Need Advice- Asking about a man's divorce

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@tarboy; Thank you for your insight. We do have some skype-ing time set for tomorrow morning (my morning, his evening) and I have mentioned googling him. We didn’t have much time to talk today (sadly) since I had some errands to run and it was way beyond his bedtime when I got home. We managed to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet together over Skype though so it wasn’t a loss.
 
Why not just ask him. It’s not considered a very personal question anymore as everyone seems to ask it. I would steer clear if he has no annulment though.
 
An update…

I think God knows that I was too much of a coward to ask.

Today, during our Skype conversation, the guy I talked about opened up to me and said that before we met up in Chicago, there was something he needed to tell me that he was embarrassed about. He said that he had been previously married. I said, I know. So he asked if our mutual friend mentioned it. I said, no. He said, “google?”. I said yes. He said he was ashamed because it felt like something he had failed at.

He then went on to explain that the marriage had already been annulled and how it was a long process (almost a year, I think) and the expense it entailed.

He then talked about how great it was that we got to pray together (we prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet before he went to sleep).

Is ti bad that I feel relieved that his marriage was annulled? I do feel thankful that I am not attracted to someone who is married in the eyes of the church…
 
No that is not bad. It is good. It would be good for him to tell you more though so you can make better decisions. He is still your brother, so he deserves respect, but at the same time, so do you. He sounds like he is open to share, just hurt.

Ask him if he has been to counselling, etc. to find out why he is divorced. Instead of just blaming himself for failure, doing something to fix what he can fix or grow from it. Trust me, it will matter at some point, if he did not address it.

But annulment…that is good. That means (if it was a church decree of nullity) then He is possibly free to marry.
 
mamaslo said:
No that is not bad. It is good. It would be good for him to tell you more though so you can make better decisions. He is still your brother, so he deserves respect, but at the same time, so do you. He sounds like he is open to share, just hurt.

Ask him if he has been to counselling, etc. to find out why he is divorced. Instead of just blaming himself for failure, doing something to fix what he can fix or grow from it. Trust me, it will matter at some point, if he did not address it.

But annulment…that is good. That means (if it was a church decree of nullity) then He is possibly free to marry.
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I agree, it is now open for more discussion. He said he is embarrassed about it, so he must feel it was a bad decision. I’d get into it a little deeper going forward. You need to know what happened. And if he doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s a red flag too.
 
Hopeful01, your budding relationship sounds hopeful. 🙂 It sounds like it is just like he said, a failed marraige does make one feel a bit of a failure; those of us of good will go in intending for it to be forever, and when it doesn’t turn out like we planned, it doesn’t feel so great. It sounds like he was just waiting for the right time to open up about it. Your broaching the subject by asking about past relationships help him realize it was time to talk. He apparently wasn’t ready to face the heavy topic at the moment when you asked him, but it gave made him realize he needed to talk about it now, so he did. That the relationship was annulled is great news - it means he cares enough about the Church to go through that. I would patiently give him time to tell you about it. Certainly if you begin to talk marraige, it would be a time to discuss what happened to his first attempt.

I am in a hopeful budding romance myself, with a faithful Catholic man. 🙂
 
Thank you everyone for your insights… I will keep them in mind. I fly to Chicago tomorrow early morning and I will meet up with him Sunday. We plan to go and drive down to the Shrine at Wisconsin.

We do have a lot of things to talk about… And I think during the drive from Chicago to Wisconsin (3.5 hours each way), we might have that chance.
 
hopeful01 said:
Thank you everyone for your insights… I will keep them in mind. I fly to Chicago tomorrow early morning and I will meet up with him Sunday. We plan to go and drive down to the Shrine at Wisconsin.

We do have a lot of things to talk about… And I think during the drive from Chicago to Wisconsin (3.5 hours each way), we might have that chance.
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I hope that you have a wonderful time on your trip, and that you will be able to leave your worries behind and get some relaxation in.

Lord, I ask that you will keep hopeful safe on her flight and in her travels, and that her time in Chicago will be one of rest and discovery for her and her special friend. May they share the stories of their lives and learn all that they desire in their time together. May this be a time to discern how they want this relationship to move forward if that is their desire. I ask this through the intercession of Your Most Holy Mother, Mary.
 
Lord, I ask that you will keep hopeful safe on her flight and in her travels, and that her time in Chicago will be one of rest and discovery for her and her special friend. May they share the stories of their lives and learn all that they desire in their time together. May this be a time to discern how they want this relationship to move forward if that is their desire. I ask this through the intercession of Your Most Holy Mother, Mary.
 
I don’t see any reason to tiptoe around the question.

If the two of you are acting in a romantic way, then you should already have asked him if he has ever been married, if he has children etc. If he said he had been married, but he divorced, then ask him right out if he had the marriage annulled.

Since both of you are practicing Catholics, you need to know that there is the possibility that this long distance “courtship” can actually go somewhere.

I believe in “keeping it real”, especially since you are already falling for him!
 
@Truelight: no problem! Haha… Still, I thank you for taking time out to put in your thoughts on the matter…

@Irishmom2: thank you for your kind prayers and your kind words… I truly appreciate them… We’re seeing each other tomorrow. He called me up at the hotel last night. He was baking some cookies that he was planning to bring over. Awwwww… Isn’t he the sweetest? They’re chocolate chip cookies, one of my favorites!
 
hopeful01 said:
@Truelight: no problem! Haha… Still, I thank you for taking time out to put in your thoughts on the matter…

@Irishmom2: thank you for your kind prayers and your kind words… I truly appreciate them… We’re seeing each other tomorrow. He called me up at the hotel last night. He was baking some cookies that he was planning to bring over. Awwwww… Isn’t he the sweetest? They’re chocolate chip cookies, one of my favorites!
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Do you need a chaperone? I might be available. 😃
 
hopeful01 said:
We’re seeing each other tomorrow. He called me up at the hotel last night. He was baking some cookies that he was planning to bring over. Awwwww… Isn’t he the sweetest? They’re chocolate chip cookies, one of my favorites!
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I hope that you have a lovely time, but somehow, I think you will. And a guy that bakes? What a great find! 👍 Continued prayers for discernment and knowledge. May God bless you both during your trip.
 
I just got back home from a wonderful 9 days spent with him. We visited the Shrine to OUr Lady of Good Help in Wisconsin and also the National Shrine to St. Jude in Chicago. We both had tears in our eyes when we had to part. I was thankful though that although my flight was an international one and his was a domestic one, our flights happened to depart from the same airport terminal and our gates were a few steps away from each other…

I miss him already… But I know that I am loved and that I love him too.
 
hopeful01 said:
I just got back home from a wonderful 9 days spent with him. We visited the Shrine to OUr Lady of Good Help in Wisconsin and also the National Shrine to St. Jude in Chicago. We both had tears in our eyes when we had to part. I was thankful though that although my flight was an international one and his was a domestic one, our flights happened to depart from the same airport terminal and our gates were a few steps away from each other…

I miss him already… But I know that I am loved and that I love him too.
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That is so sweet! Glad things went so well for you! But inquiring minds want to know…

How were the cookies ??

😉
 
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