Need advice, Catholics that have survived an affair

[needHim]

I have recently found out about my husbands affair with another woman. I have been searching the internet and found many good websites talking about the healing process and how to forgive (by the way I’m 22 weeks pregnant with our second child so I feel that this is even more important that I can move past it). I have also found things that pull me away from wanting to forgive. I want to focus on getting help from those who share my same beliefs. I would find it helpful to hear from other Catholics who survived an affair. I want to know that it’s possible and that we can both love again with all of our hearts. Or if you know any Catholic places I can find help on this topic I would be thankful.

 

[bernadettefaith]

Have you heard of Retrouvaille? That may help in your situation. I’m not in your same situation but my husband is very unhappy in our marriage so we are considering attending a retrouvaille weekend as well. If you want to chat or need support feel free to message me.

 

[JRTJ]

I have recently found out about my husbands affair with another woman. I have been searching the internet and found many good websites talking about the healing process and how to forgive (by the way I’m 22 weeks pregnant with our second child so I feel that this is even more important that I can move past it). I have also found things that pull me away from wanting to forgive. I want to focus on getting help from those who share my same beliefs. I would find it helpful to hear from other Catholics who survived an affair. I want to know that it’s possible and that we can both love again with all of our hearts. Or if you know any Catholic places I can find help on this topic I would be thankful.

God bless you. I am young and single but I do know how it feels as my mother has been going through the same. My father has committed adultery for various months when he was away on business.

I can see that she is having a very hard time to forgive, mostly because my father hasn’t humbled himself and hasn’t really asked for forgiveness with all his heart. They’ve been married for over 30 years, and it’s painful to watch - I can see their relationship deteriorating day by day.

I believe you should forgive him as these things happen. Adultery is terrible but it’s part of our nature as fallen men. Has he shown true contrition? Has he asked for forgiveness on his knees. You should do like God and “not despise a contrite and humble heart”. If he comes crying back to you, take him back into your arms. I believe my mother would forgive my father immediately should he decide to do so. Unfortunately, I think God needs to soften his heart for him to do so as he just won’t bring himself to do it.

Follow the example of Jesus and be willing to forgive. If he truly despises his actions, why not? Put it behind you and move forward.

This is the best advice I can give from my standpoint. I shall say a prayer for you, and I would appreciate if you could say a little prayer for my father, that the Virgin Mary might soften his heart and bring him closer to God.

 

[holyrood]

I was pregnant with my ninth when I started unraveling a series of emotional affairs over the previous 15 or more years. There was at least a one night stand, about which he’d lied to me for years. I believe there were other physical involvements, but eventually, I came to understand it really didn’t matter. What I KNEW was that he was going to continue lying to me.

We went to Retrouvaille, we went to a Catholic counselor.

What I learned, finally, is that both people have to be willing to heal the marriage. XH wasn’t. I finally felt I had no options left to legally protect myself and my children but to file for divorce. I did it under the advice of three priests who over the years said this was not a marriage.

The issue of forgiveness is as pertinent, though, I think.

What has helped me is knowing I did everything in my power to save the marriage, to forgive, to let him start fresh; taking care of myself, protecting myself; committing to living my own life with integrity such that I was happy with my own behavior; and understanding the background from which he came. He grew up in an alcoholic family, where he learned to lie, where he came to the conclusion that as long as you have to lie to keep the peace anyway, you may as well do whatever you like. Just be really good at lying.

I am not in any way excusing him. He’s an adult. He chose to continue this behavior instead of go to al-anon or counseling or face up to the destruction he was causing. But I guess it helps me to understand none of it was about me, to see him as broken, to pity rather than to hate.

Prayer should definitely be on the list.

He can no longer hurt me or threaten my health. I pray for him daily and wish him well.

 

[tawny]

Have you heard of Retrouvaille? That may help in your situation. I’m not in your same situation but my husband is very unhappy in our marriage so we are considering attending a retrouvaille weekend as well. If you want to chat or need support feel free to message me.

Agree, good suggestion.

 

[blessedwith3]

I am sorry, I just found this. I was five months pregnant with our third child when I found out about my husband’s affair. It took him over a month after me finding out about it for him to end it. We also went to Retrovaille and it is an amazing program, but there can he no third party involvement, and by this I mean emotionally as well. I don’t know where you are in the healing process, or if the affair has even stopped but I can offer advice if you need it. I found that prayer and God’s word are the most helpful to me. To let you know, I am still pregnant and due in a few weeks. I hate to hear this from someone else who is going through this. I will be.praying for you and the two little ones, please do the same for me.