Need advice for couple

[NKY_Catholic]

I am looking for advice and references to NFP data applicable to a couple that is infertile yet are still pursuing options for permanent sterilization. I know that probably sounds odd but here is the situation:

My boss and his wife discovered a few years ago that they are infertile. They have since adopted 2 young children. During a conversation by boss announced (to probably 6 people and rather proudly) that he and his wife had just left the doctor’s office for a consultation on options for permanent sterilization. The reasoning is that they don’t want to take any more chances and possibly be surprised with a pregnancy in the future. Both are Baptist and from working with my boss for the past 3 years it is obvious that he is very devout.

He was mentioned this at work a couple of different times; unfortunately each time it has come up I have chosen to withdraw from the conversation. I’m starting to think this keeps coming up because God is wanting me to say their is another option. Unfortunately I just don’t know where to begin.

Please help.

 

[SAHW]

It is not your position to talk to him about this unless he directs the conversation towards you. You should not confront him in a group setting. That is unfair to anyone. Others in the group may not know of this and it is none of their business. Make it short and sweet. Very casual. Do not preach to him, converse with him.

Also, please realize that their issues with infertility may be playing a factor in their decision to get sterilized. If they have not been able to successfully have children by now, there’s not a great likelihood they will in the future. Miracles do happen, but it’s the exception not the norm. There’s most likely another reason. My hunch is that the sterilization could be really stemming from a desire to have closure or control of their infertility. They cannot have children whenever they choose like many couples can, but they can control not having children. Rather than waiting another ten or fifteen years in anxiety and hurt and pain, they are bringing that about now. To get it over with and get on with their lives. Permanent closure.

This is very wrong thinking. There is no just cause for sterilization. But it may help you to understand this in order to be sensitive and compassionate towards them when speaking the truth.

Just my :twocents:

 

[SMHW]

He was mentioned this at work a couple of different times; unfortunately each time it has come up I have chosen to withdraw from the conversation. I’m starting to think this keeps coming up because God is wanting me to say their is another option. Unfortunately I just don’t know where to begin.

Please help.

Wow! It does seem odd that a boss would make such a big deal about telling all the people at work what he and his wife plan to do even if he and other baptists don’t share the Catholic perspective. It seems almost like he’s preaching sterilization in order to convince himself that it’s a good idea.

I agree with SAHM that it would be better to let your boss lead a conversation about the subject rather than for you to start it. I wonder if he is aware of how uncomfortable you are about the decision he and his wife are contemplating? (I don’t know if you know if it is your boss or his wife that would undergo surgery.)

I’d say that this is one time when showing (as opposed to speaking) your distress would be a positive thing to do. It might be enough to get your boss to ask you what the problem is. At that point you could say that sterilization is contrary to the teachings of your Church and makes you very uncomfortable. If your boss pursues the issue you can discuss it more in depth.

You might want to familiarize yourself with some of the potential health problems associated with tubal ligation and vasectomies. While the health risks aren’t the basis of the Catholic objections to sterilization they might mean something to non-Catholic who could be looking at a miracle from God if he was to father a child.

 

[NKY_Catholic]

Thanks to those who have responded so far. Any other thoughts out there?

 

[sheilathebard]

I agree with the others – you can’t really bring it up unless he actually asks what you think.

I had a woman I was babysitting for tell me casually that she was “fixed.” I was 19 and very shocked! But people these days do mention these things to everybody, while assuming that everyone will keep their opinions/objections to themselves. It’s rude, but there it is.

My advice is just to pray, and maybe excuse yourself from those conversations. The most I ever do in situations like that is say, pretty casually, “Are you sure? You know it’s hard to undo,” or something like that. But if I say outright, “I think that’s wrong,” it comes across badly because they never asked for my opinion.

But, if you’re lucky, he might notice you excusing yourself and ask you what you think. At that point, presumably you’ll be well prepared to say something!