Need a man's thought/opinion

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Isn’t it wonderful we men have the power to make women obsess, over-think, muse, mull, rehash in their minds and amongst their friends every touch, nuance, conversation, and interaction they have with us.
Men are not like that. They put out feelers like a small sea creature and pull back into the shell when there is the slightest negative vibration in the air. We then stay there. We do not talk about it on the web, amongst our friends or over analyse for weeks after. We turn on the TV and watch sport.
Relax, be yourself and do not be clingy, prickly, or bossy. Saying “Let’s go.” implies ownership and is OK when the relationship is established and the ground rules are set. Men do not want to be led by their women where I live. I know the momism of America is different, however being slightly demure and a little vulnerable goes a long way with some men. Remember Pretty Woman? She was a street prostitute. But the whole fairy tale was about knights and vulnerability on both side. We were sucked into the fantasy on those themes alone, ignoring the reality of the situation.
Do not over think emotions. Do not project emotions on a stranger. Do not build castles in the sky. Not what could have been , but what is and can be in the future. He has your number. Delete his until he calls again. Reapply the lippy and get back on the horse. (Pretend you cannot ride. It sometimes works with a good man. LOL}
No, just be yourself. Being real is an absolute to any long term relationship.
 
Cupcake143 said:
I didn’t say ‘nice guys finish last’ … He said that, and when I said ‘come on let’s go’ it wasn’t in front of any of our friends and I didn’t say it in a rude way. I said it because I thought he was ready to go because it was late at this point and thought he wanted to leave too. But, I do think that I wasn’t showing him I liked him like I should have. I learned from the experience. Thank you for your advice
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So he is cute, respectful, and goes to church. He didn’t make a pass at you or your drunk friend on NYE, the hookup night of all hookup nights. You met him at a bar the next day, and instead of trying to ply you with alcohol and make a move on you, he is nothing but respectful and you have a great, non-shallow conversation. YOU then invite him on a date and proceed to emasculate him with your words and actions. Treating a guy like he is a potential rapist for the innocent attempt to link arms is not cool. You let a good one get away, and there is not an infinite supply. Sorry for my frankness, but you did ask for feedback.
 
XenaFan said:
You said it yourself:

Most women don’t just outright reject a guy and say no, so men learn how women subtly reject a guy. You gave every sign of rejection here, every single one. Even if you manage to explain that didn’t mean to reject him, your going to come off has horribly socially awkward and naive when it comes to men and dating. He may not want to deal with it any more.

You also said this:

To a wise man’s ears that says you are literally undatable.
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I agree with you. But jut so it’s clear, I didn’t say ‘nice guys finish last’. That might have come out as if I said it, but he said it, not me. I wouldn’t say that
 
CthgeDelendaEst said:
So he is cute, respectful, and goes to church. He didn’t make a pass at you or your drunk friend on NYE, the hookup night of all hookup nights. You met him at a bar the next day, and instead of trying to ply you with alcohol and make a move on you, he is nothing but respectful and you have a great, non-shallow conversation. YOU then invite him on a date and proceed to emasculate him with your words and actions. Treating a guy like he is a potential rapist for the innocent attempt to link arms is not cool. You let a good one get away, and there is not an infinite supply. Sorry for my frankness, but you did ask for feedback.
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No, I appreciate your feedback. You’re absolutely right. I did let a good one get away, and that’s why I’m hurt by it, because it’s not common to meet guys like him, not from my experience. Well, I’ll have to move on and learn from it. Thank you!
 
Petaro said:
Isn’t it wonderful we men have the power to make women obsess, over-think, muse, mull, rehash in their minds and amongst their friends every touch, nuance, conversation, and interaction they have with us.
Men are not like that. They put out feelers like a small sea creature and pull back into the shell when there is the slightest negative vibration in the air. We then stay there. We do not talk about it on the web, amongst our friends or over analyse for weeks after. We turn on the TV and watch sport.
Relax, be yourself and do not be clingy, prickly, or bossy. Saying “Let’s go.” implies ownership and is OK when the relationship is established and the ground rules are set. Men do not want to be led by their women where I live. I know the momism of America is different, however being slightly demure and a little vulnerable goes a long way with some men. Remember Pretty Woman? She was a street prostitute. But the whole fairy tale was about knights and vulnerability on both side. We were sucked into the fantasy on those themes alone, ignoring the reality of the situation.
Do not over think emotions. Do not project emotions on a stranger. Do not build castles in the sky. Not what could have been , but what is and can be in the future. He has your number. Delete his until he calls again. Reapply the lippy and get back on the horse. (Pretend you cannot ride. It sometimes works with a good man. LOL}
No, just be yourself. Being real is an absolute to any long term relationship.
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That’s great advice, thank you so much.
 
Cupcake143 said:
I met a guy last summer at a bar, but I lost him in the crowd and we never exchanged numbers. It didn’t bother me though because I don’t remember being too crazy about him. Anyway, on NYE i saw him again. I didn’t recogonize him right away, but when he said his ethnicity (he’s mixed - 50% of his mixture is the same as my ethnicity so I remembered). I remembered him and asked if he remembered who I was, and he said he did. He was hanging out the rest of the night with me, my friend and another guy I saw there from high school. as the night went on, I was really liking him this time around. He’s Catholic, goes to church, cute, VERY respectful, friendly and nice to everyone around us and overall just great personality. He was looking out for my friend (who was really drunk) more than I was. I got his number early on in the night , because at first I jut thought he would be a great friend to come along in a group when me and my friend go out. My friend thought he liked me, and I did too from the way he was talking to me and he was touchy (not in a disrespectful way though). And he asked what if I was working and what I was doing the next day (new year’s day). But he didn’t ask to go out.

That weekend on Saturday night I ended up texting him and asking what he was doing that night. He texted and told me he was going to meet up his brother and brother’s friend at some ‘dive’ bar and he invited me. I didn’t have plans and so I said that I would come by. When I got to the parking lot, I told him I was there and he came out to meet me and he had this huge smile on his face and hugged me. I met his brother and friend who wee really nice but the whole time he kept talking to me and we weren’t really interacting much with his brother and brother’s friend. He was looking into my eyes, smiling and asking mature questions. He mentioned he’s looking for someone who he can see himself in the future with, etc. he kept complimenting me and telling me I was pretty and he loved my smile. We ended up meeting my friend (the one he met on NYE with me) that was in the same town with other friends, and anyway the rest of the night went great. We texted when I got home and he told me he liked me and that he hadn’t felt that way in forever, and I told him felt the same way.

Not to go too much into detail again, but I texted him on a different Saturday during the day and we were chatting a bit and he asked what my plans were later … And then I asked if he wanted to do a double date and he said yea. My other friend and her boyfriend came too, so it was basically a triple date. This time around didn’t go so well, and it was my fault in a way. I didn’t show him affection at all really, and when pulled out his arm so we could lock arms I didn’t, I told him I don’t trust anyone except family , and basically kind of not really showing him I liked him. I don’t know why because I actually like him more than I’ve liked any guy before and it’s rare for me anyway to like a guy a lot. He kind of got mad at me towards end of the night… don’t want to go in detail because my post will be too long lol, but I did say ‘come on let’s go’ and He said why do I talk to him like a kid and that he doesn’t deserve that, and said 'I guess nice guys finish last. I think he probably just thought I wasn’t being affectionate toward him or whatever and he blew up. Basically the night did not go great for us.
I texted him at night and apologized and told him he was a perfect gentlemen, and he said I didn’t have to apologize. And we just both texted good night. On Monday morning I texted him that I was getting my car (told him about a new car I was getting), and he replied back and he seemed normal. But, then another day in the week I texted him just saying hi and how are you , and he didn’t reply back. I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week after that Monday about my car. I texted him Saturday and he didn’t respond again. Now he’s ignoring me and I haven’t heard from him.

What are some of your thoughts about what happened and why he would totally ignore me now and not talk to me when it seemed he really was into me. I’m really heart broken now, even thought I haven’t even known him that long it seemed like I knew him forever.
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In a way, you rejected him in sounds like. Being wishy washy with your feelings, giving mixed signals, etc. Lots of guys would stop perusing you under those circumstances. Sounds like you may have over thought “Do I REALLY want this guy”? Offers probably off the table.

Maybe he will come around. Just depends on his personality. It was like pulling teeth courting my fiancé. She was stone cold emotionally and I didn’t know what the heck to think or if she even liked me. Now she’s attached at my hip 👍
 
Polluted said:
In a way, you rejected him in sounds like. Being wishy washy with your feelings, giving mixed signals, etc. Lots of guys would stop perusing you under those circumstances. Sounds like you may have over thought “Do I REALLY want this guy”? Offers probably off the table.

Maybe he will come around. Just depends on his personality. It was like pulling teeth courting my fiancé. She was stone cold emotionally and I didn’t know what the heck to think or if she even liked me. Now she’s attached at my hip 👍
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Lol, that’s funny. It’s weird, because I really don’t know why I was acting that way. I think maybe because he seemed more serious this time around and I got nervous about it. I really don’t know why, but I wish I showed him that I liked him more when I had the chance. from his personality, I wouldn’t think he would stop talking to me though.
 
It looks like you showed more interest and then yanked that interest later on. It sent a mixed message, a conflicting message, and he did not like that.

Either be consistent or go home.

The “nice guys” comment is simple. He was nice to you, you were nice to him. Then later, he was nice to you, and you were not as nice. He probably got the idea that since your behavior changed (to less interested) in public, that you were ashamed of him.
 
How’s this for a blunt answer: you played a game and lost.

After your crazy chick “I only trust family” line and blowing him off, he’s done with you for good if he has any self respect. And if he is willing to try again, you probably don’t want him.

Speaking of which, no strong, honorable man has ever complained about nice guys finishing last, and certainly not as a way to mope to a girl who just hurt him.

You’re probably better off cutting your losses, moving on, and making it a point to not treat guys like that in the future.
 
When I was a young man, I dated a lot. I was not in a hurry to marry just to do it, but I was always looking for “the one” even so.

A number of things were off-putting to me. Among them, “moody” was one of the worst.
 
Ridgerunner said:
When I was a young man, I dated a lot. I was not in a hurry to marry just to do it, but I was always looking for “the one” even so.

A number of things were off-putting to me. Among them, “moody” was one of the worst.
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Moody is especially bad because people are on their best behavior early in a relationship.

If moody is their best, Lord help you if you ever see their worst.
 
Xantippe said:
Moody is especially bad because people are on their best behavior early in a relationship.

If moody is their best, Lord help you if you ever see their worst.
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:rotfl:

Well, yes, but…

People *try *to be at their best early in the relationship - but often end up being nervous and awkward, shooting themselves in the foot.
 
We can all sit here and spectualate as to whether or not he was seeing someone or had someone in mind or what he’s thinking.

It’s possible he had someone else in mind to some degree, but since these two were not together, well, it’d be fair for either of them to see other people at this point. 🤷

The bottom line is this has frayed out regardless. He’s not going to come back and give an explanation—that’s just not how dating works. People actually call things off like this all the time and for reasons that may not be clear or seem silly.

My suggestion to the original account is that on a date when you push back from locking arms French-style or holding hands it is a signal that you do not want date-type contact. I realize that may be difficult, but the fact is that dating involves risk no matter how you shake it up.

I realize there’s no shortage of insensitive advice on this forum, and I’m not completely sure how to put this in nice terms, but the whole “I’m only comfortable with family doing this” is really a turnoff and a let-down. Someone is looking for marriage is looking to appropriately elevate the chemistry in a relationship, and as a guy, if I heard those comments, it would be make me feel uncomfortable. At worst, it would feel like I was being accused of being creepy or trying to touch inappropriately. Decent men who encounter this will flee because they don’t want drama or trouble—even if your intention is to be 100% honest and isn’t accusatory.

I really want to respect your feelings on this matter, but I wouldn’t be doing any favors if I told you this was a just another private preference of yours for dating. I would encourage you to be more open to this appropriate type of contact if you want to find a good Catholic guy, because simply being a good Catholic guy or Catholic girl for that matter will NOT be enough to spark the kind of attraction that gets things going in a relationship.

I don’t think you’ll ever get a satisfactory answer as to what happened, and I doubt anyone on here can provide it anyways.

Please consider what I have said.
 
Xantippe said:
Moody is especially bad because people are on their best behavior early in a relationship.

If moody is their best, Lord help you if you ever see their worst.
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I agree. It’s supposed to start off good, even with abusers, liars, and scammers. Your first clue is right there to end it under those circumstances.
 
Speaking of which, no strong, honorable man has ever complained about nice guys finishing last, and certainly not as a way to mope to a girl who just hurt him.
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:clapping:

I am SO sick and tired of that!

Those mopey guys seem to think that self-loathing and self-pity will attract a woman. It might get a woman he likes to be his best friend looking out for him, but having romantic feelings for him—ha! Chance is sooooo slim!
 
SuperLuigi said:
We can all sit here and spectualate as to whether or not he was seeing someone or had someone in mind or what he’s thinking.

It’s possible he had someone else in mind to some degree, but since these two were not together, well, it’d be fair for either of them to see other people at this point. 🤷

The bottom line is this has frayed out regardless. He’s not going to come back and give an explanation—that’s just not how dating works. People actually call things off like this all the time and for reasons that may not be clear or seem silly.

My suggestion to the original account is that on a date when you push back from locking arms French-style or holding hands it is a signal that you do not want date-type contact. I realize that may be difficult, but the fact is that dating involves risk no matter how you shake it up.

I realize there’s no shortage of insensitive advice on this forum, and I’m not completely sure how to put this in nice terms, but the whole “I’m only comfortable with family doing this” is really a turnoff and a let-down. Someone is looking for marriage is looking to appropriately elevate the chemistry in a relationship, and as a guy, if I heard those comments, it would be make me feel uncomfortable. At worst, it would feel like I was being accused of being creepy or trying to touch inappropriately. Decent men who encounter this will flee because they don’t want drama or trouble—even if your intention is to be 100% honest and isn’t accusatory.

I really want to respect your feelings on this matter, but I wouldn’t be doing any favors if I told you this was a just another private preference of yours for dating. I would encourage you to be more open to this appropriate type of contact if you want to find a good Catholic guy, because simply being a good Catholic guy or Catholic girl for that matter will NOT be enough to spark the kind of attraction that gets things going in a relationship.

I don’t think you’ll ever get a satisfactory answer as to what happened, and I doubt anyone on here can provide it anyways.

Please consider what I have said.
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I really have taken all these comments in consideration, and I appreciate everyone’s feedback, even if it’s something I don’t like to hear. Because, I want to grow and change. I see my faults and I did realize it after the whole night ended that what I did was not cool. I just didn’t think he would stop talking to me. However, when he put out his arm to lock arms that was a separate time than when I had said 'I only trust my family. it was the same night, just at different times. But, I still shouldn’t had said that. I’m taking this as a learning experience for sure. Just hope I won’t act like this next time when I like a guy.
 
If it was me, I would have assumed you weren’t interested and that there was something I did to cause that change. I’d probably analyze everything I said and did to see if I can figure out what I did wrong, then move on.

Don’t let it get to you. It just makes you more prepared for the next guy you meet.
 
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