Necessity of saying in confession whom we have sinned against

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Veronica97

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When is it absolutely necessary, for the validity/integrity of your confession to say that we have sinned against someone specifically, such as our spouse. I’m not talking about adultery–that’s self-explanatory. But is sinning against your spouse worse than sinning against, say, a friend or another family member?
 
Let me be more specific: I know that if we sin against our parent (s) the sin is more serious because it is an offense against the 4th commandment. But if we sin against our spouse, is it also more serious? Does it also sin against the 4th commandment? I have seen things listed under the 4th commandment sometimes like, “Talking badly about spouse or children” (venial sin).
 
The fact that one hurt one’s spouse in some way is certainly relevant, because of the marital bond. A spouse’s job is to help get the other spouse, as well as himself/herself, to heaven. Why wouldn’t one mention it? :confused:
 
Veronica,
It might appear this is the second thread with the same sort of question. Maybe you should ask your priest about this issue for guidance.

Just a thought.

Mary.
 
Hello Veronica.

It is best to be a thorough as possible in the Confessional. It takes practice and work. Good preparation is necessary. Check your local Catholic Book store for a good Examination of Conscience. A good one covers all the Commandments, plus the Capital Sins as well as those specific to various states in life. It will also cover all the Precepts of the Church and our duties as Catholics. It will have prayers to help you prepare, specifically asking the Holy Spirit to guide you to know your sins and to grant contrition for them. It will also contain “script” or outline of the things you need to say in the Confessional and what to expect from the Priest. It will also contain prayers for afterwards. It may contain a list of questions to ask yourself, (that is the kind I’m most responsive to) such as “was I ask open and friendly to others as I could’ve been? Did I present a loving example to others?” etc… These are all good helps in getting down to the work of living an authentic Christian life. You won’t regret it. It will strengthen your marriage.

One other note: it never helps to confess what you did because of what he did. Taking the full responsibility for ones own sins is much more effective then telling the Priest all that is wrong with one’s spouse.

Glenda
 
In a case like this, where you have asked essentially the same question twice, I would recommend a face to face confession. I think if the priest sees you struggling, you can just speak frankly and get the answers you need. Your confessor can counsel you about sharing details, what is necessary, and what is not. You seem to have a lot of anxiety about confession. Tackle it head on. The priests have heard everything, in spades. You’ll be amazed at how gentle they can be when someone is clearly struggling.
The feeling afterward is worth it.
Peace.
 
All good advice IMO.

And if I can add something, I think it’s okay to tell that person you confessed your sin in confession. When I had a little anger fit at the office once, we were moving to another location, I confessed to a priest who wanted to discuss the situation in detail with me. It really help me and when I told the boss I went, she laughed it off, forgave me, and gave me a welcome programming assignment.
 
Thank you, all for the good advice. Yes, I felt if I left out the fact that I sinned against my husband, I would be keeping something from the Lord.
 
Hello Veronica.

Something else came to mind as I was reading through this thread again. Sometimes when I Confess to a particular Priest he asks me to pray for healing for those whom my sins may have hurt. He doesn’t assign this as a penance, but as spiritual counsel. It is given aside from my penance and it makes good sense so I do it. It has become a part of my Rosary intentions. You might want to try this because it seems you are feeling the hurt your sins have given your hubby - not only contrition, but you’re tuned in to his pain that you have caused by your sins. This is because the two have become one and when you sin and it hurts him, you feel it too. That is part of being married. You hurt someone you love. You feel it too. Kinda like Jesus. Weep and know your weeping is healing you too from the inside out.

God bless you and your hubby. I hope this helps.

Glenda
 
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