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Luna_Lovecraft
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This.
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Leegal
Guest
It’s been awhile since I was Godmother, but does not the Godparents have to come to the parish and show their Catholic baptismal certificate? It seems that you are not being unkind, but that they cannot show the requisite proof to the parish of a Catholic Baptism for themselves. In fact, as I recall my niece was sponsor at a Confirmation and had to show parish registration as well.My husband and I live in the city and state where he grew up. We are surrounded by his family, many of whom are wonderful people! Some are a challenge, but most are great.His family, however, is not Catholic. When our daughter was born and the time for baptism rolled around, some of his family expressed hurt that we had not chosen them to be godparents; but being Catholic, we believe that the role of godparent is to help raise the child in the Church. With that, we invited my brother and sister-in-law (who live near to the rest of my family in another state) to be godparents to our child.
We are open to another child, as ours will be 2 this spring. I know that when another baptism comes around, this will be more of an issue. My Mother-In-Law sees our not inviting their family members to be godparents as a sign of us being “closed minded”, “judgmental” and “unkind”. My heart aches for them, because I know that they just want to show their love for our children and they do not understand why we simply can not have them be godparents.
Has anybody navigated their way through a similar situation? If this comes up again, I want to approach the situation with love and gentleness, while still being firm in our Catholic beliefs. I am interested in any advice anyone can offer. Thank you!
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Lacour
Guest
Hmmmm. I’m wondering if there is some flexibility for dioceses to permit this. We were told that both had to be Catholic and as aresult neither of my kids have Godmothers (I have to Catholic cousins and that the extent of my Catholic friends/family unfortunately). Now I’m wondering if my Priest was just woefully misinformed (it certainly seems like it).
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PatriceA
Guest
OR, he’s run into situations where even the Catholic candidate for godparent wasn’t qualified. Technically, our Catholic godmother shouldn’t be the actual godmother. Something I learned WAY after the fact. She was never confirmed, but she was family so I just assumed she was qualified. Lesson to anyone reading this, if you are pressured to name a family member as a godparent, do your fact checking. Just because someone tells you they are a good Catholic candidate, that may not be true.
Side note, the Catholic godmother, actually lied even to get married in a Catholic wedding ceremony. Lied that her then fiance had received his first communion, so a lie was built on a lie, which was all family lies. I was naive and trusting.
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Bklynguy
Guest
Yes, although we ended up choosing 2 Catholics. The Church, by the way, allows one of the godparents to be a non-Catholic baptized Christian (however, they are not afforded the term “godparent”). Nonetheless, the preference is to have 2 Catholics.My husband and I live in the city and state where he grew up. We are surrounded by his family, many of whom are wonderful people! Some are a challenge, but most are great.
We are open to another child, as ours will be 2 this spring. I know that when another baptism comes around, this will be more of an issue. My Mother-In-Law sees our not inviting their family members to be godparents as a sign of us being “closed minded”, “judgmental” and “unkind”. My heart aches for them, because I know that they just want to show their love for our children and they do not understand why we simply can not have them be godparents.
Has anybody navigated their way through a similar situation? If this comes up again, I want to approach the situation with love and gentleness, while still being firm in our Catholic beliefs. I am interested in any advice anyone can offer. Thank you!
The situation for my wife and I went even one step further. She is non-Catholic (Lutheran). Her brother is a baptized Lutheran, but also an admitted agnostic. My wife’s parents were upset because we didn’t involve her brother in some way. (I’m trying to exactly figure out what is meant by “some way.” Read: they wanted him to be godfather).
The only thing I can tell you is to stand your ground and not get wobbly. As long as your husband is supportive, you should be fine. My wife is pregnant again and I’m sure the second time around will be even more difficult because we will be rejecting an agnostic yet again. If we have wittled down the role and meaning of godparents, then there is no point in having them. I will not, under any circumstances, allow an agnostic to stand witness to our child’s baptism.
As to your point about your husband’s family saying that you are being “judgmental,” “close minded,” blah blah blah, Protestants are always flippant about Church dogma, practice, and customs. That’s why they’re Protestants. THEY are being “close minded” by not respecting the fact that you are following your faith.
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faithfully
Guest
THIS!
We had this problem. It escalted into nearly a brawl.
My sibling was the Catholic God Parent. DH is NOT Catholic. I sat him down and we discussed appropriate options. Needed to be a person opposite sex to my sibling. Could either be a Catholic realative, or a practicing Christian Friend. His family is of ZERO faith structure, and no on is baptised. No options within his family.
His sibling completely flipped out. It took a major talk to calm this peron down. I really had to lay it out that this isn’t a matter of cute title you get. It’s an actual role within the church. “Convert (to at least Christianity) and I’m thrilled to talk to you further.” Suddenly, this person wasn’t as excited about the title any more.
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faithfully
Guest
This is quite frustrating. I’m in agreement with you. I think you just say, I’m sorry, we’re not rejecting YOU. You rejected God. Why would you think you’d be a good fit to pass Christianty on to our child? This is the role of God Parent. Surely you see your views conflict with our goals. We don’t expect you to deny who you claim to be.
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Red_Meg
Guest
We have a shortage of practicing Catholic males on both sides of the family-- several of DH’s sisters married non-Catholics, and my brothers don’t practice.
My mom, of all people, was the one who dropped huffy hints about why my brothers should be godfather to some one or another of my kids. (And we have nine, which means we “haven’t chosen my brothers” nine times now.) My bros, however, when I’ve discussed it with them personally, have said they really wouldn’t feel comfortable standing up in Church and promising to do their best to help us raise a child in the Faith when it was something that held little to no meaning to them…
Best,
Margaret
My mom, of all people, was the one who dropped huffy hints about why my brothers should be godfather to some one or another of my kids. (And we have nine, which means we “haven’t chosen my brothers” nine times now.) My bros, however, when I’ve discussed it with them personally, have said they really wouldn’t feel comfortable standing up in Church and promising to do their best to help us raise a child in the Faith when it was something that held little to no meaning to them…
Best,
Margaret
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KCT
Guest
Good for your brothers! Not for leaving the church (or not practicing), but for being honest. Obviously your mom is taking it personally but your brothers aren’t.My mom, of all people, was the one who dropped huffy hints about why my brothers should be godfather to some one or another of my kids. (And we have nine, which means we “haven’t chosen my brothers” nine times now.) My bros, however, when I’ve discussed it with them personally, have said they really wouldn’t feel comfortable standing up in Church and promising to do their best to help us raise a child in the Faith when it was something that held little to no meaning to them…
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Bklynguy
Guest
I agree–this is a good strategy.
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Bklynguy
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This exactly…
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