many activities and I hope things continue to move forward for you and that you are able to find a suitable living situation as well.
I know it’s still difficult, I’ve been there, but your positivity will see you through as well as the Church and our Savior and of course the Rosary is a powerful prayer.
God Bless,
Mary.
It’s great you are involved in many activities and I hope things continue to move forward for you and that you are able to find a suitable living situation as well.
I know it’s still difficult, I’ve been there, but your positivity will see you through as well as the Church and our Savior and of course the Rosary is a powerful prayer.
God Bless,
Mary.
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