Need Advice and Help

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That may be your opinion, but again, we should not judge other people’s actions like that.

But I suspect there are narcissists out there that have happy home lives and still cheat.
 
Elf01 said:
If he was so happy why did he cheat?
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It is quite possible to have a happy marriage and yet one partner or even both partners slip and are unfaithful one time, or a handful of times, for a variety of reasons.

In any event the OP is seeking advice about dealing with his guilt, not judgments about whether his marriage is happy.
 
Welcome to CAF If you grow in your prayer life and are faithful to it, then your relationship with the Blessed Trinity will give you the grace to not, not focus on your past. The evil one really wants the end of your marriage, and you to become discouraged and fall into the trap of past sins. Thoughts always come into ones head as you live out your faith. You have tools,-- rosary, sacraments, spiritual books, holy water, changing – like all of a sudden you get down thoughts and get out of the place you are and pray, or do something virtuous – or go get a glass of water, Fight the good fight – bad thoughts then why not ask your angel to help you, pray with scripture, memorize certain bible verses. And keep going to confession. Just don’t waste time in the past because it is gone. Live now and also don’t worry about the future. We are all in this together. God is our merciful Father and a beloved Father . You want to please God first. Love him but don’t keep throwing junk in the face of God when he has already forgiven you. Fight the good fight and you do not have to tell your wife about this — You first belong to God, then your wife and then your family. Just some thoughts but they are not dogma. Prayers for you.
 
Divine3 said:
Welcome to CAF If you grow in your prayer life and are faithful to it, then your relationship with the Blessed Trinity will give you the grace to not, not focus on your past. The evil one really wants the end of your marriage, and you to become discouraged and fall into the trap of past sins. Thoughts always come into ones head as you live out your faith. You have tools,-- rosary, sacraments, spiritual books, holy water, changing – like all of a sudden you get down thoughts and get out of the place you are and pray, or do something virtuous – or go get a glass of water, Fight the good fight – bad thoughts then why not ask your angel to help you, pray with scripture, memorize certain bible verses. And keep going to confession. Just don’t waste time in the past because it is gone. Live now and also don’t worry about the future. We are all in this together. God is our merciful Father and a beloved Father . You want to please God first. Love him but don’t keep throwing junk in the face of God when he has already forgiven you. Fight the good fight and you do not have to tell your wife about this — You first belong to God, then your wife and then your family. Just some thoughts but they are not dogma. Prayers for you.
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Thank you for getting this thread back on track–i felt like it was going badly in terms of the OP but did not think of the great advice that you gave!

Wrt the part I bolded, some months ago I heard a lady called or interviewee on EWTN say that when she needed to evaluate her thinking, the question she asked was who wants her to feel or think that way–God or the enemy?
 
I’m not really going to get into the “tell your spouse or not” debate, but whenever there is infidelity you run a risk of being exposed to STDs. I don’t know all the in’s and out’s of incubation periods in which one doesn’t have symptoms but could be spreading disease but I strongly suggest you get tested. It would be quite awful to be the innocent spouse and find out you have an STD which is the means to also finding out about the infidelity. I hope you get therapy and never act on this impulse again but if you do fall in the future, please, please don’t be intimate with your wife until a dr. tells you that you are clear. This possibility should also be kept in mind in times of temptation because the risk is just not worth it.
 
I am sorry for your situation and for what happened to you as a child.
Regarding whether you should tell your wife or not, I think it should depend on her personality.
Ie: some people would feel very betrayed and angry to not know and other people would rather to not know for the sake of their family.

Either decision, please make it according to her personality/what you know about her and don’t make the decision based off your own fears of losing your family,or embarrassment etc.

This is something to seriously consider.

Another poster mentioned the possibility of stds which is something to consider.
 
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