Need advice dealing w/"social hall" atmosphere at Mass

  • Thread starter Thread starter sarahraegraham
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

sarahraegraham

Guest
Before Mass, people yak yak yak. During Mass, people yak. After Mass, people yak. I don’t understand how they can understand what’s going on and yet be so disrespectful and irreverent. I want to be able to pray and not have to hear about so-and-so’s ex-boyfriends cemetery plot or how much someone’s hip is bothering them or what grades someone’s kid got in school! And after Mass, Father hasn’t even started forward to kiss the altar and people turn into schoolkids in a cafeteria!

We are trying to figure out how to best handle it for us. I thought that we should seek some advice from all of you on how to deal with this. What do you do personally? What have you found works/doesn’t work? How do all of you deal with this issue?
 
I’ve spoken to and/or written to our last four pastors about this. I haven’t found anything that works if the pastor doesn’t speak up. My pastors don’t feel that this is irreverent or disrespectful. They say our church has no meeting space attached to it so the people have to converse inside but I see this even in large churches that have large foyers too. I have noticed several other parishioners who don’t talk in church but our behavior doesn’t influence those who do. My only suggestion is to talk to the pastor. If you have one who supports silence in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament it will happen, otherwise it won’t.
 
OriginalJS said:
I’m happy I have never seen this type behavior.
Click to expand...
In my case, I see it before and after Mass to some extent, but never during Mass, other than school Masses - and I have seen Father stop the Mass to remind the children to behave themselves at school Masses.

The teachers are often the ones setting the poor example - in the past, I have seen teachers wandering around with coffee cups in their hands in the middle of Mass, chit-chatting among themselves. I do believe, however, that Father “forgot” to sign their letters that say they are Catholics in good standing, this year, and I haven’t seen those particular teachers around, any more - and I have noticed a remarkable improvement in the children’s deportment, as well. 🙂
 
In our parish a number of years back we printed in the weekly bulletin in a prominent place with bold text the following:

Before Mass we talk to God
During Mass God talks to us
After Mass we talk to our neighbor.

After a couple months or so of printing that it was much quieter in the church. Unfortunately we stopped printing it after a while and it has since gotten noisy again.
 
Sometimes my Parish will put a reminder in the bulletin saying: Please remember to keep a Holy silence in the Church so others may pray. Or something like that. Maybe you could look into that.
 
Claire_from_DE said:
I’ve spoken to and/or written to our last four pastors about this. I haven’t found anything that works if the pastor doesn’t speak up. My pastors don’t feel that this is irreverent or disrespectful. They say our church has no meeting space attached to it so the people have to converse inside but I see this even in large churches that have large foyers too. I have noticed several other parishioners who don’t talk in church but our behavior doesn’t influence those who do. My only suggestion is to talk to the pastor. If you have one who supports silence in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament it will happen, otherwise it won’t.
Click to expand...
If you can’t get the pastor on board then you are probably out of luck.

Would your pastor back you up if you and a group of other parishioners are willing to take responsibility for saying something? I belong to a very chatty parish. And since we have a separate Blessed Sacrament chapel most people don’t see anything wrong with talking before or after Mass. People who want to pray after Mass usually go to the chapel.

But I know it bugs our Liturgy/Choir director and he has made occasional announcements (with the pastor’s OK) and the choir sometimes tries to sing something to put people in a quiet state. It seldom works very well.
 
I agree with the others. It starts at the top. If the pastor and the priests are not setting an example, it not easy to stop the social hall atmosphere. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I know what you mean in regards to during mass. I’ve experienced that myself in a couple of the churches in FL where I go to visit my in-laws. I can usually just block things out, but sometimes, it is really unnerving.
 
The only thing I could add to your complaints was we actually have people who embrace and talk to others on their way back to their pews after receiving Communion so I know what you are talking about. You might try speaking to the priest and if that doesn’t work try waiting till the last minute to enter the church. If I get to Mass early I spend some time in my car in quiet reflection, sometimes reading, sometimes praying. This usually makes me more tolerant of those who think differently than I do regarding reverent behavior during Mass.
 
A nod and a smile to acquaintances coming in before the Liturgy starts is one thing.

Constant conversation before, during, and after is another.

There is a regular reminder in our bulletin that even the Narthex is part of the Church itself, and loud conversations there are not appropriate.
 
Perhaps if the Pastor doesn’t want to take more direct action, you could look and see if you can find a plaque, or make one, addressing silence, cell phones and reverence and post it at entrances.
 
People are often led to comment on the noise and distractions they deal with before and after Mass as the congregation arrive and leave. I must admit that these often used to, and sometimes still do, cause me annoyance too. For me, it has helped to reflect on the following ideas:

I find it meaningful to put myself back in time to the days when Jesus walked on earth as flesh and blood. Often when He preached it was in the midst of busy crowds with a cacophony of background chatter amidst the bustle, noise and turmoil of everyday life. I imagine the scene and the atmosphere as the Word Himself prepared to speak.

As the distractions of people and life seem to intrude upon our preparation for The Most Holy of Sacrament, there is perhaps a profound paradox in the reminder that our daily lives are not separate from the living presence of Christ within church, but rather Christ should “intrude” into our daily lives, moment by moment outside church.

When we become aware that it is difficult to find that stillness to listen for the silent whisper, perhaps we should recognise that awareness as the Hand of God reminding us and inviting us to make space at another time and in another place to just “Be”: Either before The Blessed Sacrament in a more private and personal union or just in our own place. Jesus Himself speaks to us from St. Mathew’s Gospel and invites us; “when you pray…. Go to you private room, and when you have shut the door, The Father, who sees all that is done in private, will be with you.”

As we see the congregation arrive, one by one, we can be aware of the vast and varied family of God in all it’s diversity: We see before us as a reminder of the reality of our common brotherhood as children of God.

The great gift of The Rosary is a treasure just waiting for us to explore. Praying the Sorrowful Mysteries in union with our offering of The Paschal Sacrifice of Christ in the Mass can be particularly powerful:

The method of The Rosary is particularly suited to both the event and the distractions which might precede and follow it. As we try to focus our hearts and minds on the Mystery we contemplate; the background of The Hail Mary in our silent vocal prayer and the direction of our physical being in the caress of the beads, combine to provide a focus to offset the distractions all around us.

There is a profound significance at the end of Mass in praying the fourth and fifth Sorrowful Mysteries: As we journey with Christ as He carries our cross and is nailed to it for us, we travel with Mary. As we focus on the profound sacrifice of love offered for us, we hear the background noise and chatter of the crowds, just as Mary would have heard. As we struggle amidst the noise to focus on the event we are reliving in our hearts, we share with Mary that same sense of trying to understand what is happening amidst the noise and preoccupation of a seemingly unconcerned world.

Then; “It is done”; as we reach the last Glory Be and Christ has given up His last breath, the church has all but emptied and a profound silence descends. There is then just the Risen Christ and a sense of peace and stillness fills the church. We experience in our physical surroundings “ a peace which the world can not give.”
 
My parish is kind of like Dickens’ “Tale of Two Cities”, only, in my case, it is the “Tale of Two Priests”. Our pastor is more horizontally-driven, placing emphasis on the community. Just before Mass, he comes out and does a meet and greet, encouraging us to visit and meet our pewmates.

This is very distracting, especiallly for those of us who want to pray and get settled in and ready (interiorly) for Mass. Sometimes, it turns into a big hugfest and a real chatroom. It is not at all conducive to getting us prepared for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

Our parochial vicar, on the other hand, walks in dressed in his cassock and kneels either in front of the Blessed Sacrament (our tabernacle is off to the side) or kneels before the statue of the Blessed Mother and prays his Office. Then, he will get up and go into the sacristy and prepare for Mass. When the folks see him, they are as quiet as church mice. He sets the tone by his example, quietly reminding us that there is Something greater than ourselves here and that we are in sacred space.

This reminds me of an observation that Archbishop Malcolm Ranjinth, the Secretary to the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, made when he delivered the keynote address at last November’s Gateway Liturgical Conference in St. Louis, MO:
One could say that virtually Wall Street moved into the sanctuary.
Click to expand...
I am not anti-social, and I like and respect my pastor, but, the time to visit is not just before the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass begins. We are moving into God’s time, not ours.
 
benedictgal said:
Our parochial vicar, on the other hand, walks in dressed in his casket and kneels either in front of the Blessed Sacrament (our tabernacle is off to the side) or kneels before the statue of the Blessed Mother and prays his Office.
Click to expand...
He apparently lives every day like it is his last.
 
Originally posted by zab:
Click to expand...
Originally Posted by** benedictgal **
Click to expand...
:
Our parochial vicar, on the other hand, walks in dressed in his casket and kneels either in front of the Blessed Sacrament (our tabernacle is off to the side) or kneels before the statue of the Blessed Mother and prays his Office.
He apparently lives every day like it is his last.
Click to expand...

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

All funnies aside, we also have the problem in our parish and last Sunday was just terrible. In that period of “sacred silence” (yeah, right…) after Communion it was so loud that it was distracting. Everyone was talking. I was seriously ready to go into Sister Mary Elephant mode when Fr. decided to give up on the moment and go to announcements (we’ll try to ignore the fact that he skipped the Prayer after Communion).

When I said something to the effect that “sacred silence was hard to come by this morning”, DH, a non-Catholic who attends with me and sings in our choir, exclaimed 'What the heck is wrong with these people? Don’t they know that Mass isn’t over just because they received Communion??"
 
Phemie said:
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

All funnies aside, we also have the problem in our parish and last Sunday was just terrible. In that period of “sacred silence” (yeah, right…) after Communion it was so loud that it was distracting. Everyone was talking. I was seriously ready to go into Sister Mary Elephant mode when Fr. decided to give up on the moment and go to announcements (we’ll try to ignore the fact that he skipped the Prayer after Communion).

When I said something to the effect that “sacred silence was hard to come by this morning”, DH, a non-Catholic who attends with me and sings in our choir, exclaimed 'What the heck is wrong with these people? Don’t they know that Mass isn’t over just because they received Communion??"
Click to expand...
On the whole, our parish is pretty good about being reverent in church, particularly those who attend weekday Mass. But we do have one here and there who talk practically non-stop. It is especially annoying if you happen to be sitting in front of them. Although at times it is very tempting to turn around and shuuush them, I find that the best way to deal with it is by example. When my grandchildren want to ask me something, *we whisper * or else after Mass on the way out, I have them to wait and tell me something after we get out of church. I did the same with my children when they were young and even still today I may have to (in a whisper) remind them or some other adult who wants to strike up a conversation on the way out, “Let’s wait until we get outside” Believe it or not, this does catch on, especially if the pastor or priests talk about reverence in church once in a while. Most likely, there will always be some who will remain talkative, we just have to help them learn to whisper. A little kindness goes a long way. If they should ask me a question that needs a verbal response, I respond in a whisper. Sometimes, they will whisper back. It’s a start.
 
Earplugs before & after Mass.

It would just be too rude of you to ask people to be quiet in the presence of our Lord;)
 
at my parish the ushers greet us in the small vestibule and they come out and talk to some of the others in very soft voices near whisper most of us are silently praying the rosary like me and my father and a whole host of other people or reading the bulletin and the diocese newsletter my family gets early because of this oportunity for “quiet time with god” sometimes the one priest comes out and talks to the families with kids but never loudly after mass. as soon as the priest steps off the altar area they begin to talk and the elderly women gossip and such with the ushers. my problem is when everyone tries to cram into the center aisle instead of going out the doors to the front sides of the room.
 
I belong to a pretty chatty parish, and it used to bother me when I started going to Mass, but now I don’t mind so much.

Think of the Wedding Feast at Cana. Our Lord was present and so was Our Lady, and what were people talking about? The fact that they were low on wine 😉 Jesus didn’t chastise the wedding party for being irreverent, but rather He went and made more wine so people could continue to celebrate with each other.

I view much of the time at Church in the same way. It’s one thing to chat during the consecration, but before Mass even starts is another thing. People doing the former should be spoken to by the priest IMO, but I think people doing the latter should be cut some slack. If a person wants quiet prayer time, they get there early or go to the chapel afterward 🤷
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top