Need advice about overcoming anxiety while remaining a faithful Catholic

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dei_gratia15

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I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar situation as me, but I do appreciate any advice anyone can offer.

Not long after being baptized I started worrying about sin constantly. It was so bad I couldn’t sleep and just attending mass caused me so much anxiety that I no longer wanted to go because it was so painful, but not even this was doable because then I would be committing a mortal sin and that just added to my worries. My prayers have also been really dry for most of this time and I can’t seem to discern what God wants for me. I’m afraid that maybe the Catholic Church just isn’t the right place for me, but I hope that isn’t the case as I’m not sure where else I would go. In an attempt to alleviate some of the stress, I stopped attending mass as often (while still fulfilling my Sunday obligation) and never made my first confession because just doing an examination of conscience would turn into an hours long task over days before I planned on going that would end in nothing but a near panic attack the day I had planned and doubt over whether I had committed or was leaving out sins.

Because of this I stopped doing thorough examinations and have tried to place my full trust in God to stop thinking about sin as much, but now I am afraid that maybe I just have too lax of a conscience and I’m creating excuses that will ultimately not lead to my salvation, which I desire greatly. Most of the advice I’ve been given has been to find a spiritual director (my parish priest already seems quite overwhelmed by what he has on his plate each day and I’m afraid he just doesn’t have the time for this…), however I live in a Protestant-dominated area and the closest I can find is nearly 3 hours away. I’m so overwhelmed and afraid of separating myself from God and it seems like the only small amount of peace I have is shortly after receiving the Eucharist but I’m not even sure how much longer that can continue. I want to remain faithful to the Church, but I’m just not sure anymore what to do. Please if you have any advice or prayers you can offer up, I would be more than grateful.
 
Hi,

I think it’s OK to feel a certain amount of guilt before Confession because if you know you’ve done wrong and are willing to admit it then the priest in Confession will, in the person of Christ, absolve you and give you a fresh start, All Catholics sin to some degree.

However, it may be the case that you have an anxiety disorder of some kind. I speak from experience. It does affect my spiritual life. Perhaps you should see a mental health professional. Depression, anxiety and panic disorders are more common than people think. At least get a basic evaluation.

I will pray for you even though I don’t know you but God will know when I pray for you.

God bless,
Ed
 
dei_gratia15 said:
I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar situation as me, but I do appreciate any advice anyone can offer.

Not long after being baptized I started worrying about sin constantly. It was so bad I couldn’t sleep and just attending mass caused me so much anxiety that I no longer wanted to go because it was so painful, but not even this was doable because then I would be committing a mortal sin and that just added to my worries. My prayers have also been really dry for most of this time and I can’t seem to discern what God wants for me. I’m afraid that maybe the Catholic Church just isn’t the right place for me, but I hope that isn’t the case as I’m not sure where else I would go. In an attempt to alleviate some of the stress, I stopped attending mass as often (while still fulfilling my Sunday obligation) and never made my first confession because just doing an examination of conscience would turn into an hours long task over days before I planned on going that would end in nothing but a near panic attack the day I had planned and doubt over whether I had committed or was leaving out sins.

Because of this I stopped doing thorough examinations and have tried to place my full trust in God to stop thinking about sin as much, but now I am afraid that maybe I just have too lax of a conscience and I’m creating excuses that will ultimately not lead to my salvation, which I desire greatly. Most of the advice I’ve been given has been to find a spiritual director (my parish priest already seems quite overwhelmed by what he has on his plate each day and I’m afraid he just doesn’t have the time for this…), however I live in a Protestant-dominated area and the closest I can find is nearly 3 hours away. I’m so overwhelmed and afraid of separating myself from God and it seems like the only small amount of peace I have is shortly after receiving the Eucharist but I’m not even sure how much longer that can continue. I want to remain faithful to the Church, but I’m just not sure anymore what to do. Please if you have any advice or prayers you can offer up, I would be more than grateful.
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I would suggest that you talk to a priest about what you are experiencing. Our Lord loves you and wants you to be in His Peace.

The Divine Mercy Chaplet and focusing on the words “Jesus, I trust in You!” will help. Also ask our Blessed Mother to pray for you.

Peace, and Prayers for you,

Dorothy
 
Hi dei_gratia,

I am so very sorry for your struggles. :console:

One of the saints that came to my mind for you is St. Dymphna. She is considered the Patroness of Nervous Disorders.

I would pray for her intercession when I would be troubled with increased anxiety.

Here is a link to Catholic.org where you can read about her life, and also listen to a prayer:

catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=222

Prayers said for you. May you be comforted during this stressful time for you. God bless you!
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
There is a Catholic psychologist named Dr. Gary Popcak. He does work with EWTN. I heard him on the radio just the other day on Johnette Benkovic’s show. He was talking about controlling anxiety. I couldn’t listen to the whole program because I was in my truck and had to be somewhere, but what I heard was excellent. He has written a book called God Help Me! This Stress is Driving Me Crazy: Finding Balance Through God’s Grace. I just ordered a used copy on EBAY. It might be something that could help you out.
 
Do not be afraid or get into anxiety as mentioned by others. Holy Spirit keeps reminding you about your sins until they are confessed which is good isn’t it? Your soul is alive and is letting you know that you need bring out your sins to light. But don’t let anxiety take over you. God’s mercy is greater than any sin. Visit The Blessed Sacrament everyday. Even if it is for 5 minutes and you will witness the change. Jesus, forgives and forgets. All He wants is a true heart. He is the greatest Healer! He will be your strength. Place your trust completely in Him. Confess and never stop going to church.

Always be prepared to fight the enemy by praying, doing penance, fasting and much more.

When our merciful God is ready to accept you, why are you rejecting Him?

Keep yourself calm as it will help you to find more ways to help yourself and others.

Seek peace only from Jesus, as everything else would perish.

Truly feel sorry for your sins and make a strong commitment to fight against it in everyway.

Reach out to Our Blessed Mother, she will guide you. Pray the Rosary everyday!

👍: And hey, advent us right around the corner. Welcome Jesus with a Cheerful Heart.
:christmastree1:
 
Here are some thoughts whicg help me when I feel that way: Who am I thinking about here, me? Or God? (I find I am actually thinking about myself!)

God wants us to ask Him for help–we can’t do it on our own. Even turning to Him requires His help. Ask Him for it!!

Treat all these negative thoughts as I do (or should :o) treat temptations: turn my mind gently away from the thought/temptation. Pray for help! Pray the Our Father, Hail Mary, and St Michael the Archangel prayer. Talk with them also. Repeat as needed. Sometimes this comes upon me, and I have to pray a lot for it to go away. Sometimes it cones back a while later, sometimes after days or weeks. I have to pray again! And over and over! Sometimes it seems like constantly…

My “namesake,” St Francis de Sales, gave spiritual direction to people by letters. Even if the people are three hours away, ask for help via letter, email, phone… Ask your pastor if there is someone good at helping with excessive scrupulosity.

There is also a wonderful short book I found help called Peace and Light by Fr Quadrupani. It is online for free, or as a book.

Audio version

Text version
 
dei_gratia15 said:
/…/
Not long after being baptized I started worrying about sin constantly. It was so bad I couldn’t sleep and just attending mass caused me so much anxiety that I no longer wanted to go because it was so painful, but not even this was doable because then I would be committing a mortal sin and that just added to my worries. My prayers have also been really dry for most of this time and I can’t seem to discern what God wants for me. I’m afraid that maybe the Catholic Church just isn’t the right place for me, but I hope that isn’t the case as I’m not sure where else I would go. In an attempt to alleviate some of the stress, I stopped attending mass as often (while still fulfilling my Sunday obligation) and never made my first confession because just doing an examination of conscience would turn into an hours long task over days before I planned on going that would end in nothing but a near panic attack the day I had planned and doubt over whether I had committed or was leaving out sins.

Because of this I stopped doing thorough examinations and have tried to place my full trust in God to stop thinking about sin as much, but now I am afraid that maybe I just have too lax of a conscience and I’m creating excuses that will ultimately not lead to my salvation, which I desire greatly. Most of the advice I’ve been given has been to find a spiritual director (my parish priest already seems quite overwhelmed by what he has on his plate each day and I’m afraid he just doesn’t have the time for this…), however I live in a Protestant-dominated area and the closest I can find is nearly 3 hours away. I’m so overwhelmed and afraid of separating myself from God and it seems like the only small amount of peace I have is shortly after receiving the Eucharist but I’m not even sure how much longer that can continue. I want to remain faithful to the Church, but I’m just not sure anymore what to do. Please if you have any advice or prayers you can offer up, I would be more than grateful.
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You present a relatively complex situation that I will try to address bit by bit.

You reference panic attack – or at least near panic attack. Is the only trigger for these episodes related to Mass and/or Confession? Whether the answer is yes or no, I would urge you to discuss this with your health care professional as that is its own issue, which needs to be addressed by the proper person to do so, which is not me.

As a confessor though, the parts you wrote that I underlined are what I can try to address and which are most concerning to me:
  • Worrying about sin constantly is not a healthy situation spiritually and that needs to be addressed and resolved in a healthy way – especially if it is an obsessive-compulsive behaviour. Given how this is manifesting, I suggest you should not try to do this without help from a priest…all the more since you are a new Catholic.
  • I’m especially concerned when you say your examination of conscience was lasting hours across days; this should not be happening with you. The examination for one going to confession is normally brief. It shouldn’t involve a process such as you describe and I fear you are over-applying yourself.
  • Since you were newly baptised, all sin preceding your baptism was forgiven, so those sins do not enter into the equation of the examination of conscience at all.
  • Any sin that is post baptismal, and I have to presume you are recently or at least relatively recently baptised should not require hours and days – and so I am concerned that your conscience is markedly over-sensitive.
  • Once again, given how upsetting this situation is, it really requires the help of a pastoral and sensitive priest who can work with you. This is not something you should try to diagnose, correct, or pray through on your own.
It is not unusual – although it is completely unwarranted – for someone to be nervous or uncomfortable with confession, especially one’s first confessions. That normally passes as one makes confessions and discovers that the priest is a gentle physician of the soul who is the instrument of God’s mercy and forgiveness. But what you describe is beyond nervousness.

I urge you to speak with your parish priest. I know you think him over-burdened. But, he is there to care for the parish and you are part of that – and the level of spiritual suffering you have is extreme. If a soul entrusted to my care were in this situation, I would want to know so that I could help.

Also, if it is causing you to withdraw from the parish life, the parish priest’s solicitude will also prompt him to want to help you. You indicate you were going to daily Mass; that population is a fraction of the total parish and so the priest will be especially motivated to help one who is trying to live a more intense sacramental life.

Is there a deacon or other person who oversaw the preparation for your baptism and reception into the Church with whom you could speak? They could perhaps not only help with good counsel but also be a bridge to your speaking with the priest.

This is really more than I can or should try to address in a public forum. It is simply too delicate and too sensitive. That is why, again, I urge you to meet one-on-one with a priest who knows you so that, together, you can work through this.

God bless you! I certainly assure you of my prayers. Please do not allow this to become an obstacle to your life in the Church and nearness to the sacraments. That is not how it is supposed to be at all. Being Catholic is a very special gift from the Lord.

Please see the article below in which our Holy Father speaks with seminarians and priests about what the experience of the sacrament of penance should be like: catholicherald.co.uk/news/2015/03/13/confession-should-not-be-a-form-of-torture-says-pope-francis/
 
I also suffer from anxiety, though with me it manifests itself in different ways. I am also a recent convert, so what I say is out of charity and a certain amount of personal experience.
I stopped attending mass as often (while still fulfilling my Sunday obligation) and never made my first confession because just doing an examination of conscience would turn into an hours long task over days
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Here are your problems. If you are struggling with your faith in any way, you need even more to receive Jesus or at the very least to be in his presence during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. If you are able to get to daily Mass, you should. It will help you immeasurably, and that applies even if you can not receive on a particular occasion.

Secondly, not going to confession is not a healthy strategy. If you are anxious about the experience, you can always go behind the screen at scheduled confession times and the priest will not know its you (this is usually on a Saturday, often before a daily or vigil Mass. Bonus! Stay for Mass and Receive Jesus knowing you are free from sin).

As for an examination of conscience, find a good one online. Set aside some time that you will not be disturbed. Pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Then go through it in a business like fashion. Maybe just write down a number by each sin. Lying - twice. Swearing - three times and so forth. I’d start by just listing everything you can think of. Set a time limit if you are worried about taking too long over it. Then go to confession. If you confess something that actually isn’t a sin or is only a venial sin, no harm done and the priest can set you right about anything you are unsure on. Then go to Mass and receive, knowing you are in a state of grace. Then go back on Sunday. And Monday. And every day you can. And go to confession regularly. Like anything, the more often you do it (within reason of course), the less painful it is. I’d recommend weekly to bi-weekly, that way you can keep it a brief, painless exercise. Confession gives you many spiritual graces, as does receiving Communion (in a state of grace of course) and even just being at Mass even if you can’t receive. Just going to Mass regularly has helped me to overcome one sin I was regularly committing and substantially reduce occasions of another. Make use of the resources God and the Church has made available to you, leave your anxiety at the door and trust in God’s mercy to forgive your sins.

I’ll leave you with some verses of scripture to reflect on

I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Psalm 51.3

Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Psalm 51.9

O Lord, correct me, but with judgement; not in thine anger, lest thou bring me to nothing. Jeremiah 10.24; Psalm 6.1

Repent ye; for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand. St. Matthew 3.2

I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. St. Luke 15.18-19

And perhaps most importantly of all…

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us: but if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 St. John 1.8-9

Pax Christi

Peter
 
dei_gratia15 said:
I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar situation as me, but I do appreciate any advice anyone can offer.

Not long after being baptized I started worrying about sin constantly. It was so bad I couldn’t sleep and just attending mass caused me so much anxiety that I no longer wanted to go because it was so painful, but not even this was doable because then I would be committing a mortal sin and that just added to my worries. My prayers have also been really dry for most of this time and I can’t seem to discern what God wants for me. I’m afraid that maybe the Catholic Church just isn’t the right place for me, but I hope that isn’t the case as I’m not sure where else I would go. In an attempt to alleviate some of the stress, I stopped attending mass as often (while still fulfilling my Sunday obligation) and never made my first confession because just doing an examination of conscience would turn into an hours long task over days before I planned on going that would end in nothing but a near panic attack the day I had planned and doubt over whether I had committed or was leaving out sins.

Because of this I stopped doing thorough examinations and have tried to place my full trust in God to stop thinking about sin as much, but now I am afraid that maybe I just have too lax of a conscience and I’m creating excuses that will ultimately not lead to my salvation, which I desire greatly. Most of the advice I’ve been given has been to find a spiritual director (my parish priest already seems quite overwhelmed by what he has on his plate each day and I’m afraid he just doesn’t have the time for this…), however I live in a Protestant-dominated area and the closest I can find is nearly 3 hours away. I’m so overwhelmed and afraid of separating myself from God and it seems like the only small amount of peace I have is shortly after receiving the Eucharist but I’m not even sure how much longer that can continue. I want to remain faithful to the Church, but I’m just not sure anymore what to do. Please if you have any advice or prayers you can offer up, I would be more than grateful.
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I have felt similarly but to that extent. I can relate to the worry about sins. The Lord says do not worry. Maybe that spirituality step by step. Pray. Do not think too much about your sins or other people’s sin. You will sin and so will others. Sometimes I wish there was a balance between hating sin yet accepting it as a part of reality. The Catholic Church teachings can be especially hard on people with anxiety. The Catholic Church is very clear with what is sin. Sadly most of those things are part our daily lives in one or another. Keep yourself busy. Religion is only a part of you. Put God first. Develop new hobbies and interests. Maybe find a trustful spiritual director who will guide you. God Bless.
 
+JMJ+

We are not saints who cry over our sins; we take delight in them because they serve to glorify the mercy of God.

— St. Therese of Lisieux (source)
 
I can add little to the good advice already given above, but I do encourage you to speak to your parish priest, even if he already seems quite overwhelmed and you’re afraid he doesn’t have the time. He is there for the parish, the entire parish, including you. If you would like guidance on a regular, ongoing basis and he declines for whatever reason (time constraint is the most common IME), ask for his assistance in locating someone who can help you. Spiritual directors do not have to be priests. In addition to the suggestions your priest may have, you could also contact the diocesan offices as they should have a list of potential SDs within the diocese and be willing to share it with you. There might be one around the corner from you and you just don’t know it yet! 🙂
 
Thanks everyone for your help and especially your prayers. You have all given me a lot of good advice and it’s probably going to take me a while just to sort through it mentally and decide where I want to go from here. I do wish I could say everything was improving but I’m afraid things are still looking a little bleak. Hopefully with time that can change.
 
oldgraymare2 said:
One of the saints that came to my mind for you is St. Dymphna. She is considered the Patroness of Nervous Disorders.

I would pray for her intercession when I would be troubled with increased anxiety.
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Thanks for reminding me of St. Dymphna! I really should ask for her intercession more often and I’m going to try to add her into my nightly prayers from now on.
 
robertmidwest said:
There is a Catholic psychologist named Dr. Gary Popcak. He does work with EWTN. I heard him on the radio just the other day on Johnette Benkovic’s show. He was talking about controlling anxiety. I couldn’t listen to the whole program because I was in my truck and had to be somewhere, but what I heard was excellent. He has written a book called God Help Me! This Stress is Driving Me Crazy: Finding Balance Through God’s Grace. I just ordered a used copy on EBAY. It might be something that could help you out.
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Thanks for the book recommendation! I’ll definitely have to check it out. 🙂 God bless!
 
Don_Ruggero said:
You present a relatively complex situation that I will try to address bit by bit.

You reference panic attack – or at least near panic attack. Is the only trigger for these episodes related to Mass and/or Confession? Whether the answer is yes or no, I would urge you to discuss this with your health care professional as that is its own issue, which needs to be addressed by the proper person to do so, which is not me.
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Mass, Confession, Church, etc. do seem to be some of the main triggers, but unfortunately not all. I have experienced these in other scenarios, it just isn’t as frequent.
Don_Ruggero said:
Any sin that is post baptismal, and I have to presume you are recently or at least relatively recently baptised should not require hours and days – and so I am concerned that your conscience is markedly over-sensitive.
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Yes, I was baptized at the Easter vigil mass of this year so it was relatively recently but a significant amount of time has passed. I find this interesting because I often worry that my conscience isn’t sensitive enough because I feel as if I’m constantly forgetting sins I have committed and therefore am unable to even repent of them on my own at the very least.
Don_Ruggero said:
It is not unusual – although it is completely unwarranted – for someone to be nervous or uncomfortable with confession, especially one’s first confessions. That normally passes as one makes confessions and discovers that the priest is a gentle physician of the soul who is the instrument of God’s mercy and forgiveness. But what you describe is beyond nervousness.
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I wish I could agree here but some of the stories I’ve heard about confession with my parish priest make him sound much less than gentle. I have no personal experience in this situation and I do highly respect him and he is a wonderful priest and person but he does sound overbearing and emotionally I’m unsure how I might respond to this.
Don_Ruggero said:
Is there a deacon or other person who oversaw the preparation for your baptism and reception into the Church with whom you could speak? They could perhaps not only help with good counsel but also be a bridge to your speaking with the priest.
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Yes, the RCIA coordinator is great at my parish. I haven’t thought much of speaking to him so I may consider this more. I will be out of town for about a month starting next week so maybe he can give me some advice on what to do in that time.
Don_Ruggero said:
God bless you! I certainly assure you of my prayers. Please do not allow this to become an obstacle to your life in the Church and nearness to the sacraments. That is not how it is supposed to be at all. Being Catholic is a very special gift from the Lord.
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I do agree that it is a very special gift! I love the Church with my whole heart and do hope I can get up the strength one day to resolve these issues so that I can draw closer to God through the Church. Thank you for all your advice and prayers! You’ve been a great help.
 
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