My wife's single friend wants to have a baby

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Bruno_esqueXXII

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I told my wife I thought that was wrong – she accused me of being judgmental (she feels sorry for this friend of hers as this woman is a nice girl but very lonely and can’t find a man.)
  1. It is wrong is it not? (I think she plans to do Artificial Insem, but not sure – in any case there will be no real father.
  2. Is pointing out that something is wrong being “judgmental” (I barely said any words but she could tell what I thought so I said it – I didn’t say the woman was going to Hell because of it)
Sigh…I tire of being accused of being judgmental just because I voice my opinion on what is right and wrong in some very rare and extreme cases.

Anyone disagree?
 
Bruno_esqueXXII said:
I told my wife I thought that was wrong – she accused me of being judgmental (she feels sorry for this friend of hers as this woman is a nice girl but very lonely and can’t find a man.)
  1. It is wrong is it not? (I think she plans to do Artificial Insem, but not sure – in any case there will be no real father.
  2. Is pointing out that something is wrong being “judgmental” (I barely said any words but she could tell what I thought so I said it – I didn’t say the woman was going to Hell because of it)
Sigh…I tire of being accused of being judgmental just because I voice my opinion on what is right and wrong in some very rare and extreme cases.

Anyone disagree?
Click to expand...
  1. Yes, it’s wrong; the equivalent of fornication. The child WILL have a father, but will probably never know him.
  2. No, it’s not judgmental; you are judging the proposed action, not the person.
 
I agree that it’s wrong.

In a non-confrontational way one can explain that things are wrong without being judgemental.

There are some people who judge the action and not the person (this is what it sounds like you’re doing). This is because the person is typically making a judgement based on culture and education, and may not udnerstand the reasoning behind the immorality of the act.

Your wife may need to see that you understand that.

God bless,
Aaron Magnan
 
Bruno_esqueXXII said:
I told my wife I thought that was wrong – she accused me of being judgmental (she feels sorry for this friend of hers as this woman is a nice girl but very lonely and can’t find a man.)
  1. It is wrong is it not? (I think she plans to do Artificial Insem, but not sure – in any case there will be no real father.
  2. Is pointing out that something is wrong being “judgmental” (I barely said any words but she could tell what I thought so I said it – I didn’t say the woman was going to Hell because of it)
Sigh…I tire of being accused of being judgmental just because I voice my opinion on what is right and wrong in some very rare and extreme cases.

Anyone disagree?
Click to expand...
Ask your wife if it’s okay to judge others. When she says no, ask her why she judged you–after all, she’s telling you that you did something wrong.

But of course do it in a gentle way.
 
Bruno_esqueXXII said:
I told my wife I thought that was wrong – she accused me of being judgmental (she feels sorry for this friend of hers as this woman is a nice girl but very lonely and can’t find a man.)
  1. It is wrong is it not? (I think she plans to do Artificial Insem, but not sure – in any case there will be no real father.
  2. Is pointing out that something is wrong being “judgmental” (I barely said any words but she could tell what I thought so I said it – I didn’t say the woman was going to Hell because of it)
Sigh…I tire of being accused of being judgmental just because I voice my opinion on what is right and wrong in some very rare and extreme cases.

Anyone disagree?
Click to expand...
Artificial Insemination is immoral - it leads to “excess” embryos being created, which are “disposed” of once one “takes”. Also it is playing god.

catholig
 
Is it wrong or judgmental to care enough to be worried for this woman and how difficult it is to be a single mom in today’s world?

How will she explain to others how the child came to be?
Will she be able to provide for another, work full time, job stability?
How will the child explain to his friends why he has no father?
How will her own family deal with the issue?

Wouldn’t it be easier to expend all that energy in finding a suitable spouse. It just seems difficult to believe that there are no suitable spouses available in the area or online or at church etc.

You are not being judgmental. You are caring enough to want to protect her and her child from the potential of a lot of heartache that single moms endure in today’s world. It’s hard enough to raise them when there are two caring parents -to purposefully be single and raising a child defies the odds of a successful outcome for both mom and child. Keep caring and God Bless her.
 
If she’s lonely get a dog. You don’t create another human being to fill a void in your life. No sane person wants to be a single mother! Trust me on this one!

And if she goes ahead and does this, she could guarantee that the “perfect man” may just see her and keep going because her choice conflicts with HIS values. So she could ensure she never gets married to a good man.
 
I want a million dollars!!! Sometimes we do not always get what we want.

I would have to agree with the others that have said that this is wrong. This is playing God. I do not want to meet my maker, face to face and have to answer to Him when he asks “Why?”

To me, this just seems wrong on so many levels.
 
Catholig said:
Artificial Insemination is immoral - it leads to “excess” embryos being created, which are “disposed” of once one “takes”. Also it is playing god.

catholig
Click to expand...
This is not true. Artificial insemination is the process of placing sperm into the woman’s uterus with the hopes that she will conceive. Embryos are not created outside the body - that process is IVF or in vitro fertilization. Two totally different techniques.

It’s still immoral, but because it removes the procreation from where it belongs, in the context of a marriage, and places it on the doctor’s office, not because it creates excess embryos, which it does not.

~Liza
 
This is so wrong. Is she Catholic? Or even Christian for that matter? Every child deserves a mother AND a father. And yeah…some children may not have that, because of death, or a parent walking out, and I’m not saying that a single mother or father can’t be a good parent…but I am saying that to not even give the child the chance to have a father? That’s so wrong.
 
Perhaps your wife wants to make you watch yourself in front of the friend so that your disapproval doesn’t come through.

If you do offer an opinion, you might start off with the ‘you may scare off the perfect man’. The friend is probably in an emotional state, and it may be easier to reach her through emotions, not reason.
 
It would be SO much better for this woman to adopt. If she wants a child and not just the experience of being pregnant. If she truly has time to devote to a child, perhaps she might also consider foster care. Even if she just did respite care for another family that would be SUCH a blessing for them!

Perhaps you can suggest these other alternatives to your wife or the friend.
Bruno_esqueXXII said:
I told my wife I thought that was wrong – she accused me of being judgmental (she feels sorry for this friend of hers as this woman is a nice girl but very lonely and can’t find a man.)
  1. It is wrong is it not? (I think she plans to do Artificial Insem, but not sure – in any case there will be no real father.
  2. Is pointing out that something is wrong being “judgmental” (I barely said any words but she could tell what I thought so I said it – I didn’t say the woman was going to Hell because of it)
Sigh…I tire of being accused of being judgmental just because I voice my opinion on what is right and wrong in some very rare and extreme cases.

Anyone disagree?
Click to expand...
 
I agree with all the posts here and thanks for the replies.

My thoughts on this are with the kid. My parents divorced when I was around 12 and even missing out on having my dad around as late as that was pretty tough – I just feel so bad for a kid that doesn’t even have a CHANCE to have his/her father around AT ALL.

The woman is not catholic or Christian (she’s a “secular Jew”) and more or less an atheist so no counter arguments there – and she already has a dog but I guess he doesn’t cut it – poor pooch, someone should tell him, i bet he’d have a few words for her 😉 .

But seriously, the thing I don’t get about her is that she is one of those “liberal lefties” that seems to be so aware of the social issues and problems in our country and the world (she is a school teacher in a very bad part of Los Angeles – and I have a lot of admiration for her on that) so you would think she would not hesitate to adopt from a needy part of the world or her own backyard her in the U.S.

I just see so much of this self-centered procreation going on with the advance/abuse of technology (e.g. the 60 woman who had the kid recently, gay couples using surrogate wombs, etc) I just feel it is not right and have to say so. It’s about the kids really. It’s sad enough when marriages don’t work out and kids are left in a broken home – I can speak for this first hand and I actually had it pretty good but it still sucked overall. It’s even worse when this sort of situation is intentionally created.

I also fear for my own kids growing up in this world where their peers come from all these very odd and unnatural “family” situations.

Call me old fashioned, but, wow, this sort of thing is just an abuse of science.
 
Sigh…I tire of being accused of being judgmental just because I voice my opinion on what is right and wrong in some very rare and extreme cases.
Click to expand...
I hear on this one!

It’s like someone has totally twisted what Jesus meant into a license to sin.

I’ve been building a repetoire of responses to this - maybe I’ll start a new thread.
 
Black_Jaque said:
I hear on this one!

It’s like someone has totally twisted what Jesus meant into a license to sin.

I’ve been building a repetoire of responses to this - maybe I’ll start a new thread.
Click to expand...
That is exactly what I am talking about. It’s like saying anything about morals and values is being judgmental now or bigotry or fanaticism.
 
And notice on this thread a lot of what is said is not morals or values - just plain common sense.

It’s a tough world we live in and why would you want to do something to make it even harder. Single moms have a very tough time with lots of issues. What if she has to travel in a future work capacity? What if she is ill and can’t work? Who is going to tape that school play when you have to work? No moral, no judging, no values, just plain practical truth.

It will be very tough on both her and the child and is that really what she wants to do? Is it fair to them both?
May God grant her the wisdom to see what is best for her future and that she be happy with that plan whatever it calls her to be.
 
Bruno,

I think it would be best to really have it out with your wife. Sometimes a friend’s disapproval is enough to stay a person from taking the action. If this woman sense your wife’s disapproval, she might not go through with it.
 
Why not adopt? There are so many children who need a family - they may not be cute little babies, but they need love too.
 
She has a naturally good desire…to care for a child and share her love.

She is twisting it up and manifesting that desire in a wrongful way.

Why doesn’t she get involved with an organization, volunteering? For example women’s shelters, orphanges, inner city daycares, foster care, etc.

I wonder if there isn’t some romanticism that is also leading her to this desire? Has this lady ever been around children? Does she have younger siblings? Choosing to be a single mother introduces yourself as ignorant more than altruistic.
 
I’ve heard it said that our prisons are full of fatherless men.

People are beginning to understand our prisons as evidence for the necessity of a father.

You could be a little more pointed and say that our prisons are monuments to feminism. Women believed the feminist lie that they could do their job just as well without a husband.
 
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