Natural Family Planning for an Unmarried Couple

[girl]

The situation you’re describing would probably have been considered a clandestine marriage up until the Council of Trent, when such marriages ceased to be recognized by the Church. Reading about the history of clandestine marriage, and the reasons it was finally banned, might help you understand the answer to your question.

 

[zz912]

There is a vast difference between promising to marry, and actually marrying. If not, you would have already married.

 

[Equites_Christi]

It can be reasoned that it is the commitment and the promise to marry that binds these two people together, and not the wedding day, correct?

No.

 

[kbwall]

What would Church teaching have to say about a couple, unmarried (in college), committed, practicing NFP who are intimate but who plan on marrying? There is no logical reasoning to say that this couple is any different from the married couple who waited until they were married to be intimate, as long as they plan on staying together and getting married. It can be reasoned that it is the commitment and the promise to marry that binds these two people together, and not the wedding day, correct? I am having trouble reconciling my faith with this notion.

If they’re not married yet, then they’re not married, and it’s fornication. Simple as that.

No logical reasoning that the couple is any different from a married couple that waited? How about the fact that they simply aren’t married yet? As far as the Church is concerned, it makes little difference what they plan on doing in the future, the simple fact of the matter is that they are not married. Commitments and promises mean little in terms of is it a sin or not.

If they are so planned on getting married, then why do they wait? That is the big question. Since they’re putting off marriage, I would assume that they are a young couple that can’t be together for financial reasons. In which case, using NFP is very dangerous, given how much it opens you to pregnancies.

Fornication is always a sin. Couples can come up with a million different justifications for it, but it won’t change that simple fact.

Of course, like all sins, it can be forgiven if the couple goes to confession. The couple should just know that it is indeed a sin. The only way to make sex not a sin is to get married, that’s just how it is.

 

[chain]

There are two ways of looking at this. Sex outside of marriage is fornication. One can look at the sin, or one can look at the sacrament. Why are they waiting to get married? You said they were faithful Catholics (will overlook the fornication issue). If they are still discerning their vocation (that of a married couple) then they should wait - but if the reason is to afford a big party - or they want to finish their education before starting a family, those may be less valid reasons.

I was in a simular position many years ago. I felt in my heart it was my vocation to marry my girlfriend, just not right now - wanted to wait for both of us to finish our educations. Things work out in unplanned ways. She is my wife now, but I have two beautiful step children that could have (should have?) been mine.

Likewise we practiced illicit NFP for a while, but in doing so we came to see that it was less than it should be - and decided to be chaste till our marriage could be convalidated.

 

[chain]

The situation you’re describing would probably have been considered a clandestine marriage up until the Council of Trent, when such marriages ceased to be recognized by the Church. Reading about the history of clandestine marriage, and the reasons it was finally banned, might help you understand the answer to your question.

The Church takes a somewhat conservative approach to it’s view of marriage. When it looks to protect the individual from sin, it will defend a marriage until it is considered null. When it looks to protect the community from scandal, it will not offer sacraments to those in an invalid marriage.

Can you imagine the result if every sin of fornication was considered a marriage until investigated and determined otherwise?

 

[BrushedByAngels]

If you are having sex and not married, please don’t be receiving communion.

This time in your life is so special, and so short. Please consider that this is your dating time. A time to learn how to communicate, like how do you feel about family, children, finances, house hold chores, vacations, and etc. Give him the challenge of courting you.

There are women who marry ‘losers’, by their own admission. They got intimate too soon and did not discern the qualities of the man in a true light. I’m not saying he’s a loser but rather many have married and regretted their choice of spouse all too soon. Now is the time to think clearly.

Excellent post. Had I followed this advice 24 years ago, I probably would have waited and found the right guy instead of rushing into a marriage of convenience… which of course ended in divorce. Unfortunately in my youth, I was not in any religion at all and I am so thankful that I was led to the church so I could learn the word of the Lord.