Need adivce from you lot

[dekutrash]

I can’t exactly remember how I came about this forum and this will likely be my only thread I take part in. Sorry if I ramble on a bit.
I haven’t been to church in nearly two years, I don’t exactly know what happened but I want to go back. Thing is I’m having difficulty doing it.
I was raised Catholic, attended mass regularly, did all the things that come along being raised Catholic and whatnot. I’ve always had a strong belief in my faith and truly do believe in God and his word.
But something happened after I graduated high school, usually we would be in deep trouble if we didn’t head to mass with our parents as we always have. But in the immediate months afterwards I just stopped going to church, I went back twice I believe after going to confession. Between each time was several months and the last I went was in the early fall.
I never lost any faith or belief, for some reason I just didn’t/don’t want to go. During this time I feel as though I have come to understand my faith better, through reading, spending time deep in thought as well as everyday experiences. It has also helped that my brother who attends a Jesuit University is well versed in the Bible and Christian history.

 I have some angst at the leaders of the church, though I believe we all do. Mainly due to the whole child molestation thing. I just feel so angered that basically nothing has been done to punish the priests who violated that sacred position. Also because I am saddened that religion in general has become such a political force rather than a spiritual one. Even so I have faith in God that things can be set straight.

Another thing I miss is the community that goes to my church. My family has been going to it for about 14 years; we have grown up going there. I miss seeing all the familiar faces, all the people my age. Even though we may not know each other, it was always nice seeing “that guy” or “that family” especially if you’ve both been going to the same church for years.

 One important thing that made me feel particularly bad about not going is that about…..ten years ago plans were drawn up to construct a new gym hall for the school as well as remodeling the church itself. For many years money was collected and donated, town hall meetings, updates on progress and more. Then finally about a year or so ago the gym was complete and work on the church began. I felt bad inside knowing I was missing such a wonderful time of change in our parish. Later this spring the church will be done.

Another reason that I have been reluctant to go back is perhaps because of pathetic vanity. You see in the past two years I have gained a bit of weight. After high school I was up in the 170’s and have since ballooned to 205 lbs. mainly fat. I have struggled to lose weight and was making great strides when winter hit and couldn’t make my nightly runs. I have been ashamed of my appearance and really want to lose weight before I go back. It would be embarrassing going back after so long and arriving in such a sorry state. I also want to touch on another reason concerning my appearance. I won’t put myself into any clique but I have long hair, a bit past the shoulders. I love waxing it up all crazy like yet I’ve always smacked into a wall when I went to church. I would always have an issue with what to do with my brash hairstyle in church. I also like to wear headbands, not bandannas, headbands. Nothing crazy or colorful, just a simple black cotton headband to hold my hair back. Toss in the fact that I love wearing shirts from Threadless! Now I’ve always got the feeling that because of my appearance other people perceive me as some jackass kid who just gets dragged to church and doesn’t want to be there. Of course this isn’t true, but it’s not like I can go to everyone who casts me a look of disapproval and say “Hey now, I want to be here!” Yes I know this is all very childish but it has been a problem.

 Lastly, it has been a very long time since I last went to confession. Both times when I went back after month long hiatus’s I made it sound as though I was back for good. Now I can’t help feeling the shame of going back with my tail between my legs.

So there you have it, after nearly two years I am yearning to return yet I am having difficulty finding my way. It may sound silly but there have been several instances and happenings were I felt as though God was telling me to return. I would speak to my parents but feel as though I’d only get a lecture. I turn to you, strangers, fellow Catholics for advice.

 

[puzzleannie]

Welcome Home!
thank you for sharing your story

there is nothing in that story the prevents you from doing what you are being called to do, return to confession and the sacraments. come on in, we are waiting for you, we need you.

 

[jmcrae]

Welcome Home!
thank you for sharing your story

there is nothing in that story the prevents you from doing what you are being called to do, return to confession and the sacraments. come on in, we are waiting for you, we need you.

Amen to that, yes, we need you - we need you to come and be with us in your struggles with your appearance, and all of that stuff. We are a “hospital for sinners” so there is no need for you to wait until you become perfect, to come back again.

 

[Della]

I can’t exactly remember how I came about this forum and this will likely be my only thread I take part in. Sorry if I ramble on a bit.
I haven’t been to church in nearly two years, I don’t exactly know what happened but I want to go back. Thing is I’m having difficulty doing it.
I was raised Catholic, attended mass regularly, did all the things that come along being raised Catholic and whatnot. I’ve always had a strong belief in my faith and truly do believe in God and his word.
But something happened after I graduated high school, usually we would be in deep trouble if we didn’t head to mass with our parents as we always have. But in the immediate months afterwards I just stopped going to church, I went back twice I believe after going to confession. Between each time was several months and the last I went was in the early fall.
I never lost any faith or belief, for some reason I just didn’t/don’t want to go. During this time I feel as though I have come to understand my faith better, through reading, spending time deep in thought as well as everyday experiences. It has also helped that my brother who attends a Jesuit University is well versed in the Bible and Christian history.

 I have some angst at the leaders of the church, though I believe we all do. Mainly due to the whole child molestation thing. I just feel so angered that basically nothing has been done to punish the priests who violated that sacred position. Also because I am saddened that religion in general has become such a political force rather than a spiritual one. Even so I have faith in God that things can be set straight.

Another thing I miss is the community that goes to my church. My family has been going to it for about 14 years; we have grown up going there. I miss seeing all the familiar faces, all the people my age. Even though we may not know each other, it was always nice seeing “that guy” or “that family” especially if you’ve both been going to the same church for years.

 One important thing that made me feel particularly bad about not going is that about…..ten years ago plans were drawn up to construct a new gym hall for the school as well as remodeling the church itself. For many years money was collected and donated, town hall meetings, updates on progress and more. Then finally about a year or so ago the gym was complete and work on the church began. I felt bad inside knowing I was missing such a wonderful time of change in our parish. Later this spring the church will be done.

Another reason that I have been reluctant to go back is perhaps because of pathetic vanity. You see in the past two years I have gained a bit of weight. After high school I was up in the 170’s and have since ballooned to 205 lbs. mainly fat. I have struggled to lose weight and was making great strides when winter hit and couldn’t make my nightly runs. I have been ashamed of my appearance and really want to lose weight before I go back. It would be embarrassing going back after so long and arriving in such a sorry state. I also want to touch on another reason concerning my appearance. I won’t put myself into any clique but I have long hair, a bit past the shoulders. I love waxing it up all crazy like yet I’ve always smacked into a wall when I went to church. I would always have an issue with what to do with my brash hairstyle in church. I also like to wear headbands, not bandannas, headbands. Nothing crazy or colorful, just a simple black cotton headband to hold my hair back. Toss in the fact that I love wearing shirts from Threadless! Now I’ve always got the feeling that because of my appearance other people perceive me as some jackass kid who just gets dragged to church and doesn’t want to be there. Of course this isn’t true, but it’s not like I can go to everyone who casts me a look of disapproval and say “Hey now, I want to be here!” Yes I know this is all very childish but it has been a problem.

 Lastly, it has been a very long time since I last went to confession. Both times when I went back after month long hiatus’s I made it sound as though I was back for good. Now I can’t help feeling the shame of going back with my tail between my legs.

So there you have it, after nearly two years I am yearning to return yet I am having difficulty finding my way. It may sound silly but there have been several instances and happenings were I felt as though God was telling me to return. I would speak to my parents but feel as though I’d only get a lecture. I turn to you, strangers, fellow Catholics for advice.

First off, it sounds like you are trying to hang on to being a teen for a while longer–that’s all right–it’s called being a “late bloomer” to use a very old-fashioned term. You need to make new connections in your adult life–good connections. It takes a bit of work, but you can do it.

I’d say lose the teen-age rebellious look and accept the fact that you are a young man now and not a kid. You don’t have to wear a tie and a suit jacket, but if you try to look your age it’d be better all around.

As to the priest abuse thing. How do you know the offenders aren’t being punished? Those that have been found guilty are serving prison sentences and the Church has taken steps to keep it from happening again. The percentage of priests who offended was less that 1 per cent. That’s lower than any other profession.

And so what if you’ve gained weight. God doesn’t care about that. And don’t worry about what the priest will think of you for failing to keep your intentions. That’s what he’s there for–to care for us when we mess up.

Most of all pray. Let God sustain you in the sacraments. That’s why Jesus established them, isn’t it?

 

[Trishie]

Sometimes it can be refreshing to see someone who likes an individual dress or hair style, so long as the clothes aren’t immodest…because the usual Mass-goers can be moved that someone out of the moud is expressing their valuing of the Eucharist and of our God.

And don’t worry so much about what everyone will maybe think. Everyone else gives a lot less attention to our details than we think, and if you have the courage of your convictions and and a sound sense of self, others will just accept you for who you are.

Jesus certainly wasn’t ‘in the mold’!

 

[RhodyRich]

God chose you. He is waiting patiently for your return.

I suggest that you visit the following website.

catholicscomehome.org/

The resources there will help you find your way back.

 

[aspirant]

Amen to that, yes, we need you - we need you to come and be with us in your struggles with your appearance, and all of that stuff. We are a “hospital for sinners” so there is no need for you to wait until you become perfect, to come back again.

Amen again. We need you, and we’d love to have you here with us.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

There’s a teen-age girl in my parish who dresses somewhat Goth but when I got to know her at a parish event I found out that she is a serious Catholic and has good insights about the faith. Don’t be ashamed to be yourself as long as you’re clean and decently dressed (nothing shown that should be covered up) and you’re respectful to God and the other people in church. If other people can’t see the altar because of your hair, you should probably sit to one side.

And so what if you’re 30 or 40 pounds overweight, your family and close friends already know what you look like. You don’t have to be fit and thin to be liked. It’s understandable that you want to appear at your best but your choices are to show up at mass in your parish and offer up the embarrassment as penance for the sin of staying away or go to mass in a different parish where you’re not known until you get back in shape or just tell Jesus that how you look is more important than the fact that He died for you and loves you (and He personally likes you and misses you) and wants to give Himself to you in the Eucharist. I don’t think you want to do that, do you?

And you feel ashamed when you go to confession? Join the club. We are sinners and not very exciting ones. We sometimes confess the same things over and over. Our firm purpose of amendment turns out to be not so firm. God and the priest don’t want to judge us but to forgive us.

Now you want to come back to church but Satan is having a great time with you. He’s using your pride. Fight back! Seriously pray that God will deliver you from the fear of being misjudged because of your appearance, from the fear of what others will think about your weight, from the fear that the priest will think badly of you when you go to confession (he really won’t), from the fear of being lectured by your parents. God can actually change your feelings and that will make it easier for you. But now you have to gather up your courage and take the first steps. If you do, this Sunday could be your best one in the last two years.

BTW, if I were your mother and you went back to church I’d be crying with joy at communion time. God bless you and give you the grace to overcome your fears. It’s really worth it.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

 I have some angst at the leaders of the church, though I believe we all do. Mainly due to the whole child molestation thing. I just feel so angered that basically nothing has been done to punish the priests who violated that sacred position.

Several bishops have had to resign because of that. The Pope and Church leaders have been doing a lot about it, making reparations to victims and helping investigators to have full access to information they need. There’s been a lot happening now, but it’s true that before there was too little done and there were horrible cover-ups. We actually had bad bishops right from the very beginning of the Church. Judas, a bishop, betrayed Jesus to His death. We have bad bishops and priests now too; times haven’t changed in that way. But we have great and good men at the top as well, like Peter and the other apostles, who are doing wonderful things for the Church and the world.

There are evil men among hierarchies as well as among ordinary people. This isn’t something particular about our leaders; it’s everywhere, among seculars as well as Catholics. In fact, it’s worse outside of the Church than in it, if you look at comparative statistics.

Also because I am saddened that religion in general has become such a political force rather than a spiritual one.

Well, the Church’s morals and doctrines are all true and good, aren’t they? Because they were handed down by Jesus Christ through the apostles. They all come from God Himself, according to our faith.

If the morals and doctrines are true, than shouldn’t they have a place in politics as well? If we kept morality of out politics, we’d have 100% immoral politics. All laws and political structures should be moral, so they should be built on religious truth. Which doesn’t mean we have to go out and blast people, but it does mean we need to try to work to create just laws and bring good morals into the land, on the top as well as here at the bottom, don’t you think?

I mean, what’s the point of having the right to vote if we aren’t going to vote for what’s right?

Even so I have faith in God that things can be set straight.

Another thing I miss is the community that goes to my church. My family has been going to it for about 14 years; we have grown up going there. I miss seeing all the familiar faces, all the people my age. Even though we may not know each other, it was always nice seeing “that guy” or “that family” especially if you’ve both been going to the same church for years.

God comes first. Just remember that. Missing familiar faces is not a good reason to miss God . . . He misses your face, too.

I have been ashamed of my appearance and really want to lose weight before I go back. It would be embarrassing going back after so long and arriving in such a sorry state.

Yeah, that’s tough . . . I suspect your family will be really glad to see you anyway, though.

I also want to touch on another reason concerning my appearance. I won’t put myself into any clique but I have long hair, a bit past the shoulders. I love waxing it up all crazy like yet I’ve always smacked into a wall when I went to church. I would always have an issue with what to do with my brash hairstyle in church. I also like to wear headbands, not bandannas, headbands. Nothing crazy or colorful, just a simple black cotton headband to hold my hair back. Toss in the fact that I love wearing shirts from Threadless! Now I’ve always got the feeling that because of my appearance other people perceive me as some jackass kid who just gets dragged to church and doesn’t want to be there. Of course this isn’t true, but it’s not like I can go to everyone who casts me a look of disapproval and say “Hey now, I want to be here!” Yes I know this is all very childish but it has been a problem.

 Lastly, it has been a very long time since I last went to confession. Both times when I went back after month long hiatus’s I made it sound as though I was back for good. Now I can’t help feeling the shame of going back with my tail between my legs.

So there you have it, after nearly two years I am yearning to return yet I am having difficulty finding my way. It may sound silly but there have been several instances and happenings were I felt as though God was telling me to return. I would speak to my parents but feel as though I’d only get a lecture. I turn to you, strangers, fellow Catholics for advice.

I know I’m going to sound horrible saying this, but it seems like this is an opportunity to really humble yourself before God. All these things are embarrassments, but if you put God first, you will be offering Him a great gift. He will deeply value it if you offer Him your pride, which is what you’d be doing if you go to Him now rather than holding back because of wanting to look better. If you go to Him in spite of all this, I believe you will receive meaningful spiritual rewards.

Another option is to go to another parish. I personally don’t recommend it, though. I think it’s better to face one’s fears and troubles with humility. But it would be better by far than not going to God at all.

May God bless you and hold you firm on your journey back to His side . I’m sure He’s looking on you with great love.

 

[dekutrash]

Ok then, thanks for the advice folks.

 

[dekutrash]

Pt.2

I am so terribly ashamed of myself. Over Lent I have been working to return and better myself but across the board I have failed to do so.

Even now I sit in my room, Easter Sunday and my entire family left without me for Mass. I just cannot get over some ridiculous fear and nervousness returning. I feel it within my heart that I want to go back.

I have grown weary of the troubles of the Church as of late, I simply don’t care about them anymore. The sorrow and anger that has come from it all has weighed me down. Of course I still care about it in a sense, I’ve simply gotten to the point that I want to return to God and no one else. I am there for God, no man.

I just really need help.

=/

 

[jmcrae]

Pt.2

I am so terribly ashamed of myself. Over Lent I have been working to return and better myself but across the board I have failed to do so.

Even now I sit in my room, Easter Sunday and my entire family left without me for Mass. I just cannot get over some ridiculous fear and nervousness returning. I feel it within my heart that I want to go back.

I have grown weary of the troubles of the Church as of late, I simply don’t care about them anymore. The sorrow and anger that has come from it all has weighed me down. Of course I still care about it in a sense, I’ve simply gotten to the point that I want to return to God and no one else. I am there for God, no man.

I just really need help.

=/

Is there an afternoon Mass that you can attend? Even if it’s not at your regular parish.

 

[Della]

Pt.2

I am so terribly ashamed of myself. Over Lent I have been working to return and better myself but across the board I have failed to do so.

Welcome to the human race. We all fail. It’s a part of the struggle everyone faces as we begin to realize the seriousness of life. But don’t be discouraged. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and go on. If no one failed Jesus wouldn’t have instituted confession. Even the pope goes to confession.

Even now I sit in my room, Easter Sunday and my entire family left without me for Mass. I just cannot get over some ridiculous fear and nervousness returning. I feel it within my heart that I want to go back.

Such fears are irrational, it’s why we have to ignore them and just be a part of life. So what if people think you’ve changed or haven’t changed enough? Going to Mass is about meeting Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and worshiping God as a part of the one Body of Christ. Go to Mass for the right reasons and your fears will evaporate.

I have grown weary of the troubles of the Church as of late, I simply don’t care about them anymore. The sorrow and anger that has come from it all has weighed me down. Of course I still care about it in a sense, I’ve simply gotten to the point that I want to return to God and no one else. I am there for God, no man.

I just really need help.

=/

You do realize that the abuse being touted happened decades ago, that the pope did nothing wrong (don’t believe the hype in the media–they push such stories to get ratings and readership not to tell us what is really happening/happened). Yes, terrible things were done that never should have happened. The lesson learned is that no one’s sins hurt only ourselves but many, many others, as well, and that Satan tempts the best of us in order to destroy the faith of our weakest. It’s an old pattern that began with Judas.

We can hope this kind of sin won’t happen again or be handled so badly if it does again. But there are other sins people in leadership can commit, and they will because they too are human beings who give into temptation. Whenever we give into temptation we hurt the whole Body of Christ and the larger community by our poor witness. So, instead of being discouraged we must determine we will be a good witness before our fellow believers and the world. That’s how such things are overcome not by dwelling on the past and the sins of others.

So, be of good courage. God is still in his Church, his Body. That is where he is found, in the Sacraments, and even in our own human imperfections because God heals us and strengths us instead of condemning us when we come to him for forgiveness and renewal.

 

[LARSCOUT0311]

Mainly due to the whole child molestation thing.

I believe that this falls under the “Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter” example and prophesy. I know there is alot of angst against the church for these atrocities, however we have to look at the good the church has done as well. They don’t make things better but we have to look at the big picture.

Its like saying that we have animosity against our own church because the Inquisition or the Crusades. The church has suffered a black eye and now its time for it to recover. Its good these things came to light but unfortunately these things happened awhile back. It just resurfaces every few years when another detail is discovered and the big news that everyone latches on to is that our current Pope was involved. The Nazi connection always rears its ugly head as well. Remember, the Pope is human and his infallibility was only extended to him when he became Pope and in only certain aspects of his job.

Lets look back to Peter our first Pope. He was very human and not the brightest star in the sky…but our Lord saw something in him. He was the most prominent sheep to scatter, but was one of the disciples that Jesus sought out by name. He was even martyred for the church.

I’m glad that you, struggling with your faith, have come to these forums to talk to other Catholics. This means you care. Come back, attend Mass again and celebrate it for what it is…the Lord. Everything else will come back.

 

[sinnegam]

Dekutrash,
Man, you are in an unnecessary mess. So, you are angry, ashamed,confused by all that’s going on in the Church…well, join the club! There is nothing in the slightest bit unique about you in these matters. What does matter is what you do next. Seems to me your confession is contained in this whole thread…problem is, none of us are priests and we cannot give you absolution! Suggest you arrange for a private confession with your preferred priest, sit down and spill your guts to God in the presence of the priest…everything you have said in this thread. He knows what you are going to say…but He wants to hear you to say it to Him…the priest will listen, maybe even give you some advice, absolve all your sins and give you a penance. Remember, your confession is between God and you. He is only hidden by the priest and is acting on your soul the moment you walk into that room.
HOLY SPIRIT GUIDE YOU

 

[Dorothy]

The Lord loves you and waits for you with open arms.

A lot has been done to correct and work out the molestation problems. Please remember that it is not only the Catholic Church that has these problems, and that the Lord has promised to be with us and the gates of hell will not prevail against the Church.

There are many holy and good priests, and conscientious members who are working to build up the Church and stay close to the Lord.

Please, do not be afraid, and come and be with us!