Need advice from teenage girls (Catholic or Protestant)

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UKcatholicGuy

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Ladies,

I’m a 20 yr old college student (male, in case my username didnt give it away), and i have a 17 yr old sister in high school. We dont talk that much-- not because there’s anything bad between us, but just because there’s not much to say i guess. Anyway, I need some advice for her:

She’s at a stage in her life when her self-esteem is very low. I don’t know how strong her faith (Catholic) is, or how seriously she takes it since I’m away at college for most of the year. Recently I found a book she’s reading (now a movie) called “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” I don’t know much about the book, but the back cover sounded like it was somewhat dirty. For example, one of the “rules” for this sisterhood is that a girl is never to allow a boy to remove her pants . . . she must remove them for him! :eek:

My sister is pretty innocent compared to most high school kids these days. She doesnt drink, doesnt have a boyfriend, etc etc. But Im afraid she’s going to pick up on trash around her and ftry to find her worth in the world.

So here’s where I need your help:
  1. What’s a good Catholic-based (or just basically Christian) book for girls her age that will teach her to find her worth in God, not the world?
  2. How do I approach her about this “Sisterhood” book? It sounds dirty . . . I CERTAINLY dont want her reading something which glorifies girls getting nude for guys!! Suggestions?
Thanks in advance for your help. And just a side note: Christian girls are amazing, so dont let the world tell you to be objects for men! You’re daughters of a King!

In Christ,
Daniel
 
I am not a girl, nor have a read the book so I’m not exactly in the position to give you the perspective advice you asked but I will say her reading the book may be motivated because I believe it is going to be made into a movie, or has just recently been made…I remember seeing a trailer for it or something like that. There you go–for what that’s worth.
 
My 14-year-old daughter is actually reading and absorbing Jason Evert’s “If You Really Love Me,” right now and I’ve ordered Mary Beth Bonacci’s “Real Love” and the small dual book “Pure Love and Pillar of Fire/Pillar of Truth” from Catholic Answers. She brings me the book and has me read sections of it and I’m happy to see that she seems to be appalled in the right places.

There is a good discussion of Theology for the Body type of readings and audio presentations for teens here:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=56497

The audio presentation by Jason Evert and his fiancee’ Crystallina is a powerful antidote to the constant barrage of cultural influences, IMO.

Good luck - I’m glad that she has a brother who is concerned about one of the King’s daughters - a theme that is very much in evidence in the Evert book and presentation.

Elizabeth
 
I am a 24 year old Catholic woman but I have a 19 year old sister. I was in a similar position to you last year. Not that I wasn’t close to my sister but I was noticing that her friends were getting permiscuous and she was going out and drinking a lot.

She and I started listening to the “Theology of the Body” CDs by Christopher West. She found it really helpful as it gave her reasons to keep herself chaste. In fact, one evening after listening to a chapter (we did it in a group of girls) she said to me in the car “Why didn’t anyone tell me this stuff before!!!??” She also said she wished her friends could hear it and stop allowing themselves to be used.

The thing is, if she is feeling low about herself you are actually in a great position to help. You can tell her the way that guys think and how they may treat her. Try to find something to talk to her about. A movie you both like? Ask her what’s going on in her life. Show her that you are interested in her and what she thinks. Positive attention from her brother will show her that she CAN have attention from men that is not sexually motivated.

Don’t tell her that you disapprove of the book by the way. Maybe say that you’ve heard it is being made in to a movie and you were wondering if she would recommend it? Ask her what she thinks of the book and get her to tell you about it. Tread very carefully when sharing your opinion - don’t just go in saying “You shouldn’t be reading that rubbish!” - say what your concerns are and ask her what she thinks. This is the best way to open the lines of communication.

Good Luck!
 
I’m a male and my younger sister read the same book. I worried about the stuff in the book, so I read it first.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!

Several of the girls are Christians, the only ‘dirty’ thing is a quick refernce to when one of the girls goes swimming naked but ther’s no description or anything, so don’t worry.

Michael 🙂
 
Hello Ukcatholicguy,

Im 15 so I can relate to this a bit, with the low self-esteem just keep complimenting her and tell her she is a good person, even tell her of a few scriptures here and there thats just my idea…

I wouldn’t worry to much on whats she reading as long as its not “how to make a nuclear bomb” or anything.

Evanescence
 
I’m a bit past teenagerhood, but I think I can add something.

In my younger days, I used to go to the local libraries and grab two things. One was the Wall Street Journal. The other was whatever dirty book I happened to be reading at the time - Puzo, Lustbader - translation: my reading got pretty sordid. I would put the book behind the WSJ and make like I was reading stocks, when I was actually reading… well, never mind.

I’m not saying your sister is doing the same thing, UK. But I want to point out that even mildly bad reading can lead to worse. It whets the appetites (not the good ones) and turns it into a forbidden fruit. I started out with a few mild cuss words on a few pages, and before long I was at the full-up not-quite-illegal stuff. I pulled myself out of it, but darned if it wasn’t close to yanking me into experiencing soem of the stuff myself. I didn’t, but I got close.

I think one of the best things you can do, rather than censor her reading, is to talk to her. Explain frankly that you’ve seen and heard a lot of things that you don’t want to happen to her. Explain that a lot of guys are just out for a cheap thrill, and that she should never give herself to them on the spur of the moment - not until marriage, in fact. Explain that if he really loves her, he will ask her to marry him, to be with him till death do they part. “If you really loved me” is a very good book for this. But I would talk with her honestly, say what you’ve seen/heard of happening to girls who do (fill in the blank) and say that you REALLY don’t want to watch her start on the same path.

Good luck!
 
Hey, there’s already tons of good advice here, especially about Jason Evert’s book (it’s great!!- so is the video presentation). Interesting that you brought up that Sisterhood book, as my friends and I made plans to see the movie today- I really don’t know much about it, but the trailer looks pretty good, well if you’re into chick flicks. but this thread is not about my day plans, soooo, like another poster said, you should definitely lavish her with attention.

Take her out for coffee, to a cool concert, to a bookstore, whatever she likes to do; that way she can see that you can form friendships with the opposite sex and at the same time you can talk with her about any guys she might like, and tell her that they need to respect her and so on. (well you mentioned you’re away for college, but when you see her. actually, you can just start emailing with her- a lot of my cousins and I do that and we’re way closer than if we just talked to each other face to face.)

I’m 17 too, don’t drink, don’t smoke, so I guess I’m like your sister in some ways. About the self-confidence thing, what really helped me was to get really involved in things I care about. I used to blush whenever I had to speak in public, but then I started a pro-life club and revitalized my faith and started attending retreats and such, and now I am a speaker on chastity and the pro-life movement.
Make sure she knows she has supportive friends and family behind her.
The low-self-confindence thing is something I think every girl goes through.

Well, I’m not sure if anything I had really helps, but I am glad to know she has such a concerned, loving brother! That is so sweet of you. keep it up and I hope you can find something on this board that helps.

p.s. i’ll let you know how the movie is! 😃
 
Everyone has already posted some great advice, but I thought I would also give it a try. My advice is try to strenghten your relationship with your little sis because then she will trust your advice and feel confortable talking to you about things like sex.
Me and my brother hung out a lot throughout my four years in high school and now when I am home from college. Having an older brother is awesome, someone to look up to and be friends with at the same time! It is an important relationship and you should make the most of it.

I also struggled with low slef-esteem and sometimes still do and I always liked it when my brother told me how beautiful I had become and just little things like that. Just don’t over due it because then it becomes kind of fake.

As for the book, I have never read it, but it seems harmless enough. I know that harmless can lead to worse things, but in my opinion, the book would be ok for her to read as long as she understands things like Theology of the Body.

Christopher West is awesome and I would recomend listening to him because he made a lot of things clear to me. It’s good to know that there are good guys out there that care about their sister and her well being! I’ll pray for you!
 
p.s. i’ll let you know how the movie is!
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It was so cute! I really liked it (but then again, I am a sucker for cheesy chick flicks). I think it’s rated PG, but there are some suggestive parts and more than one makeout scene. One scandalous part is a girl losing her virginity (implied, not shown) but she really regrets it afterward. Another is that they put all this faith into a pair of pants, which seemed to me like idolatry. But there were a lot of great moments and I wouldn’t worry about your sister seeing it.
 
*pro-life_teen*:
It was so cute! I really liked it (but then again, I am a sucker for cheesy chick flicks). I think it’s rated PG, but there are some suggestive parts and more than one makeout scene. One scandalous part is a girl losing her virginity (implied, not shown) but she really regrets it afterward. Another is that they put all this faith into a pair of pants, which seemed to me like idolatry. But there were a lot of great moments and I wouldn’t worry about your sister seeing it.
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cool, thanks pro-life!

And thanks to everyone for the great advice! Just one more request: pray for my sister?

Thank you all!

Peace in Christ,
UK
 
Mary Beth Bonacci’s “Real Love”
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A valuable read during my conversion and struggles with the sexual teachings of the Church. And I am WELL past my teenage years! In a way, gleening that information in language meant for teens was perfect for me. Wish I had that book two decades ago!!
 
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