Nearer to God, but

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Lately, I have been drawing closer to the Lord and growing much stronger in my faith. It’s wonderful!

It’s causing me to be more conservative spiritually, which is a good thing for me. I’m wearing dresses and skirts exclusively, I’m spending a great deal more time in prayer and Bible study, and Hubby and I are practicing NFP.

I am so much happier and so much more at peace because of these changes I’m making in my life. But in the midst of all these wonderful things, I feel there is one important thing missing from my life: my husband as the spiritual head of our household.

My husband has been going through some emotional and mental difficulties in the past few years. And, unfortunately, instead of these difficulties bringing him closer to God, he seems to drift in his faith. We attend Mass as a family, and Hubby and I do try to pray together often. We also discuss faith often, ask each other questions, talk about what we believe and why. It’s really wonderful time that we get to spend together in that way.

But I’m finding myself much more conservative–spiritually–than he is. He seems to focus more on his faith when we’re in Mass or when we’re specifically discussing something together. Outside of that, it’s not usually on his mind. He seems to live a secular life in which faith is sometimes a part. I, on the other hand, try to keep the Lord at the forefront of my heart and mind at all times.

I believe very much that Hubby will benefit from a stronger faith. I know it will help his emotional and mental struggles (it has in the past). I’ve talked to him about this, and his response was that he knows I’m right, but in the past when he’s tried to come to the Lord on his own, it didn’t really work. He told me he feels he needs some kind of sign to revitalize his faith.

Of course, I’ve been praying for him virtually constantly. I’m doing whatever I can to be a good Christian example to him, to let the light and love of the Lord shine through me. I pray that I can be used to soften his heart and draw him to the Lord.

Part of me is afraid that this difference between us is going to cause problems in parenting. For example, I try to be very careful about what TV I allow our son to watch (virtually none since he’s so little, but even as he gets older, I’d like to really limit his TV time), and I’m even careful about what I watch. Hubby, on the other hand, enjoys TV shows, and in the past it has been a way we can have quality time as a couple. As Bean gets older, is Hubby going to allow him to watch things I’d rather he not watch? Or even encourage TV-watching?

I know prayer and living by example is powerful. But what else can I do? How can I express to my husband this incredible need I have for a spiritual head? How can I help him see how much he needs a stronger faith, especially right now?

At this point, I’m willing to try just about anything!
 
That is wonderful that you and your husband have such an open line of communication. Now that he knows how you feel, though, don’t bug him about it. He is his own person and while both of you know he would do better with a stronger faith, you can’t force him into it. It might be a pressing need for you, but you can’t make somebody fulfill that need before they are ready. Perhaps he will realize that the sign he is looking for is some small thing right in front of him that he hasn’t yet noticed. Give him time and continue to be a good example to him. People don’t always grow along a parallel path… give him the respect and patience and space so he can catch up. Maybe his journey is serving a purpose in your own life - what can you learn from it?
 
NPalmby said:
Lately, I have been drawing closer to the Lord and growing much stronger in my faith. It’s wonderful!

It’s causing me to be more conservative spiritually, which is a good thing for me. I’m wearing dresses and skirts exclusively, I’m spending a great deal more time in prayer and Bible study, and Hubby and I are practicing NFP.

I am so much happier and so much more at peace because of these changes I’m making in my life. But in the midst of all these wonderful things, I feel there is one important thing missing from my life: my husband as the spiritual head of our household.

My husband has been going through some emotional and mental difficulties in the past few years. And, unfortunately, instead of these difficulties bringing him closer to God, he seems to drift in his faith. We attend Mass as a family, and Hubby and I do try to pray together often. We also discuss faith often, ask each other questions, talk about what we believe and why. It’s really wonderful time that we get to spend together in that way.

But I’m finding myself much more conservative–spiritually–than he is. He seems to focus more on his faith when we’re in Mass or when we’re specifically discussing something together. Outside of that, it’s not usually on his mind. He seems to live a secular life in which faith is sometimes a part. I, on the other hand, try to keep the Lord at the forefront of my heart and mind at all times.

I believe very much that Hubby will benefit from a stronger faith. I know it will help his emotional and mental struggles (it has in the past). I’ve talked to him about this, and his response was that he knows I’m right, but in the past when he’s tried to come to the Lord on his own, it didn’t really work. He told me he feels he needs some kind of sign to revitalize his faith.

Of course, I’ve been praying for him virtually constantly. I’m doing whatever I can to be a good Christian example to him, to let the light and love of the Lord shine through me. I pray that I can be used to soften his heart and draw him to the Lord.

Part of me is afraid that this difference between us is going to cause problems in parenting. For example, I try to be very careful about what TV I allow our son to watch (virtually none since he’s so little, but even as he gets older, I’d like to really limit his TV time), and I’m even careful about what I watch. Hubby, on the other hand, enjoys TV shows, and in the past it has been a way we can have quality time as a couple. As Bean gets older, is Hubby going to allow him to watch things I’d rather he not watch? Or even encourage TV-watching?

I know prayer and living by example is powerful. But what else can I do? How can I express to my husband this incredible need I have for a spiritual head? How can I help him see how much he needs a stronger faith, especially right now?

At this point, I’m willing to try just about anything!
Click to expand...
Stop paying for cable. Next.
 
My becoming serious about my faith resulted mostly from books that I read, by people like Christopher West, the Hahns, etc… Can you suggest to him that you two begin reading together? Every couple of days you come together to discuss a chapter, and maybe something in one of the books will eventually put that spark in his heart.

God uses other people (authors, friends, children, priests) to give us signs. If your husband is waiting for a burning bush to appear in your front yard, I’d say you’re out of luck. However, if you can help expose him to as many faithful people as possible, through books and personal interaction, perhaps one of them will inspire him. This is particularly true of strong, faithful men. Men tend to respond best to one another. I think it’s that in-borne need to one-up each other constantly. 👍
 
meltoine, reading together is a great idea! He’s been wanting us to read together–I’m an avid reader, and he used to be–but we haven’t found a book we were both interested. Maybe I’ll suggest we take turns choosing a book, and when it’s my turn, I’ll turn to one of the authors you suggested. I know he’s not looking for something like a burning bush, but he doesn’t believe in coincidences, and I think that’s what he’s looking for. Some “coincidence” he knows isn’t a coincidence. (Does that make sense?)

StrawberryJam, I appreciate the thought, but I was simply using TV as an example to illustrate a larger point about the differences in how we practice our faith. We don’t pay for our cable where we are, and when we move, we won’t be getting cable. Instead we’ll have a subscription to Hulu and Netflix.

HeavenlyRoses, I won’t be bugging him anymore, of course. He has never responded well to “nagging,” so that wasn’t even a consideration. I like your suggestion that his journey is serving a purpose in my life. Thank you for that.

In the way of an update, I did speak with Hubby again last night about my need for a spiritual head of our home. Not with the intention of nagging or getting into a huge discussion, but he asked what I was thinking about, and it was on my mind. He asked what I meant by a spiritual head, so I explained. He told me that he would like to, but I have a strong personality, so at the beginning of our relationship, it seemed that that sort of dominated. I apologized and told him I was working on being more submissive to allow him to step up and take that role. It was a wonderful conversation, and I think it helped both of us better understand our roles in the family!
 
That’s a wonderful update! You two really do have excellent communication skills. Love it!
 
Thank you, HeavenlyRoses. It’s not always easy, but we try!

Thank you for the CD suggestion, gmarie21. I read Full of Grace during Lent this year, so I know a bit about Johnnette’s story.
 
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