Mystic Experience?

[jc4751]

So, I don’t really know where to begin with this…and I am having some real, serious problems with this now because I don’t know how to deal with this.

The relevant things. I am an adult convert, was raised with no religion, although I dabbled in Asian philosophy/religion and other things as a teenager, a little in new agey-stuff as an adult, though I rejected it as being just wishful thinking and delusion on the part of a lot of people.

I joined the Church through RCIA in part because of example and influence of a relative and was comfortable with its teachings and general outlook for a long time, went to church on a relatively regular basis, etc, but I would not say it was ever a profound or spiritual experience for me to do so.

As I got a little older, that dryness led me away from the church for a long time. I guess I fell into a sort of agnosticism by default, just because I never felt much in the church to begin with.

Being married in the church, having a wife who is a practicing Catholic, and wanting to try to give our children at least some moral direction in life, we started going to Church on a regular basis again. We went to some of the usual programs and stuff (Life in the Spirit, etc), and I started doing some reading again on theology, listening to Catholic radio, etc, trying to learn more about the faith, as well as praying for long stretches. I also checked out some of the stuff on mysticism, particularly the Imitation of Christ and some other stuff.

Paradoxically, the more I tried to participate in church, the more my faith and feeling of anything divine in the cosmos lessened. I gave up, resigned myself to accepting that I was never going to really feel much one way or the other about God, and went to church because I figured that it would be good for my kids to at least have some moral direction in life. On an intellectual basis, I figured that the existence of God made sense, however I intuitively felt about things.

I also started feeling rather bleak about life, not really understanding the point of it, so I lost myself in work, trying to justify my existence through it. I wasn’t depressed, I don’t think, but that I just wound up feeling that it was something to be endured without any real joy outside of momentary distractions. Just the daily struggle of putting food on the table, dealing with my job, trying to make sure the cars stay running, etc. I can say that my heart also hardened considerably in recent years, too. A joyless life, in other words.

Then, three days ago…I had this…I don’t know what you would call it. A flash, an epiphany, of understanding and being filled with the Holy Spirit or something, I don’t know what it was/is. Just like a sudden lightning bolt from nowhere, like God pulling the scales from my eyes and dropping an anvil on my head. I have gone from feeling basically nothing to feeling a great compassion toward people, an overwhelming sense of union with God, an understanding of things – God’s will and purpose, so much I really can’t describe it, and pure love. I have wept from joy because of this, can’t really concentrate on my work, can only think of this. Every time I reflect on this at all, real tears come and they are for all the people in the world who are suffering and I feel nothing but compassion and love where I once felt apathy and contempt. I see the whole of the person now, figuratively as a little child…I mean, is this how God sees us? But I don’t weep from sorrow, but also from joy, because I feel God. I’m one of those guys who doesn’t cry about anything, so why is this happening?

It’s just like this intimate connection to God has been opened and I am so overwhelmed by it and can’t easily deal with it.

It wasn’t because of anything special I did, or asked for. I’m not a great person – in truth, I’ve always been kind of a selfish, materialistic, sarcastic jerk in a lot of ways. I have a mean streak at times and often said a lot of bad things when I should’ve known I was being led into to temptation to say and do things I knew better than to do.

And now, I feel like I don’t know who I am now. All the material pursuits and things I once cared about are just like dust to me. I can’t concentrate on my job. There is only God in my thoughts and heart now, like a beautiful song that I can’t ignore, but can only listen to. All the things I doubted, ignored, and dismissed, have been made clear. I guess, in a word…I don’t know?

I haven’t talked to anyone about this, don’t even know what I would say if I did. I mean, what do you say to make anyone understand, especially coming from someone like me? And I don’t even know what to make of it, myself, because it scares me…not in a bad way, but in the way of feeling something for the first time, that is so overpowering, and loving, and strong, and good, that I cannot begin to understand it. And I don’t want to feel this way, don’t even know how to feel this. I want to dismiss it, just say that it’s imagination, but I can’t even think of denying it, it’s so great and pure and wonderful.

 

[Student09]

This is wonderful! What is there to be upset about? God is inviting you to a deeper relationship with Him. Be very, very grateful! As you said, this is a free gift of the merciful God, because He loves you. I assure you that it is not your imagination.

So, what can you do to respond? The straightforward things: establish a daily prayer life; go to Mass as often as you can, during the week if possible; try to avoid sin and go to confession regularly; take care of your family and fulfill your obligations in life. Read some good spiritual books, especially books by saints.

Don’t expect these current feelings of devotion to last, because they won’t. When they are withdrawn, that will be your opportunity to express your love and gratitude to God by praying, being kind to others, and trying to live faithfully even when it is not easy or pleasant.

I am so happy for you! Please pray for me, and I will pray for you as well.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

Accept it, be thankful, but be cautious about private revelations in general. For more information, I’d recommend reading Fr Benedict Groeschel’s A Still, Small Voice: A Practical Guide to Reported Revelations.

Father Groeschel, the highly respected author, psychologist, spiritual director and leader of renewal in the religious life, has written a brief but comprehensive practical guide for all those interested in private revelations, the reports of visions and other extraordinary religious phenomena that are so widespread in these times. Because of the intense interest in extraordinary religious experience that ranges from Medjugorje to the New Age, Groeschel’s book is an urgently needed resource that gives practical norms to everyone on how to evaluate these claims. Drawing on spiritual classics and Church documents not readily available, he summarizes the Church’s perennial wisdom on this topic.

He also offers an alternative to unusual and extraordinary ways of knowing the things of God, which is a normal everyday opportunity open to all called “religious experience”–the action of grace operating in the context of a human life that can become a powerful source of virtue and holiness. Father Groeschel skillfully directs the reader to the humbler and safer path which discerns God’s presence in prayer, Scripture, the sacraments and love of neighbor. The great example of this path to holiness is St. Therese of Lisieux who, though having very few extraordinary experiences, was filled with a profound awareness of God’s presence and said, “To ecstasy, I prefer the monotony of sacrifice.”

 

[jc4751]

Thanks to both of you for the insights. I don’t think it’s a private revelation of any sort…I don’t think God’s telling me anything new or anything, just telling me what I should already feel/know, and in spades. I have always been a little wary of private revelation, myself, especially given the potential for these thoughts to come from an unholy source or one’s own fancyings.

I think my reason for feeling upset by this is just the intensity of something I have never felt before, no matter how much I prayed or did what I was supposed to do, and so on, a very long “dark night of the soul.” Not to mention, what is it – “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Not fear in the conventional sense, but a sense of the realness and immediacy of God.

I also wonder at this point where I’m supposed to go with this – God gives us gifts, but we’re supposed to use them, I know. Given that I do go to Mass regularly, try to instruct our children properly, give to charity, I tend to think that there’s something more that God has in mind, but I guess I’ll know that when He sends it my way, not when I go looking for it.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

Thanks to both of you for the insights. I don’t think it’s a private revelation of any sort

There is public revelation and private revelation.

ewtn.com/library/SCRIPTUR/PRIPUB.TXT

Public revelation is what we have in Scripture and Tradition. It was
completed, finished, when the last Apostle died and the New Testament was
finished. So there is no more until Christ returns at the end. In this
area the Church has His promise of providential protection in teaching.

**Private Revelation **is all else. The word private is poor, but usual. Even
Fatima, addressed to the world, is private. But there is a great
difference. The Church does not have the providential protection in
matters of private revelation. Ordinarily the decision of the local Bishop
is final on authenticity of a revelation. Yet we would not have to believe
any decision on private revelation–though we must obey a command, if a
Bishop gives such, not to go to the place of a an alleged revelation. In
obeying, we do not lose any graces. Christ saved the world by
obedience–cf. Rom. 5:19. St. Margaret Mary says He told her: “Not only do
I desire that you should do what your Superior commands, but also that you
should do nothing of all that I order without their consent. I love
obedience, and without it no one can please me.”

 

[Mintaka]

It sounds like you had “a consolation”. You were discouraged, and God decided to build you up. This kind of thing is often compared to a mother feeding a little kid some milk sweetened with honey, or trying to build up a sick person’s strength by giving him tasty food that is easy to digest. Some compare it to a tiny peek behind the curtain, or a foretaste of the joy we will someday share when we are with God.

Generally, what nourishment your soul is going to get out of it, it gets at that moment. You can remember it as an encouragement, though. Be glad, be grateful, keep doing your duties, and love God and your neighbor more!

 

[fred_conty]

It seems that Jesus is doing for you the same thing, in a smaller way, that he did to St. Paul when he heard the voice of Jesus. He converted him on the spot by allowing this overwhelming experience to convince him that He is real and the way. He does that from time to time to people to help them make the faith real and something wonderful which it is. Your have been blessed in a special way.

A book called No Turning Back by Donald Calloway, is a remarkable story of a similiar event that you experienced. Here is his site.
fathercalloway.com/bio/

Where you go from here is to set up a daily prayer routine of 15 to 30 minutes, the beginning of which is to go to the sacrament of mercy, confession. And above all stay with this thru thick and thin. What prayers you incorporate into this routine is really up to you. Also get some spiritual books to read, including the bible.

God has so blessed you after all these years of struggle. I will also pray for you.

Just a thought of happiness for you.

 

[PatrickSanDiego]

Hi, I hear you. I went through something like this as well. But in my case, it was a little more intense. I saw all the foolishness and ugliness that was going on at my work, and there was, and was motivated to voice myself about it. I did so politely and diplomatically, but still upset the higher ups. I lost my job. But, I felt that it wasn’t the place for me anyway.

I have always been a little wary of private revelation, myself, especially given the potential for these thoughts to come from an unholy source or one’s own fancyings.

Watch out, yes, anyone who acknowledges Christ, also acknowledges evil, and the two are at odds, and the devil is all about deception, making you feel like you could be following wisdom, when in fact, you’re being led away. So, as I was told, stay close to the body of Christ, stay close to your bible and your Church.

I think my reason for feeling upset by this is just the intensity of something I have never felt before, no matter how much I prayed or did what I was supposed to do, and so on, a very long “dark night of the soul.” Not to mention, what is it – “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Not fear in the conventional sense, but a sense of the realness and immediacy of God.

Yes, it can be scary to realize how close God really is to us. Before, I thought of God as being in some remote place somewhere else. But now, I realize God really is with us. It really is an immediately close proximity thing. You’re blessed, you’re being guided. Pray for good judgement, good health, a calm mind at work. Pray to lead a sin free life. See, this is what all those atheist and agnostics miss. In the words of the healing prayer’s Sanford: It’s like electricity. one person hold a kitchen appliance that’s unplugged and claims it just doesn’t work, because they don’t believe in electricity. The Christian says their appliance works great, and that you should just try believing in electricity once and try plugging it into the wall. Makes perfect sense.

I also wonder at this point where I’m supposed to go with this – God gives us gifts, but we’re supposed to use them, I know. Given that I do go to Mass regularly, try to instruct our children properly, give to charity, I tend to think that there’s something more that God has in mind, but I guess I’ll know that when He sends it my way, not when I go looking for it.

For now, focus on your work, focus good, stay healthy, go to Church, and pray for a healthy, clear mind.

When I experienced my revelation it was unbelievable. I documented everything, because it was so astounding. I am a cradle Catholic, raised Catholic right next door to our Church, very devout mother, grandmother’s, etc. But, in my thirties, I fell away from the Church. I spiraled into sin. listened to Marilyn Manson constantly, went to see all his shows, watched his video “Guns, God, & Government” constantly. I was throwing away money on sin like you wouldn’t believe. I mean lots of money. Then. BAM! God comes in out of nowhere, had a huge urge to throw everything sinful away, clean up my health, no alchohol, be kind and giving, get lots of sleep, etc.

In seven days, my life was ENTIRELY turned around. I have never missed church since then. I found a great girlfriend, I lost 30 pounds, my home is clean and free of anything of sin, my dishes are always clean and put away, I eat healthy, I made amends with all my family, I reached out to my long estranged-from-the-family middle sister and established contact with her. Nobody in the family could believe that she answered me, I spend my money very wisely, living on only a fraction of what I used to spend, and I feel so much richer. It just goes on and on. And, there are some really mystical experiences that I went through, documented, and have put me in awe of the power of God.

Take care, be careful of satan, and all evilness that may want to come in and hijack your experience when you are feeling vulnerable.

God Bless You

Patrick

 

[fred_conty]

Patrick, that is a great story. This is something you will always remember and be grateful for.
It is nice to hear how he can be so close to us.

Best wishes.

 

[PatrickSanDiego]

Patrick, that is a great story. This is something you will always remember and be grateful for.
It is nice to hear how he can be so close to us.

Best wishes.

Thank you, God bless you too.

And I wanted to say to the thread starter jc4751:

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it!? How, if you were all of a sudden, guided by a good, honest, loving way of thought, how, possibly, all of a sudden, somebody could just as well be strongly guided by dark, evil, dishonest thoughts. Hmm? Then they wonder why our prisons are full, infidelity plagues modern marriage, and people turn to drugs to feel better,

It’s scary. Like Anthony Hopkins says in that movie “The Rite”- You don’t have to believe in the devil, but that doesn’t protect you from him.

God Bless

 

[DBT]

Then, three days ago…I had this…I don’t know what you would call it. A flash, an epiphany, of understanding and being filled with the Holy Spirit or something, I don’t know what it was/is. Just like a sudden lightning bolt from nowhere, like God pulling the scales from my eyes and dropping an anvil on my head. I have gone from feeling basically nothing to feeling a great compassion toward people, an overwhelming sense of union with God, an understanding of things – God’s will and purpose, so much I really can’t describe it, and pure love. I have wept from joy because of this, can’t really concentrate on my work, can only think of this. Every time I reflect on this at all, real tears come and they are for all the people in the world who are suffering and I feel nothing but compassion and love where I once felt apathy and contempt. I see the whole of the person now, figuratively as a little child…I mean, is this how God sees us? But I don’t weep from sorrow, but also from joy, because I feel God. I’m one of those guys who doesn’t cry about anything, so why is this happening?

St. John of the Cross would describe experiences like this as a “touch” … an inflaming of the will (in love) and intellect (in understanding) that comes as though from out of the blue. It is a general rather than particular knowledge where God becomes known to us in a new and deeper way … but it is not recieved through our natural understanding. It is infused. And the effects are transformative … leading to growth in virtue.

Of all the types of mystical experiences St. John of the Cross describes (visions, locutions, revelations of numerours varieties) … a “touch” is the only one that can be trusted without question. And He typically gives them to draw the individual into a deeper relationship with Him. In my own case, a similar experience literally changed the direction of my life in a single instant. And the memory is as fresh in my mind today as when it happened 10 years ago. It is as though the “touch” was indelibly imprinted upon my soul.

What you describe is a great grace

Blessings,
Dave

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I went through a similar experience, 34 years ago. I was filled with a light from a being who brought me joy, compassion and love to the degree that is unexplainable.

I was told, and I agree, that it was a Baptism in the Spirit.

Athough I was baptised as an infant, and confirmed when I was 13 years ago, I actually had no faith other than to get along with my parents. When I was 26, I went through a spiritual struggle, and to make a long story short, I surrendered my life to Jesus, but I asked that he let me know of his reality. He did, as I said, a bright light filled my being, and I was converted, and never looked back.

FYI, over the years, I met others who had a similar faith experience, including my wife.

It’s real, and no one can take it away from you.

You are chosen to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Praise God!

Jim

 

[Luigi_Daniele]

That’s sounds fantastic. I am ashamed to say that I am jealous.

 

[Bob_Crowley]

It sounds like you had “a consolation”. You were discouraged, and God decided to build you up. This kind of thing is often compared to a mother feeding a little kid some milk sweetened with honey, or trying to build up a sick person’s strength by giving him tasty food that is easy to digest. Some compare it to a tiny peek behind the curtain, or a foretaste of the joy we will someday share when we are with God.

Generally, what nourishment your soul is going to get out of it, it gets at that moment. You can remember it as an encouragement, though. Be glad, be grateful, keep doing your duties, and love God and your neighbor more!

That’s what I think as well. I had a similar experience nearly 30 years ago now. I’d become Christian in late 1982. But in the following year I had a few very negative experiences, and I’d come from a rather bad family background as well.

During Christmas 1983, I was supposed to be one of the “leaders” at a Scripture Union Beach Mission just south of Nambour (it wasn’t really at the beach), and I was feeling disgruntled and out of my depth. But it was the tradition to have a Bible study in the afternoon, led by the overall camp leader.

My frame of mind at this stage was “How do I know this is all true, and not just some sort of psychological crutch?”.

It was a warm afternoon, so even though I was a bit cranky, I was still half dozing under the marquis we used for the programmes. But as the leader read a passage from Samuel referring to David, specifically, “… a man after my own heart…” this “double whammy” just hit me. It was like a breath going through me in waves from head to foot. I got such a shock I nearly fell off the seat. I looked around to see what everybody else was making of it, and they weren’t taking the least bit of notice, for the simple reason it hadn’t happened to them.

I was to have two more of these over the next year or two, both times in my own church and during sermons, and both times they highlighted something the pastor was saying in precisely the same way as the incident in the beach mission.

When I spoke to my pastor about this, he thought the Lord was encouraging me. He commented, “The Lord knew you’d been going through a tough time, and I think He just wanted to encourage you.”

So I’m inclined to think the OP’s experience falls into a similar category. He’s gone from being a frustrated church goer who simply hung in there during a long dry gully, to someone who now knows for sure God is alive and well, and Church now means something, other than mere routine.

 

[buzzoff1031]

I have a story that is incredibly similar to the op’s, with two exceptions–I’ve had no ¨mystic experience¨, and my wife is not a believer. I say praise God for the op’s experiences. I can’t help but to feel jealous though. I want consolation. I know I have no right to expect it, but there it is…

 

[FraLeones]

aint mystical but great. you must have pondered. and told in to priests only not publicly saying it in site like this.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Well, I have had this experience in faith, and I’ve had many consolations. The consolations are much deeper, because my spiritual life is far deeper than when I first accepted Jesus into my life. However, they are far different in experience.

I’m convinced that my experience of Jesus coming into my life as he did was because I was so lost and so stubborn, only something profound would change me.

Anyway, I’ve also come to learn that the deepest spiritual persons are those who have not had such experiences, but live most of their life in the dark night of the soul, but continue to have faith.

Mother Teresa is an example.

Jim

 

[PatrickSanDiego]

I’m convinced that my experience of Jesus coming into my life as he did was because I was so lost and so stubborn, only something profound would change me.

Jim

And on that note, the one thing that went through my mind over and over as the reason for what I went through was Luke 19:10 “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

Actually, Luke 19 in general; Jesus sees Zacchaeus the sinner and tax collector and immediately wants to stay with him. Think of it, He enters Jericho, has all these in a crowd that want to hear him. But, He sees this man up in a tree! And wants to tend to him immediately. Like the shepard He is, he tends to his strays. Those in the group are safe in their Faith.

It’s absolutely beautiful.

Like you, I was so entrenched in my sin, I thought, there is no way ever I will give this up. My home was full of sinful things I spent lots of money on. If someone were to tell me,* “In seven days, all that sin will be in a huge trash pile in the middle of your living room floor and you will be eager to get it thrown away.”* - I would have laughed!! And said, “yeah right. At the very least, I would buy less, or sell all this on Craigslist.”

• Wrong. In seven days, all that sin I bought over years was in the trash pile. It took three or four truckloads to get it to the dump. I parted with it in gladness. My home then had no sin. Just like that.

God met evil force, with equal and greater Holy Spirit Force.

Even more beautiful.

There’s more, but this was just one facet of my experience.

 

[BluesPicker]

Christ’s Church is the Mystical Body of Christ by definition. It means I believe that God will intervene in one’s life from time to time. We must be careful about being making certain we leave it to God when this happens. Meaning we should not become obsessed with this. I believe this happens to everyone at some time in their lives, maybe even many times. God is Good to His Children.

 

[jc4751]

Thanks to all of you for your insights and comments. I am humbled and grateful for them.

I know it’s a little odd to post on a forum, but I really had to talk to someone and figured maybe someone else had the same experience. I didn’t really want to talk to anyone I knew in person, because I felt I would come across as not being humble, even though other things such as charismatic experience is well accepted in my parish.

I went to Mass for the first time today since this started. It was like the difference in watching television in black and white, then in hi-def color. It felt like I was floating, almost. I also have this single-minded focus on God that doesn’t change, crowding out all the things which don’t matter.

Still feels like an electric jolt, still trying to figure out if God has something more in mind here than giving me a “jolt” in my faith, so I’m praying a lot about it and listening.