Need Advice - Delicate Situation

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tile_nipper

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I have a friend who considers me her best friend. We met two years ago through church and school. Our daughters were in the same class at school, and our children were preparing for first eucharist and confirmation at church together.

Long story short, she was not raised with any faith but converted to Catholic when she married her husband. They are both minimally catechized. This past year she started going to a local “christian” church with dazzling programs, ministry, yada-yada. She SHOCKED me to pieces when she excitedly called to tell me she and her husband were baptized in this church last spring.

I was devastated and tried to have lunch with her and compassionately and charitably talk to her about why it was wrong to leave the Catholic Church, talked about church history, authority, the sacraments, etc. She didn’t get any of it, and I ended up apologizing later for “going off.”

Now she tells me that she and her husband are planning to “renew” their wedding vows next June at their “christian” church and they want US to be a “bridesmaid” and “groomsman.” We are HORRIFIED.

We really feel, whether they know it consciously or not, that their church is having them redo their sacraments because they were never valid (Catholic).

I have agonized and prayed over what to say for days. I don’t think I can do much to show them that they are being led away from Christ’s true church. My question is, I don’t want to participate in their ceremony in any way. How can I say this in truth and charity?

Is this what I should do? The other part of me knows that I had a long journey back to Christ’s church that included converting to Judaism at one point. If this is part of their journey to Christ and the Holy Spirit will not lead one astray if they honestly seek truth, maybe this is just part of their journey?
 
I think you should simply say that in good conscience you cannot participate. They are already validly married.
 
Pray for your friend to see the Truth. But you simply cannot be in this “wedding”. You must tell her in a loving way that if you were to be in her wedding that you would be disobeying the teachings of the Catholic Church and you must follow your conscience. She may be very upset but so be it. If you were to be in her “wedding” you would be reinforcing and condoning her behavior. If you decline to be in it, she may be angry but it also may cause her to THINK that this must be a big “no-no” for Catholics and it may niggle at her own conscience. You have my sympathy. You love you friend but we must always love Jesus more.
 
tile_nipper said:
I have a friend who considers me her best friend. …The other part of me knows that I had a long journey back to Christ’s church that included converting to Judaism at one point. If this is part of their journey to Christ and the Holy Spirit will not lead one astray if they honestly seek truth, maybe this is just part of their journey?
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The ulimate goal in Jesus’ words are:

John 13:34

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

Contemplate on those words before you make any jugdement.
 
fpesce said:
The ulimate goal in Jesus’ words are:

John 13:34

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

Contemplate on those words before you make any jugdement.
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Loving one another does not imply we are to support every move and decision someone makes. Sometimes truly loving another is NOT going along with something.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Loving one another does not imply we are to support every move and decision someone makes. Sometimes truly loving another is NOT going along with something.
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Ophelia23;9654931,

This statement is kind of vague and I really am not understanding what you mean by that. Please expound on that for me.Thanks
 
fpesce said:
The ulimate goal in Jesus’ words are:

John 13:34

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

Contemplate on those words before you make any jugdement.
Click to expand...
Jesus “loved” the temple enough to chase the money-lenders out of it. Sometimes you have to tell the truth in love, not just give everyone a big hug and say, “It’s not for me to judge.”
 
It would appear to me, the only reason she converted to the Catholic church is because at the time her husband wanted to be married in it and neither one was really ever a strong believer.

So… Is ig God’s way of eventually bringing her back to the One True Church? Possibly, only God can answer.

But I do agree with you that it would be wrong to participate. Sadly, you can be as charitable as possible and she will still reject you. I know it will hurt but Jesus suffered for us and we sadly sometimes are called to do the same. I would simply say

‘I realize this is very important to you. I hope you can realize my faith is important to me and for that reason, I can not be your bridesmaid. I wish you all the best and want to be your friend and I am hoping you will be mine and understand my position’

To be honest, if this ‘church’ requires them to remarry because they don’t recognize a Catholic wedding, I have to wonder how accepting they would be of a Catholic bridesmaid. I semi wonder if it is not a manipulation to convert you. Personally, I would be petrified of stepping foot in that building

CM
 
cmscms said:
I semi wonder if it is not a manipulation to convert you. Personally, I would be petrified of stepping foot in that building

CM
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I am actually wondering the same thing!

Thank you everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut, and I welcome more if it’s out there. After a LOT of agonizing, I have decided that I will not participate. At the very minimum, I would not be joyful. And at the worst, I don’t want to have to go through repelling any implicit conversion probings by their pastor or members.

I am still worrying how to say it all to her, but I am asking the Holy Spirit and Our Mother for help.
 
From your description I doubt very much if either of them knew very much about their faith.

So from that, it might be a gain than a loss for them. For we know that the sacraments aren’t coke machines. A person’s disposition is very much underrated when the sacraments are explained. If she/he has very little belief or love, they may actually get more from the easy style in their new church where it dosen’t require much to belong. That is not to say I approve or would encourage them, but just thinking out loud.

If it were me, I would refuse the wedding as politely as possible and just wish them well.
Maybe later on down the road, you might just have a chit chat about accepting the green scapular or the miraculous medal. That is after they get bored with their new church as they apparently did with the catholic one.

It is always a dissappointment and a strain to see a lamb walk away.

So pray to the good shepherd who loves us all to help you as well as them.

Just a thought.
 
fpesce said:
Ophelia23;9654931,

This statement is kind of vague and I really am not understanding what you mean by that. Please expound on that for me.Thanks
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If someones has a gun to their head you will try your hardest to make them stop if you love them. You aren’t going to step back and let things happen because it is their “choice” that is not love that is hate, to let somebody run off a cliff without at least warning them of the consequences.
 
Time for a third class relic! Our Lady of Lourdes does come to mind!
 
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