Name Changing?

[BlueEyedLady]

I have several questions, and I hope you guys can help.

I DESPISE my first name. By all accounts I shouldn’t. Its fairly common, reasonably normal, and even reflects my heritage. But even as a little girl the sound of it made me cringe. Its also a pretty common name for boys (but the spelling is different). I hate it. Many people see or hear my name and assume I’m male, and are then shocked when they meet me. I currently go by my middle name and have for several years. That’s how all of my friend’s and even my fiance’s family know me. Although I do go by my first name at work because I don’t want to be weird or picky. I want to legally switch the two so that I can use the name I love everywhere.

My mom, who has always hated her own name says she wouldn’t be hurt by that, but I have to wonder if she’s just saying that to ease my guilt. My brother on the other hand thinks its completely disrespectful to my mom and has been very hostile towards me over it. (Then again, his name fits his gender).

So I want a little perspective. Parents, how would you feel if your adult child hated his/her name and wanted to change it? Has anyone here ever changed their first name? How did that go? Opinions and advice are needed and welcome!

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Just a thought - is the reason you are interested in a legal change because it would make it easier to always use the name you want? What about legally switching your first and middle name? That way, your parents’ first choice can still be honored as a middle name, but you can go by the name you prefer without it being confusing.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Just a thought - is the reason you are interested in a legal change because it would make it easier to always use the name you want? What about legally switching your first and middle name? That way, your parents’ first choice can still be honored as a middle name, but you can go by the name you prefer without it being confusing.

Yes, I want to change it so that I can use it everywhere. Flipping my first and middle name is the current plan, and the one that was met with so much hostility.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Yes, I want to change it so that I can use it everywhere. Flipping my first and middle name is the current plan, and the one that was met with so much hostility.

The thing is, if your parents were going to get offended, they’d already BE offended, because you already go by the middle name. What name you USE is more important than what’s on the piece of paper, so the legal thing is more a matter of convenience. It’s not like you’re getting rid of the name - you’re just making life easier at work! I say, take your mother at her word, and let your brother get over it on his own. Are you going to do it all at once when you get married, or ahead of time?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have several questions, and I hope you guys can help.

I DESPISE my first name. By all accounts I shouldn’t. Its fairly common, reasonably normal, and even reflects my heritage. But even as a little girl the sound of it made me cringe. Its also a pretty common name for boys (but the spelling is different). I hate it. Many people see or hear my name and assume I’m male, and are then shocked when they meet me. I currently go by my middle name and have for several years. That’s how all of my friend’s and even my fiance’s family know me. Although I do go by my first name at work because I don’t want to be weird or picky. I want to legally switch the two so that I can use the name I love everywhere.

My mom, who has always hated her own name says she wouldn’t be hurt by that, but I have to wonder if she’s just saying that to ease my guilt. My brother on the other hand thinks its completely disrespectful to my mom and has been very hostile towards me over it. (Then again, his name fits his gender).

So I want a little perspective. Parents, how would you feel if your adult child hated his/her name and wanted to change it? Has anyone here ever changed their first name? How did that go? Opinions and advice are needed and welcome!

My mother shared her first name with a hated aunt…The family lore is that this woman was really a nasty specimen, just hateful. In fact a picture of her that I have looks quite like a younger version of the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz! LOL

My mom switched her middle and first names around and never went by her real first name again.

 

[the_phoenix]

Yes, I want to change it so that I can use it everywhere. Flipping my first and middle name is the current plan, and the one that was met with so much hostility.

Changing your name sounds cool to me.
I wish you well,
under whichever name you prefer to put first.

Come to think of it, LadyBlueEyed
would have a nice ring to it.

 

[Elisabeth51]

So I want a little perspective. Parents, how would you feel if your adult child hated his/her name and wanted to change it? Has anyone here ever changed their first name? How did that go? Opinions and advice are needed and welcome!

My first name was the same as my mom’s and I went by my middle name, my dad named me. It started causing problems when I was in high school, I would get mail from AARP and other senior program things and then when I was in college my loans showed up on my mom’s credit report. I made the decision to flip them legally—make my middle name my first name and first name as the middle—like you’re suggesting. I was kind of worried my dad would be upset, but he was not and understood the confusion it was causing. No one got upset, I was using my middle name all the time anyway, it was a legality more to keep the information from being confused.

 

[CDB1718]

You go by the middle name everywhere but work. Why not go by the middle name at work? You’re going to have to explain the new name to them either way, but one way can get them using the name and can keep the family peace.

I have a lot of relatives who go by their middle name. All their bills and official documents address them as A. Mary Clark or T. Robert Brown. It is an easy transition to make, especially since you’re already using the middle name almost everywhere.

I go by my middle name everywhere except here at work. I didn’t want to be fussy when I was first introduced by the name on my paperwork, but I had no idea how difficult it would be to maintain two names! I want to apologize now for any confusion or inconvenience it will cause as I transition to using the same name in all the facets of my life.

L. Rose White

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I have several questions, and I hope you guys can help.

I DESPISE my first name. By all accounts I shouldn’t. Its fairly common, reasonably normal, and even reflects my heritage. But even as a little girl the sound of it made me cringe. Its also a pretty common name for boys (but the spelling is different). I hate it. Many people see or hear my name and assume I’m male, and are then shocked when they meet me. I currently go by my middle name and have for several years. That’s how all of my friend’s and even my fiance’s family know me. Although I do go by my first name at work because I don’t want to be weird or picky. I want to legally switch the two so that I can use the name I love everywhere.

My mom, who has always hated her own name says she wouldn’t be hurt by that, but I have to wonder if she’s just saying that to ease my guilt. My brother on the other hand thinks its completely disrespectful to my mom and has been very hostile towards me over it. (Then again, his name fits his gender).

So I want a little perspective. Parents, how would you feel if your adult child hated his/her name and wanted to change it? Has anyone here ever changed their first name? How did that go? Opinions and advice are needed and welcome!

Maybe, your name is nice…

 

[SummerSmiles]

Take your mom at her word. If she says she won’t be offended, then trust her. Go for the name change!

 

[sedonaman]

I have several questions, and I hope you guys can help.

I DESPISE my first name. By all accounts I shouldn’t. Its fairly common, reasonably normal, and even reflects my heritage. But even as a little girl the sound of it made me cringe. Its also a pretty common name for boys (but the spelling is different). I hate it. Many people see or hear my name and assume I’m male, and are then shocked when they meet me. I currently go by my middle name and have for several years. That’s how all of my friend’s and even my fiance’s family know me. Although I do go by my first name at work because I don’t want to be weird or picky. I want to legally switch the two so that I can use the name I love everywhere.

My mom, who has always hated her own name says she wouldn’t be hurt by that, but I have to wonder if she’s just saying that to ease my guilt. My brother on the other hand thinks its completely disrespectful to my mom and has been very hostile towards me over it. (Then again, his name fits his gender).

So I want a little perspective. Parents, how would you feel if your adult child hated his/her name and wanted to change it? Has anyone here ever changed their first name? How did that go? Opinions and advice are needed and welcome!

Boy, does this ever strike home. I also have a nerdy first name that I hate. There is a very interesting book that was published about 25 years ago called The Name Game, by Christopher P. Andersen. It’s out of print but available used from abebooks.com. I bought it when my wife and I were expecting our first child and used it to decide names for both our sons. The author’s thesis states that names have not only their historic meaning but, most important, what others think they mean, or a perceived meaning; AND an individual will become what others think his name means. For example, name a baby girl “Bertha,” and she will grow up to be fat because that’s what people think the name means. If you want a boy to succeed in sports, call him “Mike”; if you want him to succeed in business, call him “Michael”. There were “winners” and “losers” for both sexes. American Indians, for one group, realized this; and their taking of a name was a very important event in their lives deserving of a lot of reflection. In fact, I read somewhere that they changed to a more mature name at puberty. Anderson includes a list of names with both their historic meanings and what others think they mean. For example, “Pamela” means “spiteful”. [There is a Social Security website that has the popularity of baby names over the years Popular Baby Names . I wouldn’t put too much stock in them since we seem to end up with lots of Jennifers, Genafurs, and Jhennifurs.]

One last thought to prove his point. If a guy had two girls lined up for a possible blind date for him and another guy and told him only their first names, “Natalie” and “Bertha”, which would do you think he would choose?

The author also offers some advice on how to change your name legally. You have taken a first step: start using the name you want and insist others address you by it. I wouldn’t worry about what your mother thinks; you’re the one who has to live with it.

Good luck.

 

[mgreen77]

Keep in mind it can be expensive and complicated to legally change your name, although it depends on the state. Some are really easy (small fee, do it yourself filing), some not so much (larger fees, need a lawyer, court hearing). And even after the legal change, there’s credit cards, SSA… it can be quite a big list to notify of the change

 

[Phemie]

If you already use your middle name, the way I do, just inform your HR department and your coworkers that from now on you’ll be using your middle name there too. Why go to the expense of legally changing it when it’s not necessary? There is no law that says you have to use your first name. If there were, 80% of the girls in my class would have been Marie and about the same percentage of boys would have been Joseph.

 

[SaintPatrick333]

I’m in a similar situation. My last name, at present, is Sheehan. But I found a short while ago that when my great grandpa came to america from Ireland his last name was O’Sheahan but the government here switched it to make it sound “more american”. Now I know I’m not the only one who this was done too. I feel like changing my name would dishonor my deceased grandparents and cause emotional pain to my family as they’d see it as casting their family name off. But I want to reclaim my rightful name and honor my ancestry. It’s something that is important to me. I feel as though I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. My Irish heritage is everything to me (especially since, God willing, I want to live in Ireland one day). Am I in the wrong for wanting to restore my family name to its rightful place or should I stick with my americanized name to keep my immediate family from feeling distress? I hope it goes without saying that the objective to change my name isn’t in the hopes of hurting anyone.

 

[EasterJoy]

If you already use your middle name, the way I do, just inform your HR department and your coworkers that from now on you’ll be using your middle name there too. Why go to the expense of legally changing it when it’s not necessary? There is no law that says you have to use your first name. If there were, 80% of the girls in my class would have been Marie and about the same percentage of boys would have been Joseph.

Exactly. It is done all of the time. People will make mistakes once in awhile (as they would if you changed your last name after marriage), but if you are gracious about it, it is not going to be an issue.

As for your brother, he’s a brother. Since he is a sibling, if you respond to his refusal to call you by your middle name by either calling him by his middle name or else using a hated childhood nickname, it is only a venial sin. Whatever you do, don’t take any recalcitrance from him too seriously. Brothers: you can’t live with them, you technically can’t kill them. That’s life.

 

[Franna]

if it makes you happy,and you can afford it,why not?

 

[runwaymodel]

Actually its really not that expensive or complicated to file for a name change. You can even print the legal documents online then just go down to court to have them notarized and then to your local newspaper to have it printed. Its more of a waiting game than anything. I know all this because I changed my name but for career purposes. I kept my middle name which ironically is what I went by my entire life because I hated my first. But my middle name wasn’t as ‘marketable’ so just my family calls me that now. Obviously my parents were hurt not because I changed my first name (they’ve known I hated it and talked about changing it all my life so it was no surprise). But they were upset about the last name change. That is completely understandable.

So techincally you are keeping your real name just switching it around a bit so I sincerely doubt your parents would be upset about that since you always went by your middle name anyway.

 

[Kelfa28]

My best friend recently went through the process.

She switched her first and last name because everyone refers to her as her last name. I think only a very small amount of people referred to her by her first name and this included me as I’ve known her since we were young children.

She said the process was very easy. If you want to change your name and your mother is not offended, I’d say go for it. Especially if it’s just for formal, legal purposes.

Good luck!

 

[mgreen77]

Actually its really not that expensive or complicated to file for a name change. You can even print the legal documents online then just go down to court to have them notarized and then to your local newspaper to have it printed.

Well again, the process and requirements vary by state. Some also require a court hearing (where a “reasonable” reason for the change needs to be given), as well as proof that searches have been run on outstanding lawsuits, etc. to be sure you’re not trying to defraud anyone, and so on.

In the easy states, it might cost next to nothing and be a matter of filing some forms yourself. But if it’s complicated, it might be better to hire a lawyer, and then can be over $1,000, a long wait (months) and a court hearing before all is said and done.

 

[runwaymodel]

Well again, the process and requirements vary by state. Some also require a court hearing (where a “reasonable” reason for the change needs to be given), as well as proof that searches have been run on outstanding lawsuits, etc. to be sure you’re not trying to defraud anyone, and so on.

In the easy states, it might cost next to nothing and be a matter of filing some forms yourself. But if it’s complicated, it might be better to hire a lawyer, and then can be over $1,000, a long wait (months) and a court hearing before all is said and done.

Yes I agree it can vary. On the legal documents you actually have to state the reason for your name change and when you go to the courthouse to get them notarized they may or may not object. If they do not then you must go with your notarized legal documents to get them printed in the newspaper for several seeks (it will be printed on the ‘Legals’ ads) to see if anyone objects. Pay a small fee and if after several weeks there is no problems, you will recieve another authorized form, back to the courthouse, another fee and Boom! Name change.
6-9 seeks. Nothing too complicated. Especially for a basic middle name/first name switch.