Need advice for raising a young boy who throws destructive temper tanturms.

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La Chiara:
Have you ever had this done to you? Have you ever done this to a child? Are you a parent? This is very unkind and only serves to teach the child that the parent has raw power. It is a technique that involves no love and no caring for the child. Only a very young child can be held down to do this, an older child will physically fight you. A young child is too young for this and an older child is too old for this. It is a bad parenting technique and will win you resentment and disdain from your children. What positive message does it give to your child?

Kids are sometimes frustrating but we parents need to stay in control, especially when our kids make us craziest. When you lose control and do mean things to your kids (shriek, hit, wash mouth out with soap, or worse), you are letting them gain control by showing them that their behavior can make you “lose it”. It will only go downhill from there.
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La Chiara, I have 3 kids 4, 2.5, 1. I love my kids and they as well love me. Hateful speech is not permitted and should not be. Soap isn’t used for a simple “no”. It is use for the time when they send a volly of distasteful comments. In return we soap them to remind them it is distasteful. I don’t need to judo flip, followed by a WWF submission hold, to secure my child. I don’t agree with your view on the subject.

As for it happening to me, Yes. I also recieved doses of Tobasco sauce. I don’t resent my parents nor hold a grudge. It is only the silly new age way of thinking that plants those seeds of hate towards one’s parents. Mostly found in school and secular shrinks. That is great if it works for you. Do you even have kids?

As for Renee, do you fear the Lord? If you disobey him he isn’t going to let you get away with it. I think the Bible quite clearly explains this.

Good luck to both of you.
 
RedCrossKnight–My 13 year old is very glad she has never needed to have her mouth washed out with soap. I told her (and my husband) about this thread. Thanks. Because now she knows 1. how lucky she is that we are her parents and 2. that it is always in the bag of parenting tricks should she ever get really, really obnoxious. But in that case, I would probably not be able to hold her down physically and would need to enlist the help of my husband, and he would never help me wash her mouth out with soap. So I guess it is not an option after all. 😉
 
LaChiara,

I probably shouldn’t have posted here. I was really looking to find someone who has a child similar to mine. I am a mother of three children. My son is the only one who behaves this way. I haven’t found anyone else who has a child who throws tantrums on this level. I believe there are others out there somewhere which is why I posted. Anyway, I don’t think you understand. You have me pictured in your mind as a screaming, spanking, out of control woman. I do lose it. But it isn’t after one or two or three or four or five or six tantrums. It is after days and days and days of tantrums. He does go for periods of time where he is a joy. He has days where he is a bit trying. And then he has these days.

Thank you, Red Cross Knight, for your thoughts. I wasn’t an angry teenager either. I actually liked my parents. You are correct. God does use punishment for disobedience.

I would really like to close this thread, but I don’t know how.
 
I would try a strict regiment of unfathomable beatings, followed by a dollup of locking them up in cabinets for hours.

Take two belt lashing sessions and call me in the morning.

Sincerely,
Dr. Loves Children, M.D.

P.S. Instead of vinegar on the teeth, try fists of rage, I have a patient who swears by it.😃
 
About the soap thing…
When I first had our daughter I would never had thought I would have used soap on her. I have, only two or three times because I had tried everything else. She was about 21/2 or 3 and when she got angry she would bite, hard-like through the skin. I read every peice of advice. My dad finally suggested it. My parents were firm but I only can remember once being swatted at by my dad. I trusted his advise. It only took two or three times and the behavior stopped after months of trying everything else. I wouldn’t recommend it getting it “stuck in their teeth” that seems harsh and almost vengeful. If after a several tries with the soap had it not made an improvement I would have stopped.

My daughter still is a very strong willed child, but not nearly as difficult as when she was 3. She would push over chairs, kick, scatch. Many times I would go in the bathroom and lock the door because I was so angry at her behavior I was not in control enough to dicipline her. We have spanked with her clothes on occasions when it was something very serious. She is nine now, the physically behaviors have stopped but she can still can be very defiante at times. Now she gets grounded to her bedroom. Trying to keep your emotions in check probably will help a lot. I still struggle with it because sometimes it is just so hard to stay calm.

At 3 & 4 we learned taking away a favorite possesion was a great motivator, but obviously if throwing his toys away isn’t effecting him that wouldn’t work in your situation. Some outside could be very helpful. I would seek out a Catholic or at least Christian counselor.

I would recommend being consistant and as calm as possible. I would not over use coporal punishment because it tends to lose it’s effectiveness. Have you tried keep your son on a very regular routine? Such as wake up at the same time everyday, eat at the same time, bath, storytime, nap, acceptable video. Highly emotional children seem to benefit from knowing what to expect. I have actual wrote out a schedule, and scheduled in what time of the day she would get my full undivided attention, so she doesn’t pester me to play all day long. Ofcourse she’s older, but a written schedule would help you to stick to at this stage.
 
La Chiara:
Have you ever had this done to you? Have you ever done this to a child? Are you a parent? This is very unkind and only serves to teach the child that the parent has raw power. It is a technique that involves no love and no caring for the child. Only a very young child can be held down to do this, an older child will physically fight you. A young child is too young for this and an older child is too old for this. It is a bad parenting technique and will win you resentment and disdain from your children. What positive message does it give to your child?
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Actually, I think that today’s society is so messed up, because you dont see spankings, and bar soap washer outers around. Personally, I had both, with a bit of belt thrown in there, and a good appetizer of hundreds of push ups at the foot of my fathers bed. What was the result, well not considering my above post, I think I turned out pretty well.😃

Beating your child in a fit of rage is one thing, but giving them spankings, soap in the mouth and the belt in a calm manner(this would mean without foaming at the mouth in anger) I think is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. As discipline goes downhill, so does society in my view. Everyone thought hitting children was the worst thing on earth, and now look what time-outs and corner sitting has gotten us to. Sons need discipline at the hands of their fathers. Daughters, well that’s another story…I wouldn’t be any authority on Daughters, so someone please help me out.
 
are you serious rheins2000, like for real serious on what you just said?
 
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aSaintoneday:
are you serious rheins2000, like for real serious on what you just said?
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In the second post only
 
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rheins2000:
I would try a strict regiment of unfathomable beatings, followed by a dollup of locking them up in cabinets for hours.

Take two belt lashing sessions and call me in the morning.

Sincerely,
Dr. Loves Children, M.D.

P.S. Instead of vinegar on the teeth, try fists of rage, I have a patient who swears by it.😃
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I know this is you attempt at sarcasm but it is highly inappropriate and insensitive to this womens real frustration. My husband actually endured a very physically abusive childhood and it is NOT AT ALL FUNNY.:mad:
You owe this women an apology!
(A belt is never appropriate!)
 
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rayne89:
I know this is you attempt at sarcasm but it is highly inappropriate and insensitive to this womens real frustration. My husband actually endured a very physically abusive childhood and it is NOT AT ALL FUNNY.:mad:
You owe this women an apology!
(A belt is never appropriate!)
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I’m sorry:(

Everyone’s so serious and angry at each other all the time, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I’ll Never do that again.

P.S. I was beaten with a belt many times, and I thought it was very appropriate, as well as necessary. Respectfully, that is your opinion.
 
Apparently all those beatings didn’t teach you anything, because your posts are terribly uncharitable. And I guess that proves my point.

dhnorris, I completely understand. Being the internet everyone is interjecting their own personal expiences. . It seems you got everything in prescpetive, you just need some professional direction. Good luck in helping your son
 
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