Need a Reason to Live

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All I hear is “pray” “read” “find a hobby” …etc. I’ve done all those things. You know what I call them? Distractions. It’s basically like saying “do everything, anything you possibly can to distract you from the big elephant in the room that follows you everywhere you go.” I don’t need yet more books on the shelf written by people who don’t know my situation. I don’t need yet more spiritual trinkets to buy. I don’t need another pointless hobby that I’m not interested in just to “fill time.” I need a life. I need more than just me. I need a reason to even be alive.

I try to write and I just can’t get myself to enjoy it like I used to. I try to draw… I even went out and bought a new sketchbook… I just can’t bring myself to want to do it. I try to compose music, I just don’t know what I’m doing it for… I try to listen to music and it all sounds dull and pointless.

I just really wish I had some friends in real life.

I just worked and I come home to silence and I know I’m just going to do the same tomorrow, and the next day. Years are going by like this. My entire life is one big waste. I don’t even want to eat anymore. It’s like I don’t even see the point… I come home and stuff is made for me and I just leave it there. I’ve been laying in bed until about noon everyday.

What do you think God wants for me? Do you think he wants this existence for me?

I can’t go on like this. I may not be able to another year. This may be it.
 
I think you would benefit from seeing a therapist to work out these issues. Sounds like depression too, which can make everything in life seem rather pointless. I take medication and see a therapist, and it has worked wonders.
You are here in this life because God wanted you to be. You are here for a reason. I don’t know how despairing you feel, but I want to give you the number to the National Suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255. Please talk to someone! You can even go online to check out resources in your community, or talk to clergy. Good luck! Am praying for you!
 
And no, I’m sure this is not what God wants for you. While this could be a test, He most certainly does not want you to give up.
 
Mark86 said:
I just really wish I had some friends in real life.
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What could you get from such a friend, that you hope you would find in them? Obviously doing things together, but what else? A person you can trust with secrets and know (s)he won’t use them against you? A person who gives you encouragement, or tells you when you are wrong? How about someone who gives you ideas about how to apply your talents?

I’m interested in what sort of music you used to listen to that is dull and pointless now. Like maybe even some examples that I could watch or listen to because I’m interested. Do you think your music “meant something” before and has lost something, or does it seem more like it was just really noise all along and you feel like you’re just now realizing it?

I mean, is it like you’re waking up from a bad dream, and not so sure whether it’s really a dream? I’ve been in some pretty dark places and been pretty convinced there was no value I would add in any potential “future self” I could imagine, even racing through my mind so yeah it was like please just let me fall asleep so I don’t have to think all this stuff. I just wondered if maybe it was anything like that.

MS
 
Mark86 said:
All I hear is “pray” “read” “find a hobby” …etc. I’ve done all those things. You know what I call them? Distractions. It’s basically like saying “do everything, anything you possibly can to distract you from the big elephant in the room that follows you everywhere you go.” I don’t need yet more books on the shelf written by people who don’t know my situation. I don’t need yet more spiritual trinkets to buy. I don’t need another pointless hobby that I’m not interested in just to “fill time.” I need a life. I need more than just me. I need a reason to even be alive.

I try to write and I just can’t get myself to enjoy it like I used to. I try to draw… I even went out and bought a new sketchbook… I just can’t bring myself to want to do it. I try to compose music, I just don’t know what I’m doing it for… I try to listen to music and it all sounds dull and pointless.

I just really wish I had some friends in real life.

I just worked and I come home to silence and I know I’m just going to do the same tomorrow, and the next day. Years are going by like this. My entire life is one big waste. I don’t even want to eat anymore. It’s like I don’t even see the point… I come home and stuff is made for me and I just leave it there. I’ve been laying in bed until about noon everyday.

What do you think God wants for me? Do you think he wants this existence for me?

I can’t go on like this. I may not be able to another year. This may be it.
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We do need to perceive a purpose that we have to accomplish - that is the one thing that keeps anyone from giving up. I don’t know what yours is, but I do know it is required.

For me I came to see the requirement and how to recognize why I was wanting to give up through reading Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning”.

You can listen to the audiobook on YouTube here (It is a set of readings that you play all to hear the whole book):
youtube.com/watch?v=Xe2R_R0kVaY&list=PLE988CED92A2F0A07

You can see him speak himself on YouTube video here:
youtube.com/watch?v=Gc_COGWKKg8

For now, your purpose that only you can do is to find your purpose, study to find what it is, and I hope you watch these videos to get a direction for this study you and only you can do. It will not get done if you don’t do it. That is where you will find the real meaning of the word “responsibility” - “This purpose will not be done (yet it must happen) if I don’t do it since no one else can do it; it will be missing in the world or in heaven if I were to give up”

I am working toward knowing my purpose also and will never give up. (Note: being Catholic gives us access to grace, with which we can find ultimately greater purpose and ultimately greater ability to fulfill our meaning).
 
Would you mind telling what age you are . Life loses it’s flavour for everyone from tme to time ,and it’s really only in the west or among comfortably off people that it reaches larger proportions.We think we have a ‘right’ to be happy that is 'in pleasure 'most of the time.

It is most serious when it’s a Young person ,because as you go through experinces you learn that you could be depressed and suicidal one day and 'happy 'the next and all you have to do is wait and the ‘lost’ feeling will disappear.
So what age are you . You sound young as you also have your meals made for you ?
 
Mark86 said:
All I hear is “pray” “read” “find a hobby” …etc. I’ve done all those things. You know what I call them? Distractions. It’s basically like saying “do everything, anything you possibly can to distract you from the big elephant in the room that follows you everywhere you go.” I don’t need yet more books on the shelf written by people who don’t know my situation. I don’t need yet more spiritual trinkets to buy. I don’t need another pointless hobby that I’m not interested in just to “fill time.” I need a life. I need more than just me. I need a reason to even be alive.

I try to write and I just can’t get myself to enjoy it like I used to. I try to draw… I even went out and bought a new sketchbook… I just can’t bring myself to want to do it. I try to compose music, I just don’t know what I’m doing it for… I try to listen to music and it all sounds dull and pointless.

I just really wish I had some friends in real life.

I just worked and I come home to silence and I know I’m just going to do the same tomorrow, and the next day. Years are going by like this. My entire life is one big waste. I don’t even want to eat anymore. It’s like I don’t even see the point… I come home and stuff is made for me and I just leave it there. I’ve been laying in bed until about noon everyday.

What do you think God wants for me? Do you think he wants this existence for me?

I can’t go on like this. I may not be able to another year. This may be it.
Click to expand...
First of all, I know to an extent what you are going through and I’m not ashamed to say that I have had more than my fair share of bouts like yours with depression.

It’s very easy for people to tell us “find a hobby” etc. but we know it is much more difficult than that.

May I propose you visit your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling? I know if it wasn’t for God and the current course of antidepressants and Seroquel that I would not be here right now.

Praying when you feel lousy is difficult so I bought a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary with a candle in the middle and sat in my dark room with only the candle lit. This may seem arbitrary but I sat and read the Gospels by the candle light and continued to attend Mass even when I felt as if the ground would open and swallow me up.

Don’t give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel even though it may not seem like it just now.

God Bless,

Andy
 
Please know that you are loved, deeply. Continue growing in your relationship with Jesus, praying the rosary, participating in the sacraments, attending adoration or listening to the divine office, these are ways that I really feel God’s peace. It does not matter what you do as long as you are doing the will of the Lord and everything that you do, do for God. “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Col 3:17

Have you been on a spiritual retreat?

If you are in need of peace, I know a Deacon who the Holy Spirit has answered amazing healing prayers for. Please message me for the person’s information.

Blessings,
Tiffany
 
Mark86 said:
All I hear is “pray” “read” “find a hobby” …etc. I’ve done all those things. You know what I call them? Distractions. It’s basically like saying “do everything, anything you possibly can to distract you from the big elephant in the room that follows you everywhere you go.” I don’t need yet more books on the shelf written by people who don’t know my situation. I don’t need yet more spiritual trinkets to buy. I don’t need another pointless hobby that I’m not interested in just to “fill time.” I need a life. I need more than just me. I need a reason to even be alive.

I try to write and I just can’t get myself to enjoy it like I used to. I try to draw… I even went out and bought a new sketchbook… I just can’t bring myself to want to do it. I try to compose music, I just don’t know what I’m doing it for… I try to listen to music and it all sounds dull and pointless.

I just really wish I had some friends in real life.

I just worked and I come home to silence and I know I’m just going to do the same tomorrow, and the next day. Years are going by like this. My entire life is one big waste. I don’t even want to eat anymore. It’s like I don’t even see the point… I come home and stuff is made for me and I just leave it there. I’ve been laying in bed until about noon everyday.

What do you think God wants for me? Do you think he wants this existence for me?

I can’t go on like this. I may not be able to another year. This may be it.
Click to expand...
Sorry to here you have been so depressed! 😦

When one is depressed, one can´t find any purpose, or enjoyment, or much of anything …in anything! We often can´t feel our feelings…like…of joy…happiness…love. About the only thing we can feel…is sadness and depression!

I have had something similar. I’ve found some relief with counseling and medication, on occasion…key is finding the right treatment.

I had one aunt who, like me, had depression, but her entire LIFE! It seems to run in our family, on my father’s side. In fact, a relative was institutionalized. This aunt once went to an MD, at the end of her life, and he said, “You’re DEPRESSED!” He gave her an antidepressant, and man, from that moment on, she was a different person, could finally enjoy her life! Her only regret was not having tried that decades ago!

For years and years, I also had an undiagnosed thyroid condition, that alone, can cause depression. I had a thyroid which was filled with tumor, basically hadn´t produced hormone, probably in YEARS!

I had gone through menopause. THAT can cause depression.

Chronic pain can, too…

Circumstances…

Some people have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and yearly, around this time of year, the lack of light really gets them down. When the sun comes back out, they’re fine!

When one has insomnia, THAT can cause depression. Depression can cause insomnia, and insomnia, depression.

I´ve found that antidepressants can help, and having an empathic counselor, likewise…

Often, when we are depressed, we dress in depressing clothing, wearing depressing colors. My boyfriend has told me when I wear dark colors, he has noticed the link between them and my emotions. He said when I dress in happy colors, I’m happier. I don´t know if it’s that I choose happy colors when I’m happy, or the colors bring me down. In any case, there seems to be a correlation.

Now…take this if it helps you…if not, leave it for someone else. Avoid depressing things for a time…dramas…the news, even if you only do this, temporarily.

How are you dressing? As a woman, I can tell you when I’m depressed, I don´t wear jewelry, makeup, use dark colors. I also withdraw from people, say they are avoiding me, but no. I am withdrawing from them.

Even if you’re depressed…wear happy clothes. Listen to happy songs. Smile.

Still, I think you might need more…treatment. I had people tell me to be happy, and I thought they didn´t understand. I needed more. I needed treatment!

Until you get the depression under control, I don´t think it will much matter WHAT you do!
 
A very good reason to live is that God wills it. The only thing I would add to what you have said is a social life. Through church, co-workers, coffee shops. Volunteer to help at the Friday fish frys during Lent or for another worthy cause. Catholiic Charities allows volunteers to address envelopes at home for their fund raising. Pray for others. I will pray for you to find a way to reach out to others. Count your blessings, share and communicate with others. God bless you and give you courage to do something new.
 
With depression, also, almost any “mental”/emotional condition goes along with it.

My ex-husband had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He went to an MD for an antidepressant, got one. However, he got the depression treated, but it was actually only a symptom of the obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). So, he was a HAPPY OCD!

Anyway, it’s important to get this treated with someone who knows how. My ex-husband refused to go to a psychiatrist, I imagine due to the stigma. We ended up divorcing, probably at least in part, due to all of this.

I hate to admit this to myself, but it’s actually also quite difficult to be around someone who is depressed…that includes myself!

So, I have realized that for my own good, and for others around, I NEEDED to get this tended to. Now, some people don´t like to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I worked as an interpreter, often in mental health. I saw a LOT of nice people, like you and me, who just happened to have…something…bipolar, depression, whatever. Some are my dear friends to this DAY!

Some people asked me if my work, in mental health, was depressing. I insisted it was NOT! Well, I saw people come in, a mess, go out, better! How is that depressing?

When we have something physical, we would not HESITATE to a doctor. If we had a broken leg, we would “run” to a doctor! We wouldn´t hesitate to tell somebody…“Get to a doctor!” However, unfortunately, when it’s “mental” or “emotional”, we hesitate to tell someone that, even when they desperately need to hear it!

Anyway, as someone who has struggled with depression, and codependency, for years, I will pass this on to you. I encourage ANYONE who is feeling what you are feeling, to get some help, even if it is only temporary. To HECK with what anybody else MIGHT think!

I’ve known a LOT of nice people who have taken medication, antidepressants. I hope you will get some help. Sometimes, when we have this, it can have a physical cause, or emotional. Whatever. The important thing is to get this issue tended to.

Once, my mother had unexplained crying spells. I asked her if she still had insomnia. She would read thousand-page Mitcher books, at night, unable to sleep. I told her to ge the sleep issue under control. She got a sleeping pill…and that, alone, took care of the whole thing. The depression…stopped!

You need to get at the root cause(s), whatever it is…or…they are.

Sadness is the emotional equivalent of a cold. Depression is more lasting, the emotional equivalent of CANCER! Please…please…please…get this tended to. Talk to a professional.
 
Don’t rule out any physical possibilities. Depression runs in my family - I experience bouts of depression myself, and your situation sounds so familiar to me. One of my family members found out he had a severe Vitamin D deficiency from his doctor, which can lead not only to depression/feelings of hopelessness/misery, but also physical problems. He did a 180 when he received the treatment he needed, which was just an injection of a large dose of Vitamin D plus a maintenance plan. I may be way off, but if you haven’t looked into any physical possibilities yet, I hope you will. Talking to a priest or counselor would also not be a bad idea for anyone going through a difficult time like that. I hope you’re able to get to the root of the problem soon, whatever the cause…
 
I can only tell you what helped me and that is to get involved
In some type of community. Join a Bible study, go to prayer meetings, help out at a soup kitchen. Im not going to recommend medication because those prescribed drugs have a lot of side effects and I went through hell getting off of one, to the point that it devastated my life for a while. But if you can find a good psychotherapist, that would be very helpful too. But understand that life is definitely worth living, life is not easy, suffering happens, but think these are the times where you learn and grow the most. Dont give up
 
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