My will and funeral arragements

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erazo

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Hello,
In a recent life treating event I realize it was important for me have a will. As I sit and contemplate my funeral arrangements I wonder and ask for your all guidance.

I am a divorcee with one child. My son knows my dedication to the Lord and want to illuminate His love to others.

With that said…will it be wrong of me to want to be buried in a for foreign land? Can it even be done. My first thought was to be buried somewhere in Rome. But realize that never been in Rome myself it may not be feasible. Thought on this??

Then I thought… what about Hawaii? I have been there once and loved the peace and tranquility I found there. This may be easier than Rome to plan? Thoughts on this?

I come to realize that I am here in this world for our Lord. What real benefit will my son have to be buried here in my home state? How often will he visit? Does it even matter if he comes to visit me…as long as his prayers mention my name, what more can I ask for. I will leave behind my estate filled with many memories for him and his future family.

What I would love…is that my son make a conscious choice to come and visit my tomb. With family and all…he may come visit mom …and enjoy the love and peace his mom valued.

Any thoughts, are very much appreciated.
 
I don’t have personal experience and I don’t know how wealthy you are, but I do know that a friend of my family was laid to rest in Louisianna because his family couldn’t afford the cost to bring him back to Missouri. I also know another family had a loved one who had her body cremated because that was the only way she could afford to have her body taken across and international border to be laid to rest by her husband. So I have a firm impression that the process is expensive and difficult. Would you want to actually have your funeral in Rome or Hawaii? Can your son and other loved ones afford to go there and see to it?
 
I would personally consider the feasibility for your family first. I mean, if my mom decided randomly to be buried in Rome or Hawaii, there is no way I could visit her tomb more than once or twice in a lifetime.
 
Our family has a little experience, thank God not a lot, of bringing someone from one state to another for burial. There is an additional expense involved and that has to be considered. If you were to go to another country from the U.S.there will be additional hurdles including permits. Given the stress of a loved one passing if you really want to go down this path try to handle it all ahead of time so your son does not have to cope with the loss of you and the hassles involved in these extra measures. Making your will ahead of time is essential also and will keep even more problems from happening as a result of not having one.
 
Having just buried my dad I have strong feelings on the subject.

I understand that you may want to give a witness to the gospel that continues even after your death (bury me in Rome). You may also get some consolation now by contemplation of your earthly place of final rest (Hawaii is nice). You may want to give your son consolation (will he come visit me). Whatever your motives, I can tell you this. The things you contemplated are going to be EXPENSIVE.

Coffins and burial plots cost thousands and thousands. Add to that the whopping cost of shipping a half ton casket and a perishable body and your talking serious money. Do you have lots?

I commend you for your consideration in thinking about these things beforehand. My dad did. His wishes were modest and poor as he was he set aside a little for expenses as a final, practical way to show his love.

By all means, think about these things. Do your research. Communicate this to your son. Hope this draws the two of you closer.
 
With all due respect, please realize that being interred in an exotic place well away from where you live is obscenely expensive, even if you are cremated and have your ashes sent to the interment site. However, when you are dead, and your soul is in purgatory or heaven, you will not care where your mortal remains are!
The money that would be spent to have your mortal remains shipped and interred in an exotic place would best be left to your living kin folk. It can be used for their welfare and benefit.
I find the American funeral practices of giving the deceased a send off worthy of a Pharoe to be as obscene as the most disgusting pornography! It is a classic example of a business that uses modern marketing techniques to take advantage of the grief of mourning families. They make you feel as if there is something wrong with you if you don’t spring for a super de-luxe send off!
Just a small example is what I have arranged for myself here in NYC: The cheapest funeral, with the cheapest coffin, 1 days exposition for the wake (rosary), the funeral mass at my parish church, cremation and interment of my ashes in a Veterans Administration cemetary nearby. The total cost of this prepaid affair is $7,000!
 
Thank you so much for all your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Yes, I do wish to be pro-active and have the basics cover. My plan is to find a cemetery that will allow me to pay on my lot now. Now that I know about the additional hurdles he may face, I plan to research on it further so that I can cover most of them for him.

I do not want to convenience my son. I want him to know that I gave him all I could and when its time for me to go…I want to be at peace. Just like a wedding, you plan months for a 1 day event. I want to plan for the day of my eternal rest.

I know he may not visit me all that often. And to be honest, there is no guarantee that he will visit me at all- in a foreign land or my home state. But when he does, I know he would have taken the time to plan to visit my tomb. And his sorrow will be accompanied by a nice vacation.

I will continue to pray on this…and see where it leads me.
 
It’s interesting that you brought this up. I have a neighbor that was part of an interfaith marriage. His wife and he were married in a Lutheran church and their son was baptized Lutheran, but went to a Catholic School. Long story short, the husband felt a lot of things were “rammed down his throat” such their son’s first communion and confession. It greatly hurt him as all of this was well covered before marriage and then his spouse changed her mind on everything. She was killed in a car accident about two years ago. She had no funeral directives, and he had a Lutheran church funeral for her and she is buried in the cemetery of the local Lutheran church. Always best to have it written down.
 
George_Stegmeir said:
With all due respect, please realize that being interred in an exotic place well away from where you live is obscenely expensive, even if you are cremated and have your ashes sent to the interment site. However, when you are dead, and your soul is in purgatory or heaven, you will not care where your mortal remains are!
The money that would be spent to have your mortal remains shipped and interred in an exotic place would best be left to your living kin folk. It can be used for their welfare and benefit.
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This is along the lines of what I was thinking as well. When the time comes, if you are buried far away, this means your son (and if he is married w/kids, family) will have to travel far away if they want to be there at your burial. This can place a large burden on him, especially if he has to finance the trip, travel with young ones, take an extended time off work etc etc… One thing is to take off from work to be with a loved one in their last days and to be able to be there for their burial, but another thing is to add an overseas/international trip to everything.
You don’t want to deprive him of the chance to bury his mother, an act of mercy (and have to send off her cremains instead). It just seems a bit capricious to me, all the expense and hassle, when a simple burial can be just as, or more, respectful of your body after your soul has departed. I know you have good intentions, but I do think it would be good for you to reconsider this plan. And you are right, the thing you will need most will be his prayers etc. It won’t make a difference to your soul whether you are in Hawaii, Rome, or your hometown.
 
erazo said:
Thank you so much for all your (name removed by moderator)ut.

I know he may not visit me all that often. And to be honest, there is no guarantee that he will visit me at all- in a foreign land or my home state. But when he does, I know he would have taken the time to plan to visit my tomb. And his sorrow will be accompanied by a nice vacation.

I will continue to pray on this…and see where it leads me.
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“And his sorrow will be accompanied by a nice vacation.”

Do you really know “his sorrow will be accompanied by a nice vacation”?

Its hard to predict that the plan to visit mom’s tomb also brings about a “nice” vacation.

Even if you sat with him today and the two of you decided “his sorrow will be accompanied by a nice vacation,” that does not mean it actually will happen in that way.

Where you choose to have your burial should not be tied to a loved one’s “nice vacation.”

Have you thought about taking a nice vacation today with your son to Rome or Hawaii or another wonderful place - near or far?
 
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