Need a man's thought/opinion

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Cupcake143 said:
Thank you! I just wish he would explain it to me, even if he doesn’t want to talk anymore. But, I think you’re right… His ingnoring me is his way of telling me he’s not interested anymore. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut!
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Well, not sure he should need to explain. It wasn’t a big romance yet or anything.
Learn from it and move on.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Well, not sure he should need to explain. It wasn’t a big romance yet or anything.
Learn from it and move on.
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Yes that’s definitely the right advice… learn from it and move on. When you meet a nice guy next time, just try to be yourself even if you are nervous. Don’t try to cover that by being weird. They act like that in teenage soapies and girls think it’s normal to be like that. It isn’t.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Well, not sure he should need to explain. It wasn’t a big romance yet or anything.
Learn from it and move on.
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Yea, that’s true. I guess it just felt like we knew each other a lot longer but we really didn’t. I guess it would just be nice to know the exact reason. But, I definitely have taken this as a learning experience. Thank you!
 
robertmidwest said:
This is a dude she met at bar and barely knows. Moving fast is about the last thing she wants to do.
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Good catch. I meant more “clearly express an overwhelming interest in pursuing this relationship wherever it might lead” than a more crass understanding of those words.
 
LongingSoul said:
Yes, for future reference, I wouldn’t say things like ‘I don’t trust anyone but my family’. It’s basically announcing ‘I’ve got issues’.
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…and/or “my last four boyfriends are buried in shallow graves in my back yard.”
 
This time around didn’t go so well, and it was my fault in a way. I didn’t show him affection at all really, and when pulled out his arm so we could** lock arms I didn’t**, I told him I don’t trust anyone except family , and basically kind of not really showing him I liked him. I don’t know why because I actually like him more than I’ve liked any guy before and it’s rare for me anyway to like a guy a lot. He kind of got mad at me towards end of the night… don’t want to go in detail because my post will be too long lol, but I did say ‘come on let’s go’ and He said why do I talk to him like a kid and that he doesn’t deserve that, and said 'I guess nice guys finish last. I think he probably just thought I wasn’t being affectionate toward him or whatever and he blew up. Basically the night did not go great for us.
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Read your account again, especially the red text, and you might pick up why he doesn’t particularly want to get in touch. From your description, you were friendly and open the first time you got together and closed off and distant the second time. Apart from possible trust issues, this guy probably thought either you didn’t like him or you weren’t the person he thought you were. Chalk it up as a lesson learned.
 
I’m a man. I’m 56, divorced, and never been one to “date” much, so I’m a bit unfamiliar with the conventions here.

Just a question about the very promising conversation you had with him where you seemed to both be expressing hopes for a relationship. Do you think either he or you were pushing the conversation more than the other? If you were pushing it, then it would be normal for him to respond politely at the time, but then not follow up. If he were pushing it, then it does seem unusual to go “cold” so quickly.

The incident with the touching and your awkward comment would have jarred, but if he were very keen on you then he’d probably get over it, or even turn it into a chance to get to know each other better (after you apologized).

My own thoughts are that if a man is pushing for a relationship, and then changes his mind, then he should at least respond to the girl’s inquiries about it, rather than not responding out of “kindness”. On the other hand, if the girl is doing most of the work, then a non-response is quite acceptable.

Best wishes, Cupcake, for your future!

:twocents:
 
…alternately “Fun fact–the character of Tony Soprano was based on my Uncle Tony.”
 
Cupcake143 said:
Yea, that’s true. I guess it just felt like we knew each other a lot longer but we really didn’t. I guess it would just be nice to know the exact reason. But, I definitely have taken this as a learning experience. Thank you!
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Of course you want to know why (that’s human nature), but it is one bit of information you are not entitled to and probably won’t get.

All you can do is analyse what you could have done better, from your own recollections, and use it for next time.

It’s a bit like being turned down for a job you thought you deserved to get. Don’t ask why, unless they want to tell you - no matter how much you may be itching to know.

I remember with excruciating embarrassment asking a couple of girls “Why?” when I got a knock back in my youth. Bad form!
 
I would never text a man I just met. Men like to be the ones to do the pursuing.
 
Edmundus1581 said:
I’m a man. I’m 56, divorced, and never been one to “date” much, so I’m a bit unfamiliar with the conventions here.

Just a question about the very promising conversation you had with him where you seemed to both be expressing hopes for a relationship. Do you think either he or you were pushing the conversation more than the other? If you were pushing it, then it would be normal for him to respond politely at the time, but then not follow up. If he were pushing it, then it does seem unusual to go “cold” so quickly.

The incident with the touching and your awkward comment would have jarred, but if he were very keen on you then he’d probably get over it, or even turn it into a chance to get to know each other better (after you apologized).

My own thoughts are that if a man is pushing for a relationship, and then changes his mind, then he should at least respond to the girl’s inquiries about it, rather than not responding out of “kindness”. On the other hand, if the girl is doing most of the work, then a non-response is quite acceptable.

Best wishes, Cupcake, for your future!

:twocents:
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He was definitely opening and pushing the subject about dating. I thought that as well… If he really truly liked me or saw me as someone he could see himself with, then he would have got over it or at least give me another chance since I did reach out to him after that multiple times. But, either way it’s a lesson learned. Thank you so much!!
 
jaimeleglise said:
I would never text a man I just met. Men like to be the ones to do the pursuing.
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I feel the same, and I’m traditional in that way also. but I didn’t mind it with him because I felt he liked me and I liked him so I didn’t care. We only talked for couple weeks, he texted me too and mentioned about going out on the weekend and so when the weekend came I didn’t mind texting him first, but I waited to see what he would say.
 
Well…first you embarrass him by virtually brushing him off in front of your friends…then you don’t link arms with him when he offers and tell him you don’t trust anyone but family…then you insult him by telling him to “come on let’s go” and “nice guys finish last”…sorry to tell you lady…but as a guy I can assure you with that attitude he’s run a mile…and you’re the one who has finished last…you definitely need to rethink your dating skills…good luck.
 
Peebo said:
Well…first you embarrass him by virtually brushing him off in front of your friends…then you don’t link arms with him when he offers and tell him you don’t trust anyone but family…then you insult him by telling him to “come on let’s go” and “nice guys finish last”…sorry to tell you lady…but as a guy I can assure you with that attitude he’s run a mile…and you’re the one who has finished last…you definitely need to rethink your dating skills…good luck.
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I didn’t say ‘nice guys finish last’ … He said that, and when I said ‘come on let’s go’ it wasn’t in front of any of our friends and I didn’t say it in a rude way. I said it because I thought he was ready to go because it was late at this point and thought he wanted to leave too. But, I do think that I wasn’t showing him I liked him like I should have. I learned from the experience. Thank you for your advice
 
Cupcake143 said:
I met a guy last summer at a bar, but I lost him in the crowd and we never exchanged numbers. It didn’t bother me though because I don’t remember being too crazy about him. Anyway, on NYE i saw him again. I didn’t recogonize him right away, but when he said his ethnicity (he’s mixed - 50% of his mixture is the same as my ethnicity so I remembered). I remembered him and asked if he remembered who I was, and he said he did. He was hanging out the rest of the night with me, my friend and another guy I saw there from high school. as the night went on, I was really liking him this time around. He’s Catholic, goes to church, cute, VERY respectful, friendly and nice to everyone around us and overall just great personality. He was looking out for my friend (who was really drunk) more than I was. I got his number early on in the night , because at first I jut thought he would be a great friend to come along in a group when me and my friend go out. My friend thought he liked me, and I did too from the way he was talking to me and he was touchy (not in a disrespectful way though). And he asked what if I was working and what I was doing the next day (new year’s day). But he didn’t ask to go out.

That weekend on Saturday night I ended up texting him and asking what he was doing that night. He texted and told me he was going to meet up his brother and brother’s friend at some ‘dive’ bar and he invited me. I didn’t have plans and so I said that I would come by. When I got to the parking lot, I told him I was there and he came out to meet me and he had this huge smile on his face and hugged me. I met his brother and friend who wee really nice but the whole time he kept talking to me and we weren’t really interacting much with his brother and brother’s friend. He was looking into my eyes, smiling and asking mature questions. He mentioned he’s looking for someone who he can see himself in the future with, etc. he kept complimenting me and telling me I was pretty and he loved my smile. We ended up meeting my friend (the one he met on NYE with me) that was in the same town with other friends, and anyway the rest of the night went great. We texted when I got home and he told me he liked me and that he hadn’t felt that way in forever, and I told him felt the same way.

Not to go too much into detail again, but I texted him on a different Saturday during the day and we were chatting a bit and he asked what my plans were later … And then I asked if he wanted to do a double date and he said yea. My other friend and her boyfriend came too, so it was basically a triple date. This time around didn’t go so well, and it was my fault in a way. I didn’t show him affection at all really, and when pulled out his arm so we could lock arms I didn’t, I told him I don’t trust anyone except family , and basically kind of not really showing him I liked him. I don’t know why because I actually like him more than I’ve liked any guy before and it’s rare for me anyway to like a guy a lot. He kind of got mad at me towards end of the night… don’t want to go in detail because my post will be too long lol, but I did say ‘come on let’s go’ and He said why do I talk to him like a kid and that he doesn’t deserve that, and said 'I guess nice guys finish last. I think he probably just thought I wasn’t being affectionate toward him or whatever and he blew up. Basically the night did not go great for us.
I texted him at night and apologized and told him he was a perfect gentlemen, and he said I didn’t have to apologize. And we just both texted good night. On Monday morning I texted him that I was getting my car (told him about a new car I was getting), and he replied back and he seemed normal. But, then another day in the week I texted him just saying hi and how are you , and he didn’t reply back. I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week after that Monday about my car. I texted him Saturday and he didn’t respond again. Now he’s ignoring me and I haven’t heard from him.

What are some of your thoughts about what happened and why he would totally ignore me now and not talk to me when it seemed he really was into me. I’m really heart broken now, even thought I haven’t even known him that long it seemed like I knew him forever.
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There is a lot of needless drama and over analyzing here. One thing though, I’m sure glad I’m married and never have to do this again…
 
Cupcake143 said:
What are some of your thoughts about what happened and why he would totally ignore me now and not talk to me when it seemed he really was into me. I’m really heart broken now, even thought I haven’t even known him that long it seemed like I knew him forever.
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You said it yourself:
Cupcake143 said:
This time around didn’t go so well, and it was my fault in a way. I didn’t show him affection at all really, and when pulled out his arm so we could lock arms I didn’t, I told him I don’t trust anyone except family , and basically kind of not really showing him I liked him. I don’t know why because I actually like him more than I’ve liked any guy before and it’s rare for me anyway to like a guy a lot.
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Most women don’t just outright reject a guy and say no, so men learn how women subtly reject a guy. You gave every sign of rejection here, every single one. Even if you manage to explain that didn’t mean to reject him, your going to come off has horribly socially awkward and naive when it comes to men and dating. He may not want to deal with it any more.

You also said this:
I guess nice guys finish last
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To a wise man’s ears that says you are literally undatable.
 
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