Need advice for very difficult confession

[dogen]

Hey all.
I’m having trouble motivating myself to go to confession. I’m not 100% sure if what I did it was a mortal sin, but I still think I probably should confess it. The trouble is, I’ve had really bad anxiety my whole life Just confessing simple venial sins makes me very nervous. I was barely able to work up the nerve to confess masturbation a few times, although that was incredibly difficult. I felt a little better afterwards, but I was honestly barely able to get the words out.

Anyway, I have to confess something much more difficult. I mean, I don’t think I could come up with anything more embarrassing to confess. I’m pretty sure this is as bad as it gets. I know that priests don’t really remember people’s sins because they’ve heard everything before, but I really doubt that in this case. I’ve gone over and recited it in my head, and I seriously don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it. I realize what’s at stake if it’s a mortal sin, but that isn’t helping, it’s just making me more depressed.

 

[firead]

If you are worried about being recognized, it is acceptable to go to another parish for confession.

 

[dogen]

If you are worried about being recognized, it is acceptable to go to another parish for confession.

Yeah, I’m definitely going somewhere else.

I think I might just confess some easier sins for a few weeks and try work my way up. I remember when I went more regularly it seemed to get a little bit easier every time I had to confess something. I haven’t been in a year or two now, and I’m not really sure if I’ve actually done a completely honest confession before so I guess I have a pretty big list of sins at this point.

 

[Tajho]

Let say the items you confess are items X,Y and Z. Z is the real embarrassing one. My experience in the confessional is upon reciting Z and being done, I then had to Confessor ask “Is there anything else?” Don’t know if it helps but it did surprise me when I was in a situation such as yours. The important thing to do is to go and receive the sacrament! If you loose your never … so what! You are there to ask forgiveness with God. He already knows about you, your problem and has heard much worse than anything you or I could ever do. And if you loose nerve there is always being able to go back to the sacrament again and give it another try!

Oh, and the advise of going to another parish is alright. You may find a confessor that you feel more comfortable with and may regularly want to use.

God bless

PS Have you ever made a general confession? Ask the priest about it.

 

[eltoro89]

Let say the items you confess are items X,Y and Z. Z is the real embarrassing one. My experience in the confessional is upon reciting Z and being done, I then had to Confessor ask “Is there anything else?”

Lol, I echo that! I even once had this week where I was for sure I was just the worst Christian alive. Once I got done reading my laundry list off to the priest, he said something like “but what’s REALLY bothering you.” Probably the only time I have ever wanted to laugh in a confessional. It didn’t even phase him, he just wanted to know if there was some underlying issue that was weighing on me, we talked about it for a bit, and then I received absolution.

I have heard (and read) many times in my discernment process that during the course of the priesthood priests will hear all manner of sins multiple time, to the point that it is literally impossible to keep up with who said what in the confessional even if they WANTED to.

That being said, please don’t be afraid to confess. I know it’s hard with anxiety, but one priest put it to me this way once: “I love seeing people in the confessional, even if they’ve failed multiple times, because it shows me that they haven’t give up on God and that they believe in his mercy”. I’m not a priest, but it must be beautiful to be able to see God’s mercy manifest itself in tangible ways in the confessional. In all practicality though, definitely confess somewhere other than your home parish if that will help you.

 

[dogen]

PS Have you ever made a general confession? Ask the priest about it.

No, I haven’t. It’s kinda hard to explain, but I’m not very comfortable talking to priests. I don’t think I could make a very good general confession.

 

[St_Francis]

Yeah, I’m definitely going somewhere else.

I think I might just confess some easier sins for a few weeks and try work my way up. I remember when I went more regularly it seemed to get a little bit easier every time I had to confess something. I haven’t been in a year or two now, and I’m not really sure if I’ve actually done a completely honest confession before so I guess I have a pretty big list of sins at this point.

If you go to confession and purposely leave off a mortal sin, the absolution is invalid and you have committed an additional mortal sin.

So please don’t do this! Go, confess the embarrassing sin, and get it over with. Then return to confessing frequently so you can get back to the state of reduced discomfort and not have this problem again. You could try once a week for a period of time–I did that last winter and it was very good for me spiritually.

 

[oneofmany]

This might be silly but can you use another word besides masturbation, like “pleasure yourself”? I always found masturbation to be such an ugly word. I wish they would come up with another word.

I remember a story about men in Canada who went on wild holidays when they went to another city that all they had to tell the priest when they came back is to say—"I went to that city and he knew what they were talking about.

 

[Furius]

I returned to the sacrament about 2 years ago after being away from it for more than 10 years. You don’t get much more nervous and private than myself. I have confessed nearly every week since then.

Trust me on this my friend. Get the mortal/grave sins out of the way right in the beginning. I feel this does two things.

1: It keeps my mind focused on each sin, rather than agonizing about when I’m going to have to eventually come to the grave matter. When I place venial sins up front, they don’t really get my full attention for contrition since I am focused solely on the big monster I am hiding behind them.

2: The confession seems to flow better this way. For example, there is something strange about saying, “I used profanity a few times at a party” to be followed by “and I also masturbated 9 times.” It just feels much more odd starting small and the building to the big sins.

I also recommend presenting them in ‘listing language’. I have attempted confessions before where instead of listing, I began to drone on and on about how terrible I felt in my sins. I noticed that I began to ramble and got off track on what sins were next as I got caught up in my rambling. I feel this is connected to my anxiety. So I essentially go in prepared to list them out like a shopping list. Then, if the Priest is so inclined to coax me into reflecting on the sins, I will then speak on that, but only when coaxed by the Priest. Again, this may not be what works for you, but this has really helped me in my anxiety.

This is just what works for me. You might find it easier to do the reverse, but I must say it feels good to get the ‘big dogs’ out of the way right up front and then work your way down to venial. It allows me to really focus on the venial sins and give them the thought they deserve rather than perhaps use them as a buffer against mortal sin.

 

[MarianCatholic]

This might be silly but can you use another word besides masturbation, like “pleasure yourself”? I always found masturbation to be such an ugly word. I wish they would come up with another word.

Not silly at all, I did to find Masturabtion to be a horrible and ugly word to say in the confessional so I prefer to say this “I’ve been unchaste with myself”.

It just feels easier to confess it in those words and it still means the same so that’s my way of confessing that sin.

Hoped it helped and remember no copy right on it

Yours in Jesus and Mary

• MarianCatholic

 

[onceablasphemer]

The best advice I’ve heard towards confession is to go in and be blunt. You don’t need to worry about surprising the priest. They hear confessions at prisons. You are confessing to Jesus through the priest, and he already knows what happened and has set up a wonderful way for us to be forgiven for what we do. If you aren’t sure it was mortally sinful then it probably was not as terrible as you are thinking it is. If you’re that nervous though I suggest waiting a week or so. Like another poster stated, don’t go to confession and leave it out because that makes things worse.

 

[mountee]

I will pray for you to have courage and get to confession asap.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

 

[Dorothy]

We were given our Blessed Mother for a reason. Pray to her, asking that she take you in her heart and intercede for you. She is always there for us, like the Lord is, and will magnify Him for you. We are so blessed to have her as our Mother.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Yeah, I’m definitely going somewhere else.

I think I might just confess some easier sins for a few weeks and try work my way up. I remember when I went more regularly it seemed to get a little bit easier every time I had to confess something. I haven’t been in a year or two now, and I’m not really sure if I’ve actually done a completely honest confession before so I guess I have a pretty big list of sins at this point.

Don’t do that. If you withhold a mortal sin in comfession, you commit a sacrilege and have a bigger problem on your hands.

Just say it. You will feel much relief after.

 

[chefmomster2]

Luke 15: I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance.

Not only do the souls in heaven and God Himself rejoice when you reconcile, but so do our priests, our shepherds on earth. The priest will not be negatively affected by what you say. He will see God glorified in your reconciliation.

Pray to the Holy Spirit to give you strength and guide your words.

 

[SuS33]

Just wondering. If it’s very embarrassing can you just state the commandment you broke? We don’t have to give details if we don’t want to. Plus I’ve heard that there are details even priests don’t want to hear.

 

[St_Francis]

Yes, just list the number and kind of your sins like this: I fell into a bad habit and sinned against the sixth commandment with myself every night for a year, I shoplifted twice, I got really drunk once, I got very angry at least once a day, and I lied maybe every other week on average since my last Confession.

 

[dogen]

If you go to confession and purposely leave off a mortal sin, the absolution is invalid and you have committed an additional mortal sin.

So please don’t do this! Go, confess the embarrassing sin, and get it over with. Then return to confessing frequently so you can get back to the state of reduced discomfort and not have this problem again. You could try once a week for a period of time–I did that last winter and it was very good for me spiritually.

Don’t do that. If you withhold a mortal sin in comfession, you commit a sacrilege and have a bigger problem on your hands.

Just say it. You will feel much relief after.

Yeah, I know that. I just thought it might be alright in this case. Oh well.

This might be silly but can you use another word besides masturbation, like “pleasure yourself”? I always found masturbation to be such an ugly word. I wish they would come up with another word.

Well, that’s not it. I’ve confessed that before, and I have to again. I’m not that worried about confessing masturbation.

Just wondering. If it’s very embarrassing can you just state the commandment you broke? We don’t have to give details if we don’t want to. Plus I’ve heard that there are details even priests don’t want to hear.

The priest would have no idea what I meant I tried that.

Yes, just list the number and kind of your sins like this: I fell into a bad habit and sinned against the sixth commandment with myself every night for a year, I shoplifted twice, I got really drunk once, I got very angry at least once a day, and I lied maybe every other week on average since my last Confession.

Thanks, listing them like that is a good idea.

The best advice I’ve heard towards confession is to go in and be blunt. You don’t need to worry about surprising the priest. They hear confessions at prisons. You are confessing to Jesus through the priest, and he already knows what happened and has set up a wonderful way for us to be forgiven for what we do. If you aren’t sure it was mortally sinful then it probably was not as terrible as you are thinking it is. If you’re that nervous though I suggest waiting a week or so. Like another poster stated, don’t go to confession and leave it out because that makes things worse.

Thanks, the fact that they hear confessions at prisons helps a lot.
Also, the problem is that it’s more just incredibly embarrassing than a really horrible sin. I mean, I guess it kinda is. I don’t know, it was years ago, and I don’t really remember what was going through my head anyway.

 

[dogen]

Sorry about the double post, you can only edit a post for 20 minutes.

If I’ve left things out of confession before, but confessed them later(or will this time) do I also have to mention that I left them out as well?

Thanks for all the helpful responses everyone. I was almost shaking just posting this here, but I don’t regret it now.

 

[chefmomster2]

Sorry about the double post, you can only edit a post for 20 minutes.

If I’ve left things out of confession before, but confessed them later(or will this time) do I also have to mention that I left them out as well?

Thanks for all the helpful responses everyone. I was almost shaking just posting this here, but I don’t regret it now.

Venial sins do not to be told again. They were forgiven whether they were spoken or not. You do need to confess forgotten mortal sins.

If you forgot mortal sins, just tell the priest you forgot them. If you left them out knowingly you must confess the sin and the fact that you did not confess it when you should have.

Don’t worry! God will be with you!