Natural Family Planning

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I was wondering if anyone could help me with this. I am a Protestant planning on marrying a Catholic. We have discussed everything at length in terms of raising children within the Catholic church. However this evening the issue of contraception has come up in discussion. I understand that a Catholic my partner is not permitted to use contraception however within a mixed marriage would I be able to use the contraceptive pill? I think the answer would be no but I’m not sure. Whilst I have a good relationship with his local Priest I do feel slightly embarrassed in raising this issue with him.
 
Ral91 said:
I was wondering if anyone could help me with this. I am a Protestant planning on marrying a Catholic. We have discussed everything at length in terms of raising children within the Catholic church. However this evening the issue of contraception has come up in discussion. I understand that a Catholic my partner is not permitted to use contraception however within a mixed marriage would I be able to use the contraceptive pill?
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A person cannot claim that only one half of the couple is contracepting. As you know, that is nonsensical.
 
Ral91 said:
I was wondering if anyone could help me with this. I am a Protestant planning on marrying a Catholic. We have discussed everything at length in terms of raising children within the Catholic church. However this evening the issue of contraception has come up in discussion. I understand that a Catholic my partner is not permitted to use contraception however within a mixed marriage would I be able to use the contraceptive pill? I think the answer would be no but I’m not sure. Whilst I have a good relationship with his local Priest I do feel slightly embarrassed in raising this issue with him.
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As a non-Catholic, you are not required to abide by Church law. Though, I would suggest looking into the Church’s reasons for being against contraception.

NFP is an option, accepted by the Church, to postpone pregnancy in a marriage (given a valid reason to do so), and since it is natural (using your own body to figure out whether you are fertile or not) you do not run into the risks of contraceptive pills. If you choose to use NFP, I would also suggest looking into what the Church has to say about NFP.
 
Please do look into natural family planning. Get some instruction, go through a few months of charting and see that it is based on science. It might ease your mind. I had irregular cycles and had no trouble knowing that my ovulation was delayed and when I did ovulate.

The pill is made to be as low a dosage as possible to minimize side effects. It works 2 ways. 1) it suppresses ovulation and 2) if ovulation does occur, the egg can become fertilized. However, it cannot implant in the uterus because the pill makes the uterus inhospitable. It becomes an early abortion. A year of using the pill will give 13 cycles. If once a year a woman gets an ovulation and expulsion of the newly formed baby, in 5 yrs, you can lose 5 children, and maybe more. That is a chilling number to have to come before God to explain your reasons why you agreed to that.
 
1love said:
It is not ideal but it is allowed.
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What is allowed is that, in the confessional, a pastor can assist an innocent sinned against spouse.

Vademecum For Confessors applies to already married Catholics whose spouses contracept against their will. In this context, a person who is already married and bound to render the marriage debt can do so under **certain circumstances **under the guidance of their pastor in confession.

There is no such thing as “allowable” contraception for those not yet married. An important distinction.
 
1ke said:
What is allowed is that, in the confessional, a pastor can assist an innocent sinned against spouse.

Vademecum For Confessors applies to already married Catholics whose spouses contracept against their will. In this context, a person who is already married and bound to render the marriage debt can do so under **certain circumstances **under the guidance of their pastor in confession.

There is no such thing as “allowable” contraception for those not yet married. An important distinction.
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I admit I struggled with the word “allowed” in my post. I guess it would have been better to say that if the spouse who is not using contraception is against its use, that spouse would not be culpable…but that gets a little confusing I guess. Thank you for the distinction.
 
1love said:
I admit I struggled with the word “allowed” in my post. I guess it would have been better to say that if the spouse who is not using contraception is against its use, that spouse would not be culpable…but that gets a little confusing I guess. Thank you for the distinction.
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Spouse, yes.

But, they are NOT spouses.
 
1ke said:
Spouse, yes.

But, they are NOT spouses.
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OH, now I see what you’re saying. Sorry. The OP mentioned “mixed marriage” so I assumed this question was for future reference.
 
Thank you very much for your advice. I will look into NFP in more detail. My concern was really that it was not effective- I have heard stories where people have had 9 plus children. I would also like to add that no we are not spouses yet and so do not use any form of contraception as we do not believe sex has a place outside of a marriage.
 
1love said:
OH, now I see what you’re saying. Sorry. The OP mentioned “mixed marriage” so I assumed this question was for future reference.
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No, I don’t think you see what I am saying.

I am saying if a Catholic is already married-- to another Catholic, non Catholic, whatever-- and their spouse starts contracepting, then the Church gives guidance for when/if it is permissible to render the marriage debt. They are an innocent spouse in this situation.

A Catholic who is not yet married, and knows their intended plans to contracept, cannot plan to go into a marriage when they know in advance their spouse will contracept and claim to be an innocent spouse.

They are called to reconsider the marriage plans. The couple should work through this issue prior to moving forward with marriage.
 
Ral91 said:
Thank you very much for your advice. I will look into NFP in more detail. My concern was really that it was not effective-
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Effective it does happen to be. But that is NOT the reason it is moral. Continence is the basis for Catholic teaching on any need to postpone children. NFP simply gives couples an more information than available in years gone by.
Ral91 said:
I have heard stories where people have had 9 plus children.
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Is it really so hard to imagine that there are couples who love and want many children?
Ral91 said:
I would also like to add that no we are not spouses yet and so do not use any form of contraception as we do not believe sex has a place outside of a marriage.
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I think my prior comments were somewhat misunderstood.
 
My partner is one of 5 and I am one of six. I did not mean to imply that having 9 children was a bad thing. Of course if I had a large family I would love them all. I just meant that financially a large number of children would not be practical. As our situation stands I am the one who would be the main earner whilst my partner would be the one staying at home with the children. I know that life is not always practical and that ultimately Gods will, will be done. If I am lucky enough to blessed with 9 children I would embrace them all. I just meant that it is somewhat of a relief to know that NFP can be used to give us more choice as regards to when we have them.
 
Ral91 said:
Thank you very much for your advice. I will look into NFP in more detail. My concern was really that it was not effective- I have heard stories where people have had 9 plus children. I would also like to add that no we are not spouses yet and so do not use any form of contraception as we do not believe sex has a place outside of a marriage.
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In my experience a lot of couples start out using NFP reassured by how effective it is and then find that they’re more and more open to the idea of having more children and actually end up excited about the idea of welcoming more children than they would have initially imagined being able to care for.

This is definitely something that needs to be worked out before you get married though. If I remember my best friend’s wedding this last summer correctly (and my own since I was Protestant when I married my husband) they were asked if they were open to accepting children as part of the vows. You want to be able to answer that question honestly.
 
Ral91 said:
I was wondering if anyone could help me with this. I am a Protestant planning on marrying a Catholic. We have discussed everything at length in terms of raising children within the Catholic church. However this evening the issue of contraception has come up in discussion. I understand that a Catholic my partner is not permitted to use contraception however within a mixed marriage would I be able to use the contraceptive pill? I think the answer would be no but I’m not sure. Whilst I have a good relationship with his local Priest I do feel slightly embarrassed in raising this issue with him.
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You probably should have discussed this before becoming engaged. It is could be a game changer.

Catholic teaching is that contraception is immoral for all users, not just for Catholics.

It is admittedly a scary proposition, but as a devout Catholic, I couldn’t image holding back from my future spouse by using contraception. It would feel like a meaningless gesture knowing the truth about being fully open to life and one another.
 
Ral91 said:
Thank you very much for your advice. I will look into NFP in more detail. My concern was really that it was not effective- I have heard stories where people have had 9 plus children. I would also like to add that no we are not spouses yet and so do not use any form of contraception as we do not believe sex has a place outside of a marriage.
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Natural Family Planning, particularly the sympto-thermal method, has been proven to be VERY effective if done properly. It’s effectiveness is comparable to contraceptive pills.

Please see this study: humrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/22/5/1310

In your anecdotes of people with nine children, please consider the following possibilities:
  1. they were using a method other than the symptothermal method
  2. they used STM, but really desired a larger family
  3. they used STM, but did not adhere well to how it is done
STM is very, very effective if done properly. I have heard from a guy who could even predict the sex of their child using the science behind STM (he has equal number of girls and boys).

I appreciate that you are considering your husband’s religion into consideration. Please do look into the reasons why the Church think contraception is wrong, as the others have suggested. I believe you would appreciate that the reasons do not apply only to Catholics, but that non-Catholics may also find them reasonable for themselves.

For health reasons, I would also want to discourage you from taking oral contraceptive pills because it has associated risks of breast cancer (and a few other cancers), heart attack, and stroke, among others. If you could plan your family as effectively by using a side effect free NFP method, I believe you would find it reasonable to avoid exposure to unnecessary risks.
 
Say a married couple use NFP for selfish reasons (they don’t want any more children). Would it be a mortal sin, venial sin or a mere imperfection?
 
I would encourage you to learn more about natural family planning. Hormonal birth control really and truly messes with your system. It’s not good at all. So many side effects they just don’t tell you about. The woman’s body is a wonderful thing and thwarting the natural body with artificial hormones is just awful. And nearly 2 whole generations of women (and men) have been brain washed by marketing to say that “it’s just so easy, take a pill every day” or “it’s so easy, take this injection twice a year” or whatever.
 
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